United Colors of Twilight
Title: Not on the Script
Characters: Bella and Edward
Pairing(s):BXE
Disclaimer: Sexy scenes, dirty talk, and humor. You may want to put your drink down.
Bella Swan hated her job. For the holidays, she received a gift card to from her manager; she was hoping for a bonus, but not this year. Normally, Bella would use the money to buy books – she loved to read – but lately Bella had been going through a bit of a dry spell. It had been almost a full year since she had sex and she was curious about getting a vibrator to assist in pleasuring herself. She had never needed sex toys, but lately she couldn't get herself off. Plus, it was sort of funny that her boss was giving her something to fuck herself with.
After extensive research, Bella decided on the Sparkle Peen 1901. It was the most hi-tech rabbit vibrator out there. It even came equipped with wifi, so that you could transmit additional settings to it via a computer and the SP1901's unique identifying number. Best of all, it qualified for the free super-saver shipping! She even had enough money to buy a few books, too.
Bella was relieved a week later when her package (no pun intended) arrived. It was wrapped in an unmarked box, thankfully. Needing a release ASAP, Bella quickly slipped into something a little more comfortable and poured herself a glass of wine to prepare for her evening alone. As she pulled the Sparkle Peen 1901 – or SP190 –from its plastic clamshell, she eagerly rubbed her thighs together, anxious to give it a whirl. SP1901 came fully equipped with not two, but four AA batteries. Carefully she loaded them into her new toy, mindful of the direction in which they were turned.
She clicked the power button, Only to realize nothing was happening. The SP1901 didn't do anything, like a limp dick, it just sat there on her counter. She searched her apartment until she found her supply of batteries and replaced the generics with the ones that promised to keep going and going and going. She only hoped she could be so lucky. Double checking to make sure the batteries were in right, Bella replaced the cover and clicked the switch. Nothing.
Frustrated, in more ways than one, she let out a grunt. Realizing that the SP1901 was the most sophisticated vibrator on the market she turned over the packaging and realized the makers offered a support line. Pulling out her cell phone, she cautiously dialed the numbers, pausing before hitting send.
"Hello, you have reached Volterra Enterprises. If you are experiencing any burning, rash, difficulty with your vision, or frequent urges to urinate, please hang up and call your physician immediately. If you are calling with an issue with your Donkey Dick 360, please press 1. If you are calling about any model of our Rock Around the Cock cock rings, please press 2. If you are calling about any of our strap-ons, please press 3. "
Bella started to get a little impatient and put the phone on speaker.
"If you are calling about Rosalie, the blonde blow up doll, please press 4. If you are calling about our Devo branded whips, please press 5. If you are calling about our Loco-Motion motion lotion in any of our wide variety of flavors, press 6. If you are calling about the Sparkle Peen 1899, Sparkle Peen 1900, or the Sparkle Peen 1901, please press 7."
With a sigh of relief, Bella pressed seven on to her phone and waited for a response.
"Your call is very important to us, please hold. A service representative will be able to assist your call in the order it was received."
Music started to play. Instead of the soft lull of elevator music, Volterra Enterprises had opted for Led Zepplin's greatest hits. After each song, the voice message would repeat and then move on to another song. It was unexpected but made the waiting a bit more tolerable. About five songs later, or thirty minutes, Bella finally heard a human on the other end of the phone.
"Hello and thank you for calling Volterra Enterprises. My name is…" Exacerbated, rather than masturbated from her long waiting period, Bella let out a sigh. Volterra Enterprises, in search for better operating margins, like many other companies, had moved its customer service operations to India. At least that is what she deduced from the heavy-accent English on the phone.
"Edward," the voice on the other line said after taking a very pregnant pause. Bella was quite sure that his name was most definitely not Edward.
Luckily, Edward's English seemed to be quite good and not hard to understand, though Bella did have an ear for tongues. Though she once had a Russian professor who taught her technology class. One day he was talking about email spam, but instead of calling it spam mail, he called it mail spam. However, with his accent spam sounded like sperm and it took Bella quite a few minutes and a lot of laughter to figure out that, "not being able to control male sperm and there is no way you can ever fully get rid of male sperm" was actually really spam mail.
"Hi, Edward," she responded.
"Yes, can I get your name, address and phone number?" Edward asked.
"Do you really need all of my information?" Bella was not sure she wanted Volterra Enterprises to have her contact information.
"Yes, we do in order to service you. All information is kept confidential."
Hesitantly she gave "Edward" her information
"Thank you, Bella. What model of the Sparkle Peen do you own?"
"The 1901."
"Very good. Could you also give me the unique identifier for your Sparkle Peen 1901?"
"Sure it is 19181983."
"Very good. What seems to be the problem with your Sparkle Peen 1901?"
"I just got it today. I put in the batteries and it wouldn't turn on for me. I even tried another pack of batteries, but it still wouldn't turn on."
"I see. Okay, Bella, I'm going to walk you through a few steps now to try to get your Sparkle Peen 1901 to turn on for you."
Bella was glad she was alone and that she would never run into "Edward" in person. This was incredibly embarrassing. Not only could she not get a real man to sleep with her, but now even a plastic one she purchased was refusing to turn on for her. Perhaps having a support center in a far away country wasn't a bad thing for a company that manufactured and sold sex toys.
"Okay," she replied, hesitantly.
"Now, Bella, do you have a firm grip on the Sparkle Peen 1901?"
"Yes." She suddenly started to imagine what "Edward" might look like. His heavily accented voice sounded very refined and she wondered what he thought about his job; helping westerners with their sex toy issues.
"Now, take off the cover to the battery pack and take out all of the batteries."
Bella complied. "Okay, done."
"Now you should see a small button inside there. You want to press down on the knob for a few seconds. This will reset your Sparkle Peen 1901. Are you pressing on the knob hard?" Edward asked.
His voice was beginning to turn her on especially the way he pronounced "knob". Bella complied finding the hidden button and pressing down, suddenly thankful for British Imperialism.
"Yes," she replied, breathlessly.
"Now, hold the knob down for about a minute and then replace the batteries and the cover. Once you have completed that, please let me know."
She did as she was told. "Okay." After a few moments of awkward silence, Bella spoke up again. "Edward, do you get a lot of call on this particular model?"
"Not usually, we don't encounter too many customers with issues with their sparkle peens. We tend to have more issues with the donkey dicks. Though, most of our calls are from customers who tend to use the products in ways otherwise specified in our instructions. We have built a very extensive knowledge base on methods of removing from various orifices."
Bella laughed. "How can you do this without laughing?"
"I love knowing I am helping to bring someone pleasure to their day. I feel it is almost karmic," Edward replied.
Bella thought about Edward's answer, he seemed to genuinely care about his job and the people he helped. A quick pang of sadness washed over Bella, she wasn't ready to hang up with "Edward" there was something about his voice that turned her on.
"Your Sparkle Peen 1901 should be ready to be turned on. Do you know how to use it?"
Of course she did, it was a vibrator, not rocket science, but she was curious to see where this would go. She knew Edward must be reading his instructions off of a script, as most call centers had specific scripts to guide the service reps through the calls.
"Uh, no, I don't know how to use it. Can you guide me through, Edward?" Bella replied, grabbing her phone, wine glass and her SP1901 and running to her bedroom.
"It would be my pleasure to walk you through that. Are you in a comfortable area, preferably one where you can recline or lay down?"
Bella put the glass down on the night stand and climbed on top of her comforter. She wondered if this was part of the typical support that Voterra Enterprises provided its customers. "I am now."
"Very good. Now insert the Sparkle Peen 1901 inside your…vaginal cavity," Edward instructed. Bella wondered if he was still on the script, he did sound very clinical. He didn't seem like the type to use slang like pussy, or cunt.
"I am sliding it in, but oh, I'm so tight."
"I see. I have some doubts."
Bella crinkled her eyebrows, she was unsure what he meant by doubts. Was something getting lost in translation?
"Doubts?" Bella was beginning to have her own about letting the sexy foreign voice on the other end of the phone talk her through this very personal act.
"Perhaps you need some lubrication?"
"Oh no, it's in. I am just very… tight, practically virginal. Now what do I do?"
There was a pause on the other end. "Your device should now be ready to be turned on."
"Oh, I'm ready to be turned on." Bella clicked the power button. The SP1901 came alive. She let out a squeal.
"Now, Bella you want to make sure that the ears of the rabbit stimulate your clitoris. Are they doing that?"
"Oh yes."
"Very good. Now, would you like me to send a new setting to your Sparkle Peen 1901? I can send you the jackhammer, the wave, or the twist?"
"Ugh, ahh, yeah."
"Which one would you like right now?"
"Surprise me," Bella whimpered.
Bella continued to enjoy the default setting for several moments, groaning into the phone. It was just the release she needed. Suddenly without any warning, the SP1901 started rocking back and forth hard inside of her.
"You should have now received the jackhammer. Is it to your liking?"
"Yes. Oh, God, yes." Bella was enjoying this new setting and was very close to a climax. The SP1901 was living up to its high appraise. "Edward, I'm coming. I'm…"
Bella's toes curled and her release swept over her.
"That was incredible, Edward." Bella laughed. Her voice dripped of satisfaction.
"Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
"Edward, what's your real name?
"I'm not supposed to go off the script."
"Isn't it a little late for that now?"
"Sanjay Gupta."
"Sanjay. So, have you always lived in India?" Bella wasn't sure why she was continuing this conversation, but she had just had one of the biggest orgasms of her life on the phone with this man, the least she could do was learn about him.
"Actually, I usually work in Volterra's office in the US. My H1 visa expired and I'm here in India working until it gets renewed."
"You, live in the US? Where?" Bella asked, cursing she didn't have the SP1901 packaging handy.
"Seattle, where Voterra Enterrpises corporate headquarters is located."
Bella swallowed a big gulp of air as her eyes widened with disbelief. She lived in Seattle. She could have run into Sanjay anywhere around town. She could know him. He could know her."
"Ed….Sanjay, why didn't you say anything when I gave you my address? Are you married? I am so embarrassed. I should just go. Thank you so much for your help, Edward, I mean Sanjay." Bella attempted to end the call, but her hand was shaking.
"Bella, wait", Sanjay called after her. Bella slowly brought the phone back up to her ear.
"It wasn't on the script, but your voice, spoke to me. I could sense the frustration in your tone, I wanted to bring you pleasure even if it is coming from the other side of the world. No, I am not married. When my visa expired, my parents made arrangements for me to meet some people here, but it didn't work out.
"An arranged marriage?" Bella asked, inquisitively, she knew that arranged marriages in India were common.
"My visa is supposed to be renewed in the next week. I have been waiting at the consulate daily for all of the approvals to be completed. Perhaps, when I return we could meet."
"I'd like that."
"Me too."
"Ed…Sanjay, thank you so much for your help, tonight."
"It was my pleasure, Bella and you are more than welcome to call me Edward if you'd like."
"Thank you."
The days turned to weeks and Bella still hadn't heard from Edward/Sanjay. She did think of him every time she took out her SP1901 for use. During that time, she learned to send her hi-tech vibrator various settings, but none compared to the jackhammer. Occasionally, she would find new settings on her SP1901 that she hadn't loaded and she wondered if it was
Edward that was sending her new programs for her special sex toy, but she could never be sure.
When she didn't have the artistically molded plastic shoved inside of her, Bella didn't think about Edward. Well, that was until her boss decided to take Bella and her coworkers out for lunch. Bella didn't particularly care where they went, since it was a free lunch, after all.
She smiled to herself, thinking of Edward, when her boss' car pulled up to Jewel of India, the local Indian food restaurant that offered a comprehensive, all-you-can-eat lunch buffet for only $9.99. Bella had never been to this particular restaurant; she had eaten Indian food before, but she stuck to chicken tikka masala and naan.
Bella and the rest of her group – her manager, Stephen Banner, and her coworkers, Tyler Crowley and Angela Weber – sat down at a table in the middle of the restaurant.
"Welcome to Jewel of India. Four for the buffet?" the server asked. We nodded in response and he held on to the menus in his hand. "Can I get anyone a beverage? Perhaps a lassi?"
"What's a lassi?" Angela asked. She had never had Indian food before.
"It's a yogurt based drink. We have salty, sweet, and mango flavored." Unconsciously, Bella crinkled her nose at the thought of something milky white and salty; it reminded her too much of something else.
Everyone at the table decided to try the mango lassi and while they waited for their drinks, they all got up and headed for the buffet. Bella was first from the group to arrive in the line and there were several people ahead of her.
She looked over to the Indian man standing next to her. He had movie star good looks, reminding her of Dr. Suresh from that television show Heroes. He looked at her and smiled before turning back around.
As they inched closer to the food, someone started to complain about the chafing dishes not being warm enough.
"See there, you just have to turn the knob, stated the movie-star in front Bella. As soon as he said the word 'knob', her eyes began to grow wider. He had pronounced 'knob' just as Edward had, but it couldn't be the same person.
Bella shook off the thought and continued progressing through the line, taking a little bit of everything, attempting to expand her tastes in Indian cuisine. As she reached the end, she overheard Mr. Movie Star mention Volterra Enterprises. She paused for a moment vacillating between being forward and being shy before she approached him.
"Excuse me, by any chance do you go by the name Edward at times?" She asked, surprising herself at how forward she was being.
He stared at her without saying a word for a few moments. Then he glanced at a table where the people he was with were sitting down and then back at Bella. "No, you must have me confused with someone else." As he was saying this, he nodded his head and raised a single eyebrow at her.
Confused, Bella walked back to her table and began eating her lunch. The food was much spicier than her old standby, but she enjoyed the vindaloo and the malai kaftas. As she ate, her eyes and the movie stars eyes' kept making contact. Trying very hard to focus on the lunchtime chatter. Bella would occasionally add a 'yes' or a 'yeah' to the conversation but didn't try to add much. After another brief moment of eye contact with the suspected-Edward, she finally realized he was signaling with his eyes and his head toward the restrooms.
Excusing herself she made her way toward the kitchen and into a narrow hallway where she found him waiting for her.
"I never expected to run into you!" she cried. She looked up at him his visa must have finally gone through.
"I cannot believe it either. What are the chances?" he replied. He then grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her toward him as a waiter came rushing by with a tray full of food.
Bella's heart leapt into her throat. His hands were so big and so strong.
"Edward," she shook her head and stared into his deep dark eyes.
"You should be getting back to your table. The people you are with will think you are ill. Here, call me," he stated as he pulled out a business card from his pocket. He then looked down at his feet before looking up at her with a faint grin.
"There is a new product I would love for you test out."
"What…what is it?"
"Me."