Remus Lupin stood alone by the tree he'd come to visit so often in the past
few months. He'd stood here alone, wondering about life. He'd stood here
with the Marauders, laughing and joking. And he'd stood here with Lily –
and these times has been the best of all.
Lily. Sighing, Remus climbed into the lowest branches of the tree and rested against the trunk. He'd been so indescribably stupid.
He'd had an affair with his best friend's girlfriend. Remus closed his eyes to the wind that was bringing tears to his eyes. Of course it was the wind.
He'd broken it off that morning. He'd broken it off because of three good reasons. Firstly, James announced their engagement – which had shocked sense into him. Secondly, James was his best friend and as much as he couldn't stand to see him get the girl of his dreams he knew it must be so. Thirdly, he was a werewolf. Even if he had wanted to marry Lily he couldn't. He had been made infertile to stop the spread of "half-breeds" so he could never have children. No one would accept him, and everyone would look down their noses at her.
"Remus!" called a familiar voice. "Remus!" Remus didn't move. "Go away, Lily. Please just leave me alone!"
"Don't be so ridiculous!" she cried and he heard her begin to climb the tree. "You'll hurt yourself!" he said, and moved over so she could join him. He couldn't help but notice that her face was tearstained too. "Remus, I had to talk to you. I know you did what you did because you thought it was right and honourable and that but I really think you should know how-"Remus cut off her speech by clapping a hand over her mouth. Her eyes regarded him with surprise at the sudden movement. "Don't say it," he whispered. "Don't ever say how much you love me because you know we can never be together. You know I could never make you as happy or contented as James could. I could never give you security, a family or money. Don't make this any harder for me!" Remus jumped suddenly from the branch and landed on his feet. "Harder for you?" Lily shouted down to him. She started to climb after him. "Harder for you? You knew I was preparing to leave James, you knew! And yet you told me not too. You told me that I was far too precious to be wasted on you. And you could give me security – by just being with me! I wouldn't need any other family apart from you and me and finally, I have enough money for both of us, Remus!" Lily had reached the ground and was walking towards him slowly. "Didn't it ever cross your mind that I didn't care about having kids so long as I was with the one I loved?" "Then go and be with them then!" he shouted over his shoulder. "But I am!" she cried. Remus froze to the spot, trying to stop himself from turning round and pulling her towards him. For it was not to be. He knew if he touched her again he would never be able to let go.
"You can't," he sighed. "There's no two ways about it Lily. Go home, James will be wondering where you are."
"This isn't the end," Lily whispered behind him. He closed his eyes so she would not see the tears fall. The quiet pop behind him said she had Disapparated. He leant against the tree and clenched his eyes tight shut. His mother had told him many years ago that boy's didn't cry. And he hadn't done. He hadn't cried for years, but suddenly all the anguish he had been holding in burst out of him like a huge river breaking free of its dam. He cried for what his mother must have felt when he received The Bite. He cried for what he felt when he received The Bite. He cried for every time he had suffered a full moon – his hands curling into claws, skin sprouting hair, pupils dilating. He cried for Lily and how she must feel. He cried for the children he was never to have. And he cried for the anguish he felt in never being able to do all the things with her he had given James the chance to do. He cried as he remembered the last time he had spent with Lily by this tree. He cried at the love that he still associated with this place.
He cried for what could not be.
Lily. Sighing, Remus climbed into the lowest branches of the tree and rested against the trunk. He'd been so indescribably stupid.
He'd had an affair with his best friend's girlfriend. Remus closed his eyes to the wind that was bringing tears to his eyes. Of course it was the wind.
He'd broken it off that morning. He'd broken it off because of three good reasons. Firstly, James announced their engagement – which had shocked sense into him. Secondly, James was his best friend and as much as he couldn't stand to see him get the girl of his dreams he knew it must be so. Thirdly, he was a werewolf. Even if he had wanted to marry Lily he couldn't. He had been made infertile to stop the spread of "half-breeds" so he could never have children. No one would accept him, and everyone would look down their noses at her.
"Remus!" called a familiar voice. "Remus!" Remus didn't move. "Go away, Lily. Please just leave me alone!"
"Don't be so ridiculous!" she cried and he heard her begin to climb the tree. "You'll hurt yourself!" he said, and moved over so she could join him. He couldn't help but notice that her face was tearstained too. "Remus, I had to talk to you. I know you did what you did because you thought it was right and honourable and that but I really think you should know how-"Remus cut off her speech by clapping a hand over her mouth. Her eyes regarded him with surprise at the sudden movement. "Don't say it," he whispered. "Don't ever say how much you love me because you know we can never be together. You know I could never make you as happy or contented as James could. I could never give you security, a family or money. Don't make this any harder for me!" Remus jumped suddenly from the branch and landed on his feet. "Harder for you?" Lily shouted down to him. She started to climb after him. "Harder for you? You knew I was preparing to leave James, you knew! And yet you told me not too. You told me that I was far too precious to be wasted on you. And you could give me security – by just being with me! I wouldn't need any other family apart from you and me and finally, I have enough money for both of us, Remus!" Lily had reached the ground and was walking towards him slowly. "Didn't it ever cross your mind that I didn't care about having kids so long as I was with the one I loved?" "Then go and be with them then!" he shouted over his shoulder. "But I am!" she cried. Remus froze to the spot, trying to stop himself from turning round and pulling her towards him. For it was not to be. He knew if he touched her again he would never be able to let go.
"You can't," he sighed. "There's no two ways about it Lily. Go home, James will be wondering where you are."
"This isn't the end," Lily whispered behind him. He closed his eyes so she would not see the tears fall. The quiet pop behind him said she had Disapparated. He leant against the tree and clenched his eyes tight shut. His mother had told him many years ago that boy's didn't cry. And he hadn't done. He hadn't cried for years, but suddenly all the anguish he had been holding in burst out of him like a huge river breaking free of its dam. He cried for what his mother must have felt when he received The Bite. He cried for what he felt when he received The Bite. He cried for every time he had suffered a full moon – his hands curling into claws, skin sprouting hair, pupils dilating. He cried for Lily and how she must feel. He cried for the children he was never to have. And he cried for the anguish he felt in never being able to do all the things with her he had given James the chance to do. He cried as he remembered the last time he had spent with Lily by this tree. He cried at the love that he still associated with this place.
He cried for what could not be.