Hey guys! Some of you asked for a sequel to ‚Behind These Hazel Eyes'. Well, it was fun to write and here it is! For those who liked the kinda sad ending of BTHE shouldn't read this, because this one will lead to a happy ending!
Song: Buckcherry – Sorry
Disclaimer: I don't own BIG TIME RUSH!
…
Kendall's POV
I was a fucking idiot! Breaking up with James was the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life. Well…if I didn't listen to Gustavo that all wouldn't have happened. Maybe I'm being a hypocrite now… but it's true!
Some weeks ago he asked me to meet him in his office. I thought he wanted to talk about our next song. God was I wrong…
He told me it was bad for the image of the band if I was gay and had a boyfriend. If I was single and interested in girls, millions more of them would buy our CDs and so on.
"Are you kidding me? Are you seriously asking me to leave James because of some stupid CDs?"
"Yes, you could put it that way."
"Are you crazy? I would never leave him! I LOVE HIM!"
"Well, you could just ACT like you're single. Flirt with some girls. Just for the media, you know."
I crossed my arms. There was no chance I would do this. It was totally cheating, even if I just acted.
"No way."
"Let me get clearer…IF YOU DON'T DO IT YOU AND JAMES WILL BE KICKED OUT OF THE BAND!"
…that was clear. Damn… I couldn't go back to Minnesota… Mom and Katie are too happy here… and James…no, he can't go back to his freaking family. There was no other way…
"Alright…"
"I knew you were a smart guy."
I stood up and left his office.
Well, that's the reason for me doing this. I didn't tell James because I didn't want to hurt him. I thought the acting wasn't so bad, but I've seen his eyes as he saw me with the girls. I saw pain, hurt, disappointment. But he didn't say anything at all. He just kept everything inside. I couldn't stand hurting him all the time, so I just had to break up with him. I thought he would move on and find some other guy, or accept it somehow. The week after the break-up was just plain normal. He acted like everything was okay.
Yesterday evening I was practising some new moves for our next music video. When I finished I went to the showers. After taking a long shower, I noticed I forgot my gym bag back at the practising room. So I went back to get it. Suddenly I saw James walking in there and I quickly hid behind a wall. We haven't talked much since last week, and I didn't want to see his face and his faithful hazel eyes that held hurt and sadness.
I heard him play the piano. I knew his mother taught him to play, some months before she died. I recognized the song… it was 'Behind these hazel eyes' by Kelly Clarkson. James started to sing. Oh how I loved his voice. He usually didn't put much emotion in his singing, but right now…his voice was full of it.
He loved me, no, he still loves me with all his heart and I just dumped him. I hurt him deeply. All I wanted right now was to undo the things that happened and hold him in my arms and comfort him like I did when we came together. I couldn't hold my tears back, and by the sound of his voice he also couldn't. The song ended and James walked away, not noticing me.
The next day I spent in my room. Thinking. Crying. Thinking. Crying. I regretted everything. I wanted him back, but after the song yesterday I'm not sure if he wants me, too. He must hate me right now…
"Hey Kendall, are you okay?"
Logan came to my room. Of course he was mad when I broke up with James, but after I told him the whole story he softened. I made him promise me that he wouldn't tell James, and he agreed after some persuading.
"Yeah…"
He sat down beside me.
"I can tell you're lying."
"*sigh*…Logie… I want him back."
He looked surprised.
"Well, then you better hurry up."
"Why?"
"James told us he wants to quit…"
"WHAT?"
"Of course we tried to persuade him to stay, but his reasons are pretty logical. He said he would stay for the concert tomorrow, but after that he will go back to Minnesota."
"Back to his 'family'?"
"Yeah…he said it's easier for him to be at home and have his dilemma there than being reminded of you every day…"
"No… I don't want that!"
"Then do something about that!"
"He wouldn't take me back…"
"He still loves you, Kendall…You just have to show him that you really mean it."
"How?"
"Well… I have an idea…"
James POV
I sighed as I stood behind the stage. My last gig as a member of Big Time Rush. I already booked a flight for tonight. I looked at my friends. They were like they always were before a gig. I would miss them.
We walked up the stage, our trademark smiles on our faces. The first song would be 'Boyfriend'. I mentally prepared for that, but instead of the music Kendall suddenly started speaking.
"Hey you guys! I know you want to hear our songs…but before we start I say something important. Most of you may know it: I'm gay. And I was together with Jamie here."
What the fuck was he doing?
"I made a big mistake…I hurt him, I even broke up with him, just to get people think I wasn't gay."
I couldn't longer hear this speech. Was he trying to make fun of me in front of the audience?
I turned and started walking away.
"Jamie, please wait."
I stood still, but didn't turn around.
"You are the best thing that happened to me, and I don't ever want to be without you anymore… I'm so sorry. And to prove it, I have this little song for you…"
The music started to play and Kendall began to sing…
Oh I
Had a lot to say
Was thinking
On my time away
I missed you
And things weren't the same
Cause everything inside
It never comes out right
And when I see you cry
It makes me want to die
I'm sorry I'm bad
I'm sorry I'm blue
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know
I can't take it back
I love all your cares
I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say:
I'm sorry.
This time
I think I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame
Cause everything inside
It never comes out right
And when I see you cry
It makes me want to die
I'm sorry I'm bad
I'm sorry I'm blue
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know
I can't take it back
I love how you kiss
I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say:
I'm sorry.
Every single day
I think about
How we came all this way
The sleepless nights
And the tears you cried
It's never too late
To make it right
Oh yeah sorry!
I'm sorry I'm bad
I'm sorry I'm blue
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know
I can't take it back
I love all your cares
I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say:
I'm sorry
I'm sorry, baby
I'm sorry, baby
I'm sorry
By the end of the song I was crying like a little kid. This was so romantical! And he did it in front of all the people!
His own wonderful green eyes were full of love and also some tears. He came to me and hugged me. I didn't push away. I clinged to him and cried my eyes out.
"I love you, Jamie…"
"I love you too!"