my almost lover

includes the song "my almost lover" bya fine i have edited the ending of the song but my sore throat and lack of privacy prevents me from trying it out to see how bad it sounds, so apologise to my readers if its awful. i do not own the song or any of sherlock. also i apologise for the terrible story.

John grunted as he lifted his suitcase up from the bed and dragged it towards the doorway. The bed had been stripped previously by Mrs Hudson that morning, who had now left with Mary to take some of Johns things back to her home. Her home. Not theirs. Not his. He might have liked Mary very much and would be forever grateful for pulling him through the years, but she would never hold his heart.

Not like he had.

He should have told him when he had the chance. He knew that now. He had realised shortly after the fall that he should never have taken advantage of what they had. He was an army doctor for heavens sake, he knew what death could do. He knew that you should always hold onto and cherish what you had because death could take it away in a flash and their was no stopping it.

No getting it back.

He shook his head as he felt the familiar sting in the back of his eyes. No. He promised himself that he wouldnt do this. Not now. It had been 2 years, he needed to move on. He promised he wouldnt cry when he came here to collect the last of his things. When he came to move out.

When he left permanently.

Damn it, why did hurt so much?!

Shaking his head again, he dragged his case from the bedroom and pulled the door closed. He pushed his case down the stairs and stopped to scan the living room one final time. His eyes caught so many things. The couch, he window, his chair.

So many memories.

Johns eyes fixed on the chair and caught the gleam of the polished violin that leaned in the centre. A tear spilled from his eyes as he walked forwrds slowly and ran a hand across the smooth wood. The amount of times when he had been willing to throw the damn thing out the window when it had kept him awake at three in the morning with its agonising screeching. All those times.

All those waisted times.

John shook his head, two more tears falling as he took the violin in his hands and sat on the chair, curling up in the warm fabric. He pressed his nose in the cushion and softly began to sing.

"Your fingertips across my skin. The palm trees swaying in the wind. Images".

John shook his head as more memories formed behind his closed eyes.

"You sang me spanish lullabies, the sweetest sadness in your eyes. Clever trick".

Its just a magic trick. Oh god, please...

"I never want to see you unhappy. I though you'd want the same for me. Goodbye my almost lover. Goodbye my hopeless dream. Im trying not to think about you. Cant you just let me be"

I need to leave... but i cant let you go.

"So long my luckless romance. My back is turned on you. Should have known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do. We walked along a crowded street. You took my hand and danced with me. Images, oh. And when you left you kissed my lips. You told me you would never ever forget these images. No..."

All the cases. All the memories. All the blogs about the times spent chasing criminals around london, making Anderson look like and idiot and nearly giving lestrade a mental meltdown. all they had. Gone. It was never coming back. Please, please...

"Well i never want to see you unhappy. I thought you'd want the same for me. Goodbye my almost lover. Goodbye my hopeless dream. Im trying not to think about you. Cant you just let me be? So long my luckless romace. My back is turned on you. Should have known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do."

"I cannot go to the ocean"

Everywhere we went..

"I cannot try the streets at night"

Every late night case

"I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind"

Every night. Every nightmare.

"So your gone and im haunted, and i bet you were just fine. Did i make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?"

One more miracle. Thats all i asked. Oh if only he could...

Please.

The door opened downstairs and John could hear shoes hitting the floor. Mary and Mrs Hudson? But the sound was too heavy to be either of them. John wondered why he was asking. He didnt care. It wasnt going to be him.

The door opened and the footsteps stopped and John tuned his head into the chair, hiding his face, still clinging to the violin. The person hadnt moved. Having a good stare John thought bitterly lucky for them. The person still hadnt moved and John was getting uncomfortable. Its not nice trying not to cry with someone gawking at you. John went to twist his body around and tell the other person to get out, when the other began to sing. He knew that voice. Oh my...

"Forgive me my dearest lover. My hearts one and only dream. I wish i never had to leave you. The pain i caused i'd never mean. Please dont cry my valient soldier. I make my promise here and true. I'm here if you'll have me darling. I'll make that miracle happen for you."

John stood on shakey legs as he walked towards him, both pairs of eyes glistening with tears of sorrow, joy, pain and love.

"I love you so, my darling. I'll make that miracle happen for you".

John choked on a sob as he flung himself forward into open arms and pressed his face into a warm neck where a fast pulse raced. A kiss landed on top of his head and a face pressed into his hair as warm hands clung to him and rubbed his back in comfort.

"Its okay now. Im here" a soft voice whispered as johns own voice trembled and shook.

"Sherlock" he whimpered into a long black coat as brown curls entwined with his own.