It's been a million years since I wrote a Warriors story, but when me and my friend Absent Answers were joking around we came up with this idea. Fernsong is a feminine name. Sorry, but it is, and naming a son that is like naming a son Charlotte or Kiera. It's not something most sensible people would do, and we both think it's just silly - but what else is new, with the warrior names floating around in these books? In my day, we had good names that reflected personality and description.

*is an elder*

So, enjoy! Hopefully even if you disagree about it being alright to name a tom after a deceased she-cat you can find this at least a little humorous :D

A warm, milky scent filled the nursery, filled with the sounds of soft mewls and cooing from the three new kits in Cinderheart's nest. The gray queen was curled proudly around her kits as they suckled at her belly. Lionblaze was crouched at the edge of the nest, his eyes glowing happily as he watched the little scraps of fur get warm and full from Cinderheart's milk. From her own nest, Daisy watched fondly as she washed her paws.

After a long pause, Cinderheart mewed softly, "What should we name them, dear?" The little tom kit stirred, but didn't move from his position. "A tom and two she-cats. Perhaps we could name them Hollykit, after your sister … Sorrelkit, after Sorreltail, and … "

Lionblaze looked at her, puzzled. "We don't have a tom," he interrupted, sounding confused. "We've got three little daughters." Cinderheart blinked, surprised. She felt a twinge of discomfort in her belly.

"Er, no, Lionblaze," she replied. "This little one is a tom." She stroked his back lightly with the tip of her tail. Lionblaze shook his head.
"No, we have three daughters, love. I couldn't bear to have a son. This little one can be Fernkit, after Ferncloud."

Cinderheart just stared at him blankly. Daisy's ears were angled toward the conversation, her affectionate expression replaced by one of awkward worry. Cinderheart struggled to find a response. What's gotten into him?

"Why don't we name him Foxkit, or Firekit, after Foxleap or Fire-"

Lionblaze let out a soft hiss. "No, certainly not! A son would disgrace me, Cinderheart. Don't you remember that a son tried to kill Squirrelflight?" he retorted, the fur on his spine prickling. "Fernkit is our daughter."

Cinderheart gaped. "Lionblaze, you're a son, r-remember? Bramblestar is a son, Jayfeather is a son, Firestar was a son!" Lionblaze got stiffly to his paws, irritation flashing in his eyes. He lashed his tail.

"I don't want to hear it," he snapped vehemently. "These three kits are our daughters, Cinderheart, and I suggest you remember it. We have Hollykit, Sorrelkit, and Fernkit, and that's that!" He whirled around and stalked from the nursery, golden pelt bristling.

Cinderheart stared after him with a wide-eyed look of shock, before slowly turning her head to Daisy. The former kittypet shook her head helplessly.

Oh, StarClan.

Fernkit grew up alongside his sisters, and soon was pretty sure that he was a tom. But he was rather confused when Lionblaze insisted on referring to him as his daughter, and constantly called him "she". Fernkit began looking for confirmation that he was a tom. Jayfeather did a checkup, and assured him that he was indeed a tom – Lionblaze was just … well, a string of rather unflattering names.

Soon Fernkit and his sisters became apprentices, and they trained well to be warriors. But still, Lionblaze was constantly telling Fernpaw that he was a she. And it got annoying.

One day, toward the end of Fernpaw's apprenticeship, Lionblaze went to Bramblestar's den beneath the Highledge. The dark tabby tom was washing himself, waiting for Squirrelflight to return from a patrol. He looked up at his foster son, mewing a cheerful greeting as he lowered his paw to the floor of the den, and invited Lionblaze to sit.

"What is it, Lionblaze? I hope all is well," Bramblestar meowed. Lionblaze nodded quickly.

"Yes, everything is fine. I just wanted to ask about … you know, the names of my kits." Bramblestar twitched his whiskers, but signaled with a flick of his ear for him to go on. Lionblaze had a little more confidence as he mewed, "I want you to name my daughter Fernpaw something nice. Fernsong, for instance." Bramblestar's amber eyes went wide with confusion.

"You – you mean your son, Fernpaw?" He had always thought Fernpaw was a rather odd name for a tom, but you know, smash gender roles and whatnot. His confusion increased as Lionblaze shook his head with a snort.

"Why do all you cats think she's a tom? No, Fernpaw is my daughter, and I want you to name her something fitting. Like I said, Fernsong. Or Fernsky, or Fernmist, or Fernberry, or Fernleaf … Will you do that? Please?"

Bramblestar stared at his adoptive son warily. How about you go to the medicine den for some herbs? This was weird. "O-okay," he stammered. "I'll consider it." The golden tom's intensity died down. He nodded with a purr and got to his paws.

"Thanks!" he said over his shoulder as he left the den, Bramblestar watching with worry.

Soon enough, it was time for their warrior ceremony. Bramblestar stood on the highledge, watching his kin shuffle excitedly out of the apprentices den. Fernpaw's eyes glowed with hope. Maybe I can finally get a good name! He thought, fantasizing about all the tough, cool warrior names he could receive. Fernclaw, Fernfang, Ferntalon, Fernstorm, Fernthorn … StarClan, it could be anything!

Hollypaw was renamed Hollytuft, and Sorrelpaw was now Sorrelstripe. Fernpaw gazed up at Bramblestar eagerly, awaiting the name he would be known for for the rest of his life.

" … and Fernpaw will now be Fernsong, for his bravery and honesty."

FERNSONG?

Fernsong stared up at the Clan leader in horror as the hollow arose in cheers for the new warriors, Lionblaze the loudest voice of all.

"I'm Fernsong?" he whispered, his voice choked with fear as he gazed around. His eyes settled on Lionblaze. His father's eyes glowed with pride, and he gave him a small nod. Cinderheart beside him looked absolutely mortified.

His mother was a perfect reflection of how he felt. Fernsong stared up at the sky, praying that this was all a horrible nightmare that he'd awake from sooner or later.

But he never did. He never awoke from that awful realization that he was, in fact, given the most soft name in the history of soft names. Life in ThunderClan went on – but Fernsong never forgave, and he never forgot.