a/n:: Hello Lovely's!
This is my first fanfiction, with hopefully more to come. I've been lurking this sight for years but always kept myself from posting. I hope you enjoy it!
It started out honest enough.
The five great nations were finally at peace for the first time in shinobi history. Her and the Rookie 9 had become heroes of war. Despite the great success, countless sacrifices were made, and while it weighed heavy on Sakura's medic soul, she had gone into combat with her heart stilled.
It was in the honesty of what came after – when she no longer needed to hone in her emotions and responses; her pain was heavy and suffocating through the loss of Neji, Inoichi, Shikaku, and so many more – that Sakura began to search for an answer.
Her matronly heart started with the children. Realistically, when she looked at the shadow of her former teammate, she knew that was the only place to start. Sakura, with the requested help of Ino, began the tireless work to provide a safe haven for those ravened by war. Starting from the foundations up, they created a curriculum, an equation for success of mental health so to speak - medication, counseling, guided remission, anything to prevent the rise of more Sasukes…
More than anything, Sakura was proud of her accomplishments. Proud of the smiling faces that once only knew sorrow, of the positive effect that extended to the nurses, hell, she was proud anyone had bothered to listen to her. Despite her success, Sakura felt empty. As she watched each of her classmates pair up and marry off, loneliness began to collapse her sanity in ways she hadn't experienced since before she met Ino.
Just like her classmates, as well as all the other survivors of war, Sakura pushed away the darkness through the love and compassion that spread through the village, through backbreaking hours on the training ground, and even more in the hospital; yet, it was in the moments Sakura found herself alone, swallowed by memories and pain, that Sakura found an answer.
It was a warm summer night in Konoha, a refreshing change from the harsh rays that had beat down the village during the summer season. Instead of returning home after her hospital shift, Sakura changed into her casuals and began to wander. This had become commonplace for her – changing smells and smiling faces allowed for a distraction, if not a way to rationally organize her cluttered mind.
As she rounded a corner, Sakura's mind drifted from memory to memory, judging their relevance and usefulness.
Her poisoned kunai…
Sasuke's unrelenting chidori…
The pain in Naruto's eyes as the dyed red…
Before the vicious cycle of guilt and pain could spiral out of control, a smell pulled her back into the present. A gross, disgusting, cancerous smell. Smoke caught in her eyes, and as she tears up and wrinkles her nose in disgust, a very disheveled Shikamaru comes into view.
"Of all the people to catch me smoking, it had to be the Assistant Medical Chief. Typical," he stated, pulling himself up to put out his cig.
"Ah, wait! I didn't mean to interrupt, I'm not here to berate you.. I was just…"
"…'ooking for an escape?" With his cigarette snugly between his lips, Shikamaru laid back down to observe the passing clouds in twilight.
"Yeah.." turning to leave Shikamaru in peace, Sakura stopped when a crumpled chip bag hit the back of her head. Turning with an un-amused look, Sakura made eye contact, ready for a simple and quick lecture about attacking the unexpecting, before Shikamaru spoke:
"Y'know, for the two smartest shinobi of our graduating class, we sure don't talk much." Patting the spot next to him, he said "Sit down, this spot is the perfect escape."
Sakura sat, reluctant of the smoke, and before thinking blurted out the first thing on her mind.
"I thought you'd given up smoking after Asuma's revenge… Why are you here?!"
Immediately realizing how accusatory she'd sounded, Sakura tried backing up only to be waved off dismissively from Shikamaru.
"You aren't wrong. Why do you think I'm hiding away up hear of all places? It's not exactly something I'm proud of, but… I realized Asuma did it for a reason. It helps."
Confusion graced Sakura's features. Tobacco was, is a drug! It's not medication, not something you can get prescribed to you, and more importantly, it had serious health risks! Sakura trusts Shikamaru. He isn't the genius of their class without reason. Yet, here he was doing something so idiotic, because it 'helped'.
Her eyes flicked from her wringing hands, to the pack of cigarettes between them, then to Shikamaru's look of relaxation as he took another drag.
Her voice came out so quiet and shaky, Shikamaru had to strain to hear it over the roaring cicadas. Through biting lips, Sakura managed to mumble:
"I could use some help."
Shikamaru saw the determination in her eyes, even as tears threatened to spill over. To think that the Assistant Medial Chief could be in so much pain she'd be willing to try anything to satiate it. Never one to deny a friend in need, Shikamaru withheld his usual health schpeal and hesitance - knowing that Sakura probably had the information already ingrained into her skull – and tapped out another cigarette, offering it towards her.
With a comfortable, trusting silence between them, Sakura allowed Shikamaru to light her butt, pulling in the first drag hesitantly.
It tasted disgusting. Like tar and evil and cancer. She hacked out her next couple of breaths, but seeing the way Shikamaru dragged with little effort gave her a slice of playful determination. She pulled slowly, feeling the smoke flitter against her tongue and down her throat. It burned, but in a way that felt good, almost as a pleasurable punishment for falling to such depths.
For what felt like hours, they sat and watched the clouds drift past the rising moon.
As her butt became shorter and shorter, ash filling the air, Sakura began to feel the nicotine course through her veins. It hit her almost like a punch to the stomach. Her muscles tensed and relaxed, and she found herself lying back onto the bench with her fellow genius. It felt.. it felt like returning home after a vigorous mission in winter. Having spent days sweating underneath heavy clothing to shield one from the cold, it was the relief of finally stepping into the threshold of home and slowly stripping away one's thick winter layers. It was the relaxation of muscles and the peace of mind of a successful mission.
As the last of their butts sizzled out, Sakura drew herself up with an almost newfound peace. She thanked Shikamaru dearly, and guided her way home.
That night, Sakura didn't sleep a wink. In the past, it was because of night terrors, or anxiety from the state of the world. Tonight though, Sakura had a mission. Curled up on her couch with books upon books and scrolls strewn about, Sakura began her research on medical herbs and mind-inducing chemicals. She began to search for the answer to her unrelenting pain. The cigarette had been the spark – a disgusting, yet temporary release. Surely, surely there existed a cure that didn't leave the mind numb and unresponsive like the medication the hospital prescribed.
As morning came, Sakura realized that texts could only provide her with so much information. With the Children's Hospital building momentum, Naruto busy studying and training to become Hokage, and Sasuke busy doing whatever the fuck he wanted, she came to a simple solution. There was nothing, not really, that actively demanded her presence here in the village.
With bags under her eyes and coffee in hand, Sakura marched her way to the Hokage's office to request to be put into fieldwork.
a/n:: Have you figured out what her miracle drug is?
Please leave a review, this is my first time writing for a crowd!