Online
A Mike Newton fic – what I think happens after Breaking Dawn. And come on, even though he is slightly adorable (in the movie at least – puppy dog eyes) who doesn't like a little Mike Bashing?
I work down at the pizza pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5'3 and over weight
It's been years since Bella got Married to Edward. Years since I broke up with Jess – my last real girlfriend.
I mean, I've never been a stud, that's for sure. But, I'm like 23 – surely even I can get a date.
Maybe not. Looking at myself in mirror, I realize that I'm not everybody's pinup boy.
I mean, seriously, I'm 5'3 – a shrimp. Even that 16 year old Indian was like 6'7 or som other ridiculous height.
And I've let myself go a little – okay, maybe more than a little, but I like food! And working at the Pizza Joint isn't helping things.
At all.
And that I live with parents – I swear, my mom thinks I'm 'wasting' away – I'm overweight for crying out loud!
I'm a Sci-fi fanatic
Mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
But there's a whole nother me
That you need to see
Go check out My Space
My asthma has been playing up lately – Spring is on the way again.
But it's alright – There's a Star Wars: Saga Marathon on tonite. I'm looking forward to it.
Who cares if a fictional character can get to second base before me? I'm awesomely cool – on MySpace.
I might have borrowed Edward's School Picture, but I look damn good.
'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
And the awesomeness continues – I'm also 6'5, damn good looking (as you can tell from my picture) I drive a Maserati – a black one, and I'm also a Black Belt in Karate – what girl in her right mind wouldn't dig that?
I'm also a wine connoisseur – who doesn't like a good glass of wine?
Oh, and I'm currently in Hollywood, considering a acting career.
Yep, online, I'm a stud.
Studly.
Studly Mike Newton.
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Yep, the girls dig my 'mysterious' attitude towards them – I don't tell them my whole name, where I came from. Things like that. Things like, when my last date was.
I never want anything serious – who knows what I might give out and give myself away.
But, life online is good – even on a slow day I can have a three-way.
chat with two women at a time
Three-way chat that is – two women at one time without either one knowing.
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler on line
Yep, I'm so much cooler online.
Awesomely, insanely cool.
Gotta love the net.
I get home, I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
After work, I go home – where else am I gonna go in Forks?
I kiss my mom where she's making me a snack. I then proceed down the stair to the basement bedroom – no, it's not that clichéd.
And then, with the press of a button, I'm awesome.
In real life the only time I
Ever even been to L.A.
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in Rose Parade
In real life, I've only ever been to L.A. once – with the school marching band.
Yes, I play a Tuba, got a problem with that?
Online I live in Malibu
I posed for Calvin Kline, I've been GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six pack abs that'll blow your mind
Online:
Yep, living in Malibu is lots of fun.
I get lots of modelling gigs – Calvin Kline for example. I also did a spread in GQ
Yeah, I'm single – I'm looking for my other half.
Money? Honey, I'm rich! Yeah, Calvin isn't a rip-off
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
chat with two women at a time
Online – still
Why am I so mysterious? Well, it gives me a certain edge, don't' you think?
NO, nothing serious, just casual online chatting – possibly cyber.
No, I'm not talking with anyone else, just you baby.
Only you Baby
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler on line
Man, am I awesome!
And cool.
And a stud.
Thank God for the internet!
When you got my kinda stats, it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot
And I lose a bunch of weight every time I log in
Yeah, life online can be pretty tough – I mean, when you got my kinda stats – perfect ones, I might add - it's hard to get a date, or a girlfriend.
Or really, anyone to take you seriously.
But, during these times of crisis, I grow a couple inches, maybe a foot (okay, that only happened, once, but I wen tup, like two stars) loose a lot of weight, get more muscles.
Yeah, life at your fingertips, just log in, and you're perfect!
Just like me!
'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at a time
Had another three-way chat today, this time, the ladies met each other.
Yep, it was pretty slow – typing the same sentences over and over again.
Admiring myself sure gets annoying at times.
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler on line
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
But hey, I'm the coolest person online.
In Forks.
In Washington State.
Just ask around – I'm cool.
And I'm awesome.