I don't own LOK or Underworld. WEEEEE! Kain is in his evolved form.
(Kain is sleeping on his throne, snoring loudly.)
Selene: (Jumps knee first onto Kain's nuts) WAKE UP!
Kain: ARGH! THE HELL?
Selene: (Sits in his lap) It's our anniversary today.
Kain: It's five in the morning.
Selene: Yeah, why are you sleeping so late?
Kain: (Monotone) It's five in the morning.
Selene: Yeah?
Kain: (Groans) Okay, why did you jump knee first on my balls?
Selene: I've been hitting you in the head with a baseball bat since midnight but my arm got tired.
Kain: (Begins to drool) Really? I didn't feel a thing.
Selene: Uh……Kay.
Kain: (Stands up, dumping Selene on the floor) Oh, I feel like I've been hit by a car and run over by an elephant.
Baby: (Cries)
Selene: The baby's up.
Kain: We have yet to name him.
Selene: I was something biblical like…..Raziel!
Kain: Sure….if you want him to be a fruit!
Selene: Don't be an ass.
Kain: If he comes into my house with two butterfly wings and a rough trick named Jim, I'm casting him into the abyss.
Selene: Bullshit you will!
Kain: Uh huh, go do that voodoo that you do so well.
Selene: That's his "Change me" scream, go change him. Now.
Kain: No.
Selene: When was the last time you spent time with him?
Kain: Before birth?
Selene: He's gonna have issues with you when he grows up.
Kain: Oh whats he gonna do? Evolve before me?
Selene: Why don't you love your son?
Kain: Why don't you love me?
Selene: Cause you're an asshole. (Hands him a diaper) Have fun.
Kain: (In a last ditch attempt to get out of it) Snufflebutt? I wuv you.
Selene: Don't.
Kain. I wuv you snufflebutt.
Selene: (Begins to stifle a laugh)
Kain: Whose the bestest snufflebutt in the world?
Selene: (giggles and laughs) I is.
Kain: Is snufflebutt gonna change the poopy diaper for her bobo?
Selene: Okay.
Kain: (Quietly) Damn right woman.
(suddenly a dirty diaper smacks in the face)
Kain: AHHHHH! IT BURNS!
Selene: Sucker.