First lover

Chapter one:

Sakuno felt the bed shift as Ryoma moved from her. She stared ahead then at the wall then the floor and the pile of clothes lying there. Lastly she glanced at Ryoma; he was doing the same thing. 'Had they really just done what they did?' ran wildly in their minds. They couldn't believe it, though the substantial evidence lay all around them. Hastily thrown cloths lie in small piles across the bedroom's floor and out into the hall. A thorn plastic packet lay open near the trash can, not making it in due to the owners unfocused shot. Rumpled blankets and sheets lay at the end of the bed, the tails just covering their bodies as they shifted with the dawning knowledge that they really did just have sex. Their first time together and Sakuno's first ever. She couldn't believe herself. She'd not meant for this to happen and now that it was over, she was getting a queasy feeling in her stomach, forming a hot sensation that was slowly moving up from her belly to her throat cutting off her air supply and into the back of her eyes causing a great amount of pressure there. Sakuno brought her hand up to cover herself more before bringing it to her face to cover her eyes. The pressure was building and she was afraid it meant she was going to cry, or puke or maybe even both. Another shift brought Sakuno's attention back to the other occupant of the bed, not that it hadn't been blaringly obvious already. Breathing in a huge gulp of air Sakuno tried to contain the hot liquid coming to the corners of her eyes, and not succeeding at all.

These actions caused Ryoma's focus to turn to Sakuno, before looking away in panic as he saw the tears coursing from behind her hand, down her cheeks and onto the neck he'd so recently been nibbling on. Red hickey's already forming from the many 'love' bits he'd given her during intercourse. Sitting up, making sure the blanket stayed well up on his hips, Ryoma brought his knees upwards towards his chest before leaning on elbow onto his left knee and trying to look in every direction but down and to his right. Yet his eyes continued to torment him by continuously turning in her direction. He didn't know what to do, and his brain continued to malfunction as more tears slipped past the barrier of Sakuno's shaking palm. What could he say, he was sorry, that would only make things worse, and telling her that he hadn't meant for things to progress they way they had, was also out of the question. His usual response to unknown territory would be to rely on his cocky behavior and act as though he was in total control; but he couldn't bring himself to do that. The great cool confident prince attitude he carried on himself had completely abandoned him.

The bed shook now as the silent sobs of the young eighteen year old girl next to him grew increasingly stronger. Ryoma opened his mouth to say something but only a choked noise produced from his throat. This seemed to have caught her attention as she stiffened as much as possible and tried to wipe away tears that refused to be pushed behind a dam. She too sat up and tried to fix herself, fiddling with the blankets as her grip on the sheet bunched and unclenched as she looked at her lap her loosened hair blocking her face from his view. She curled into herself as she moved an inch away from him, cutting into him with her silent rejection of what had just transpired between them.

"What do you want me to do?" Ryoma's whisper coming out as a plea as he tried to choke the feelings back down. He didn't understand why he could not control his emotions. He'd never had problems before, yet now that he needed the words that would make this all better, to make it go away, he couldn't think of anything to say. Sakuno's head came up a little at his words, staying silent until she could choke the tightness in her throat back down. The quivers in her stomach increasing as time passed.

"What is there to do? It's over and done, it can't be taken back, it can't be undone." Sakuno moved quicker than she'd thought she could as she grabbed one of the blankets from the end of the bed wrapping it around her body as she stood to walk away. But her legs where shaking too much, and felt weak and sore after what had happened. Her knees giving way, she crumbled to the floor and into a kneeling position. Great heaves erupted from her, as she grabbed the nearby trash can, retching as she saw the opened condom packet, only glad that it hadn't been forgotten in their rush of idiocy. Her face planting on the rim of the basket and her hair cascading around her, totally obscuring the view of the trash can, and what it now held. Now the tears came even harder, as she couldn't hold the sobs in. Crying harder than she could ever remember crying before, Sakuno asked in a desperate question, which was rolling around in her head, to know one in particular. It could've been to God, or Ryoma, or even just so she could hear it herself. "Why? Why did we do it? I knew better, I had plans and I let them down, and myself. Why did it happen?" Then the sobs took over her again.

She was crying so hard now, that she couldn't even respond as strong lean arms came around her, bringing her face away for the foul smelling trash bin, and into a naked, smooth chest and a scent she was dismayed to realize was a mixture of their coming to together, and which was all over them both. Gripping onto what she could, she cried until she couldn't anymore. Worsening, as she went into silent retreat.

"I don't know." Ryoma said as he began rocking them, to comfort them both and not just her. "I didn't mean for this to happen, I wasn't planning it, it just happened. I really wasn't planning on this." He kept repeating it inside his head, as guilt began to spread. He'd started this, as unintentional as it was, he had started it. He'd asked her to come over, he'd asked her to have dinner here, he'd opened the bottle of sake, and he'd instigated the kiss, and that led to them coming in here to the bedroom and the foreplay that followed. They'd gotten too caught up in themselves, and the drinking had only increased the problem. "What do you want me to do? Do you want me to apologize? To act like this didn't happen? What, what do you want me to do, because I don't know how to fix this." This pleading brought Sakuno out of her withdrawal as she looked up at Ryoma, the pain in his eyes soothing her somehow, as she turned farther into his chest and hugging him to her.

"I don't know. I was waiting, and now I can't take it back. I can't give it to someone else. To my husband, or my fiancé, not even my boyfriend. I gave it to you, a friend. What can we do? Nothing, we can't do anything." Sakuno said, despair echoing in her voice, but also reluctant acceptance that she was no longer a virgin, and that she wouldn't be pure on her wedding day, that her dream gown would be soiled, and her gift gone. She felt sick, not because it was Ryoma, but because she wasn't married, and she promised herself she wouldn't be with anyone but the man she planned to marry. She didn't even have the consolidation that she was his girlfriend, she was just his friend. They'd grown up together since middle school, her first crush, her best guy friend, and now her first lover.

They stayed that way for the rest of the night, not talking, just trying to comfort the other, as they came slowly to grips with their newly defined friendship. When the sun rose, Sakuno got up from the floor and went to the shower and cleaned up. She needed to feel clean. After coming out with some borrowed clothes of Rinko's, Ryoma's mother, on she walked towards the waiting cab, with Ryoma. Not saying anything they separated to spend the rest of their free day thinking on what happened, before going back to school on Monday.

….