Harry huffed as he caught sight of the ridiculously bright Peacock ship, captained by the one and only Lucius Malfoy and his son Draco, on the distant horizon. Harry didn't mind the ship as much as he minded the fact that every single time the sunlight or reflected light hit it at a particular angle, it meant everyone had to shield their eyes, or go blind.

Wasn't a peacock a land animal anyway? Could it even swim?

Harry didn't believe they did. Harry vaguely remembered seeing one once. It was just as flashy as that ship was, and perhaps only a little more proud than the captain himself. Or maybe the captain out-prided those animals, Harry wasn't sure any more.

The man refused to grow a beard! Or even a mustache! His hair was always perfectly in place, even through a storm! The excuse of it ruining his 'looks' should be illegal because Harry was pretty sure the man would look good with anything!

Wait, what?

Harry groaned. He really needed to sort through his thoughts, and this sorting needed to happen quickly. This was getting ridiculous. Harry knew Ron and Hermione disliked the sight of the captain's son, Draco, and Harry had to, unfortunately, agree. The boy was arrogant and foolish… and blindingly blond like his father.

Harry winced both at the thought and at the fact that an incredible amount of light had nearly blinded him yet again.

Despite their very light ship, everyone knew that they were part of the Death Eater alliance even if they never actively participated in the day attacks. They were enemies of the Order of the Phoenix alliance, which the Golden Trio were part of, yet continuously visited the Golden Trio. Their presence was, mostly, unwanted.

Harry swayed as the Peacock floated majestically next to the Golden Trio.

"Oh, seas! The bloody Peacock is back," Harry heard Ron groan from somewhere below deck. "Harry! You deal with them!"

"Harry Potter!"

Harry groaned at the far too cheerful voice of the Peacock Captain, as everyone had taken to calling him behind his back, and turned to face the man before being forced to squint.

"Lucius Malfoy, to what do I owe this blinding pleasure?".

"Why, Harry, aren't you happy to see me?" Lucius nearly sang.

"Well, I can't exactly see you…" Harry muttered, eyes still half closed against the glare of the ship.

"But you must! No one can not see this perfection! You'd have to be blind!"

"Well, I'm probably going to be if this continues."

"No, no! That would be terrible! To never see my perfection, oh such a terrible thought. Dearest Harry, I will never allow that to happen!" Lucius cried dramatically.

Harry spluttered. Dearest? When did that happen?

"Harry, have you-?" Ron paused, coming up the stairs. "Why are they still here?"

"Why do you have a Weasley? Do you know how terrible that is for your reputation?" Lucius whispered in horror.

"Ron, what are you-oh. Them." Hermione peeked from inside the cabin before disappearing again. She had broken Lucius's nose last time.

"-and a previous land-dweller! Why don't you join our ship? I'll make you my right hand man, and you will be perfect!"

"Oi! You can't steal our captain!"

Written for The Game of Life Challenge: mustache; sorting; and illegal

Written for AU Battle Competition: Pirate!AU – Lucius/Harry