4:45 pm – The Steamhouse aka My bedroom

"Am I blanchin', girl we blanchin'. I live up in a mansion. Eat your own pants, eat your own pants, yeaaah!" I sang as a shook my bony hips side to side as I tided up my own room a little bit.

I didn't get very far before I fell backwards onto my bed. I was so excited, my new boyfriend was going to visit me any moment now. I had to get my bedroom ready. After all, it was The Steamhouse after all!

Was I all ready? I looked over at my mirror on my bureau. Oh yeaaah, I looked hawt! I was wearing my new skinny jeans and a plain white T. All I needed now was my new boyfriend to show up.

I admired the love marks Axel had left on my face. The burn scars made me look sexier than grandpa!

Then I heard the doorbell ring.

Ding-dong!

"Shiiiiiit!" I squealed as I hurried to finish cleaning my room, shoving all my dirty clothes under my bedsheets and sweeping all the broken wine glasses under my bed.

I threw open the door and ran downstairs. The dumb dog decided sleeping on the stairs was the brightest idea and I stepped on him and tumbled down the stairs in a crash.

"OWWWW! WHAT THE HELL, MUTT?!"

"No!" My mom Matilda yelled over the sound of her new soap opera, That's So Ricky! "I will NOT order Pizza Hut!"

"SHUT UP, MOM! GAWD!"

"I don't care how many rods!"

Had enough mother-daughter bonding, I straightened out my skinny jeans and wiped the blood from my nose and eye.

"Hiiii, sexy!" I greeted my new boyfriend as I opened the door.

He just stared at me. I mean, really took me in. I swooned.

His heavy breathing was just so intoxicating. I knew he was interested. He had to be, right? I mean, I'm all this. All me!

I pulled him into the house, his cape catching and tearing in the doorway as the door shut behind him. I held onto his steely arms and dragged him up the stairs!

Stepping on the dog again, I stumbled and faceplanted, his strong, heavy body crashing upon me as we were tangled in a heap on the stairs. Giggling, I picked myself up and continued to drag him into my room.

But by the time we got there, he was just a glove...

Then the rest of him clattered and clanged into the room. I squeed with excitement as he recompiled himself.

"...Xe...ha...no...rt..." he breathed.

"Yup! That's ma last name, don't wear it out!" I said with a little sass to my voice.

He stood at the end of my bed.

"Come here, big boy," I cooed, taking his hand in mine. I reached up and lifted his helmet.

Nothing.

"What the #$% ?!" I peered down the neck hole in his suit of armor. "Well, where the $% are you?"

I pulled pieces of him apart and threw him around the room. "Where's my sexy man-hunk?!

He put himself back together again, and took my head in his hands.

And you know what happened next?!

The little #$ tried to CHOKE ME! What the hell?!

I kicked his tin scrawny butt out the window, into the dumpster conveniently placed outside my room. (For convenient nightly romantic getaways.)

I'm pretty sure he got hauled off to a trash compactor somewhere...

Ah.. but he was sooo dreamy...