One Hell Of A Bay Day

Disclamer: I do not own any characters from The Fairly Oddparents, but I do own the plot & my own characters. The Fairly Oddparents are 'taped' in front of a live studio audience.

It was a dull & gloomy day at Dimmsdale Elementary. 12 yr. old Timmy Turner was sitting at his desk, with a bored look on his face. He & everyone else was expecting something worst today. Their nutty-fairy obessed teacher, Mr. Crocker had assign them to do a back-to-back 500 page assignment of how 'Seinfeld' was the best sitcom in the last twenty years. Of course, most of the students didn't do the assignment. This would include Timmy. Just then, the insane ass Crocker ran up to Timmy's desk.

"TURNER!" he shouted. "Did you do the 500 page report?" he asked, hoping that Timmy will say no & he would hand him his daily F+.

Timmy, not feeling in the mood or even caring answered.

"No." he said boredly.

"HA! F!" Crocker laughed evily as he handed the boy the F+ & walked off to the next student.

Timmy looked down to his green pencil & pink eraser, which was his fairy godparents; Cosmo & Wanda. Wanda looks at him, worriedly.

"Why are you so glum, sport?" she asked.

"Yeah. You have the same look, that I had on my face, when I learned, that 'My name is Earl' was cancelled." Cosmo said with a stupid smile on his face.

"I'm just tired of this lifestyle." Timmy replied. "The insane teacher. The stupid ignorant parents, & the worst of all; Vicky!"

"What did she do now?" Wanda asked.

"Well, it happened like this." Timmy said as he was having a Family Guy-like flashback.

This happened last night. Timmy was trying to do his assignment, when the evil babysitter, Vicky purposely knocked all of his papers off the table.

"HEY! Watch where you goin', you stupid bitch!" Timmy sniffed angrily.

Vicky turns to him.

"You, was in MY way!" she sneered.

Then she picks up a trash bag & throws it at him.

"Just for that, you have to wash my dirty laundry. By hand! NOW GET TO IT!" she shouted.

Timmy cusses under his breath as Vicky laughs as his pain.

"What a stupid twerp! I enjoy makin' his life a livin' hell!"

Then she looks at his papers & begins making an evil plan in her head.

"I know, how to make him extra pissed!"

She picks up the papers & put them in the shredder. She laughs evily while doing this.

It wasn't until sometime later, that Timmy came back with Vicky's laundry.

"Here's your goddammed laundry!" Timmy sniffed. "Now, let me get back to my..."

He notices shredded paper on the floor. He was at a loss for words.

"Is...that...my..."

"Yep! That's right, twerp! It's your school assignment! I shred it all up!" Vicky said, with self proudness.

"WHAT?" Timmy exclaims angrily.

Then he recovers.

"It's a good thing, that I shrunk your clothes then Vicky." Timmy says with a smug smile on his face.

"WHAT?" Vicky shouted.

She grabs the laundry bag & takes out some of the shruken clothes. She growls.

"TWERP! I'M GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU!" she hollers.

She then jumps onto him & starts beating up on him.

"Well, that explains the black eye." Wanda muttered.

"Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!" Cosmo laughed. "You got whooped by a girl! Ha!Ha!Ha! What a whimp! Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!"

Wanda & Timmy was cross.

"I wish, he would shut the fuck up!" Timmy said.

The wish was granted, as Wanda poofs up a zipper over Cosmo's mouth & zips it closed.

"That's better." Timmy sighed. "God, I hope mom & dad doesn't go out tonight. I don't want Vicky to beat the hell out of me again."

"Well, you can only pray, sport." Wanda said.

Suddenly, Cosmo poofs off the zipper.

"Even if he does that, his parents are still gonna go out somewhere & leave him with Vicky!" he said with a stupid smile on his face.

Timmy slams his face hard on the desk as Wanda frowned at Cosmo, while he still had a stupid smile on his face.

Several hours passed by. It was time for the students to go home. Timmy slowly lifted his head from his desk & Cosmo & Wanda woke up.

"Well, time to go home." Timmy muttered crossily.

"Time to face the music!" Cosmo said cheerfully, as Wanda just frowns at him.

At home, when Timmy put his foot through the door, his parents immediately rushed up to him.

"Hey Timmy!" they said in cheerful voices.

"Guess what?" his dad asked.

Timmy rolls his eyes & sighed.

"You & mom are goin' out to some sort of adult ordinated entertainment for the night & you're leavin' me with Vicky?"

"That's right!" his mom said cheerfully.

As soon as she got done saying that, Dad came with several suitcases.

"God! Our son's so smart!"

"And bright too!" Mom added.

"Just like his old man." Dad added.

Mom & Timmy just stared at him.

"Uh, yeah. On that thought, here's Vicky!" Mom said.

As if on cue, Vicky appears at the door.

"Hi, Mrs. Turner. Mr. Turner. I'm here to take care of your only pride & joy, Timmy." she said in a sweet voice as she patted Timmy's head. "We're both gonna have fun!"

Timmy's parents grabbed their suitcases.

"Bye Timmy! See you tomorrow!"

Then they ran to their car & sped off. Vicky turns to the boy with an evil smirk.

"Guess what, squirt?" she asked.

"You're gonna beat the hell outta me?" Timmy said boredly.

"That's right!" Vicky shouted. "And I'd just learned some martial arts moves in P.E. today & I'm gonna try them out on you! So say your prayers, twerp!"

Then Vicky picks up Timmy & throws him into a wall.

"HIYA!" Vicky shouted as she ran towards him.

Cosmo & Wanda appears to watch the beating. Cosmo had a tub of popcorn.

"Ha!Ha!Ha! He's gettin' his ass handed to him!" Cosmo laughed as snacked on some of the popcorn. "C'mon Timmy! Use that right arm! No! Not your left, dumbass!"

Wanda frowned at him.

"You're a fuckin' moron." she sniffed.

"Yeah, and you're sexy!" Cosmo said, not paying any attention to her. "I'll give you some, after Timmy gets his eye dotted."

Wanda, still cross; rolls her eyes & accepted the deal.

It's a later now. Timmy was in his bed. He was still seeing stars & Cosmo & Wanda was nursing his wounds. Well, Wanda was nursing him. Cosmo was talking about how bad Timmy got whopped.

"Damn Timmy! Vicky sure worked your ass good!" he said.

"At least, she didn't rip my clothes off & threw me into the girl's bathroom, like that fuckin' gray dick; Francis, did." Timmy muttered.

Timmy was getting his ass beat, by the school bully; Francis. Anyway, the beating was over. Francis stood over him.

"Guess what, I'm gonna do to you now, Turner?" he asks.

"Uh, y-you're gonna let me limp sadly & painfully home?" Timmy asks weakly.

"Wrong! This!"

He picks up the small boy & ran to the nearest girl's restroom. He rips off Timmy's clothes & threw the naked boy into the restroom.

"Good luck, Turner!" Francis laughed.

Then he turns away, still laughing. Inside, the restroom. Timmy was on the floor. He was unconcious. Girls was screaming & hollering & running all over the place.

"A BOY!" screamed one girl.

"AND HE'S NAKED!" screamed another girl. "AHHHHHH!"

"And he's like, sexy!" said a third girl, who was Trixie Tang's Not-As-Popular-But-Popular friend; Veronica. "Mmmm!"

The audience whoos loudly from her reaction.

Timmy wakes up.

"Huh? Where am..." he started, as he looks around.

Then he notices where he was.

"Oh shit! I'm in the..." he exclaims, as he was interrupted by Veronica.

"Like, that's right, sexy. In the girl's restroom." she said in a seductive voice. "Now, let me leave a snail trail on your 'Captain Marvelous'!"

Then the twelve yr. old blonde girl, jumps onto Timmy & started kissing on him, while all of the other girls screams & the audience whoos.

"Hey. At least, you lost your virginity." Cosmo said happily.

"Yeah. That was the only good thing about the whole incident." Timmy said. "At least, I won't be made fun of, for not losin' my virginity early."

"Yeah." Cosmo laughed. "It's one of the worst things in the world to be. It's worser than having buck-teeth & wearing a silly pink hat & shirt. Ha!Ha!Ha!"

"Yeah..." Timmy started then stopped. "Hey! I resent that remark!"

He turns to Wanda.

"I wish, I had a handy boxing glove, so I can punch this green haired fuck!" he ordered.

"Why certainly, Timmy." she said, as she raised her wand.

Wanda granted the wish & a red boxing glove appears. Timmy uses it & punches Cosmo.

"Go f(bleep)k yourself!" he sniffed.

Cosmo flew through the wall, leaving his shape.

"Whee!" he shouted stupidly.

The audience laughs.

"Stupid ass dickhead!" Wanda sniffed, then she turned her attention back to Timmy.

"How 'bout I poofed you some snacks, pop, & a tv, so you can watch that god-awful 'Black Gold' show? They might have an explosion tonight."

"No, thanks." Timmy muttered. "I don't feel like in the mood. I just want to go to bed. Anyway, that show's fake. Everything's scripted. Actors. All that shit."

Then he yawns.

"God, I'm tired. Nothin's gone right. Fuckin' teacher gives me fuckin' F's. Bitch babysitter beats the shit outta me! Bullshit!"

"Aw, things'll probably be better tomorrow, sweetie." Wanda soothed as she poofs him into his pjs.

"I hope so." Timmy muttered as he got into his bed. "Because, this shit is startin' to stress me out."

Then he went unhappily to sleep. Wanda looked worried as Cosmo suddenly reappears with a black eye.

"So, are we gonna fuck or what?"

Wanda gave him a dirty look.

"I'm too concerned about Timmy & his problems to have sex with your idiot ass right now!" she sniffed.

Cosmo was offended.

"Well! Thanks for the false sense of security, Wanda! I was ready & all that shit! I guess, I have to watch Vicky undress herself again tonight." he cried.

Then he disappears, leaving a cloud that said; 'pissed & horny'.

"Hmmph! Like I care!" Wanda sniffed as she yawned. "At least I get to get some sleep tonight."

Then Wanda turns herself into a goldfish and went into the fishbowl & inside the castle to sleep.

Downstairs, Vicky was getting ready for bed now.

"Damn, I'm so fuckin' tired. Beatin' up the twerp sure gets you sleepy." she said as she was taking off her green shirt.

Cosmo had poofed himself into a tableside lamp, that was by the couch, that Vicky was sleeping at.

"Hee! Hee! Just in time." he sniggered. "Show papa those titties."

Vicky gets on the couch & turns off the Cosmo lamp. Bra still on & everything. Cosmo was pissed.

"Godammit! I was so fuckin' close to seeing some nude titties!" Cosmo sniffed as the audience laughed at his pain.

Then he sighs.

"Well, I guess, I'm gonna have some wet dreams tonight."

Then he stopped & thinks.

"Wet dreams? WHEE!" he cheered stupidly as he poofed himself to the fishbowl to have his, uh, wet dreams. Literally.

Author's note: Well, that's it for my very first chapter of my very first Fairly Oddparents fic. So far, it's going well. Please review.