See Part One for Disclaimer:
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"Boys, dinner." Amanda yelled up the stairs later that night. She had managed to make it through the day. The boys had come home at lunchtime and had gone up to their room where they had spent the rest of their time until now.
Sitting down as a family they began eating in virtual silence. Finally Phillip asked. "Is Lee coming tomorrow?"
The words cut through the air like a knife and looking up Amanda noted that all eyes were on her. "I'm not sure…so fellas how was your morning over at Tommy's?"
She changed the subject not needing the added distraction.
"Fine…" The boys said one after the other and went back to their meal.
"I finally got the flowerbed weeded today." Dotty said trying to take their minds off their current events and to something a little more pleasant. Unfortunately no one else spoke and the meal was finished in silence. As the boys cleared the table Amanda went into the den with Dotty on her heels.
"Amanda, dear are you feeling all right?"
Amanda turned and looked at her mother. "Mother." She replied pleading and praying she could figure out a way to dissuade her mother from going any farther with the conversation.
"No Amanda, I have been watching and I know you are hurting. Lee loves you more than I have ever seen anyone love another person. You might think you need to push him away but if you do just remember that one day might come and you will wish you hadn't."
"Mother, I know you're concerned and I'm thankful you are but really, I'm fine. Please believe me when I say what I'm doing is for the best."
"For whom, just looking at you I can tell you're hurting…call Lee, he loves you he'll come."
"I can't…" Amanda stopped knowing she wanted so desperately to call him, she needed him to hold her and make her feel safe. She wanted to see his eyes tell her how much he loved her. The past night her dreams had been filled with him but being together she couldn't do that.
Amanda turned and left the room heading up the stairs. Telling Lee good-bye had been the hardest thing she had ever done. But her heart couldn't handle the pain of taking the chances again. She felt that what she was doing was for all of their best interests.
"Phillip, do you still have the numbers that Lee gave us?"
"Yeah…" He responded pulling the paper out of his pocket as they finished loading the dishwasher.
"I think we better go call him."
"Okay." As they looked towards the stairs they moved to the phone in the kitchen and picking it up they dialed the number.
Going up to the Q Bureau Lee walked inside and immediately felt a sense of emptiness. The flowers on Amanda's desk had long since died and there was a light blanket of dust forming with the absence of its occupant. Carrying the files to his desk he sat down. As he went through them his eyes began glazing over. Everything seemed to flow together nothing making sense. Paging through the file he recalled the last time Serdeych had come into his life, he had nearly lost Amanda. He remembered the scared look in her eyes when she had returned to the Agency after a close brush with a knife and a man in a mask.
Hours went by as Lee tried to make sense out of the sketchy reports before him. He yearned for Amanda's intuitiveness she always had a way of looking at things different than anyone else. So many times in the past it had been this intuition that had saved their lives and solved the case. But now he had to figure it out on his own and with his mind not comprehending every detail he was only making matters worse.
Leaning back in his chair he noted the time and realized he should be going. His stomach growled and his head throbbed. He closed the file and standing up he prepared to leave. Just as he made it to the door his phone rang. Hesitantly he made his way back to his desk curious at who would be calling him.
"Hello."
"Lee?" He heard Phillip's voice whispering to him.
"Yes, Phillip why are you whispering?"
"Because Mom doesn't know we're talking to you…Jamie and I were wondering if you would come over tomorrow. Mom…is…can you come over?"
Lee stood there for a minute as he heard his stepsons reaching out to him. He knew they needed him and remembering his promise to their father he answered, "Yes, of course I'll be there."
"Okay, tomorrow afternoon, early…ut oh here comes Mom, bye." Lee listened to the click on the other end of the phone as Phillip hung up. Returning his receiver to the handset he stood pondering for a moment as he wondered what would transpire the next day. He was anxious to see Amanda and knew he would be relieved knowing he was there in case something happened. But at the same time he was fearful at Amanda's response to him being there. He had promised the boys and he wasn't going to let them down.
"Who were you talking to?" Amanda asked entering the kitchen just seconds after Phillip hung up the phone.
"Tommy…we forgot our baseball gloves over there and…. we wanted to make sure he had them." Jamie said quickly as he and his brother left the room not wanting to answer any more questions. Amanda watched as they left and she knew just by looking at them that they had told her a lie.
Picking up her book off the island she made her way back up the stairs and to her room. Her mind had become filled with thoughts of Lee and she had to figure out how to get rid of them. She hoped to be able to loose herself inside her book.
Dotty had heard the boys' phone call and was happy they had called Lee. She knew they didn't know yet that he was their stepfather but it didn't matter because in their eyes he was already someone they could trust. He was there for them when their mother was unable to be. For far too long they had had an unstable male figure in their lives. Now though dotty sensed Lee felt a sense of obligation to her grandsons. Watching Jamie and Phillip go up to their room she could still see the grief in their eyes yet even through this mourning they were going to be fine.
After hanging up the phone Lee had sat down again as he played the phone call over and over again in his head. He marveled at how special both of them were. Through their own grief they were more concerned with helping their mother. Getting up he walked out to his car and starting it he headed out onto the now nearly empty D.C streets.
Now as he found himself parked outside Amanda's house he couldn't decide what to do. Looking down the block he saw the parked care of the agents. Even though he trusted the fellow agents the occupants were his family the people he loved most in his life. The agents searching the warehouse found several squats throughout the huge building. After interviewing several transients they finally were able to find the right price and someone talked. After a long drawn out story they were able to find where Serdeych had been staying. They found some notes and ticket stubs from local theaters. But unfortunately they weren't able to find the murder weapon.
Now Lee was even more worried about his family. They weren't just mourning the death of someone close Amanda's life was in danger. His entire body was telling him to go to the door and spend the night. It would put his mind at ease and he would be close to Amanda.
Starting his car though Lee headed for home. They were safe at the house, the men guarding were some of the best. Everyone cherished Amanda and they all knew if anything happened to her or her family they would have to contend with the wrath of Scarecrow. He would go home and try his hardest to get some sleep so he would be at his best to deal with Amanda and the boys the next day.
"Amanda, how are the boys holding up?" A relative from Joe's family asked late the next morning. The service had been held at the funeral home and then a few of Joe's family returned to the house. Through the entire service Amanda had wished for Lee needing his hand to hold. But she had her reasons and the sooner she accepted them the better.
"They are doing fine both are still having their moments but that's to be expected."
"How are you doing dear?"
"I'm fine…" Amanda said caught off guard by the question. She hadn't expected anyone to ask her so many questions about herself but it seemed every time she turned around they were all concerned with how she was doing. "I'm just wanting to make sure the boys are all right." Most of the people there were relatives she hadn't seen in years and most had never even met the boys. But hearing about Joe's tragic death they were all paying their respects. The longer they stayed the harder Amanda was finding it to smile and say upbeat.
They stood together near the French doors in the den and as Joe's relative continued talking Amanda found herself blocking out the words and just smiling and nodding. Until she said something that caught her attention, "Amanda, who is the hunk?" Amanda turned to where the lady's attention was drawn and looking outside her heart skipped a beat as she watched Lee enter the backyard and going to the boys.
"Uh, he's…he's a personal family friend…will…will you excuse me…?" Without waiting for a response Amanda walked away leaving the woman lost in her thoughts.
Lee had sat in his car for several minutes trying to calm his nerves. He had promised the boys that he would be there but that promise came along with having to see Amanda. The night before his body had cried out for his wife but he worried that if he saw her she would hurt him further. He wasn't sure what would happen to him if she pushed him away again.
Going up the walk he was prepared to knock on the front door but at the very last minute he opted for his safety net, the backyard. Even though he was a familiar face in the house as well as the neighborhood he needed the security of the backyard. As he rounded the house he saw the boys playing catch with another adult male. For a minute he felt very out of place but that was before the boys saw him.
"Lee," Phillip said as he stopped what he was doing and came over to him.
"Hello Phillip." Lee said as they neared each other. He noted that there were only a handful of people at the house but he was unsure of himself how would he explain who he was and why he was there.
"Hi Lee." Jamie said he too making his way over to where they stood.
"How are you both doing?"
"We're doing all right. The service was kinda sad though." Jamie said as Dotty came over.
"Lee, what a surprise, Amanda didn't say you would be here." At the sound of his wife's name Lee's eyes scanned the general area hoping to catch at least a glimpse of her. "Boys why don't you go inside and say goodbye to your Aunt Betsy."
"Okay," Reluctantly they walked away leaving Lee alone with Dotty.
"Amanda didn't call me…the boys did."
"I know I heard them on the phone." Dotty said she could see the distress in his eyes and reaching out she took his hands in hers and looked up into her son in laws eyes. "Lee, she loves you…she really does. She also needs you right now…I don't know what to do. The boys are so worried about her…I don't think she has slept and…" Dotty broke off her eyes filling with tears out of fear for her daughter.
"It'll be all right, we'll get her through this." Lee said gathering her in his arms for a warm embrace.
"I'm just thankful you're here maybe she'll listen to you." Lee smiled down at Dotty and followed her inside the house.
"Well they are all finally gone." Amanda said coming into the den her face wearing the traces of her pain. As she saw Lee she stopped in her tracks finding the man she cherished standing before her.
"I think I'll leave you two alone…" Dotty said as she walked out of the room towards the stairs. She stopped for a second and looking back she could only hope that this would work.
"I wasn't expecting you…to be here." Amanda said keeping a fair distance between her and Lee afraid of what might transpire if she closed the space.
"I was asked by two great young men who were concerned about their mother." He replied keeping the same distance as he read Amanda noting she wasn't prepared for anymore than what they were doing.
"Well I had a feeling they weren't really talking to Tommy…but Lee…there is just so much to think about…"
"All right…but let me help you…let me be here for you…isn't that what a husband is for…someone to help you through times like these…Amanda you're hurting greater than I've ever seen you before and it scares me…I can't lose you." With every word he spoke he moved closer to Amanda until he was standing directly in front of her. Holding out his arms he gently touched her first unsure of what she would do. Finding no initial resistance he pulled her to him. "I can't lose you." He repeated with greater emphasis as he clutched her in his arms.
For a moment Amanda let him hold her she let him share his love with her. Finally pulling away she looked up into his eyes. Her hand gently touched the clean-shaven face that was her husband. Breathing in deeply she had to get it over with. "Lee…we can't fool ourselves anymore…Joe's death is a result of what we do and I can't do it anymore… it's over…you need to leave." She spoke the words without tears and walked away but Lee wasn't going to let her get away that easily.
"Amanda…please…" Lee said reaching out for her as she fled the room and headed up the stairs. After moment he turned back around ready to leave his heart and life behind.
"Lee?" he heard the voices from behind him and turning he found Phillip and Jamie standing on the steps.
"How much of that did you hear?"
"You're married…?" Jamie said as they stood in shock.
"Why don't you come in here…sit down and I'll tell you…" Looking at the boys in front of him he knew it was time to finally get everything out in the open. Just as he was starting Dotty came in and joined the boys on the couch. "Phillip…Jamie…yes you're mother and I are married. I guess it's time to get this all out and in the open…your mom and I met almost five years ago while I was working. You see…" Lee sat there for a minute wondering how much he should disclose their job wasn't exactly nine to five and he wasn't completely sure how much the boys could take. They already were dealing with more than any child should their age. "We work for the government…"
"Are you a spy?" Phillip asked excitement evident in the young man's voice.
Lee heard Dotty inhale sharply as she heard the news for the first time. Nodding his head slightly Lee continued, "I guess you could say that…look we wanted to tell you all but it was for your own safety that we didn't. I hope you can understand…"
"Is that why Dad died?" Jamie asked looking directly at Lee his eyes boring into his soul catching Lee off guard and unable to respond immediately.
"Boys why don't you go up to your rooms for a little while…" Dotty said noting that Lee was unable to answer Jamie's question.
"No Grandma I want to know...did Dad die because of what you and Mom do?" Jamie insisted needing to know as his eyes welled up with tears.
"Jamie…yes…" Lee got up and moved towards the boys, "Listen, this is why we couldn't tell you…your mom is really good at her job but unfortunately there are bad people out there that think it would be better if people like your mom and myself weren't around."
"Will Mom be all right? I mean at work." Phillip asked suddenly realizing that maybe being a spy wasn't as glamorous as the James Bond movies he had watched.
"You're mom is one of the best agents I have ever worked with. In fact she's the best partner I have ever had."
"You're partners?"
"Yeah…we are. I trust your mother with my life and I would give mine for her." He could tell that the news was sitting at least a little bit better with the boys. Knowing it was all a shock and was only adding to the weeks events Lee wasn't readily concerned with how they were taking the news.
"May we be excused?" Phillip asked, as the boys needed some time to consider what had just been told to them.
"Yes…but first I just want to remind you that we did this because we care about you…if you have any questions you can come talk to me and I'll answer what I can."
"Okay…" He watched as they headed back up the stairs and to their room. Telling them had been so hard especially knowing he was putting gas on the fire.
"Lee, there is something you didn't tell them." Dotty said staring at her son in law. She might not have spent a lot of time around him but she knew a thing or two about people when they were holding out on information.
Lee looked at his mother in law and smiled he had sensed he wouldn't be able to get by with the vague explanation he had given the boys. "Dotty, I'm not sure…"
"Lee, this is my daughter we're discussing here. I need to know what is going on."
"All right…" Lee paused the news was even tough for him to consider. Just the thought that it could have been Amanda's funeral that day was too hard to want to think about. "Joe was not the target…" he didn't need to continue the words were enough for Dotty to understand their meaning.
"My little girl…" Dotty whispered understanding fully what Lee was getting at.
"We're going to find the guy…I promise you we will…I won't let anything happen to Amanda. Losing her is not an option I couldn't handle it."
"Is she safe?"
"Yes…we have agents outside watching the house…they have been out there ever since this happened and I have every intention of being here regardless of what Amanda wants or doesn't want."
"Lee, just remember she loves you…" Dotty said as Lee gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before heading up the stairs. Dotty watched him go and even though she was upset about being kept in the dark about so many things she understood why they had done it.
Lee made it up the stairs and opening the door to Amanda's room he found her standing near the window almost like the night of Joe's death. She had changed out of the black dress she had put on and a pair of jeans and her Georgetown sweatshirt. Shutting the door behind him he moved forward slightly stopping several feet away. "Amanda…"
"Lee…I told you it's over…I can't do this to my family anymore..." She said not turning around to face him.
"But see Amanda, I am your family, and because of that I can't let you continue hurting like this. I love you."
"If you love me you'll do as I ask and just leave…I can't be an agent any longer and staying with you will only keep my family in danger." Lee moved forward so that he was standing directly behind her. He could smell her sweet scent the one that always left him intoxicated with desire. Warding off the longing for her he calmly reached up and touched her shoulder. He felt her tense up at first but then she relaxed slowly into his hand. "Come on Amanda, talk to me…"
At first Lee thought she was going to finally listen to reason and begin to open up. But instead he was surprised when she turned around and looked at him with the same expressionless eyes that nearly made him double over in the pain. "I said get out…I can't do this…it is just not working…"
"Amanda, listen…you're hurting…somewhere deep inside you are hurting…Joe died tragically…but you can't toss away our marriage…our love…our life together because you're afraid. It took me far too long to realize that I love you and when I did it was already too deep to let you push me away now. I need you...and you need me…now just let me help you…" Lee's eyes were glistening with tears as he pleaded with his love that was now standing in front of him her eyes tearing as well.
Amanda reached her hand up and gently touched his tears with her fingertips. She was crying fully now, "Lee…" she said through her sobs. "No…we…we can't…" she finally said shaking her head and moving away again.
Lee stood stunned he thought he had gotten through to her she had been in his arms her body responding to his touches. "Amanda…what is it? There is something you aren't telling me…"
He stood fixed in his spot as he watched Amanda sit down on her bed. She placed her head in her hands and sobbed, the pain was surfacing but she wasn't sure if she was ready to face Lee yet, she wasn't sure if she deserved his love.
"Why did this happen?" Amanda asked quietly as her sobs began diminishing.
"Oh Amanda…"Lee said rushing to kneel in front of her.
"I'm always so strong…but now I can't do anything. I haven't slept since the last night you were here and I keep making the wrong decisions. I was so scared you were going to leave me…" She said looking into his eyes.
"Amanda, I love you…I'm not going anywhere."
"Joe said that to me once to…" Suddenly Lee realized what was happening.
"I'm not Joe…"
"I know, but Joe said he loved me, he promised me so much and then he left. I was a wreck when we divorced but then I started putting my life back together. By the time we met I had pushed aside the emotions I had felt for Joe and what had happened. When he came back though they resurfaced but I couldn't face them I was so confused. Then over time I wasn't sure how to bring them up and I was going to ask him that night…I just needed to know that he regretted leaving us. I don't know why it matters now after all this time…I guess I just needed that closure." Amanda stopped for a second never taking her eyes from the love before her; it felt good to be getting this all out in the open.
"Amanda he did love you, he knew it was a mistake to leave you and the boys…he told me…but he also saw that you had gotten on with your life and that you were happy…" Lee stopped as he tried to see if the words he spoke were registering. Standing for a moment he moved right next to her on the bed. Putting his arm around her she broke down in tears again.
"…he took a bullet for me…" Lee pulled her to him in a strong embrace. "He died so I could live…he couldn't love me enough to stay but he died in my place." Her body was convulsing in sobs as she finished talking burying her head in Lee's chest she wrapped her arms around him holding on for life.
"Shh, it's all right…" he responded rocking her back and forth trying to calm her down.
"Ooh Lee, I'm so sorry, I hurt you so badly," she continued on through her sobs.
"No, I'm all right."
"Lee, ooh my gosh…I really messed up…" Amanda said moving back for a minute as she brushed his hair off his forehead and ran her hand down the side of his face. "I'm so…so, sorry…I wouldn't blame you if you…" She stopped as another tear fell down her cheek.
"Hey…it's all right…" Lee said catching the tear before it made its trek downward. "I love you Amanda Stetson, you can't get rid of me that easy." Bending forward he brushed her lips with his. "Remember, you're My Amanda." A tender smile spread across his face as she fell back into his arms feeling the security they provided. "Come on I think you should lie down for a little bit." Nodding her head Amanda moved with Lee and she let him help her into bed. As he covered her up he bent down for a moment and tenderly kissed her forehead.
"Will you lie down with me…? I want to feel you next to me…" Amanda requested and Lee gladly obliged. Moving beside his wife he pulled her into his arms as she laid her head on his chest. His arms held her tightly he had dreamt of this for the past couple nights and was thankful it had come true.
As he closed his eyes he began to finally relax, the first time in days. But he was instantly brought out as Amanda spoke. "Lee, who did this?"
"Amanda, it isn't…"
"No, Lee…please…I need to know…who wants me dead?" Lee laid there for several minutes he wasn't sure she could handle the knowledge of who was after her. "Lee, please…" Amanda moved so she was looking him in the eyes pleading to know.
"Amanda…" He looked into her eyes and knew he couldn't hold out any longer. "Serdeych…" Her entire body tensed in his arms and he knew she was frightened. "It's all right, Billy has had several cars outside since this happened. I came by and checked in periodically to make sure everything was all right, and now I'm here nothing will happen. Just relax I don't think I've seen so many agents volunteer for overtime to help out like this before. Heck even Dr. Smyth is backing us up to make sure we have the best men working on this. We're going to find him, I promise." With the reassurance from her husband Amanda laid back down and closed her eyes. As Lee held her in his arms he began to once again relax. He too closed is eyes and drifting off into dreamland.