Buffy,
This probably sounds so much better in my head. If you could, imagine me, stood in front of you, saying this. Possibly with a box of chocolates too worn from over - practice, saying this to you. Maybe I'm crying, God, I've cried enough. Just please read this. I really would like you to read this.
Bloody hell, this is already coming out wrong.
Read this, and remember I'll wait, as long as it takes, I'll wait.
I close my eyes and you stand, watching me. Making sure my eyes are shut, and you're not really there, I reach out to touch you, but feel nothing. I suppose that's how you feel when you look at me, nothing's there. I'm just someone you can kick when I'm down, after you've hurt me for what seems like long enough, there's a thread you can pull to increase the pain. Yet when I touch you, be it a reassuring hand on the shoulder or a kiss, I sense your pulse start to quicken. I know how you feel Buffy; I just need you to tell me.
God, I love you so much.
I don't think you realise what you truly do when you treat me like this. I beg you, please, don't hide from your emotions, I never did.
I know that as you are reading this you will be thinking what a hypocrite I am, and that you and me could never happen.
Well it has.
I know you won't come and speak to me for a while, maybe ever. But I don't mind.
Actually I do. You got me into this mess, Slayer. If it wasn't for you Dru and I would still be together and I wouldn't love you like I do. I'll still want to kill you. I want to kill you now, for doing this to me, but you and I both know full damn well that I couldn't, whether or not this bloody chip in my head works or not. I love you too much.
I just ask you, don't hurt me anymore.
Yours forever,
Spike x
P.S. I'm still waiting.
This probably sounds so much better in my head. If you could, imagine me, stood in front of you, saying this. Possibly with a box of chocolates too worn from over - practice, saying this to you. Maybe I'm crying, God, I've cried enough. Just please read this. I really would like you to read this.
Bloody hell, this is already coming out wrong.
Read this, and remember I'll wait, as long as it takes, I'll wait.
I close my eyes and you stand, watching me. Making sure my eyes are shut, and you're not really there, I reach out to touch you, but feel nothing. I suppose that's how you feel when you look at me, nothing's there. I'm just someone you can kick when I'm down, after you've hurt me for what seems like long enough, there's a thread you can pull to increase the pain. Yet when I touch you, be it a reassuring hand on the shoulder or a kiss, I sense your pulse start to quicken. I know how you feel Buffy; I just need you to tell me.
God, I love you so much.
I don't think you realise what you truly do when you treat me like this. I beg you, please, don't hide from your emotions, I never did.
I know that as you are reading this you will be thinking what a hypocrite I am, and that you and me could never happen.
Well it has.
I know you won't come and speak to me for a while, maybe ever. But I don't mind.
Actually I do. You got me into this mess, Slayer. If it wasn't for you Dru and I would still be together and I wouldn't love you like I do. I'll still want to kill you. I want to kill you now, for doing this to me, but you and I both know full damn well that I couldn't, whether or not this bloody chip in my head works or not. I love you too much.
I just ask you, don't hurt me anymore.
Yours forever,
Spike x
P.S. I'm still waiting.