Chapter 1: West Roxbury Station

"You know the drill. You don't come back until you've found it."

"But..."

"No excuses. You took this job fully aware of its implications."

"If by take you mean forced, then yes, I took it. Look, I've been scouting the area for the last 72 hours now. If there was any evidence of it being here, I would have found it by now. Please let me back in."

"You know I can't do that."

"I just want a meal. Something to eat other than molerats. Well, that and a sleep. I'll get back out first thing tomorrow morning."

"No."

"Please."

That was it. He shut the door in my face. I wasn't allowed in.

I had spent the last three days scouting the area. Alone. Does anyone know how hard that is? I'd like to see him out here shooting up ferals and scavenging the bodies for caps. Honestly. Why do feral ghouls even have caps in the first place? They expect me to be akin to some impressive marksman that knows what she's doing. I can barely keep up with the time on a normal day, let alone during the radiation storms which, for that matter, I noted have been occurring much more frequently than I was told they would. Mathers informed me that I might experience a rad storm once a week.

"In this area, they tend to only last two or three hours."

When I decided to return, only to be turned away by the simpleton they have guarding the door, it was the second time I had been caught in a storm. And let me tell you, three hours? Try seven. The only thing carrying me through was a half a rad-suit I peeled off a rotting corpse. Cornered between two walls of half a sunken house I had to wait it out. I managed to arrange the suit, so my head and my torso were covered. My lower half was still at a loss, but as long as my brain is still in my head and my heart still beats, I think I'll be alright. It's not like I'd want to have children in this wasteland anyway.

It's ridiculous, the things we have to do in order to survive. I met a ghoul the other day. He had come up all the way from DC. Travelled with a caravan for a while, before they were picked off by gunners as they were passing under the interchange. He is the only one who got away; laid down in a pool of blood and pretended to be dead. They didn't check, they didn't care.

They were bored.

Hadn't seen another living thing passing through for weeks and, deciding to stretch their muscles, took a shot at the next dredge of poor souls who wondered through "their territory". Unfortunately for them, their shooting wasn't as sharp as it once had been; after previously making a name for themselves people had begun to avoid the area. They hadn't had target practice for a while. He ran away once night fell.

This guy had been like that since the beginning. He had taken cover in a home-made shelter when the bombs began, later realizing that it wasn't strong enough to keep all the rads out. Only he didn't realize right away, did he? Stayed there a few weeks thinking he was safe, thinking he would wait out the war. And one morning he simply woke up with half a face. It's a bit like that for everyone. One day you're alive and well, looking brightly towards your future, and the next... well, I don't think anyone really wants to talk about tomorrow.

I constantly find myself asking if I really want to stay alive for another day. At this point we aren't even living, just dying slowly. I have only been back in this place for a few weeks and I am already thinking of leaving again. I am only staying in case he returns.

I checked my map, looking at the few places I have managed to sift through in the last few days: Shaw High, Milton General, Hyde park and every building in between. The only place left was Fallon's Department Store and you'd have to skin me alive before I'd go near that place. Then again, the mutants have been known to flay their victims, so perhaps that is a pointless ultimatum. Either way, Fallon's is out of the question. I doubt it would be in Fallon's as it would have been found by now. Although daft, the super mutants are relatively inquisitive when hungry and they have become great at finding the unlikely places people hide in.

Mathers overheard the dwellers talking about the secret entrance "up near Milton" that is unused due to the overwhelming population of super mutants living around it. After we were turned away at the door, we came to Roxbury Station to find a way inside. There were rumors spreading around the Commonwealth that metro tunnels were used as entrances to hidden vaults. Roxbury was not one of them. Luckily for us, someone had already cleared out the mutants living in West Roxbury and all we needed to do was remove the meat and gore bags and clean up the skeletons. It is quite a nice place once we were done.

Harry never approved of us staying there. He never said why, but I could tell. Although the mutants had been cleared out of Roxbury, the population still boomed around the station. Fallon's seemed to be their main home, but they often broke off into small hunting groups and took up temporary residence in the surrounding buildings. Often, unsuspecting convoys or travelers came through and decided the area was safe to spend a night in and the mutants capitalized on this lapse in judgement. They liked their meat tough. Apparently, the way to do that is to boil it. Alive.

The only thing keeping the mutants away from me is my face. No, I am not hideously disfigured, although some people would call my markings hideous. No. Burin likes to 'mark' her people. A crescent on the right side stretching around from above the brow to below the eye. A small price to pay. The mutants don't touch us. They want to. But they aren't stupid enough mess with a hundred people who have a surplus of machine guns and hand grenades. If I got too close, they would happily tear me limb from limb and use me as the entree at their next feast but, as long as I didn't get too close...

Anyway, Harry never approved. A few days after we moved in, Rasp turned up at the door with a duffel bag of mini nukes. Scared everyone half to death. Apparently on the way up some scouts had discovered a small group of travelers holed up in a shack at Hyde Park and Rasp had traded the knowledge to the mutants in exchange for weapons. Sending scavengers for food and scouts for materials became pointless. Instead, Burin put Rasp in charge of governing our scouts to redirect convoys to the estates at Fairline Hill under the guise that going past Roxbury was unsafe. The mutants are growing fat on their easy pickings. I think Harry always knew that settling here would result in this human-mutant pact. I don't think he has anything against mutants themselves, it is more their merciless killing and master race ideology that turned him away.

With an endless supply of weapons and freedom to scavenge, many thought this was our final settlement. But Burin wasn't satisfied. She never was. There is always more. That is why we need to find it. We need to get inside. I couldn't care less about getting into the vault. Not anymore. The proverbial camel's back was finally broken when Rasp lured a travelling mother and her two young children into Fallon's. I remember seeing them walking with him. Harry and I were on watch. She looked awful. Hadn't eaten or slept in days; carried her children all the way from Diamond City. She talked the whole way past Roxbury. My cousin is with the Atom Cats. They have food and shelter in their garage and can protect us better than they can in the Diamond. I'm sure Rasp made a mental note of the Garage's location.

We knew her fate. Harry wanted to help. I did too. But what do you expect me to do when all I have is a shitty little handgun and Rasp has a freaking laser rifle? It is my head or hers. After that, Harry didn't want to stay anymore so he left. It was my choice if I went with him. I honestly thought he wouldn't leave. He will probably just camp out for a day or two in Hyde and return when he realizes how hard it is out there. A week later and I found myself going out to find him. I searched for a while. It was pointless. He was gone. So, I left too.

I travelled to Diamond City. It was the only place I could think of to go, but the morons there didn't let me in. Something about a raider being a threat to the peace. Well, from what I have heard their 'peace' comes in the form of a lack of freedom and synth paranoia. So, Diamond City was a bust. I heard about a small rebuilding of the Minutemen up in the North-West but travelling there alone is impossible. Despite the misgivings, we had it good at Roxbury. So I went back.

I wasn't terrified. I knew the punishment for leaving. I also knew Burin. Although she was furious that I had left, she let me stay with only punishment being permanent scout duty. The others were not pleased, but Burin owes me. I was the one who got her out of Milton's Parking lot when we first arrived. Although her combat skills are extraordinary, her wits are about as sharp as a club. So now I was back. Searching for this damned entrance that I am beginning to think doesn't exist.

"Hey, Clarissa, found it yet?"

"Would I still be out here if I had?"

"Mathers won't let you in again, huh?"

"If I have to sleep through one more storm..."

"C'mon, it could be worse. Remember Ivan?"

I remembered Ivan. He was one of Rasp's scouts who left in the middle of a night. We found him two weeks later, living it up in a lakeside, walled settlement. After Burin when pyro on the place, Ivan tried to talk his way back into the gang, but Burin had none of it and got Rasp to tie him up, cover him in syrup and row him out into the middle of the lake. I don't know what killed him. The feeding bloodbugs and bloatflies, sun exposure, or starvation.

"I heard a rumor that the entrance to the vault is actually in a pharmacy up North."

"Really? Where did you hear that?"

"From Olsen. Spying on a gang up that way, he heard them talking. Seems everyone wants in."

"Yeah, well, who wouldn't? The clouds are turning green again."

"We should find somewhere to camp."

"You go inside. I'll find somewhere. There's no point you staying out here just for me."

"Seriously? You've been alone for days. I'm worried about you. C'mon, I know a place."

Besides Harry, Tama was my closest friend.