So this is the result of me FINALLY getting my PC up and running! I was just bored, listening to some music, and I decided to write something now that I actually could. I believe this little ficlet goes under the category of "WTF" so... enjoy. Or don't. Your call :P

One day, a Bounty Hunter by the incredible name of Samus Aran woke up. When she awoke, she was surprised to feel someone's arms around her. Writhing in fear of who may be holding her hostage, she screamed, "WHO THE ZEBES ARE YOU?"

Her partner-in-bed turned to her and said, "Why, don't you remember me? What about the lovely wine we shared last night? Wasn't it incredible?"

Samus looked at the mysterious stranger and yelled, "I don't remember a gosh-darned thing about what may or may not have happened last night! So just tell me who you are, I demand it."

With a heavy, disdainful sigh, her mystery dude said, " I am Zapp Brannigan, the sexiest man in the universe. In fact I am so sexy I have the sexiest disease known to man, Sexlexia. Did you enjoy the Sexlexia, my sweet Lee-I mean, my sweet Samus?"

Samus was shocked. Had she really engaged in intercourse with this idiot? No, it's not possible. Was it?

Samus tried to remember the events of the previous night. She found she could only recall to four o'clock this morning. She was at a party with Zelda, Peach, and some other Smashers, and Yoshi brought booze. Dumb dinosaur.

Then Samus remembered she hadn't had anything to drink, so she could not possibly be drunk. She stood up, fully clothed, in her Power Suit no less, and dashed for the door. Zapp tried to stop her, but a quick blast to his gut instantly ended his shallow life. Samus looked around for an exit. Seeing no immediate way out of… wherever she was, she turned back to the room's doorway and spotted the window. Literally spotted the window with her Spore Beam. It caused the window to disintegrate into many pieces.

Samus had one foot out the door before she remembered last night. Ah! She thought, I was here to take this man's iPod, but I had to sleep with him to obtain the device. Luckily for me I brought a hallucinogenic drug and slipped it into Zapp's drink so he only believed he slept with me. Wow, I'm so smart. And pretty, too.

Remembering this crucial detail, Samus strutted confidently into Zapp's bathroom, where she was pleased to see he had left his iPod on the counter. Snatching the idiotic device with her Grapple Beam, she placed it into her Bag of Holding, where it would remain until she returned to the Federation.

Pleased with her success, Samus left the building, flipping off Zapp's body and torching the place down. Then Samus ran to her ship, entered the coordinates for the Galactic Federation, and leaned back in her spinny chair.

"Ah, another mission completed. Now, let's say you and I have a little fun. Honey, could you grab the whip? Momma's tired."

Marth dashed off to the back of the room. "Right away, My Lady."