(A/N) hello all! first of all. let me just say - I got so many wonderful messages asking me if I was continuing Kahuna-style for season 2. it made me so warm-hearted to hear that people liked what I wrote! :,) I feel so immensely guilty for letting people down. I was itching - no, DYING - to start writing again (even to the point of holding a figurative microscope to the screen to scour for Steve/Kono moments)... but I couldn't. my muse deserted me! bc this whole second season has just been... UGH. everything. Steve and Danny have gotten immensely more unlikeable, Kono has gotten way decreased screentime thanks to Miss Malibu Barbie, and I feel like Hawaii 5-0 has become Haole 5-0 (no hate, I'm a mainlander too - but really.) it's getting to the point where I sometimes have to walk out of the room and my roommate would call me back in when there was a Kono or Chin scene (literally the only 2 people I can watch without barfing). so it killed me to not be writing. :(
then I watched 2.05, which was that one with Kono... and I got even angrier. that was just atrocious writing, and a terrible way to re-introduce her back onto the team. so out of cathartic energy, I wrote this fic. you can almost consider me as Kono and Steve as the episode writers; and just me ranting on them haha. or you could consider Steve as Steve; there were multiple points this season where I wanted Kono to give him a piece of her mind or clock him in the face.
many thanks to Merl Laurence for the nudge to post this (I was reluctant, as you might see why LOl), and sammie for writing a better angry-at-Steve piece than mine (check that one out) that renewed my incentive to post (I was like, omg! people agree with me! hahah)
okay. freak, I went on for like a billion years just now. sorry, haha. Title from the Apologize by Timbaland lyrics... but really, Steve (writers). it's not too late to apologize!
The heavy knocks seemed to come from far away, and then slowly – as Kono Kalakaua continued to emerge from sleep – close enough to be coming from the next room.
Knock knock.
Kono jolted upright.
From somewhere beneath the cloud of grog, she registered that the noise was coming from the front door.
Knock knock.
"Mm," she stretched, running a haphazard hand through her tangled hair and swung her legs out of the couch she had apparently fallen asleep in. "Alright. I'm coming," she murmured to the mystery guest.
She made the long trek to the door, and slowly swung it open to reveal a solemn man in a pair of Timberlands and cargo pants.
"Oh." Kono squinted into the bright sunlight. "Hey." She crossed her arms and inhaled sharply before deciding on a smile. "This is a surprise."
Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett frowned. His subconscious immediately alerted him that there might've been something sardonic about the way Kono said that, but he shrugged it off. He held up a bag with Kamekona's face on it by way of greeting. "Can I come in?"
Kono opened the door wider and Steve slid past her into her small living room.
"How's the shoulder?"
"It's fine."
Steve paused and regarded his teammate with a discerning eye. Her feet were restless in her leather slippers, and her long tanned arms were crossed tightly over her chest, telltale signs of her discomfort.
Steve exhaled, his heavily lidded eyes shutting as his brow furrowed. "Alright, Kono, spit it out," he demanded. "What's wrong? Why are you acting like this?"
"Like what?"
"Cut the crap. I know when something's wrong with my teammates."
The last word seemed to generate an instant response from Kono, as she couldn't suppress her light scoff and chuckle. "Right. Okay. So now I'm your teammate."
Steve bristled at the hostility in her voice. "What's that supposed to mean?"
There was a short silence. Kono shifted her gaze from the ceiling to Steve – almost surprising him with its fiery intensity. But when she spoke, her voice was as calm and even as usual. "Steve, can I tell you a story?"
Steve raised his eyebrows in wary acquiescence. "Sure."
"When I was 15, I was invited to my first surfing tournament ever. I got nervous and choked; lost in the second round. No big deal, right?"
No answer.
"Yeah, well, it wouldn't have been," Kono went on, "if it hadn't been for Brian Kurishige."
"Brian –"
"Brian Kurishige was my old boyfriend. Turns out he wasn't very happy with the results of my heats, and he started out harmlessly poking fun at me at school." She sighed. "Eventually, the teasing turned into something a little less harmless – rumors and harsh jokes and even jabs at my surf mentors… so I broke up with him."
"I'm sorry."
She shrugged. "Eh. I was better off."
Steve nodded, wondering where Kono was going with this.
"But two months later, I got invited to surf in another, bigger, tournament. I surfed 6 heats before making the quarterfinals. Right after I found out, I dragged my board out onto the beach to celebrate with my friends, and guess who was standing there – front and center?"
"Chin Ho?"
"No. Brian Kurishige." A tight smile passed Kono's face as she cocked her head and spat icily – "My biggest fan."
There was silence.
"Yeah," Kono finished, shuffling her feet as she leaned against the back of the couch. "Brian was there, with a huge smile and a handmade lei for me. He gave me a hug, and – and I'll never forget what he said after that." Her eyes were lost in the distance as she shook her head. "He picked me up and said, 'I always knew you were the best. I always believed in you." Kono's eyes returned to the present. "As if he'd been by my side all along. As if he wasn't the first one to desert me when I failed the first time. As if he wasn't the first to jump back on the bandwagon when I started doing well again." With each passing sentence, her voice grew stonier.
Steve stared back at her, his blue eyes almost grey in fuming as he stewed in silent protest as he realized what she was trying to say. "Kono," he finally spoke, voice twisted in quiet torment. "That's not what I'm doing. And I can't believe you would accuse me of that."
"Spare me," Kono snapped back easily, her eyes flashing – once again surprising Steve with her hostility. This wasn't the Kono he knew, and it almost frightened him to think that he had done something to make her this way. "You thought I was guilty when you caught me in the car with Delano's dead lackey in the front seat. Didn't you? I want to hear you try and deny it."
Steve clenched his jaw, gaze withering slightly under Kono's fiery one.
"That's what I thought." The muscles along her clenched jaw belied her injured fury. "You didn't waste a second – jumping to the conclusion that I was dirty."
When Steve didn't attempt to defend himself, Kono went on, "That's really what hurt the most. The fact that it was so easy for you to assume I did it. Not even when you were all standing there, guns drawn and pointed at me. Not even when you ordered her" – she wrinkled her nose at the memory of the stringy blond haole that Steve had apparently wasted no time in replacing her with – "to put those handcuffs on me. You made –" Kono stopped abruptly, surprising both herself and Steve, who glanced up at the pause. She swallowed the heat rising in her throat to keep her voice from shaking; when she spoke again, it was as if the brief moment of weakness had never occurred.
"You made me feel like a common criminal. And I know in that moment, that that's what you thought of me. It didn't even occur to you that I would never go dirty – that I would never do that to you guys – did you? There was no trust from you then, Steve; no faith, no ohana." She raised her chin in defiance, her eyes dangerous. "And there sure as fuck was no team."
In the silence that fell, Steve breathed once deeply, in, then out. He ran a hand roughly over his mouth and leaned forward. "Look," he explained quietly, almost apologetically. "You were driving the getaway car. You were working with Delano's man. He was dead in your passenger seat."
"Yeah, sure looked bad for me, didn't it?" Kono responded silkily, not missing a beat. "Almost as bad as if I had been caught in front of the governor's dead body – my fingerprints on the gun that killed her." She raised a knowing brow. "Right?"
Steve let that one – an admittedly deserved hit – sink in.
"Think about how helpless you felt that night," Kono demanded. "How you thought you could never make anyone believe you, how you thought you had no one on your side. Think about how you felt when Chin Ho – someone who was supposedly your teammate, your family – put the handcuffs around you and threw you in the back of the HPD car. How betrayed did you feel?"
More silence.
"So imagine how I felt." Kono's voice was thin, quiet. "See, the difference between you and I was that, in your case, even with all the evidence stacked against you – Chin somehow believed in you. He knew you didn't do it, he put blind faith in you, and he put his own reputation on the line to help you. I don't always agree with doing that, but that's true ohana. The difference between you and I was that I didn't have that someone on my side. Unlike Chin, you weren't acting when you gave the order to cuff and bring me in. My own boss. Imagine that."
Steve was really at a loss for words now. He couldn't even formulate coherent thoughts, as the self-awareness belatedly hit him like a ton of bricks. She's right. Fuck.
One of Kono's delicate fists balled, then relaxed. She stared down at the ground, her long lashes brushing against her cheek. "So I was disgusted to stand there and listen to you yell at Fryer for 'messing with your team' – as if you were concerned about me this whole time – when thirty seconds before, you were in my face, accusing me of lying. Ignoring me for weeks – then standing up for me for ten minutes? – doesn't put you on my side, Steve. You don't get to swoop in at the last minute and play the hero."
Steve winced. His gaze followed Kono as she aimlessly meandered around her couch and hopped onto a barstool at her kitchen island, fiddling with a puck of surfboard wax. She didn't look at him.
And in that moment, Steve wanted, badly, to do something – anything – to make her feel better – but unfortunately, being born without the chromosome for dealing with emotional moments made it hard for him to know what custom dictated. He felt lost.
"Kono…" he started again, quietly.
No response.
He sighed and powered through, "Look, I apologize for not being… as attentive as I should've been these last few weeks. I just – I guess I thought it would be best to stay away from you while IA investigated; you know, let you rest and surf in peace. I wasn't exactly the best company for you to be keeping."
Kono finally looked at him, her expression softer. She ran a hand through her hair, her bangs falling easily back into place. She sighed, "I know. Look, Steve... I wasn't asking for a pity party or a welcome ceremony with you guys attached at the hip or anything. I just –" She stopped and chuckled mirthlessly.
Steve leaned forward. "Just what?"
She went back to fiddling with the wax and was quiet for a long time. Steve let her be. Finally, she asked, "You know those first days after I left?"
A piece of wax crumbled under her grip.
"You have no idea how many times," she went on quietly, "I would pick up my phone every morning… hoping to see one of your names. A call or text from someone checking up to see how I was doing. Even just a, 'Hey Kono, you alive?' You know? But time goes by, and I don't hear from you – any of you – in weeks. It felt like somehow everyone just forgot to care about me. Like I never really mattered. It felt like…" Her voice caught. "… like I finally realized how Chin must've felt after he lost his badge and everyone deserted him."
Steve's heart sank to the bottom of his feet. He felt lower than pond scum. He couldn't believe he was responsible for putting Kono through that – a feeling that he wouldn't have wished on his worst enemy.
"And it sucked," Kono said, voice finally breaking ever so slightly. "It really, really sucked, Steve."
"I know," Steve blurted, tortured voice so low it was practically a mutter. He said it because he didn't know what else he could say. "I know. I'm sorry, Kono. I just – I don't –" he trailed off, feeling inadequate.
It had been his decision to break into the forfeiture locker and his decision to bring Kono along. Then he had gone and escaped from prison, found proof of his innocence, and gotten his old life back – but he'd neglected to get Kono out of her mess too. While he was busy being reunited with his old position, friends, and a new attractive coworker – he'd completely left Kono behind. In the mess he'd created for her.
Suddenly, Steve heard his own words to Kono, from so long ago, taunting him in his head: "I'm sorry you were put in danger today. We care for each other like a family, so please know we'll always do everything we can to protect you." Steve's throat burned with the shame. He sure as hell hadn't done everything he could these past few weeks.
"I don't know what I would've done without Chin," Kono murmured, face slightly brightened by the mere mention of her cousin (and Steve selfishly found himself wishing he could've been the one to make her eyes light up that way). "He came to visit. His car was parked outside my window every other day. He never failed to call me every night, even after working a long case with you guys. And yeah, I know it potentially could've blew my cover, and it killed me to have had to turn him away each time he reached out to me – but it meant the world to know that someone out there still cared. You know? To reassure me that I didn't, like… somehow fall off the island without realizing it." A small smile broke on her face, and she laughed slightly.
This only made Steve feel worse. Fuck."It should've been me, Kono," he insisted fervently. "Or Danny. We should've been there for you."
Kono's face hardened again. "It's okay," she responded flatly. "Because of all this, I learned who I could really count on."
Steve winced at the sting. "Don't say that."
"And why the hell not?" Kono's eyes flashed in anger. "Through this entire thing, the only two people that called to ask after me were Chin Ho and Charlie Fong… my cousin and the lab tech. Meanwhile, my two closest teammates who, at one time, had called me family, seemed like they hadn't so much as noticed I was gone for weeks. How do you think that made me feel?"
Silence.
"Like shit, that's how." She slammed the wax loudly onto the counter, and it rolled towards the wall and toppled over. "You want to talk about loyalty, just think about what you said to me in the interrogation room. Do you remember? Because I'll never," she narrowed her eyes, "forget."
Steve searched his memory, but he needn't have.
"I can't' isn't good enough," Kono recited Steve's words tonelessly, "What are you thinking, Kono? What happened to you?' What happened to me, Steve? Really?"
Steve gritted his teeth in shame as Kono kept talking.
"And I'll also never forget what Chin told me. He told me - 'Whatever you're into, I'm here. You're not alone – not today, not tomorrow, not any day ahead. We're family, and nothing changes that.'" She raised her brows, as if to say, See the difference? "I didn't need you to punch Fryer in the face for you to try to prove your point, Steve. I didn't need a bodyguard." She pulled her mouth into a thin line. "I just needed a friend."
"You don't have to say any more, Kono," Steve replied, defeated, the entire conversation somehow leaving him feeling more beaten than he did after taking down some of his worst criminals. "I was wrong. And I know it will never be enough to take away the suffering you had to go through – but I'm sorry. I should've trusted you more. The way I dealt with everything was unforgiveable, and I'm so sorry."
Kono stared down at her hands. She wrung them in her lap as she seemed to contemplate Steve's words. She chewed on the inside of her left cheek for what seemed like forever before she finally looked up again. "Okay," she replied.
Steve was surprised. "Okay?"
"Yeah. Fine. Okay."
Kono managed a small smile, then got to her feet. She walked over to the table and curiously peered into the shrimp truck bag. Steve suppressed a grin.
"Want to eat?" he asked.
She retracted from the bag. "What'd you bring me?"
"Coconut shrimp."
"Hm." She folded her arms and gave a tiny one-sided smile of approval. "My favorite." With a childish smirk, she snatched the bag up and walked into the living room.
Steve got up to follow her.
"See you tomorrow," Kono chirped, disappearing into her bedroom and then slamming the door shut.
Oh. Steve stopped short in his tracks. Okay… "Alright," he called out awkwardly in the direction of her closed door. "See you… tomorrow, then."
He left feeling slightly dissatisfied.
(A/N) How was it? I hope you didn't hate it too much, haha. And if you read all of that, I really appreciate it! I know it got kind of dense with my vicarious ranting, LOL. this is going to be a two-parter, so there's another chapter coming next. Steve doesn't get off that easy, chortle chortle. okay, anyway. Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a review letting me know what you think. Thank you again, and I'll update soon! :)