A/N: Ok, I got good reviews so here is the next chapter-like I promised! Ok, I hope to have on more chapter out before Thanksgiving and if I get alot of reviews (hint hint), it will be extremely long so...Please Review! (I LOVE reviews!)
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters associated with Higher Ground
Searching for the Truth12
Your head will always tell you what is right, while your heart will always tell you what is best.-ks
Shelby looked down at the water and then glanced up at Scott. They had been sitting in silence for a while now; obviously neither one of them wanted to say the wrong thing. Shelby looked back down at the water and sighed. She had so many questions, but was afraid of the answers. She just wanted everything to go back to what they used to be, before he had left. She knew it couldn't be like that though. She knew she had to hear the answers and ask the questions if she ever wanted things to go back to what they were. She closed her eyes, knowing that soon he would say something and that's when it all, everything she had felt while he was gone, would be released.
Scott gave Shelby a small smile as she looked up him, but turned away once she focused her attention back on the water. He looked over at the gazebo as all the thoughts of that night came rushing back. He had lived that night over and over in his head so many times he didn't even begin to count. He knew that Shelby wanted an explanation, and he also knew the only reason she was going to talk to him now was because she wanted to set a good example for her sister. He sighed as he thought of that night's events and how he would explain everything he had been feeling. He had rehearsed a speech over and over in his head, but he knew Shelby would see right through that. How was he supposed to explain that he wasn't just using her, because he knew that is what she was thinking? How was he supposed to explain that he really did, and still does love her, because he knew all those question were running through her head? He swung his legs back and forth over the dock, remembering what Daisy had told him. 'The eyes are the windows to one's soul' she had said. Scott looked over at Shelby, wondering if he really wanted to know how she felt. He took in a deep breath, knowing that sooner or later her feelings towards him would come and he had to be ready for it and be strong, no matter what.
Ezra hung his head low as he slowly walked up the steps of the boy's cabin. He couldn't believe he had read Daisy's personal entries. He felt so low and depressed. Daisy trusted him and then he went off and read her stuff, private stuff. He cursed himself as he slowly opened the door and walked in. He walked over to his bed and laid on it, staring at the ceiling, wishing it would cave in on him and safe him the pain of having to tell Daisy what he had done.
"Turned you down again?"
He raised his head just enough so that he could see David sitting on the floor, his legs stretched out and his head leaning up against the wall. David didn't wear the same sneer he usually did when seeing Ezra, and he didn't laugh at Ezra. He just rolled his eyes as Ezra gave him a small nod and then lay his head back down.
Ezra: Worse, I betrayed her
David continued looking at the ceiling, even though the position his neck was in was very painful
David: That must suck
Ezra: Big time
They sat there in silence for a while. Ezra still lying on his bed and David sitting up against the wall…
Jess walked past the gazebo and towards the picnic tables where she saw Sophie talking with someone. She walked up to Sophie and gave her a small smile…
Jess: I just wanted to let you know, I got my answers
With that, Jess slowly walked away. Sophie smiled to herself, knowing what Jess had meant. She nodded her head slowly…
Sophie: Good…
Ezra sighed as he closed his eyes. He felt so stupid. The one person who trusted him, and accepted him for him would no longer trust him after she found out what he had done. He slowly opened his eyes…
Ezra: She's all yours.
David rolled his eyes as he continued sitting in the same position, which he had been in for what seemed like forever.
David: I don't want her man, I'm not deserving
Ezra: That makes of us then
David scratched at the carpet with his hands and closed his eyes
David: Ever wonder who you really are?
Ezra: I wondered who Daisy thought I really was and now I wish I didn't know the answer
David: Yeah, well I wish I knew who I really was
Ezra sighed as he placed his hands under his head and closed his eyes
Ezra: Starting today, that makes two of us
Scott kicked at the side of the dock a little harder. The silence was getting louder and louder. He couldn't stand it much longer. He took in a deep breath as he pulled his leg up under him and turned to face Shelby.
Scott: I'm sorry
Shelby turned her head for a brief second to look at him, and then her attention back to the water
Scott: I know you're mad at me. I'm sorta glad, too.
Shelby furrowed her brow as she looked back over at Scott
Shelby: *sarcastically* Well that says a lot
Scott gave her a small smile as he ran a hand through his hair nervously
Scott: What I mean is, if you weren't mad at me, then that would mean I didn't mean anything to you. At least this way I have something to go on.
Shelby laughed a little at Scott's comment, but her expression turned quickly turned back to a serious one
Scott shrugged his shoulders as he continued staring at her
Scott: That's what my mom told me anyway. She said if someone really cares about you, that when you hurt them, which you should never do in the first place, if they stay mad at you, then they still care
He continued staring at her, hoping to get some sign of hope
Scott: I talked to my mom a lot over the summer and told her a lot about you, about us. I also told her what I did…
Shelby turned to face him, a worried look on her face
Scott: She said that if she weren't my mother she would slap me.
Shelby nodded her head and smiled. Slapping him was something she had felt like doing a lot over the summer for what he had done to her, and how he had made her feel.
Scott: Anyway, I also tried to explain to her why I did it. I don't know if she really ever understood what I was trying to say, but I tried.
Shelby turned to look at him again
Shelby: What'd you say to her
Scott sighed as he ran a hand through his hair nervously
Scott: I told her how I sorta felt obligated to go home with dad. I mean, I screwed up with him, and it was sorta like he was giving me a second chance to make it right.
Shelby: You didn't screw up, none of it was your fault…
Scott raised his hand, motioning for Shelby to let him finish. She nodded her head as she looked back out over the water…
Scott: It might not have been my fault, but I was left to fix it.
Scott looked around nervously, not sure how to explain this next part…
Scott: The night of the morp, you were beautiful. I felt worse and worse as it went on cause I knew that the next morning I would be leaving. I know I came on to you and all, but I did have a reason.
Shelby looked over at Scott. She was now fighting back tears, wondering what he was about to say…
Scott: Shelb, I wanted my last night to be special. I know that probably doesn't even make any sense, but that is how my head was working that night. I wasn't thinkin' about how it would make you feel, and I'm sorry.
Scott looked down at his hands and then back up at Shelby
Scott: All I was thinking was how I loved you and that it would be ok.
Shelby nodded her head understandingly
Shelby: It's ok…
Scott shook his head…
Scott: No it isn't. Truth is, I wasn't even ready. After all that Elaine did and the nightmares I have about it, I'm scared of it.
Scott looked back down at his hands
Scott: I know it's stupid and all, but it's the truth. All I know is that I really did love you and after that…the rest is history.
They sat there in awkward silence for a few minutes. Scott staring at his hands embarrassed and Shelby staring out over the water confused…
Daisy walked over to the table for which she had left her book on, and sat down in the chair across from it. She reached over and grabbed her notebook, then leaned back in the chair. She began thumbing through the book, looking for the essay she had written for Peter.
Daisy: *dryly* Write down all my tormented emotions that I felt when I looked into Scott's eyes and then leave it out in the open. Shows how much it really means to me…
She rolled her eyes, a bit disgusted with herself, and then stopped when she came across the page she was looking for. She tore it out of her book and held it in her hand, going over it one last time. She nodded approvingly and tucked the loose piece of paper back in the notebook. She then stood up, notebook in hand, and headed towards Peter's office.
Daisy: *dryly* Maybe I'll get an 'A' for not ripping the paper this time
She laughed at her own stupid remark and quickened her pace a bit, eager to see what Peter would think of her essay…
Shelby looked over at Scott who was still looking down at his hands.
Shelby: Thank you
Scott looked up at her and shook his head, wondering if he had heard her right
Scott: For what
Shelby shrugged her shoulders as she looked back out over the water
Shelby: Wanting to do something special for me.
Scott gave her a small smile and slightly nodded his head
Shelby: And don't worry, I won't go around telling the guys
Scott laughed at Shelby, knowing what she was referring to. He then stopped his laughing and smiled at her appreciatively
Scott: Thanks
Shelby sighed and closed her eyes tight
Shelby: I have the nightmares, too. I hate them as much as you do. They screw up my whole life, and Jess's.
Shelby shrugged her shoulders as she laughed nervously
Shelby: What am I supposed to do though, tell Jess not to worry, they will go away…? (she shook her head and began crying) I can't do that; they'll never go away. I'm supposed to tell her all the right answers, let her know everything will be ok, but I can't even tell myself that anymore, cause I know it isn't true.
Shelby continued staring at the water. Scott watched has she begun to shake. He slowly moved over to her, putting an arm around her for comfort.
Shelby: I'm supposed to have all the answers, and I don't even know them myself.
Scott nodded his head understandingly and found himself wiping away his own tears.
Scott: You're not supposed to, Shel. You're not God; you're just human. You can't know everything. Not even Freakin' knows everything
Scott smiled to himself approvingly at the sound of Shelby laughing. He moved her arm from around her as she slowly sat up…
Shelby smiled at him. Her eyes were red, but she had quit crying
Shelby: So much for being strong, huh?
Scott: You are, Shelb.
Shelby nodded her head as she leaned over and gave him a hug.
Shelby: Thanks for listening
Scott nodded his head as he watched her pull away.
Scott: I honestly am sorry. I was just being a jerk
Shelby smirked at him
Shelby: *sarcastically* Nothing new, huh?
Scott cocked his head a little to the side and laughed at her
Scott: I guess I deserved that
Shelby: *sarcastically* I could've slapped you
Scott held up his hands
Scott: Jerk is fine
Shelby laughed at him as she looked back out over the water
Scott: Hey, Shel…
Shelby furrowed her brow
Shelby: Yeah…
Scott: What does this mean?
She shook her head as she shrugged her shoulders
Shelby: I don't know…
Scott nodded his head, as he, too looked out over the water
Scott: Oh…
They sat there in silence, both admiring the sun's rays sparkling off the water. They were both still full with questions, but neither one of them wanted to ruin the mood to ask them. Scott looked over at Shelby and took her hand. He smiled to himself when she didn't pull away, and then he turned his attention back to the water. They both continued staring out over it in silence…
*************************************************************************************
Soon to come: It's time for Daisy to turn in her essay...
Scott talks some more with Shelby...
David and Ezra examine their lives a bit more...
Juliete and Auggie talk...
Something happens with Jess...
Too much to explain...
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters associated with Higher Ground
Searching for the Truth12
Your head will always tell you what is right, while your heart will always tell you what is best.-ks
Shelby looked down at the water and then glanced up at Scott. They had been sitting in silence for a while now; obviously neither one of them wanted to say the wrong thing. Shelby looked back down at the water and sighed. She had so many questions, but was afraid of the answers. She just wanted everything to go back to what they used to be, before he had left. She knew it couldn't be like that though. She knew she had to hear the answers and ask the questions if she ever wanted things to go back to what they were. She closed her eyes, knowing that soon he would say something and that's when it all, everything she had felt while he was gone, would be released.
Scott gave Shelby a small smile as she looked up him, but turned away once she focused her attention back on the water. He looked over at the gazebo as all the thoughts of that night came rushing back. He had lived that night over and over in his head so many times he didn't even begin to count. He knew that Shelby wanted an explanation, and he also knew the only reason she was going to talk to him now was because she wanted to set a good example for her sister. He sighed as he thought of that night's events and how he would explain everything he had been feeling. He had rehearsed a speech over and over in his head, but he knew Shelby would see right through that. How was he supposed to explain that he wasn't just using her, because he knew that is what she was thinking? How was he supposed to explain that he really did, and still does love her, because he knew all those question were running through her head? He swung his legs back and forth over the dock, remembering what Daisy had told him. 'The eyes are the windows to one's soul' she had said. Scott looked over at Shelby, wondering if he really wanted to know how she felt. He took in a deep breath, knowing that sooner or later her feelings towards him would come and he had to be ready for it and be strong, no matter what.
Ezra hung his head low as he slowly walked up the steps of the boy's cabin. He couldn't believe he had read Daisy's personal entries. He felt so low and depressed. Daisy trusted him and then he went off and read her stuff, private stuff. He cursed himself as he slowly opened the door and walked in. He walked over to his bed and laid on it, staring at the ceiling, wishing it would cave in on him and safe him the pain of having to tell Daisy what he had done.
"Turned you down again?"
He raised his head just enough so that he could see David sitting on the floor, his legs stretched out and his head leaning up against the wall. David didn't wear the same sneer he usually did when seeing Ezra, and he didn't laugh at Ezra. He just rolled his eyes as Ezra gave him a small nod and then lay his head back down.
Ezra: Worse, I betrayed her
David continued looking at the ceiling, even though the position his neck was in was very painful
David: That must suck
Ezra: Big time
They sat there in silence for a while. Ezra still lying on his bed and David sitting up against the wall…
Jess walked past the gazebo and towards the picnic tables where she saw Sophie talking with someone. She walked up to Sophie and gave her a small smile…
Jess: I just wanted to let you know, I got my answers
With that, Jess slowly walked away. Sophie smiled to herself, knowing what Jess had meant. She nodded her head slowly…
Sophie: Good…
Ezra sighed as he closed his eyes. He felt so stupid. The one person who trusted him, and accepted him for him would no longer trust him after she found out what he had done. He slowly opened his eyes…
Ezra: She's all yours.
David rolled his eyes as he continued sitting in the same position, which he had been in for what seemed like forever.
David: I don't want her man, I'm not deserving
Ezra: That makes of us then
David scratched at the carpet with his hands and closed his eyes
David: Ever wonder who you really are?
Ezra: I wondered who Daisy thought I really was and now I wish I didn't know the answer
David: Yeah, well I wish I knew who I really was
Ezra sighed as he placed his hands under his head and closed his eyes
Ezra: Starting today, that makes two of us
Scott kicked at the side of the dock a little harder. The silence was getting louder and louder. He couldn't stand it much longer. He took in a deep breath as he pulled his leg up under him and turned to face Shelby.
Scott: I'm sorry
Shelby turned her head for a brief second to look at him, and then her attention back to the water
Scott: I know you're mad at me. I'm sorta glad, too.
Shelby furrowed her brow as she looked back over at Scott
Shelby: *sarcastically* Well that says a lot
Scott gave her a small smile as he ran a hand through his hair nervously
Scott: What I mean is, if you weren't mad at me, then that would mean I didn't mean anything to you. At least this way I have something to go on.
Shelby laughed a little at Scott's comment, but her expression turned quickly turned back to a serious one
Scott shrugged his shoulders as he continued staring at her
Scott: That's what my mom told me anyway. She said if someone really cares about you, that when you hurt them, which you should never do in the first place, if they stay mad at you, then they still care
He continued staring at her, hoping to get some sign of hope
Scott: I talked to my mom a lot over the summer and told her a lot about you, about us. I also told her what I did…
Shelby turned to face him, a worried look on her face
Scott: She said that if she weren't my mother she would slap me.
Shelby nodded her head and smiled. Slapping him was something she had felt like doing a lot over the summer for what he had done to her, and how he had made her feel.
Scott: Anyway, I also tried to explain to her why I did it. I don't know if she really ever understood what I was trying to say, but I tried.
Shelby turned to look at him again
Shelby: What'd you say to her
Scott sighed as he ran a hand through his hair nervously
Scott: I told her how I sorta felt obligated to go home with dad. I mean, I screwed up with him, and it was sorta like he was giving me a second chance to make it right.
Shelby: You didn't screw up, none of it was your fault…
Scott raised his hand, motioning for Shelby to let him finish. She nodded her head as she looked back out over the water…
Scott: It might not have been my fault, but I was left to fix it.
Scott looked around nervously, not sure how to explain this next part…
Scott: The night of the morp, you were beautiful. I felt worse and worse as it went on cause I knew that the next morning I would be leaving. I know I came on to you and all, but I did have a reason.
Shelby looked over at Scott. She was now fighting back tears, wondering what he was about to say…
Scott: Shelb, I wanted my last night to be special. I know that probably doesn't even make any sense, but that is how my head was working that night. I wasn't thinkin' about how it would make you feel, and I'm sorry.
Scott looked down at his hands and then back up at Shelby
Scott: All I was thinking was how I loved you and that it would be ok.
Shelby nodded her head understandingly
Shelby: It's ok…
Scott shook his head…
Scott: No it isn't. Truth is, I wasn't even ready. After all that Elaine did and the nightmares I have about it, I'm scared of it.
Scott looked back down at his hands
Scott: I know it's stupid and all, but it's the truth. All I know is that I really did love you and after that…the rest is history.
They sat there in awkward silence for a few minutes. Scott staring at his hands embarrassed and Shelby staring out over the water confused…
Daisy walked over to the table for which she had left her book on, and sat down in the chair across from it. She reached over and grabbed her notebook, then leaned back in the chair. She began thumbing through the book, looking for the essay she had written for Peter.
Daisy: *dryly* Write down all my tormented emotions that I felt when I looked into Scott's eyes and then leave it out in the open. Shows how much it really means to me…
She rolled her eyes, a bit disgusted with herself, and then stopped when she came across the page she was looking for. She tore it out of her book and held it in her hand, going over it one last time. She nodded approvingly and tucked the loose piece of paper back in the notebook. She then stood up, notebook in hand, and headed towards Peter's office.
Daisy: *dryly* Maybe I'll get an 'A' for not ripping the paper this time
She laughed at her own stupid remark and quickened her pace a bit, eager to see what Peter would think of her essay…
Shelby looked over at Scott who was still looking down at his hands.
Shelby: Thank you
Scott looked up at her and shook his head, wondering if he had heard her right
Scott: For what
Shelby shrugged her shoulders as she looked back out over the water
Shelby: Wanting to do something special for me.
Scott gave her a small smile and slightly nodded his head
Shelby: And don't worry, I won't go around telling the guys
Scott laughed at Shelby, knowing what she was referring to. He then stopped his laughing and smiled at her appreciatively
Scott: Thanks
Shelby sighed and closed her eyes tight
Shelby: I have the nightmares, too. I hate them as much as you do. They screw up my whole life, and Jess's.
Shelby shrugged her shoulders as she laughed nervously
Shelby: What am I supposed to do though, tell Jess not to worry, they will go away…? (she shook her head and began crying) I can't do that; they'll never go away. I'm supposed to tell her all the right answers, let her know everything will be ok, but I can't even tell myself that anymore, cause I know it isn't true.
Shelby continued staring at the water. Scott watched has she begun to shake. He slowly moved over to her, putting an arm around her for comfort.
Shelby: I'm supposed to have all the answers, and I don't even know them myself.
Scott nodded his head understandingly and found himself wiping away his own tears.
Scott: You're not supposed to, Shel. You're not God; you're just human. You can't know everything. Not even Freakin' knows everything
Scott smiled to himself approvingly at the sound of Shelby laughing. He moved her arm from around her as she slowly sat up…
Shelby smiled at him. Her eyes were red, but she had quit crying
Shelby: So much for being strong, huh?
Scott: You are, Shelb.
Shelby nodded her head as she leaned over and gave him a hug.
Shelby: Thanks for listening
Scott nodded his head as he watched her pull away.
Scott: I honestly am sorry. I was just being a jerk
Shelby smirked at him
Shelby: *sarcastically* Nothing new, huh?
Scott cocked his head a little to the side and laughed at her
Scott: I guess I deserved that
Shelby: *sarcastically* I could've slapped you
Scott held up his hands
Scott: Jerk is fine
Shelby laughed at him as she looked back out over the water
Scott: Hey, Shel…
Shelby furrowed her brow
Shelby: Yeah…
Scott: What does this mean?
She shook her head as she shrugged her shoulders
Shelby: I don't know…
Scott nodded his head, as he, too looked out over the water
Scott: Oh…
They sat there in silence, both admiring the sun's rays sparkling off the water. They were both still full with questions, but neither one of them wanted to ruin the mood to ask them. Scott looked over at Shelby and took her hand. He smiled to himself when she didn't pull away, and then he turned his attention back to the water. They both continued staring out over it in silence…
*************************************************************************************
Soon to come: It's time for Daisy to turn in her essay...
Scott talks some more with Shelby...
David and Ezra examine their lives a bit more...
Juliete and Auggie talk...
Something happens with Jess...
Too much to explain...