AN : I don't own Glee. I don't own anything. I am a poor student who hates everything this TV is becoming but alas, I can't seem to stop watching it. Curse my life.
"Hey, can I like talk to you or whatever?" Puck asked as he leant his back against the locker next to Rachel's. Since she began dating Finn again he hadn't really had much opportunity to talk to her. They weren't friends, far from it, but he found himself involved in her life without any intention of being so. Life seemed to have a way of throwing them together, especially when they were trying to stay away from each other. And Puck was trying, he had promised Finn last year that he wouldn't go after Rachel again, and he wasn't, he was just concerned by a piece of gossip Quinn had told him in passing.
"Well which is it Noah, do you want to talk or do you want the "whatever"?" She scrunched her nose as she said the final word which made him smirk her at. He'd never get over this girls ability to make everything she said sound like it was from some fancy play or something.
"I want to talk. I heard something the other day and I wanted to ask you about it because there was no way it could be true. I mean, lets be honest, there's no way you've given it up to..." He had to stop talking when he saw the way Rachel's cheeks turn a deep red and she started shifting on her feet, avoiding making eye contact. There's no way she would have, would she? Seriously? "You did, didn't you? You did the deed with Finny. D." He wasn't sure why he was so, well, hurt by this new information. It made him feel kind of sick.
"Not that it's any of your concern Noah, but yes. Finn and I consummated our relationship in the most physical manner." She whisper shouted at him before closing her locker and heading off down the hall towards her class. There was no way she was losing him that easily. He grabbed his back pack off the floor and jogged after her, pulling on her arm when he was close enough to get her attention.
She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. "What Noah? I'm really tired of talking about this. I don't understand why everyone feels the need to pass judgement on me because I experienced something that everyone else in this school has experienced. I'm not some china doll, I'm not as fragile as you seem to think I am. And I'm not perfect. And I wanted to do this. So I did it."
He was lost for words, she wanted to do it. There was nothing more to it. They stared in to one another's eyes for what felt like an eternity before he let his hand drop from her arm and she slowly backed away, before turning and heading to her class once more.
He felt like a statue, he couldn't move from his position in the hallway. He saw the people around him start to thin and he heard the bell signalling the beginning of his next class but none of these things could will his feet in to moving. He'd had a complete brain melt down. He had always had a soft spot for Rachel, as evident from his actions for the past two years – he couldn't say no to the girl- and he knew she was happy with Finn but he never thought he'd have to deal with this. Somewhere in his mind he'd always imagined he would be the one with Rachel for the first time. And he'd had the opportunity last year and said no. Had he known it would have been the last opportunity he would have acted differently, Finn be damned. Who really stays friends the people they meet in high school anyway? And how many high school relationships last in to college and real life? But now it was too late, she'd given herself to Finn and that was it. She'd made her choice.
Maybe if he'd worked harder to show her he was a contender things would have happened differently, but he hadn't. In fact he'd never been concerned that he would have to deal with Rachel giving it up, and now it was here it had hit him like a bullet. The little scenario in his head could never happen and that hurt a lot more than he thought it would. Sure he didn't think she'd ever probably give herself to him, but as long as she didn't do it with anyone else then it was fine. It would always be a possibility.
But that was over now. And he knew what he had to do. Tell Rachel what he thought and then move on. She was with Finn and sure, in the future they might see each other across the room at some random place and smile but they would never be anything more. Maybe he'd toyed with the possibility in the past but not any more. Noah Puckerman had to let go of Rachel Berry for good this time.
He knew she had a free period before lunch so he sent a text asking her to meet him on the bleachers, he figured that was kind of like their spot, before heading out to wait and see if she showed. He was kind of surprised when she did. She made her away across the bleachers and sat a few rows behind him. This was definitely their spot. This was how it would always be for them, so close but so far, he knew that now.
"I'm sorry about before," he started, "I didn't want to be a jerk." He heard her snort a laugh, and it made him smile slightly.
"I just don't see why this is any of your business? Why it's any of any one at this school's business. It's my life and my body and I can do with it what ever and give it to whom ever I please."
He turned his face to the side so he could see her reaction out of the corner of his eye, "Because I thought it would be me," he paused, before quietly continuing, "That's why I freaked out. Because I just thought it would be you and me the first time."
He heard her take a deep breathe and then felt her hand on his shoulder so he turned to face her fully. Or as fully as sitting on a metal bleacher would allow. She looked confused, he could tell she was trying to process all this information in her head and he didn't blame. It was very out of the blue. They sat in silence for a while before she finally spoke up.
"But last year you said..." He nodded.
"I didn't want to do it to make Finn jealous. And I figured you wouldn't do that in high school, I thought you wanted to wait, so the possibility of it being me was always there and now..."
She looked away from him and then met his eyes once more before smiling slightly, a sad, small smile that he didn't like.
"And now there's no possibility because I gave myself to Finn." He nodded again before looking out across the football field.
"I feel like I should apologise to you but I don't know why. I don't have anything to apologise for. I had sex with my boyfriend who I love and who loves me. And you, you've never..."
"No, I know." He interrupted her, "Look, just tell me you're happy and that you got what you wanted. Tell me that you did this because you were ready and not because you wanted to keep Finn from going off with some Cheerio and tell me it was exactly how you wanted it to be."
Her hair had fallen in to her face and he wanted to reach over and brush it away but he resisted. She was looking out now, across the football field, at the clouds passing over the small town where they lived.
"I thought I would wait, honestly, I thought that I wouldn't want that until I had my success and my dreams. But I did want it. And I wanted it with Finn. And no, I didn't do it to keep him. I did it because I love him and he loves me. And it was perfect Noah, exactly how I wanted it to be."
He looked at her, the way the wind blew her hair, the way her eyes travelled across the horizon, the way she seemed so happy and so sad at the same time and knew that this would be the way he would think of her for the rest of his life. If he never saw her again he'd be happy with this image. A girl who knew exactly what she wanted and got it. And she wanted a boy, a boy who wasn't him and would probably never be him. He had to move on form the idea of her, always being a back up, it wasn't fair to her and it wasn't fair to him when she was happy like she was now. They find each other in their darkest times and that had to stop or both of them would be hurt.
He stood abruptly, causing her to look up at him questioningly. "I've got to go. I er...I need to go. But look, I hope you're happy Rachel. Really."
A confused expression was on her face as she replied, "I hope you're happy too Noah."
He chuckled slightly, "I think I can be now."
And with that he headed down the steps to the bleachers and back towards the school. She was never his, she never had been, and now she never would be. Not in this town and this life. He would always have the hope for the future but he could move on without thinking about her now. She couldn't be his back up plan and he refused to be hers any more. They were saying goodbye to that Rachel and Noah, the ones who fell together, and hello to a new pair of teenagers. Rachel, the woman and Noah, the boy who was her friend and was happy with that.