In which three mages get cursed, and their personalities take a 360 degree turn for the fucking worst.
"Levy." Gajeel was talking strangely, but whatever.
"What?"
"You look hot."
Levy choked on her spit. "What?"
"What?" He asked, nonchalant and he was smoking a cigarette?
"Where did you get the cigarette?" She asked even though her face was on fire. He looked at it as if just noticing it, then got a goofy grin on his face.
"I don't know." She pressed her palm to her face and let out a silent scream.
Natsu was staring intently at the wooden pillar in front of him. Lucy came up and touched his shoulder, kind of sort of worried for his safety. He responded coldly.
"What."
It wasn't a question.
"You're acting weird." She commented and he scoffed before throwing his scarf at her abruptly. "Uh, Natsu?"
"It's fucking hot in here – get that goddamn thing away from me."
"What?" He turned around and glared at her question and made her feel like the stupidest thing since… well him. "You never take this off."
"That might explain why it's hotter than sin."
"What're you staring at?" She asked randomly, and he glared once more at her.
"The fucking wooden pillar, dumbass." He growled.
"Obviously; but why?"
"I'm counting the motherfucking grains." Lucy bit back a laugh.
"Seriously?" He sent her a scathing glare.
"Seriously."
Lucy slowly walked away while holding onto a warm, white scarf and trying to decipher whatever the hell just happened.
"Guys – guys, I'm serious, I need hair gel." Gray abruptly yelled to the rowdy guild.
"What?"
"Yes – I need hair gel. Someone go get it for me; now." He commanded, and people just stared at him, waiting for the punch line. He opened his eyes, angry at being ignored. "This hair isn't going to style itself bitches."
And with that, Juvia sprinted out of the guild, determined to buy the best hair gel in town.
"That's a girl who knows what's going on," He exclaimed, pointing to the guild doors with a satisfied smirk. "But seriously, do I look good in this shirt? Fuck – Lucy I need that scarf." She gave him a bewildered look.
"This is Natsu's."
"No shit Sherlock but its motherfucking cold as balls in here, so chop-chop." He clapped his hands together, and she shook her head and looked to Erza for help, who was eating cake. (Yea good luck Lucy)
"He can have it for fuck's sake! Just stop bothering me – goddamn." Natsu screeched while tugging at his bubblegum locks. The guild was now officially interested and everyone was listening to those two… that is, until Gajeel joined the fray.
"Natsu would like a homeless guy wearing it anyways – just give the damn thing to ice princess over there." Suddenly, Gray smiled a genuine smile at Gajeel.
"You think I'm a princess?"
"Shut the FUCK UP! Both of you! Dammit – will it kill you bitches to stay quiet for a while?!" Nobody was really listening to Natsu now. Gajeel stalked over to Lucy and grabbed the fucking scarf and hurled it at that damn whiny princess.
"Wait – if it looks homeless on Natsu, then does it look homeless on me?" He asked, then the little bastard twirled, and Gajeel just shrugged.
"Honestly you looked homeless before you even put that on, so fuck if I know." Then he suddenly walked over to the stage and then tapped the microphone, gaining all of the attention and the lights switched off.
"TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON – FUCK I NEED TO COUNT THESE GRAINS OKAY."
"I agree with Dragqueen over there, we need lights so I can admire myself properly."
"Shut up you whiny hos. No, I have important shit to announce. Basically, I'm just saying that I'm a motherfucking single-ass guy who likes chicks that are blue-haired. Seriously, it's hot. But blonde is okay." Then he wrinkled his nose. "Never mind – don't want bunny girl. Smells like a fucking garden overflowing with strawberries." Lucy scoffed at this.
"She smells fine you dumbfuck." Natsu growled from somewhere in the back of the guild.
"Natsu you have no sense of smell. Honestly." Gray called and he spun in a circle, giggling like a schoolgirl.
"Gray you look like a prissy little bitch; I take it back. Ditch the scarf." Gajeel muttered, and Gray stopped spinning; he looked to be on the verge of tears. Suddenly there was a bang and then Juvia came sprinting in the guild.
"Gray-sama! I got your hair gel!" She squealed and hurled herself into his arms, not expecting to be caught.
"Yo, thanks, cutie." He grinned, and she promptly fell over, fainting from complete shock.
"See you bastards!? Learn how to work a lady," He growled at the two dragon slayers on either side of the guild and then dropped a passed-out Juvia on a table.
"Real smooth," Natsu muttered. "You made her die. What're you going to do now?" Gajeel pointed at him and slipped on a pair of sunglasses.
"Cock sucker over there has a point; now you're going to go rot in a jail cell and you'll die there. Then what're you gonna do?" Gajeel asked before biting on a cigar.
"Where did the cigar come from?!" Levy squeaked in frustration while tugging at her blue hair.
Suddenly, Gray's face looked panicked. "Oh god, she got the wrong brand! What am I going to do?! Now I've got a dead woman on my hands and I can't even go to jail with the proper look!?" Gray was mortified. Natsu and Gajeel were just nodding solemnly.
"Yea, you're fucked." Natsu said, and Gajeel agreed. Gray sat on the floor and clutched his head.
"This is all wrong."
The guild seriously was beginning to agree with him.
Sorry not sorry.
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