A/N: This is the story I said I was going to write in my profile. It's based off of this drawing I did, which I SO wish I could put on deviantart or something but I don't have a scanner, and taking a picture would ruin the quality. So, I decided to write a fic about it. It's a SasoSaku one-shot and the end's a bit cheesy, but still.
The rating is T because it's mostly T-rated, but there is a little tiny bit of M-rated stuff in there near the end. Don't worry, it's not much. Enjoy!
I fixed a few minor errors (mostly word choice, etc.) it's not much. Sorry for the reposting.
'matte' means 'wait'.
Disclaimer: I no own Naruto.
The tides of time cannot be stopped. While they push one forward, they leave another behind…
R.E.G.R.E.T: No More Chances
Breathe in, breathe out. Slow is the key. Concentrate on every movement. That's it. Keep breathing. You can do this. He is not the first person you've killed.
"Go to the Tenchikyou in Kusagakure at noon, in ten day's time. One of Orochimaru's underlings is my spy. We were… supposed to… rendezvous… there…"
His head dropped. Silken red hair hung in front of his face, a curtain of death separating him from the rest of the world.
Stop beating, you stupid heart. Why are you beating so hard? He's a villain. A villain! Rejoice in his death. Laugh in his face. Stop beating, I said!
A shiver ran through Sakura's body. She wrapped her arms around herself instinctively and dropped to her knees. Seeing him there, so powerless, so different, all his arrogance gone, his life gone, leeched out of him by death… A few moments ago she was still fighting him, pushed to her limit and enjoying it so much that it hurt. Perhaps she knew, even back then, that the fight could not go on much longer. When the victor was decided, she had felt no joy, no elation of defeating a powerful enemy, but instead pain, excruciating pain… as if she could no longer be herself, no longer enjoy the living world.
She would never get to see him in a good light. Never find out what he would look like in a handsome yukata. Never see his true smile…
Goddamn it, what am I thinking about?! He's my enemy. I shouldn't care what he looked like when he smiled. I shouldn't care about him at all beyond the extent of the mission! And the mission is completed. Tend to Chiyo-baasama and get out of here!
She looked back at Chiyo. The old woman was kneeling on the ground, breathing heavily, eyes closed in anguish. No doubt she was grieving for her grandson, and Sakura felt a strange urge to join her.
Now is not the time!
Sakura stood shakily, her feet unsure and her body unbalanced. She hobbled over to Chiyo and started healing some of her injuries. "We'll get out of here and join Naruto and the others soon, Chiyo-baasama," she assured the elder. "Don't worry, they've probably rescued Gaara already and are just waiting for us to catch up. Everything will be fine."
"Don't say empty things, Sakura, especially when you don't even believe in them." Chiyo rose to her feet, leaning heavily on Sakura. "We both know it's not alright."
"Hai." Sakura turned her face away from the old woman to conceal her tears. She tried to tell herself that they're not there, that there wasn't any reason for her to cry. But there they were, sitting on the brim of her eyes, threatening to cascade down in salty rivers. "Let's go." Her voice broke.
Chiyo glanced at her, saw that she was close to tears, and mercifully did not comment. They leaped to the top of the pit created by the fight, Sakura supporting Chiyo's weight. At the top they looked back down one last time, both pairs of eyes at the same person, still bowed over and forever embraced by his parents.
Tears blurring her vision, Sakura looked again at the Akatsuki member. Akasuna no Sasori… dead… Her eyes traced the shape of his head, her gaze lingering on every glistening copper lock of hair. She felt her chest constrict in pain, and she doubled over. When she straightened back up, she had made her decision.
"Chiyo-baasama, can you wait a moment here? There's just something I have to do."
Chiyo looked up at Sakura, a million years of sorrow etched in her face. "I'll wait here."
"Thanks." Sakura turned and jumped back down into the chasm. With difficulty, she made her way through the scattered and broken puppets to Sasori's side. Her heart thumped harder as she kneeled before him. Slowly reaching out a hand, she lifted his face by his chin. His eyes were open, and gray irises stared unseeing at Sakura. The sight was too much to bear; she hastily dropped her gaze down to his chest, where the swords jutted out of his heart.
She carefully pulled out the swords, then removed the "scorpion" cover. Inside the hole was a bleeding lump of muscle, of what had once been Sasori's heart. She reached out a trembling hand and took the lump in her palm. Being a medic, she knew all about human anatomy, but it still fascinated her that this contorted piece of flesh could give life to an entire human being. She held it carefully in her hands, fully aware that this was Sasori's heart, his origin of life, the thing that had once allowed him to laugh, cry, and love.
Her tears, which had been held back in nervousness until now, finally overflowed. They tumbled down her cheeks, and she realized in time to move the heart out of the way. She took out a roll of bandages from her pack and cautiously wrapped the heart in the cloth, trying to conserve as much of the blood as she could. She gently stowed the precious heart away in her pack, then forced herself to look at Sasori's face one last time.
The eyes were not such a shock this time. She was prepared for their gaze, and she could now look at them without flinching. His eyes were a beautiful shade of gray, tinged with hazel and even some red. The color was just beginning to fade out, and Sakura memorized it. She would always remember how gorgeous and forlorn those eyes had looked when he was still alive. Then, she lifted her fingers and let them run over his face: the smooth curves of his cheeks, the ridge of his nose, the texture of his lips. He was beautiful.
Her heart clenched. She shouldn't be feeling this way for an enemy! She had worked so hard to bring him down, and now all she wanted to do was to call him back to life. If only life worked that way…
Furiously wiping away her tears, Sakura straightened up. Time to go back to Chiyo-baasama and rejoin Naruto. Then it's back to Konoha for a much-deserved rest.
But nothing will ever be the same again. I'd be sitting at home, and all I'd think about would be this moment. It is strange, this feeling. It's the first time I've actually felt regret for killing an enemy.
And God did she feel it. She felt it eating at her from the inside, grinding her bones to dust, tearing apart her flesh, devouring her heart. Her head ached horribly and her limbs shook violently. She was going to explode.
Then I can join him…
She waited for her body to shatter into a million pieces. It didn't happen. So maybe she only imagined the physical effects of her regret, but the emotional effects were as real as hell. Her mind was numb; she couldn't think straight at all. It was as if someone had hit the "off" switch, and her entire system just shut down. She stood there, face tilted toward the sky, tears streaming down her face in torrents.
Stop this… someone stop this please… I don't want to feel this anymore…
She felt empty. Her insides all seemed to have disappeared, leaving her hollow and abandoned. She was a shell, a living shell, nothing more.
I love him…
She mechanically picked her way through the remains of the puppets, her brain not processing what she was doing. Automatically she jumped upward, leaping from one protrusion on the cliff to another, until she was at the top again.
So much…
Chiyo observed her, and was alarmed when she saw that Sakura looked ready to commit suicide. The elder woman remembered feeling the same way years ago, when she saw her grandson manipulating the puppets of his parents to embrace him. But that aside, Sakura needed to calm down immediately, or she really will kill herself.
"Come, Sakura. We must go find the others," Chiyo said.
Sakura nodded numbly, and put her arm around the old woman. Together they jumped from tree to tree in pursuit of their allies. Sakura remained silent, eyes staring straight ahead, body performing the correct motions, but mind completely gone. Chiyo sighed. It would take awhile for her to get back to normal. Maybe she never will.
I want to die…
One year later…
Sakura jumped through the trees, not heeding her teammates' calls behind her. She did not have permission from the Hokage to leave the village, and she would be in serious trouble when she got back. She couldn't care less.
Last night she had received the information she had been waiting for. She had been in a tea shop, staring into her untouched cup, when she had heard two merchants talking at the table next to hers. They had mentioned someone in Kirigakure who knew kinjutsu, including a jutsu which brought humans back to life. "Gave me the creeps, that Goro." one of the merchants had said. She knew immediately that she needed to go to that person. That was why she was traveling out of the country without permission. If the others knew why she was leaving, or more accurately, for whom she was leaving, they would never let her go.
"Matte-tebayo!" Naruto whined behind her. "Oi Sakura-chan, matte-teba!"
Sasuke traveled silently alongside Naruto, eyes fixed on the pink-haired kunoichi ahead of them. He had killed Orochimaru and was found by Naruto not too long ago, but at least he was allowed back in the village. What annoyed him the most was Sakura's change of attitude. He missed the days when she was still pining after him, and accepted, with reluctance, that he might have some feelings for the girl. It worried him that she might not have any more feelings for him.
"Sakura!" Sasuke called out. She didn't even look back. "Where are you going?" she didn't answer. "Stop!" she sped up.
"What's going on with her?" he glared at the blond annoyance beside him.
Naruto frowned uncharacteristically. "I don't know. She's been like that ever since our mission to retrieve Gaara. She didn't talk to anyone for months after we got back, and even though she started talking again recently, she stills seems so distant and… sad."
Sasuke frowned at Sakura's back. "We'll wrestle some answers out of her."
"Yeah," Naruto agreed. "If we can catch up to her, that is," he muttered under his breath.
Sakura heard them calling out behind her, but she ignored them. No one could distract her from this personal mission. She would not allow anyone to. Her hand went back to her pack, feeling the irregular lump inside it. Sasori's heart…
This was her first chance since she got back. Maybe her only chance ever. She could not afford to fail.
Inside Kirigakure it was bleak and seemingly lifeless. Once in a while she could detect a flicker of motion in her peripheral vision, but she knew it was either Naruto or Sasuke, still stalking her. She went into a bar. It was empty save for the bartender, who was sullenly polishing a glass. She felt the same way: empty and cheerless. She had been that way since a year ago, and she knew she would never feel whole again unless a certain someone was brought back to life. The emptiness didn't ache anymore, but it didn't go away either. It sat there, barren and lifeless, every word she said echoing around. That was why she stopped talking; she couldn't bear that hollow feeling any more than she could bear the thought of living the rest of her life without him. If this didn't work, she would seriously kill herself. Maybe part of the reason she so badly wanted him to come back was so she could feel properly alive again.
"Hello," she said to the bartender. He looked suspiciously at her, but she continued undaunted. "I was wondering if you knew someone by the name of Goro. Does he live around here?"
The bartender's alarm cranked up a notch. "Goro? Never heard of him. Who are you anyway? What are you doing here?"
Trying to find myself again. "You couldn't have not heard of him. He's pretty famous around here, or so I've heard."
"What do you want with him? I don't associate myself with people who hang around with the likes of him, thank you!"
"What I want with him is my own business, sir." Sakura slid a coin onto the bar, and the man's face lit up. "I just need to know where he lives." She slid over another coin.
"F-fine. It's not my fault if you get into trouble. He lives over near the eastern edge of the village in a little shack. I don't know exactly where it is, but I've heard that there's some sort of symbol on the door. They said it's pretty easy to find."
"Thank you so much, sir, I really appreciate it," Sakura said sincerely, giving him a warm smile. The man blushed, and she realized he was only a few years older than she was. "N-no problem," he stuttered.
Back outside the bar she came face-to-face with Sasuke, who slammed a hand into the bar wall, blocking her way. "I've had enough of this," he growled. "I want to know what's going on, and why. Why did you ask him about that Goro person? And why is it that that stranger was the one to receive your first smile in a year?"
"I don't believe it's any of your business, Sasuke," Sakura replied coolly. "Get out of my way before I make you."
"Now listen you—" he never finished the sentence, as Sakura's fist connected with his stomach and sent him flying into the opposite building. Then she turned and ran away as quickly as she could. Sasuke pried himself out of the rubble, wiping away blood at the corner of his mouth, feeling at least two broken ribs. "Fuck this," he spat.
Sakura made it to the east side of town without Naruto interrupting. The scene on this side of the village was even more desolate than the other side; no building was whole and even though she could now see people, they were huddled together under whatever protection they had, staring at her with big, blank eyes, which was even worse than not seeing any people.
Goro's home was easy to spot. It was the dirtiest of them all, and an eye was carved into the door. As she walked closer, the eye focused on her and a shiver ran down her back, her first feeling, besides the excitement at the prospect of bringing Sasori back, in a year.
She opened the door and the eye followed her inside. A man with shaggy black hair and dirty clothes was sprawled out on a cot, an assortment of books and bottles containing curious liquids spread out around him. On one side of the shack was a table with old bloodstains and various lethal-looking instruments. The only light in the room came from the still-open door.
The man opened his eyes, a deep blood-red color. "What do you want?" he hissed.
"I seek a jutsu, any jutsu, that can bring back the dead."
"Bring back the dead? Who are you, girl? And who's that outside the door?"
Sakura whirled around to find Naruto, his face serious, standing in the doorway. "What's this I hear about bringing someone back to life, Sakura-chan? You know it's forbidden."
"Don't interfere, Naruto. Go back to the village with Sasuke and think no more about this."
"Sakura-chan—"
"Do you want me to break your bones too? Then you and that stuck-up bastard can die here together!"
"But—"
"My God!" Sakura ground her teeth in frustration, again an abandoned sentiment for the past year. It seemed that getting so close to bringing him back was allowing her to gradually be herself again. "Fine, I get it." She gathered chakra in her fist and punched Naruto in the stomach. Without the obstruction of buildings, Naruto flew even further than Sasuke. Sakura turned back to Goro and closed the door, instantly plunging them into darkness.
Another light came to life a second later; Goro had lit a lamp. He stepped off the cot and closer to her. She took a step backward, into the door.
"To bring someone back to life, a part of the original body is needed," Goro said, stepping even closer. Sakura could smell him strongly; he probably hadn't washed for weeks.
"I have a part of his body," Sakura said. She took out the wrapped heart carefully from her pack. "It's been a year, but I used a jutsu to keep it fresh."
An evil grin appeared on Goro's face. "What price are you willing to pay for the life of this man?"
"I have brought enough gold, I think, but I'm willing to do anything else." Sakura swallowed. She sensed something bad coming.
"Anything?" he was now merely centimeters from her. He reeked of alcohol and other unnamed substances.
"Anything," she replied.
"Really." He took the heart from her hands, brought it over to the table, and unwrapped the bandages. "It does look fresh enough. I could perform the jutsu."
"Really?" Sakura could not contain her elation. Finally she would be able to behold a live Sasori again. She would be able to hold him, wrap her arms around him, kiss him, and talk to him. He would be alive again.
Goro watched her out of the corner of his eye. He let his gaze travel over her face, down to her body. It was concealed in a dark cloak, but he could tell just from her facial features that her body was no doubt voluptuous. He crossed the distance between them in two strides and hooked a finger under her chin, feeling her tense up.
"I will bring him back to life for you… on two conditions."
"What?" she dreaded the answer.
"One: I will need a fresh human corpse. I don't care about the age, except that you would want him to be about your age, wouldn't you?" his voiced dropped almost to a murmur. "Two: I will need payment. Give me all the gold you have, and something else."
"And that is…?"
"You." He breathed against her neck, making her skin break out in goose bumps. "I want you. Give yourself to me and I shall do your will."
"Give myself… to you?" she knew it was going to be something like this, but the confirmation of her fears did not lighten them at all. "As in… how?"
"Sleep with me tonight. In the morning I shall perform my jutsu and you can go."
Sakura bit her lower lip. She had wanted to save herself for Sasori, but there would be no Sasori if she didn't do this. Even the thought of touching Goro disgusted her, but it was for the sake of her love.
"Fine." I will sacrifice myself if it means bringing you back, Sasori.
Goro smiled sinisterly. "Good."
Naruto limped back to Sasuke. "Hey, teme. How you doing?"
"Shut up, dobe." Sasuke gingerly sat up, rubbing his chest. "Two broken ribs. Damn that Sakura. She got you too?"
"Yeah." Naruto grimaced. "Broken leg and fractured arm. Gonna be hell."
"You got that right."
"But we're not giving her up, right?" Naruto looked at Sasuke with a fierce light in his eyes. "We're not going to leave her here. We'll bring her back to Konoha, just like we brought you back."
"Of course. I'll personally make sure she gets a few broken ribs too after this is over."
"Don't be like that, Sasuke. You probably asked for that injury yourself, what with your attitude and all. She just wanted to be left to her own business, like you did. Look where you ended up. We have to save her before she ends up like you."
"What did you say dobe?" Sasuke struggled to stand up. "End up like me? I'm happy with the way I am right now. I'm a lot more powerful than you'll ever be."
"Whatever. Let's go to where she is, at least."
"Hn." If I can even walk.
Sakura had squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to look at his face, when he entered her. She was a virgin, but she knew enough about this topic to know what to do. Not that she had taken the initiative, not at all. She might as well have been an unresponsive log, despite Goro's valiant efforts to rouse her.
Just a little more… endure this for a little more… he'll tire himself out and it'll be over, and I can have Sasori back… a little… longer…
"Is it over?" she asked him once he had released and pulled out of her. She felt relieved and couldn't wait to get out of the bed.
"Over?" he repeated breathlessly. "No, not nearly. I'm gonna see what it takes to get a response out of you, ice princess." And he thrust back in.
Sakura shut her eyes again and gave herself to the darkness of sleep.
When morning came, the only hint of it was the light peeking through the space between the door and the ground. Nevertheless, Sakura felt the light and opened her eyes. Where am I? How did I come to be in this place? The she saw the naked man sleeping next to her, and bit back a scream as she took in her own state of dress. What the hell happened? Did he rape me? Wait, no. I did this willingly, didn't I?
The memories of the night before rushed back to her. She covered her face with her hands as she remembered that she had given herself up as part of the price of her deal. She was no longer a virgin… she could no longer give her most precious treasure to the one she loved.
Goro cracked open an eye. "Is it dawn already?" he drawled.
"Yes. Time for you to fulfill your promise." Sakura got out of his bed and dressed as quickly as she could.
"Ah yes, that." Goro dressed slowly. "It wasn't nice of you, girl, to fall asleep while having sex with me. I'm seriously reconsidering my decision."
Sakura blanched. "You can't! I haven't done anything you haven't asked for! You told me to 'sleep with you' and so I did sleep! You can't go back on your promise!"
"No, I can't, can I? But I'm afraid I'll have to because, frankly, I have no idea how to bring someone back to life."
There was a silence as the words slowly sank in. Sakura couldn't believe her ears. "What do you mean, you don't know how to? Other people— they said— you said—"
"Very gullible, aren't you? I can reanimate a corpse: make it into an imitation of what it once was. But actually bringing it back to life, with thoughts and feelings? It's impossible without the soul, and the soul disappears the instant someone is killed."
"You mean… you're saying… you tricked me into having sex with you? You knew you couldn't do anything from the beginning, and… you used me?"
"Yeah." He shrugged. "I wanted to see what you would taste like."
White-hot anger boiled over inside her. "Is that so? Well, you will learn that I DON'T APPREACIATE BEING USED!!"
She kicked the door open to let some light in. By the light, she saw a sword mounted on the opposite wall. She sent out chakra strings and attached them to the sword, an ability she didn't know she had. Maybe she didn't. Perhaps it was Sasori's doing, guiding her fingers in sure movements, manipulating the sword out of its sheath and driving it into Goro's back.
"You…" he didn't finish the sentence, as Sakura pulled the sword back out and plunged it through his heart. He died instantly.
Panting, Sakura called the sword back to her, marveling at how her fingers controlled the chakra strings. I really didn't have this ability before. Are you with me right now, Sasori? As she looked at Goro's body, rage washed back over her. She was not done with him.
She sent chakra into the sword and slashed at the house: the walls, the ceiling, the scant furniture, everything she could see. The force of her chakra caused everything the sword came into contact with to explode, and soon the entire structure was no more than splinters and dust. As her rage faded a little, she saw blood seeping through the pile of debris.
"Oh no," she whispered in a broken voice. "No, not the heart!" She dropped the sword and scrambled over to the blood, slipping and falling in the process. Knees and hands bleeding, she crawled her way up the pile and frantically dug through the wood, heedless of the splinters digging into her hands. Finally, she pulled out the crushed heart, which wasn't even a shapeless lump anymore, but a cut-up, bleeding mass that was slipping through her fingers even as she held it. "Oh no…"
And the tears came, a trickle at first, then tumbling out in earnest. She had lost her chance, her one chance to bring him back. And now she had even destroyed the only piece of him she had. She remembered thinking, a year ago in the crater with Chiyo, that it wasn't the time to grieve for him. She had stopped herself from joining Chiyo-baasama in mourning Sasori's death.
Is now the time? He was truly dead now, after all.
She closed her eyes and let the tears flow. Yes, why not? I have no chances left. I had wanted to look upon his beauty again. I wanted to laugh together with him. Tell him I am so sorry that I killed him and beg for his forgiveness.
She cradled as much of the heart as she could in her hands, and slowly walked back down on the pile. She paid no attention as Naruto and Sasuke finally made their way there, calling out to her and asking what had happened. I have dirtied myself for nothing. I have destroyed my life, and taken away his chance at life in the process. I am a fool. An idiot. I don't deserve to live.
Sasuke made it over to her side and gripped her shoulders. "What the hell happened Sakura? And what is that you're holding in your hands?"
She looked back at him, unseeing. Sasuke's eyes widened as he took in her face—devoid of life. Her eyes had turned red.
"Sakura—"
"Get away from me." Her voice trembled and caught. Unable to say anything else, she pushed him away from her. It was a weak push, but he staggered back nonetheless, taken aback by her look.
She turned and saw the sword lying on the ground. Yes… it's the only way. "Leave me alone for awhile, would you?" she managed to croak out. "I'll come meet you when I'm ready."
"Um…" Naruto said, unsure. Sasuke, however, turned and dragged Naruto away from the scene. "We'll give her five minutes," he said. Naruto nodded, not quite able to shake away the feeling that something bad was going to happen.
When the two were gone, Sakura used chakra strings to pick the sword up. His technique…
She kissed the few pieces of his heart she had left. "I'm coming to you, Sasori…"
As she plunged the sword into her body, as she felt the warm blood rush out, as her brain processed the pain, as her eyes began drifting closed, she thought of nothing except Sasori and how handsome he had looked that day in the cave, when she first saw his face. She went over every detail in her mind, his face crystal clear in her memories.
My only regret… is that I couldn't tell you…
Unconsciousness enveloped her. She sank gratefully into oblivion and death's cold embrace.
…I love you…
A/N: so how was it? I spent the entire weekend writing this, I hope it was good. I really should be doing my homework, but I deemed this more important. Anyway, please review! Review!