The night was silent. Or was it day? It's hard to tell. No one really keeps track of the time anymore. Not when you're on a meteor travelling through time and space itself. All they care about is when they finally reach there. And who could blame them? There's not much to do here.
When you're alone, you're really alone. No sounds of activity to tell you there are other people near you. Everyone's doing their own thing and you can respect that. You're doing your own thing, too. Which means you do a lot of thinking. Thinking is always a good thing, right? It allows you to reflect. Reflect on your character, on your relationships, on the people you have with you, on the people you've lost...
Sure it's fun when you're with your friends. Or whoever's still alive. That was another thing. Most of your friends are dead. One of the best friends you've had who you always play with, a light to everyone's day; Nepeta. It's never nice losing someone you care about. Someone who's got your back through so much, someone you once called your sister even… No. you're not going through that again.
You stand up from your pile of blankets, picking up your glasses on the way. You've long abandoned the safety of a recuperacoon. The warm sopor just doesn't help with the nightmares anymore. No, it's no longer nightmares of violence that young trolls dream of. You dream of another kind. A kind that stabs at your heart just like you stabbed through hers.
There it is again. That dull ache at your chest. God, you feel horrible. Like you were the one who died instead of her. Quietly, you wished it was you. Aranea was right. You wished that you had more than those options presented to you at the time. How you could've figured out a way to prevent you… murdering her.
A diluted teal droplet makes its way down your cheek, dampening your skin and reminding you once again that you are allowed to cry. No one's here to see you in your moment of weakness. So cry you do. You curl up on the cold floor, knees bent to your forehead and your eyes producing more and more tears to give some outlet for your pain; your suffering; your regret.
You, Terezi Pyrope, killed your best friend. For what? To protect your other friends. To not sentence them to death. To protect them from Noir. Sometimes… sometimes you wish you didn't have that responsibility. That power to see the consequences of another's actions. To just not know what will happen next. Then you wouldn't feel so goddamn guilty whenever something bad happens; knowing there might've been something you could've done to prevent it.
You still remember how she was before that moment. It's not that you didn't have the guts. You just… didn't want to. You didn't want to kill her. Even after what she's done to you and the others. With all her shortcomings and her overall bitchiness, Vriska was… is your sister. She was the closest thing you would call a sibling and you cherished that.
You miss your sister and that is a fact. You miss your FLARP sessions with her and how you would kill those who deserved justice. Of course, Vriska often killed the innocent, too. But she killed not really because she was ruthless. No, that was just a ruse. She killed to feed her lusus. You followed her to her hive once, to see how it was.
It wasn't anything like you thought it was. You had imagined Vriska would be laughing and gloating to her lusus about how easily it was to kill the weak, young trolls. But no. You weren't expecting Vriska to meekly offer the corpses to her lusus, apologizing that there wasn't more and that they were so skinny. You weren't expecting to see Vriska wince as the gigantic spider devoured the bodies. You weren't expecting Vriska to feel for the trolls she'd slain for fodder. You weren't expecting Vriska to care for anyone but herself.
That's when it started. That's when you began to notice the little things that she did. The small details that no one else caught. She would always go after the weakest. The ones who could escape her, she left well enough alone. If she could catch them, then she reasoned that they deserved to die anyway. She would never make them suffer; her blows were always quick and effective.
Sometimes you would catch her staring at the bodies for a while, a hint of regret on her thin features. But she discards whatever thoughts running through her mind after a second or so.
You knew she wasn't a bad person. You knew that she was just doing what needed to be done. You knew.
You couldn't help what you did that day. It was kill or be killed. You had to protect your friends. You had to make sure that you still had a chance of winning.
But, as you lie there on the floor weeping alone in your room, you wish there was another way.
You wish you could see Vriska just one more time.
But you can't bring a god tier back to life once her death was proven just, can you?