AN: Sorry, listening to 'River Below' by Billy Talent. In some strange twisted way reminded me of Edward's rebellion. Lyrics to the song are in the next chapter, if you want to look at them. Tell me if it sucks. It was ust thrown together.
I stared moodily into the water in front of me
I stared moodily into the water in front of me. My reflection stared back, mocking me, taunting me. I was a soulless monster, the ruby in my eyes reminding me.
"M-m-monster…" the young girl I had just saved stammered, looking at me in fear.
I winced at the memory of what had happened not minutes ago. But it was true. I had hunted humans. I was worthless. I knew that I could survive without it, yet I took it anyways, rebelling against the man who treated me as a son. He taught me, helped me, saved me, and I spurned him. Worse, I knew his reasoning behind it all. I knew why he hunted animals, why he kept away from the tantalizing blood. It made me all the worse.
With a roar of rage, I hit the water, scattering droplets everywhere, ruining my reflection. I knew better, and I did it anyway. I was damned, I knew it. I just wished someone would punish me the way I took it upon myself to kill those humans, humans who, if they had the chance, may have done something good.
With another roar, I hit a tree, driving my fist into it. Breathing heavily, I leaned against it, trying to reason out what to do. I couldn't continue to do this, so I was definitely back to animal blood, but what about a coven? There were no other covens that drank animal blood but Carlisle's that I was aware of, and I couldn't stay on my own, the vampires I had met when with Carlisle had shown me that, even though they hadn't openly said it, they despised us animal drinkers, called us abnormal. One had gone as far as plotting out our deaths.
There were only two options open if I wanted to live; hide or go to Carlisle. I would go crazy on my own for such long periods of time, so that was out. But would Carlisle accept me? I had defied him, turned my back on him, would he welcome me back with open arms? Part of me said no, that no one would, but the other said that Carlisle was forgiving. I debated a while, the night I had taken refuge under turning to day as I made up my mind.
I would go back or at least try. I would rid myself of all traces of my rebellion and hope for forgiveness. If I couldn't get it, I'd live alone, but I had to try.