Eros,Philia, Agape
CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC "Alternate alternate universe"
Rating: Older Teen; discussion of sex but not any real detail; use of one derogatory term for female genitalia
Author's Notes:
This is a story that wouldn't let me alone. I'm posting it all at once because now that it is written, it is written. I can't keep a third series alive along with "Holding Hands on the Way Down" and "Fold in Gently".
You can find out more about the title of this story at en./wiki/Greekwordsforlove
This story is based on two quotes.
"You know something, sometimes I wonder, Josh. If I had listened to you two years ago, would I be president right now? You ever wonder that?"
"No, sir. I know it for sure."
-- "What Kind of Day It Has Been", The West Wing, 1-22.
"And don't you think that if somehow the situation were reversed, if you had left me a widow with two small children and I married Danny and his royalties and prizes, he would have gladly spent his money on your children?"
-- "Fathers and Sons", Fold in Gently
Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul.
Foreword
Late Friday afternoon, Middle November, early 1981; Berkeley, CA
"That should do it for today. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Enjoy your weekend. Until next week."
Peter Dillon closed his notebook as the students in his honors seminar ("Constitutional Law in the Early Twentieth Century") gathered their things.
"Excuse me," the professor called. "CJ, do you have a minute?"
As the others left the classroom, CJ walked toward her teacher, who also happened to be her advisor in the Political Science department.
"Yes, Dr. Dillon?"
"CJ, you seemed to be off in another world today; you weren't participating to the degree that we've come to expect from you. Is there anything wrong? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Just a headache. I've been fighting it all day." CJ smiled at the man.
"Well, take care of yourself. We can't have our star student feeling bad."
CJ turned away from Dr. Dillon, keeping her smile frozen on her face. No, there's nothing you can do to help, she thought to herself, unless you can guarantee that the home pregnancy test I'll be taking tomorrow morning will be negative.
In the days since CJ found out that the antibiotics she had taken for her severe bout of the flu could have rendered her birth control pills ineffective and that her missed period was definitely cause for concern, the young woman had been living on the edge between desperate hope and abject terror. Finally, enough time had passed to ensure that a negative result would not be a false one, and tomorrow morning, her fate would be revealed.
As she walked out the main entrance of the classroom building, CJ's eyes were immediately drawn to the man waiting at the foot of the steps. Paul smiled up at her as their eyes met, and, in spite of everything, CJ felt as if the pressures on her shoulders had lightened.
Paul reached for her hand as she came to the bottom of the steps; he leaned in and lightly brushed her cheek with his lips. The display of affection was discreet, but even the chaste kiss was more than Paul usually undertook outside their familiar circles – his fraternity, the Young Democrats, the rugby club circuit, her dormitory.
Over the past few days, Paul had been nothing if not wonderful. That night when they entertained CJ's roommate and Paul's fraternity brother, when Luke had left to take Alex back to the dorm after Luke had unknowingly shaken their world, Paul did everything he could to calm CJ's fears.
"We're in this together, whatever happens, whatever you want to do about whatever happens, sweetheart. There isn't anything that the two of us can't handle together," he told her as he folded her into his arms.
As the intervening days crawled by, Paul gently insisted that CJ spend most of her nights with him at the apartment, even though sex was the furthest thing from her mind. Night after night, he held her in his arms as they lay in bed, caressing and soothing her into sleep.
Paul took her things and walked with her to his car. While they drove back to his apartment, CJ knew that Paul meant every word that he had said that first night, that he had repeated several times since then. If the test was negative (please God!), he would patiently wait until she felt comfortable again with intimate activity. If she was pregnant and decided to abort the baby, he would cover the expenses, go with her to the clinic, both for the initial consultation and the actual act, and be there as they tried to adjust their lives afterward. If CJ wanted to carry the baby to term and then give up the child for adoption, he would be with her through that difficult time. And should she want to keep the baby, he would willingly, even eagerly, marry her, give her a husband and their child a father.
Over the past few days, CJ had weighed her choices, and she had decided that if she were indeed pregnant, she wanted to bear the baby and keep him or her. She had come to the conclusion that while she had always considered herself pro-choice, in point of fact, she was pro-choice for everyone else; for herself, she was pro-life.
They reached the apartment that Paul had taken for himself (and for her, when she was with him) after Larry had married. Once inside, CJ decided she needed a shower. Her head and neck were indeed aching and the wet warmth would feel good.
When she returned to the living room, CJ saw that Paul had set the table for dinner. There were flowers and candles in the twilight and she could smell the coq au vin that was in the crock pot. He was trying so hard to make everything nice, she thought. But like that first night about a year ago, she was nervous and anxious. She didn't think she would be able to do justice to the meal he had prepared.
"Let's go sit outside for a bit," Paul said. He grabbed the afghan from the couch as he led her through the French doors of the dining alcove to the little garden that was part of the old house that had been converted into flats. There was a small stone bench, just big enough for the two of them.
"I love you, CJ," Paul said quietly, taking her hand and bringing it to her lips.
"I know; I love you too." CJ lifted his hand and kissed it in turn.
"But these past few days, sweetheart, I've come to know it with every cell of my body. Classical Greek has three words for love – eros, philia, and agape. My love for you combines those three types and more. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, to wake up with you every day, to hold you in my arms every night, to enjoy every happy day and endure every sad day with you at my side."
Paul reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a thin white gold band with a small round diamond in a Tiffany mount. He slipped off the bench and onto one knee.
"CJ, please marry me."
CJ's eyes teared up and she put her right hand to her mouth, biting on the third knuckle of her index finger.
"We haven't taken the test - "
"Sweetheart, that test tomorrow will determine our wedding date, whether we marry over the Christmas break or whether we have the luxury of planning for our ceremony. But no matter the result, I want, more than anything else in the world, to know that you will be my wife, my best friend, my everything.
"Please?"
Her smile broke through her tears as she nodded her head up and down. Shaking, she held out her left hand and he slipped the ring on her third finger.
"I'm sorry it's not the marquise cut you told Rosemary you liked, sweetheart, but they don't look as nice this small." (The stone was tiny, only a quarter carat, but the cut and color were of very high quality.) "In a few years, I'll get you the kind of ring you deserve."
"That's not important, Paul," CJ said as she reached over to kiss him. The she laughed, "You know Greek?"
"Just a few words. Introduction to Philosophy, my freshman year. Part of a well-rounded Dartmouth education," he said as he held her head and kissed her thoroughly.
She broke the kiss and learned back in order to look into his eyes. "Let's eat." Suddenly, she was hungry.
That night, as Paul pulled CJ into his arms in bed, she reached up with her mouth to kiss him as she reached down to his groin with her right hand.
Paul looked into her eyes, asked the silent question, got the silent answer he wanted, and smiled.
Later, he went to the bathroom and returned with a warm wet washcloth. CJ had stopped taking her pills when they found out she might be pregnant and Paul wasn't going to take any chances. Since he hadn't had condoms in his nightstand for almost a year, he had protected CJ in the only way available to him.
CJ yawned into his armpit as she snuggled down into the most restful sleep she had experienced in several days.
"Goodnight, Mrs. Reeves," he whispered into her hair.
The next morning
CJ and Paul held hands as they waited for the test time to expire.
"It's ready," CJ said with a slight sigh.
"I love you, CJ."
She reached for the stick.
"We're going to be parents, Paul."
In spite of everything, he felt good. The woman he loved was carrying his child and was going to be his wife. Paul put his hand on CJ's stomach, trying to communicate with the little bit of life that in about eight months would change their lives. I'm your father, he told the baby, and I will do everything and anything to keep you safe.
"Speaking of parents," Paul said. "Let's start this now."
He handed her the phone so she could dial her father's number, but then took the receiver from her. He held it between their heads, so they could both hear and talk, but when the phone was answered, he took the lead.
After a brief exchange of greetings, Paul got to the heart of the matter. He was honest, but not apologetic.
"Mr. Cregg, I've asked your daughter to marry me, and we are asking for your blessing. I would have preferred to have asked for your permission before proposing, but CJ and I are going to have a baby, and I need to protect and provide for her and for the child she is carrying."
"I see," Talmadge Cregg said after a few seconds of silence. "May I speak with my daughter?"
Paul glanced at CJ, but did not hand the phone to her. He needed to hear what his future father-in-law had to say.
"Daddy?"
"Claudia, is this what you want? Because if it is, then that's wonderful. But, honey, if you aren't sure about this marriage, I will stand with you, beside you, behind you, and I'm sure your brothers will also. Are you sure?"
"I'm sure, Daddy. I love him and I want this. We would have preferred to wait, probably until after next year, but -"
"Then it's what I want for you. So, how are we going to do this?"
CJ and Paul told him of their plans.
Last night, after dinner, they had made some decisions. They felt they would find more sympathetic clergy in Berkeley than back in Dayton and would be married in California rather than in CJ's hometown. Paul told her that they could afford three nights in Mexico and when she said they didn't need to go away, told her that they deserved a honeymoon, no matter how short. CJ would ask her sister-in-law Gina to be her matron of honor. She would ask Alex and two other friends to be bridesmaids. If Paul's brother Alex ("Alex and Alex, it'll be interesting) could get away, he would be the best man. Larry, Luke, and some of the rugby guys would be groomsmen and ushers. They would ask their friends to help them prepare the food for the reception. It would be a beer, wine, sandwiches, potato salad, and cake.
"So, maybe you and Mitch can invite yourselves to Randy and Gina's for Christmas, Daddy."
Tal Cregg told CJ that if she and Paul wanted the ceremony to be in Berkeley, that was fine with him. But he had some money set aside for her wedding, funds her mother had asked him to reserve from her life insurance policy. There was enough for nicer reception, with a full bar and a buffet meal ("We couldn't do filet mignon, unless it was just our family and Paul's, but definitely a steamship round.") and a bakery wedding cake. "And, of course, a wedding dress and veil for you, honey."
After a few more minutes, they hung up and Paul dialed the number with the Albany area code. At first, he tried to keep the phone away from CJ, wanting to bear any initial bad reaction from his mother by himself. However, CJ insisted that she share in this call as he did in the first.
There was a bit a silence at first and then the same questions. Are you sure, son? Are you sure that you love her? You can be a good father, a responsible father, without being a husband.
"I love her, Mom and Dad. I would have done this anyway, next year. The only difference is that the ring is smaller than I wanted her to have, not that she cares."
The next call was to Randy and Gina, to ask her to be matron of honor. CJ's sister-in-law became their number one fan, insisting on taking over most of the planning.
Once CJ and Paul talked with the campus Newman Center chaplain and made plans for a ceremony on the Saturday evening before Christmas (and started an intense pre-Cana course), Gina booked a reception hall, a caterer, and a small orchestra. Gina's mother volunteered to make the dresses for her daughter and the three bridesmaids, in order to save the college students some money. Then Gina arranged to take CJ and Alex shopping for CJ's dress.
"I'm not all on board with the idea of a fancy dress," CJ told Paul one Friday night. They were staying home that evening, studying for finals. "I mean, it's not as if I really deserve to be wearing white lace and silk, after all."
"Don't say that!" Paul put down his book and grabbed hold of CJ's hands. "God rearranged things to suit Himself, but you certainly deserve to wear the type of dress you've always wanted to wear, the type of dress I've always wanted my bride to wear. I only wish that I could have come to you untouched the way you came to me."
"And then there would have been two of us fumbling along, not knowing what to do," CJ laughed.
"I think we would have figured it out," Paul laughed in return. Then his face and his voice turned serious. "You weren't the first woman in my life and in my bed, sweetheart, but you'll be the last and, for the rest of my life, the only one."