Four years ago….
Claire was frantically looking for her shoes. Last night was pretty much of a blur. After the long drive back into town, she had finally convinced Bobby to go out to dinner. They'd had a wonderful meal at La Baugette with just a little too much wine. They'd had to leave Bobby's car at the restaurant. Neither Bobby nor Claire had been sober enough or awake enough to drive.
On the taxi ride home, Claire had started teasing Bobby about how she was going to molest him once they got back to his apartment. For the first time in weeks, he teased and joked back with her. He had been so sad and depressed since his mother's death. Now with his problems at work, Claire was beginning to think that he wasn't going to come out of it. Last night had given her a little bit of hope. Hope for him and hope for them.
Bobby wasn't much for public displays of affection, but they had kissed and made out a little in the back of the cab, and by the time they got back to his apartment, the situation was well on the way to turning very primal, for both of them. It felt as if an invisible barrier had finally broken and their lovemaking had been passionate and fierce, rather than the compassionate and comforting ritual that had evolved in the last few months.
This went a long way in explaining why Claire had spent the last half hour looking for her shoes. She had been able to find an old case file of Bobby's, a couple of lipsticks that had been missing for weeks, and one of her shoes. She needed both shoes today and Bobby was no help.
In fact, Bobby wasn't even in the apartment. When Claire woke up, she'd found a note on the pillow next to her. It said that he had gone out to get them breakfast and would be back soon. Well soon wasn't going to work for her any longer. She needed to leave now, she needed to get to class and she still had only one shoe.
She went back to check the bedroom again, thinking it had to be somewhere. As she kneeled across the bed, she heard the door open. She pushed herself up and as she stumbled out of the room, yelled out, "Okay Bobby, where did you throw my other shoe last night? I found one of them behind the..." She looked up and jerked to a halt when she saw a man and a woman standing in the doorway. The woman had a key in her hand and as Claire took in the scene, she realized the woman was Bobby's partner, Alex Eames. She didn't know who the man was. They looked as startled at seeing her as she was at seeing them.
Regaining her composure first, Claire walked forward, "um… you must be Alex, Bobby's partner. Hi, I'm Claire, Claire Stevens. I saw you at the funeral, but wasn't able to wrangle an introduction. You know how Bobby is, how he's always compartmentalizing everything. You'd think I'd be used to it, and I guess I am, but every once in awhile, it makes me want to smack him around."
Alex spoke up, "I've been tempted before too. It's nice to meet you Claire. You're right, I'm Alex and this is Captain Ross. Can we see Bobby? We've been a little concerned about him. I've been calling him all weekend and he hasn't answered or called me back. We wanted to make sure he was all right." Alex watched the hyper young woman's eyes dart around the room. She wondered if she was high on drugs or just energetic.
Waving one shoe around, Claire asked, "Do either of you see my other shoe? Well, I think I have to take the blame for you not being able to get in touch with Bobby this weekend." She said as her eyes continued to roam around the room. "When he told me about being suspended, I persuaded him to go out of town for the weekend, the last thing he needed was to stay here in the city, brooding. Which we all know is what Bobby would have done, because that's what Bobby does." As she looked up, she saw her shoe lying on its side behind the lamp beside the door. Walking forward she slipped between Alex and the man to retrieve it. "Sorry, I'm kind of in a hurry. I have an early class this morning and I didn't spend much time preparing today's lecture. Actually, I haven't spent any time on it at all. And I only have that ten minute window before the students take off, so I really can't afford to be late. Sometimes I wonder what prompted me to become a teacher. I always hated homework, and I seem to spend all my time either doing my own or grading someone else's."
Claire turned to look closer at the man standing next to Alex. He didn't look like what she expected him to, although she wasn't sure what she expected him to look like. She was mildly surprised that she didn't take an instant disliking to him.
"Captain Danny Ross? Hmm, you're not exactly what I was expecting." What she'd been expecting was to hate him at first sight.
"I'm sure I'm not." Danny acknowledged. "Where's Detective Goren?"
"Hmmm, is it proper to refer to him as 'Detective Goren' when he's been suspended? Well I'm not sure where 'Detective Goren is, but Bobby wasn't here when I woke up. He left a note saying he'd gone to get breakfast. We didn't have the chance to get to the grocery store, we only got back into town late yesterday. And, if he doesn't get back in the next ten seconds I'm going to have to leave without even a cup of coffee."
She turned to grab her jacket and put it on while picking up her handbag. "I'm sure it will be okay for you to wait for him if you want, since you have a key and you're cops. You must be trustworthy, right? You're all part of the brotherhood of blue, that thin blue line and all the other clichés used to reinforce the notion that you're, quote, unquote 'all family'. I should warn you though, that unless you're here to tell him his suspension is miraculously over and that he's still a detective in Major Case, I'm not sure you want to. He's still a little angry about being suspended and all the psych services hoops he's going to have to jump through to get back on the job."
Fixing both Alex and Captain Ross with a glare, she continued, "I hope youYou do realize that all that is unnecessary. Bobby's fine, he really is. As unorthodox as always and a little emotional about certain types of behavior, he's just not censoring himself as well lately. None of which effects his ability to do the job. And for the record, I'm angry about it too."
"What are you angry about? And what is this about censoring myself?" Bobby stood in the doorway.
"Angry about your suspension and hearing, and the psych services consult. And that you're not censoring your reactions very well lately. " Claire said as she stepped past Eames and Ross. She grabbed one of the cups of coffee from the carrier and reached into the bag sitting between the cups. "Hmm… cinnamon raisin, my favorite grab and go bagel." Claire smiled up at Bobby and winked. "Sometimes not censoring your reactions isn't necessarily a bad thing,"
"I have to go, so play nice. Call me later and I'll know if I'll be able to sneak out my office hours early. If I can, maybe we can get something to eat before the game tonight. Maybe China Gardens, since it's on the way to Madison Square?"
She turned back to face Alex and Captain Ross. "Well, looks like it works out for everyone. You get to talk with Bobby, I found my shoes and I get breakfast too."
"Finding your shoes? Was there a problem with that?" Bobby smirked.
"Uh, ye…ah." Claire leaned into Goren as he lowered his lips to her upturned face. "Things were a little… uh, chaotic when we got back last night."
"Right." Bobby said as he nodded. "I'll call you after your last class."
"Okay, talk to you later." Claire turned back to Alex and Ross. "It was nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you. Maybe we'll have more time, another time. I think that could be interesting."
'Don't count on it." Bobby said flatly.
Claire mumbled as she headed to the elevator, "Compartmentalizing again."
Stopping and turning around Claire added, "Oh, call Shelby too. She wanted to talk to you. She missed you. Heaven forbid she'd miss me and want to talk to her mother. But she really did want to see how you're doing. I'm beginning to think the only reason you keep seeing me is so you two get to hang out together."
"You could be right. She's a great kid, but then you're not half bad either. It works out pretty good for me all the way around."
"Oh thank you very much." Claire said as she rolled her eyes. "Don't forget to call her, or she'll accuse me of not giving you the message and trying to keep you all to myself."
"I won't forget." Bobby nodded as he closed the door and turned back to face Alex and Ross. "So what did you need to see me about?"
Bobby walked over to the sofa, crossed his arms and leaned against the back it. He hadn't been able to keep the edge out of his voice. It was a mixture of anger and guilt. Anger that his actions had led to his suspension and guilt that his actions had been responsible for reprimands beings placed in both Eames and Ross' jackets.
Danny Ross took a deep breath and came right out with it. "A disciplinary hearing has been scheduled for two weeks from today. You'll need to let your PBA rep know and you'll need the psych evaluation before then. The Chief of D's office has scheduled an appointment with Dr. Skoda for Thursday at 10:00 am at his office."
"Fine. If that's all, I've got a lot of things to catch up on around here." Bobby said just before biting into a bagel.
Three years ago…
Claire had taken her outfit for tonight's party with her to work this morning and was going to change before leaving the office. Then she way going to stop by One Police Plaza and pick up Bobby on the way to the awards ceremony.
"So am I finally going to get to meet the elusive Bobby Goren?" Claire's teaching assistant asked as Claire finished touching up her makeup.
"Um, Jackie you were at the wedding. You've already met him." Claire leaned closer to the mirror as she applied another layer of mascara to her lashes.
"I thought that was just a dream. So, it really did happen. You did get married. Then I don't understand because you seem to spend more time at work than you did before you got married. What's up with that?"
"There's nothing up with that. It is what it is, nothing more. I'm trying to get tests ready for midterms, my office hours have been frantic with students just now realizing they're likely not going to pass and I'm polishing my article, before submitting it to Historical Review. Bobby has been working on a case that's just been taking up a lot of his time. Shelby's been spending most of her time with her cousin at my sister's house. She barely makes it home in time to go to bed. I'd just rather be here working than sitting at home alone."
"I didn't think that's the way newlyweds acted."
"It's the way this newlywed couple acts. It's not as if we're young dewy-eyed romantics. Most newlyweds don't have a ten-year-old girl flitting about. It's nothing but bad timing. Don't go reading more into it than there is. Everything is fine between Bobby and me. And he is going to be at the faculty party tonight, and then you'll be able to see that everything is fine too."
Claire stood up and smoothed out her skirt. She asked, "Okay, so do I look alright?" Claire had loosely pulled back her long brown hair and was wearing a navy blue fitted dress. Her blue eyes glowed.
"Oh Claire, you look great, and if Bobby hadn't already married you, the way you look tonight would have him popping the question."
Claire laughed, "And on that note of high praise, I'm outta here and off to pick up Bobby. We'll see you at the party."
Claire stepped off the elevator on the eleventh floor at One Police Plaza. It was the home of Major Case. As she rounded the corner from the elevator lobby, she saw that Alex was sitting at her desk talking on the phone. Bobby wasn't at his desk, and she didn't see the suit he'd been going to wear tonight either, so she assumed he was getting dressed.
"Hi Alex. Is Bobby getting dressed?" Claire asked as Alex ended her phone call and hung up the phone. From the look on her face, Claire knew she wasn't going to like what she was about to hear.
"Didn't Bobby call you?"
Reaching for her cell phone, Claire said, "No, no he didn't. Why? Why should he have? Oh no, please, not tonight. Don't tell me…. Do not tell me you are working late again tonight." Claire couldn't keep the exasperated tone out of her voice as she checked her phone. There were no messages and no missed calls.
"ADA Hendricks is prepping us for the grand jury tomorrow. We're going to have to stay late. He was in court all day and he just got here. This is our last chance to make sure that..."
Just then, Hendricks, Ross and Bobby came around the corner carrying cups of coffee. When Bobby saw Claire, the look on his face was priceless. Claire had learned to read Bobby's facial expressions and the look on his face now was one that clearly screamed, "Oh shit!" The other two men slowed their pace as Hendricks said, "Detective, we'll be in the conference room when you're finished."
"I think I'm finished now." Bobby muttered.
Ross nodded and said, "You may be right." He reached for and took the cup of coffee for Eames from Bobby, and nodded to Alex.
Alex stood and looked at Claire. "I'm so sorry Claire..."
Claire nodded as she watched Bobby bring his hand up to rub his face. "So am I." she said.
She reached over and picked up the receiver of Bobby's phone. "Yep, this phone is working, there's a dial tone." She walked over and picked up Eames phone. "Alex's phone is still working, oh yeah, she was using it when I came in." She pulled out her cell phone to show Bobby the screen of her cell phone. "Look no messages, no missed calls. How can that possibly be?"
Looking around, Claire realized she didn't see the suit Bobby had planned to wear to the faculty mixer tonight. "Where's your suit? Did you forget about tonight? You did, you completely forgot about tonight, didn't you?"
"Claire…"
"Yes, Bobby." Claire archly replied.
Bobby sighed. No, I … I didn't forget about tonight. I know it's very important to you. I wouldn't forget about it. But…"
Claire raised her hand to stop him. "I know, Alex told me about the grand jury tomorrow, and that Hendricks needs to go over your testimony. Why didn't you call me to tell me, before I drove all the way over here?"
"I kept meaning to… and…" Bobby's explanation trailed off into silence.
"I swear Bobby. You never used to have a problem calling me when we were dating and weren't going to be able to make a date. Why is it that now that we are married, you can't pick up a phone and call me?" Standing there with hands on her hips, she felt her frustration building.
"I swear, you'd better not be taking me for granted Robert Goren. I've never given you any grief about the demands your job makes on your time or energy, I know how important it is to you. I just need you to have as much respect for me and my work as I have for yours. And realize that mine is as important to me."
"Claire, you know I do. I … I just got wrapped up and lost track of things..." Bobby walked over to her and leaned against his desk. "I know I've been screwing up a lot lately, and I'm not sure why. I'm sorry." He reached out for her hand and held it in both of his, gently rubbing it. "I'm sorry. I'll try harder. I'll do better."
"I know this is a big case, an important one. I just don't want you to forget about Shelby and me. You … you're a big important part of our lives, we want to be an important part of yours."
"You are, you know you are. I'm just not always very good at letting the two of you see it yet."
Claire sighed as she decided to let Bobby off the hook. "Look I've got to go. Walk me to the elevator." As they walked to the elevator, Claire decided to torture him a little bit though. "You know," she started slyly; "I'd planned on getting a little drunk and maybe a little slutty when we got home later tonight."
At Bobby's shocked look, she added, "Or maybe it was a lot drunk and a lot slutty, I can't quite remember which I'd decided on. Now that I'm going to have to drive myself, I guess I'm just going to have to stay stone cold sober. So… by the time I do get home tonight, I'm going to be just that, stone cold. Get it?"
"Yeah, I got it." Bobby nodded his head glumly.
"So tell me, how late do you think are you going to be? I'll probably be home between ten and eleven." Claire said as she pushed the button for the elevator.
"Probably about the same, ten or eleven o'clock." Bobby said as he turned to lean against the wall.
Sighing and shaking her head, Claire said, "Well, I guess I'll see you then." As the elevator door opened, she stepped into the car and turned to face her husband. "But just in case we somehow miss each other again," she reached out and pulled Bobby into the car as the doors closed. She leaned against him and reached up to stroke his face, "how about a good night kiss?"
Bobby placed his hands on both sides of Claire's upturned face as he leaned down to kiss her. Claire's arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer still. Claire found herself pressed back into the corner of the elevator as Bobby's hands came around her waist and pressed her hips into his.
Breaking the kiss, Bobby growled softly into her ear, "I'll see to it that we don't miss each other later. That's a promise, Mrs. Goren."
As the elevator reached the parking garage level, the two separated and exited the car. Bobby walked Claire to her car and opened the door for her. "I hope that's a promise you're able to keep, Detective Goren." Claire closed the door, started the engine and put the car in gear.
"It will be. It will be." Bobby said as he watched the tail lights disappear around the corner.
Two years ago…
Shelby was nervous. She'd never skipped school before. She'd never ridden the subway without an adult with her before. She'd only been down to One Police Plaza once before, and that had been before her mom and Bobby had gotten married, over three years ago.
As she and Emily walked across the open plaza, the building in front of her overwhelmed her. Not merely because of its size, but the importance of it, it was the headquarters of the New York Police Department. Over the last four years, the place had grown in importance to her, because of her stepfather, Detective Bobby Goren.
Entering the building, she walked over to the reception desk where two uniformed officers were sittin. The female office spoke to the two girls, "Can I help you two with something?".
"I'm… we're here to see my dad. He's a detective with Major Case. Up on the eleventh floor."
"What's his name, honey? Let me call upstairs and see if I can find him for you."
"His name is Goren, Detective Robert Goren."
Shelby could tell the phone rang repeatedly before someone finally answered it. She listened to the one sided conversation.
"Captain Ross, is Detective Goren around? We have a young lady down here wanting to see her dad." A pause as the officer listened. "Sure thing Captain. I'll escort her and her friend upstairs, personally."
Hanging up the phone, the officer spoke to Shelby. "Well, your dad isn't in right now, but he's expected back any minute, so Captain Ross asked that I bring you upstairs. Let's just get you two a couple of visitors' badges and I'll take you up to the eleventh floor."
"Okay." Shelby looked around at the bustling lobby and said, "I'm sure you have more important things to be doing, so thank you."
The officer smiled down at her. She could tell she was nervous. "Don't worry. My partner needs to step up and take on some of the job responsibilities from time to time, and this is one of those times. Come on, just follow me."
Goren and Eames had gone down to the Medical Examiner's Office to speak with Rogers about the victim in their newest case. Captain Ross had texted Goren telling him to come back upstairs. He wasn't sure how to tell Goren that his stepdaughter and one of her friends was here to see him, at 11o'clock in the morning on a school day. In over three years, she had never come down to see Goren during his shift, let alone when she should have been in school. As a father himself, he knew something was up and didn't want to get involved in it.
Danny was waiting at the elevator, hoping Goren showed up before the girl. Unfortunately, the doors opened to Officer Randall and the girls.
"Hello Shelby. I'm not sure you remember me, but I'm Captain Danny Ross. As I told Officer Randall, your dad's not here right now, but I've called him and he's on his way back. It shouldn't be long."
"I… I hope I'm not pulling him away from something really important. I know everything is important, but …." Shelby was twisting the ties on her hoodie as she spoke. Suddenly remembering she wasn't alone, she pointed to the girl standing next to her, "This is my friend, Emily."
"Hi, Emily, it's nice to meet you. Shelby your dad and Detective Eames just ran down to pick up a report. It's not critical, they're not on a stopwatch or anything. It'll be okay. Why don't we get you set up at your dad's desk until he gets here?" Danny motioned for the two girls to follow him into the bullpen. As they passed the vending machines, he asked if the girls would like something to drink.
"A soda would be nice." Shelby rummaged through her pockets and pulled out a couple of bills and some change.
Danny said, "Here, let me. My treat." Danny had put his money in and pushed the button to dispense a can of soda before Shelby had a chance.
"Thank you." Shelby said shyly. She sat nervously at Bobby's desk. She moved a pile of papers to the side so that when she sat the can of soda down it wouldn't rest on them. When she did, under the thin sheet of glass over the top of the desk itself she saw a picture of the three of them from their trip last summer to Disney World. They all had big grins on their faces as they surrounded Mickey Mouse. There was also a picture of her and her mom taken just a few months ago at Christmas. It was strange, but she'd never thought that he would have pictures of them at work. He was always so careful to keep work separate from home and home separate from work.
Another detective walked over to ask Ross a question and the distraction allowed Shelby to look around the office. She noticed several of the detectives looking in her direction until she caught their gaze and they quickly looked away.
She heard Alex's voice and turned to see Alex and Bobby coming around the corner from the elevators. Shelby couldn't contain herself any longer and ran over to Bobby and flung herself at him and burst into tears.
Bobby was surprised and caught off guard seeing his stepdaughter racing towards him. He was unsure of what to do until he realized Shelby was sobbing and holding onto him for dear life. Glancing around the squad room he saw that no one was in Interview Room 2 and led the girl there. Emily quickly followed them. Quietly closing the door, Bobby sat Shelby down and pulled another chair close to her. She reached out and grabbed for hand and clung to it fiercely.
Bobby tried to calm his racing heartbeat as he asked, "Honey, what's wrong? What's the matter? Are you hurt?" Turning to Emily, who was sobbing now too, he asked, "How about you, Emily, are you hurt?"
To every question Bobby asked, both girls shook their heads 'no'.
Bobby leaned forward and pulled her towards him. Shelby threw her arms around his neck and cried into his chest. He reached out and started stroking her hair, trying to calm her down.
"What happened? What are you doing here? How did you get here?" Bobby's gaze shifted between the two girls.
Between the sobbing, Bobby was able to piece the story together. Emily's sixteen-year-old sister had decided to play hooky today along with her boyfriend and another friend. She had convinced Emily to go along with them, making it sound like an exciting adventure, telling her they'd have a great time hanging out in the city. Emily was scared and had talked Shelby into going with her. Shelby hadn't wanted to, but she didn't want to let Emily go by herself, so she had agreed. They hadn't been in the city long, before the two younger girls had been separated from the older kids. That's when Shelby had convinced Emily they needed to go to Bobby. He'd help them. He'd get them home safe.
"Emily, you know I'm going to have to call your parents, don't you?" Bobby asked as he slid a piece of paper and a pen to the girl. "I need you to write down their phone numbers, if you know them."
"Yes, sir." Emily bent her head to the task. "I…I don't know my dad's number at work, but my mom should be home. Unless she had to go shopping or something." Emily wrote down the phone number and pushed the sheet of paper back to Shelby's dad.
"And you, young lady…"
"I know. You're going to have to call mom. This is too big for you to cover for me."
One year ago…
Bobby made a special effort, a super human effort really, to get home before Claire and have everything ready and waiting for her. He had been putting in a lot of overtime for the last couple of months and he knew he had a lot to make up for, broken dinner plans, not getting home until very late and generally just not being able to spend much time with her or Shelby. There were times he thought that Claire and Shelby had gone on with their lives and left him behind. He wouldn't blame them if they had.
The pressure was on the Chief of D's to raise the clearance rates within the department, across the board, and that included Major Case. While his and Alex's clearance rate ranked among the highest in all divisions, they weren't exempt from the added workload. If anything, because their rate was so good, they had been given several of the coldest cases to work. He and Eames had made an arrest today on one of those cold cases and both had felt owed a night away from work. After booking their suspect, they had both left messages for Ross saying they'd be in early tomorrow morning to finish the paperwork.
Bobby had stopped at their favorite Italian Restaurant and picked up veal parmigiana for Claire and himself, and eggplant parmigiana for Shelby who was going through a vegetarian phase. Pulling into the driveway, he could see no one was home. The house was dark and Claire's car wasn't in the driveway or garage. Hurrying inside, Bobby turned the oven on to a very low temperature to keep the dinners warm. He opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe before dinner and ran upstairs to shower and change before the girls got home.
As he showered, he thought about all the missed dinners and very late nights over the last several months. Claire had never pressured him about his absences and, they hadn't fought about them. In fact, she'd merely shown concern that he might be working too hard and that she wished he had more time to spend with her and Shelby.
His increased workload had also meant he'd missed several important faculty events that Claire had really wanted him to attend. Still she hadn't taken his absences out on him. She was on a short list of professors who were being vetted for a recently vacated Department Head position in the History Department. His schedule had meant that he had missed several faculty events where a show of spousal commitment and support was as important to the other Department Heads and Faculty Chairs and advisory boards as the professor's ability. He thought it ironic that his absence at these events was going to be a hindrance to Claire's career, while his presence was the implied reason for Eames' lack of advancement up the chain of command within the NYPD.
He had just finished dressing when he heard the front door slam. Shortly after, he heard Shelby shout his name.
"Bobby?"
"Up here, Shelby. I'll be down in a second."
"Sure, I'll be in the kitchen." Shelby smelled some wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen as she followed her nose. She opened the oven door and saw the three dinners. Slowing allowing the door to close, her eyes roamed around the room, her gaze stopping on the open bottle of wine, which was flanked by two wine glasses. Then her eyes flew to the note she knew was taped to the refrigerator – the note that read, 'Faculty Dinner – Drinks at 6 p.m./Dinner at 7 p.m. Trevor Hall.
She grabbed the note as she ran for the stairs, shouting. "Bobby! Bobby! Tonight's another Faculty Dinner. If you hurry, you can make it in time. But you'll have to go, now!"
Shelby held out the note to Bobby as he came down the stairs. He read the note as he ran his hand through his still wet hair. Shelby was pulling him to the door. "Come on, Bobby. Hurry, you can make it. It's only a quarter after six. You can make it in time for dinner."
"No Shelby, no, it's too late. Your mom had to RSVP for this over a week ago."
"No, it's not too late. You can call her. They can make a place for you. If people had to RSVP over a week ago, you know by now someone's not going to be able to make. A lot can happen in a week."
Bobby sank down onto the landing of the staircase. "No Shell, it's too late."
Shelby sat down next to him and felt his arm drape across her shoulders. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his waist as he said, "You and I will just stay here. I'll eat the veal, you'll eat the eggplant, and we'll play a little Scrabble and wait for your mom to get home."
She nodded into his chest. A moment later she pulled back to look up into Bobby's face. "and… maybe we could also drink a little wine? I saw that there are two glasses sitting out."
"Nice try Kiddo." Bobby smiled as he flicked her upturned nose. The closest you're getting to wine tonight will be a nice glass of white… milk."
"Milk? Awww… come on Bobby! At least a Coke. Gimme something here." Shelby whined.
"Okay, okay, a Coke it is, but nothing stronger. You may have won this round, but you wait until we pull out that Scrabble board."
"Oh, you think you're that good Goren? I'll have you crying like a little girl before you know it." Shelby bragged.
"Oh well, that's some tough trash talking, but I don't see you walking the walk." Goren challenged.
Shelby got up, turned around and placed her hands on her hips. She glared down at Bobby and spit out, "Oh yeah, well just you watch this." She spun back around, flipped her hair back over her shoulder and flounced towards the kitchen, leaving Bobby to follow in her wake, laughing as he got up to follow her into the kitchen.
Several hours later they heard a car pull into the driveway and the garage door opening. Claire was finally home. It was a little after 10 o'clock.
Claire walked into the living room where Bobby and Shelby were still sitting on the floor playing Scrabble. "Shelby Lynn, what are you doing still up? It's after 10."
"Relax mom, it's Friday, remember? We're just playing Scrabble. Why don't you join us?" Shelby rolled her eyes as she looked at Bobby.
"Don't roll your eyes, Miss Shelby. I'll ground you for life." Claire said as she set her handbag and keys on the table by the staircase. She kicked off her shoes and scrunched her toes into the carpet.
Shelby looked up shocked and silently mouthed to Bobby. "How did she know?"
Bobby leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, "She's a mom. They know all. You'd better get on up to bed." Bobby said as he began gathering up game tiles as Shelby got up and came over to kiss Bobby on the cheek and give him a hug.
As she passed her mom, she reached out to her, received a hug in return, and as her mom brushed her bangs from her forehead, a kiss. "Night mom."
"Go on, get upstairs and get ready for bed. I'll be up in a minute to check on you, so get busy."
:Yes ma'am. Night Bobby." Shelby called out.
"Good night Shell. I had a great time tonight. Thanks."
"I did too, Bobby." Shelby glanced back as she headed up the stairs and saw her mother press her lips together and roll her shoulders before she moved over to the chair opposite Bobby and collapse into it. She slowly continued up the stairs and faintly heard Bobby say, "If you're hungry there's some veal parmigiana from Brazoria left in the oven."
Claire nodded but said nothing. "And there's still most of a bottle of Chianti, if you'd like a glass."
Claire started to get up as she said, "the wine sounds good, but I think I'll just get some ginger ale."
Bobby stopped her as he said, "No, stay where you are, sit still. I'll get it." He jumped up and grabbed Shelby's soda can from the coffee table, as he left his empty glass. He quickly came back with the bottle of wine for him and a glass filled with ginger ale for Claire. He handed her the glass and their fingers lightly brushed. Bobby reached over for his glass, poured a little more for himself and sat down on the coffee table in front of Claire.
Claire held out her glass and said, "Salut".
As Bobby did likewise, he watched Claire take a healthy gulp and lean back into the cushions of the chair and extend her legs out, rubbing the bottoms of her feet along the edge of the coffee table.
"How was the dinner tonight? I …I'm sorry I forgot about it. I was so excited about being able to leave work at a normal time, I forgot about the dinner and stopped at Brazoria to pick up some parmigiana to surprise my girls." Bobby picked up one of Claire's feet and began massaging her stocking clad foot.
Claire's eyes closed and she rolled her head, trying to loosen up her tight neck muscles. "Oh… that feels so good. It's alright about tonight, I didn't RSVP for you anyway. I stopped doing that a long time ago. And the parmigiana was a nice thought." Claire said as she raised her glass to take a better mannered sip. "I'm glad that you were able to spend the evening with Shelby. It looked like you guys had a good time tonight."
It hurt Bobby to hear the resignation in her voice, although he couldn't blame her. "We did. If you're hungry there's still a portion of the veal left and Shelby didn't eat all of her eggplant."
"Oh, no thanks, I'm not hungry. Actually," Claire sat up and looked at Bobby as she reached out to take his hand. As she caressed it, she added, "I've missed you this week." Shaking her head, she said, "I have a couple of things I need to tell you. I've wanted to tell you all week, but there's just never been a good time. Your schedule, my schedule, Shelby's schedule they've all been conspiring against us lately."
Bobby sighed, "I know. I'm sorry. I've just gotten so wrapped up in…" Bobby felt the guilt welling up inside him.
"Shhh… Oh my sweet Bobby. You always think I'm going to lay into you about missing these faculty events. I've told you, it really doesn't bother me, I wish you'd believe me." Claire smiled as her heart melted for her husband. He always thought he was letting her down. She had tried on many occasions over the years to impress upon him that she never felt that way.
"I've just been doing some… reevaluating, especially over the last few days, and yesterday, I knew for sure what I want to do." She paused and took a deep breath. "I should have talked to you before, but like I said it's been difficult and well, here it is. This morning I went to see Chancellor Mitchell and told him that I didn't want to be considered for the Department Head opening.
Bobby couldn't believe what he'd just heard. Becoming the department head had been a goal of Claire's for as long as he'd known her. With the current head of department retiring at the end of this school year, the competition had really heated up, though most people assumed that it would go to Claire. She was more than qualified for the job. She had an outstanding record of accomplishments and published several well-received articles and papers. She was liked and respected within the department and was a favorite among students and alumni. The only thing working against her was a visibly supportive spouse.
Bobby felt the guilt well up within him. "But why? You've worked so hard and for so long for this chance. You have the enthusiasm and intelligence to energize the department. I don't understand why you'd want to throw that all away now, when you're so close to realizing your dream."
"Bobby, I … I never realized you felt that strongly about it. Thank you." She reached out with her other hand and held Bobby's gentle hand in both of hers. "I guess I've realized, no recently discovered something else I'd rather apply my enthusiasm to. Her grip tightened on his hand, causing him to look up into her eyes, eyes that glowed with an inner secret.
"What?" Bobby asked.
Claire took a deep breath and said, "I'm pregnant." Claire watched as Bobby sat frozen. It didn't seem like he even breathed. She knew he didn't blink. She bit at her lip and smiled at him. "Are you okay?" she asked hesitantly.
"Pregnant?" He asked as his free hand reached out to touch her stomach. "When? How?"
Claire smiled up at him as she explained, "As to when, about seven weeks ago. And the how, well… I realize we have some time management issues, but finding time to actually accomplish the how hasn't ever really been a problem for us." Claire said as she continued to smile up at him.
"I've had a couple of days to get used to the idea, but I admit it was kind of a surprise after more than four years. And we never really ever talked about it, or tired to make it happen. We just kind of seemed to adopt a 'if it happens, it happens' philosophy. And well, it's happened."
"Pregnant." Bobby said it. "Pregnant." He repeated it as if he'd never heard the word before. A note of disbelief in his voice.
"Ye…ess, pregnant. You know, knocked up, with child, preggers, expecting, in a family way." Claire tried thinking of other ways to say it.
Bobby set Claire's feet down on the floor and slid forward to kneel on the floor in front of her. He leaned forward and reached out to kiss her. As he broke off the kiss he leaned his forehead against Claire's and whispered, "Pregnant." This time the word came out sounding awestruck.
Claire could see a smile play around the corners of his mouth. She also didn't miss the tear that ran down his cheek. He crouched down to rest his head in her lap as her hands stroked his head and back.
"So, are you okay with this?" Claire whispered softly.
Today…
Claire turned back to face her class as she said, "Renaissance Art. Who was the most influential painter of the period? The most influential sculptor? Where was the real center, the mecca where everything converged? Was it with the Church in Rome? Was it Florence or Venice? As you're writing your paper, be sure to keep to your central thesis."
"There's no right answer for this paper, as long as you support your thesis with facts. I want you to take a stand and defend it. If you can find the research to point to aboriginal Australia as the center of the Renaissance, fine. I want you to believe in what you write, I want to be won over by what you write. As long as you are passionate in your belief, I'll believe in your paper. And, as long as you also provide your sources and it's included in your footnotes and bibli…" this elicited groans from the entire lecture hall. Claire looked around and smiled, "I remember that groan, it may have been a lot of years since I was a freshman, but I remember that groan. You're going to have to get used to including footnotes and bibliographies for every paper you write. Now is as good a time as any."
"Three weeks, that's all the time you have to blow me away with these papers. But don't forget your reading as well. I think there'll be a pop quiz on Tuesday covering Chapters 4 and 5…" more groans as she sensed movement to her left as the door to the lecture hall opened.
Glancing over, she saw Alex Eames and Captain Ross standing just inside the door. In a moment of déjà vu, she felt herself transported back five years to the first time she met the two. Claire saw the pain in their eyes as time stood still. She'd walked over to them, the fingers of both hands covering her mouth as she breathed air in and out, in and out, (she repeated the mantra in her mind over and over, in, out, in, out, in…) through her fingers.
Alex reached out for her and in a tremulous voice whispered, "It's bad. He… he's being taken to St. Vincent's. Logan and Wheeler are with him."
Claire wasn't sure how she remained standing. She'd gone completely numb, but was nodding her head as she realized Ross was saying, "We should go."
"We… we have to stop by the day care center on campus and at Humes High. We… we all have to be there. Max, Shelby and I." Claire said as tears came to her eyes.
"Of course." Ross pushed open the door and followed Claire and Alex out of the lecture hall.
On their way to the hospital, Alex explained what had happened this morning. A bank robbery gone wrong had led to five of the bank employees were held captive by the trio of bank robbers. Major Case as well as a Tactical Response Team had been the first on scene. Communication with those in the bank had been set up before a hostage negotiator was found. Bobby had been the first to make contact and now the men in the bank would speak only to him. Though tense, the situation wasn't volatile, and Bobby seemed to be making some progress in getting the men to come out of the bank until one of the bank robbers accidentally fired off several rounds from the semi automatic rifle he carried. This is when it all came crashing down on them.
The Response Team had fired off several rounds of tear and fog gas. The men inside the bank responded by raining a steady stream of fire out into the street. The next few minutes were filled with gunfire and shouts to 'stop firing' coming from Ross and the Lieutenant of the Response Team. As they got their officers to stop firing, shots coming from the bank dwindled, and the fog gas cleared away they could see several officers were down. One of them was Bobby.
Logan continued the story once they arrived at the hospital. The emergency room doctors could see that the bullet had entered in the back of his left shoulder, a fraction of an inch from where his vest covered him. X-rays had shown them that the downward trajectory of the bullet had punctured a lung as it continued to travel through his chest. Its force still strong enough to burrow it way into his vest as it exited his body at mid thorax. Bobby was quickly taken up to surgery.
Hours later, Booby was still in surgery. Most of the officers who'd shown up to offer their support and donate blood had left, as had the woman from victim's services. Max lay sleeping on one of couches in the waiting room, his head resting on Alex's leg as she absently stroked his hair. Ross, Logan and Wheeler had gone back down to the scene of the shooting. Claire and Shelby stood staring out the window, seeing not the parking lot, but the replaying of scenes from their lives since Bobby had come into them.
As if sensing that her mother's thoughts mirrored her own, Shelby turned to her mother and asked, "It's all been good hasn't it?"
Claire pulled herself back to the present, "I'm sorry? I didn't hear…" Claire realized that it was dark now. When she walked over to stare out the window, it had still been full day light.
"I just said, 'It's all been good hasn't it?' I mean since dad, since Bobby came into our lives."
Claire could only nod. She didn't trust herself to speak. She pulled Shelby to her and held on tight, nodding again.
Max whimpered in his sleep. The six-month-old was far too young to know what was going on, but must have somehow sensed something. Claire and Bobby had been amazed when just weeks after Max was born he was sleeping through the night. But once he woke up, he was ravenously hungry. Claire walked over to pick up her son and relieve Alex. "Thanks Alex. I'll take him for a while. Why don't you go get something to eat?"
Alex shook her head, "I… I can't eat."
"Something to drink, then? Or just get up to stretch your legs and walk around a little?" Shelby asked as she came over, sat on the arm of the sofa, and put an arm around Alex. "I'll go with you." Shelby dragged Eames up and they slowly walked down the hall towards the elevators that would take them up to the fifth floor cafeteria.
Claire carried their son over to the window and whispered, "Max, I need your help with something. I know it's a lot to ask of you, you hardly know your family yet, but we have to keep good thoughts and prayers for your daddy. I know you're going to like him so much. If you could only see the way he watches you when he thinks no ones watching him, he adores you. We just need him with us, so much. As Max started to cry, Claire turned to the nurse's station where they had thoughtfully kept a few bottles of formula warm for him. As she did, she saw the doors at the end of the hall open, the double doors that led to the surgical wing.
Two doctors in green scrubs were walking towards her. One had put on a white lab coat over his scrubs. That one looked in her direction. He spoke softly to the other man, who turned around and went back towards the surgical unit.
As he continued to approach her, Claire closed her eyes and prayed quickly. "Mrs. Goren?"
She nodded and felt like she was going to faint. The man saw her pale and said, "Why don't we go over here and have a seat while we talk?" He led her to the couch that Alex had been sitting on until recently.
"I'm Dr. Mitchell, and I performed the surgery on your husband. He came through the surgery just fine." He could see the woman breathe, finally. "But it's still serious. I'm not sure how much information the ER doctors were able to give, so some of what I tell you may be repetitive. This was a perforating gun shot wound, which means it entered and exited the body. The bullet entered to the left side of the scapula, between the ribs. It bounced around and continued traveling downward where it pierced his left lung, finally exiting through the center of his chest, where it lodged into his protective vest. Before we could address the gunshot wound, we had to correct the collapsed lung. That was done in the ER. They inserted a chest tube, just a small incision under his left arm to reinflate the lung. We had to delay surgery until his blood pressure and oxygen levels came back up to more normal levels."
"But he's going to be okay?" Claire asked, willing the doctor to say, "yes."
"It's not going to be tomorrow or the next day, but yes, he should be. When he wakes up, it's going to difficult for him to breathe. It's going to be painful. The pleural lining around the lung was filled with blood and leaking into the lung itself. Plus, the trauma the bullet caused and our mucking about with the muscles. To draw a breath is going to be incredibly painful, so we're probably going to keep him on oxygen for the next couple of days, to keep his heart function, blood pressure and oxygen levels constant until it is easier for him to breathe on his own. I foresee keeping him in the ICU for a day or two, and then in another three or four days, he should be able to go home." He reached out and rubbed the back of the little boy's head. "He should be able to spend several weeks at home with this one, before he returns to some light duty."
He stood and looked down into the woman's grateful eyes. This was going to be one of those successful conclusions that made it all worthwhile.
"When can I see him?"
"Soon, but he'll be out the rest of the night. Once they get him settled, I'll have someone come get you. But just for a minute. You both need your rest."
"Thank you. Thank you so much." Dr. Mitchell turned and passed Shelby and Alex in the hall, who now rushed back into the waiting room.
"Mom?" Claire stood as Shelby ran over to her. "Mom?"
"He's fine. He's going to be fine." Shelby wrapped her arms around her mother and her brother, as Claire held onto her two children. Her voice broke as she said, "We're all going to be fine."
Claire opened her eyes and saw Alex standing alone, off to the side, with tears in her eyes too. Breaking free of Shelby's grip she handed Max to her as she said, "Take your brother for a minute."
She walked over to Alex and grabbed the hand of the other woman in her husband's life. "We're all going to be fine. We both get him back."
Alex nodded and grinned. "Yeah, yeah we do."
"Mrs. Goren, Dr. Mitchell said you could come back for a few minutes to see your husband. Claire nodded as she wiped tears from her eyes.
"Go, on Claire. If he's awake, tell him we've got cases to solve, I need him back on the job ASAP. I … I need to call Captain Ross.
Claire followed the nurse through the double doors and they turned down a short hallway. The nurse turned to her and spoke softly, "It's always a bit of a shock to see all the machinery in the ICU. In your husband's case, it's minimal, but it's still heart wrenching. Right now, he's just on an IV for fluids and, a canula is providing oxygen for him, since drawing a breath will be painful for several days."
"Yes, Dr. Mitchell explained that to me."
"Okay, well then, I guess this is it. Are you ready?"
Claire took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes. I want to see him."
Even though she was warned, it was shocking to see her big strong husband in a hospital bed. It had only been a couple of hours since she'd kissed him and sent him off to work, but his skin had a grayish tint and he looked drawn and older. That was the most shocking of all.
She lowered the side rail so she could sit near Bobby. She leaned over to kiss him on the forehead and gently stroke his cheek.
"Bobby Goren, of all the excuses you've come up with to avoid going to a faculty dinner, this has got to be the most extreme ever…"