Author's Note: I decided to combine the original chapters 1 and 2 and go through and correct some of the typos that have been bugging me. I was going to wait until I had the next chapter finished to post this but due to "technical" difficulties I'm not sure how often I will get the chance to post so I decided just to get this out so you wont think I'm dead or something. Anyway, there's not much change here but I decided to change the title to accommodate for a new direction with the plot later on. The scene that inspired this whole thing has been taken out, I here that happens more than people think.
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim and Ztarlight thought up the name Snorkans. Thanks Ztarlight!
Reading 'One Bad Day' before you read this is recommended
"Oh, my head," groaned Dib as he slowly regained consciousness. He felt rather like he had been run over by a large flatbed truck and then of course the said truck, being rather spiteful and cliché, had backed up and done it again.
"Perhaps you need more of that greasy fur you humans call hair," suggested Zim. He had been up for the last 15 minutes thinking up ways of insulting the human and he full intended to "milk" it.
"What would you know about hair?" retorted Dib, dizziness putting him at a disadvantage.
"Obviously more than you judging by that ridiculous whippy thing on your head," snorted Zim. Dib rolled his eyes skywards, it was unclear as to whether he was trying to discredit Zim's remark or get a good look at the "whippy thing" that was indeed on his head. Either way, he didn't reply.
"So where are we anyway?" asked Dib after a few moments of awkward silence.
"How should I know human?" replied Zim sneeringly.
"Well I've never been out of my country let alone off my planet," replied Dib, feeling that he had to state the obvious. "You are a member of 'Irken Elite' after all," he added with a goodly amount of sarcasm thrown in to make it interesting. Zim just scowled back having no real reply. As much as he hated to admit it the human had a point.
Feeling that he needed to beat the human at this game of wits Zim looked around the cubicle they were being held in hoping to find some way of getting out. Dib did likewise. However, this was the 52 time Zim had examined the cell and true to his previous results he saw no means of escape; no windows, no vents, not even a door. Zim went over in his mind all the races with instant teleportation technology; the prospects were bleak indeed.
"We'll have to wait for somebody to come and get us," said Dib, no more pleased than Zim.
"Nice to see your grasp of the obvious has remained firm," muttered Zim. Dib just stuck his tongue out in reply. "Oh that's just sad Dib. Besides, mines longer!" replied Zim sticking out his own tongue.
"Well I can touch my nose," said Dib with pride, even as he said it he realized just how lame that sounded. Still, he had made the statement and prove it he must. So with much effort, he daintily touched his tongue to his noise.
"Yeah well I can too," replied Zim defensively. "And I can do it better."
"Ha! You don't even have a nose!" yelled Dib pointing at him accusingly.
"I do too!" answered Zim quickly and smugly. " And what a nose it is! Much better than your mere human noses."
"Oh yeah. Where is it?" Zim faltered, he had no idea how to reply to that. Dib grinned smugly.
"Well it's under my skin," improvised Zim sounding like he actually knew what he was talking about. "You can't see it." Dib was actually unsure about what to say for a moment.
"You lie!"
"I do not!"
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
***Meanwhile*****
"I told you the door on this floor need repairs, but does anyone listen to me? No. I'm just the nameless faceless middle child."
"Will you shut up," replied Verandaz (who from here on in will be cause Daz for the sake of time) the oldest of the three Snorkans present.
"I don't have any lines in this part, I resent that," said Tesra the youngest of the three Snorkan sisters for no apparent reason.
"Is this even worth it?" asked the nameless faceless one. "I mean, they looked kind of… well."
"Stupid," inserted Tesra.
"Listen, I'm sick of you guys questioning my judgement," said Daz as she proceeded to fiddle with the control panel trying to unseal the door. Finally she found the right two wires and an opening appeared. "I know I've made mistakes in the past but this time I think we've actually found some intelligent beings. Just go with me on this, I have a good feeling." Neither of her two sisters replied, they just stood there looking straight past Daz. Finally she turned around and looked into the room.
***
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Not! Not! Not!"
"Too! Too! Too!"
"I DO NOT!"
"Liar, liar pants on fire!"
"I don't wear pants…"
"Oh yeah."
The three snorkans watched the exchange in a state of disappointed confusion. "What was that you were saying about intelligence?" muttered Tesra. Daz just glared daggers at her sister in response.
"Hey Zim," said Dib suddenly realizing that they were no longer alone.
"Yes pitiful earth monkey?"
"Who are they?"
"How should I know?"
"I thought we already went over this?"
"Look here you filthy little…"
"SILENCE!" yelled the nameless faceless middle child. Everyone in the room jumped and looked at her. "They're all yours Daz."
"Uh yeah," said Daz still stunned. But then the Snorkan shook herself awake and turned to the prisoners. "We are the three top advisors to Zorga the Ixnth, queen of the Snorkan Empire. Our names are Verandaz and Tesra," announced Daz proudly.
"But there are three of you," pointed out Dib. Everyone just ignored him as usual.
"What do you want with us?" Growled Zim, he already had an idea though, he had learned about Snorkans at the Invader School. It was hard to believe that the two species had originated in the same manner and from almost the same gene pool. The Snorkans were tall, with green eyes and curly antennae (which meant that they were female). Their skin was also a hideous shade of blue compared to the lovely green that covered all Irkens. Zim couldn't stop, not that he tried, the wave of pride that swept over him when he compared the two races. There was no race in the galaxy that could compare to Irkens in his mind anyway. He glanced at the weakling human and didn't even bother to try.
The pitiful creature was attempting to glare at everyone at once, probably feeling indignant about being ignored. It suddenly occurred to him that Dib had no clue what a Snorkan was. In fact he hardly knew what an Irken was. Zim felt the smallest twinge of pity for him. It must… what was it humans said? It must suck not to be Irken.
While all this had been going on in Zim's mind the Snorkans had been explaining why they had captured the two. And since Zim already knows what's going on we're gonna back track a few minutes for the sake of Dib and the rest of us humans.
***
"What do we want with you," repeated Daz mockingly. "Oh it's quite simple really."
"We're making you and your little friend compete in a bunch of pointless competitions in hopes that you'll preform senseless acts of violence all for the sake of betting so we can boost our economy," said the middle snorkan in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. The other two snorkans stared at her. "Oh like you didn't know," she retorted defensively.
"Actually I was going to tell him about our queen and the whole tradition of capturing hapless beings and having them kill each other," said Daz sounding rather disappointed.
"Yes but we have time constraints and that beginning was going NOWHERE!" said N.F.O (Nameless Faceless One) causing everyone to jump at the last word. Zim even snapped out of his little trance and started to pay attention.
"I think it's time I took someone to visit the infirmary for their medication," said Tesra in a tone loaded with mock cheerfulness.
"What! I don't have time for that now!" yelled Daz causing everyone to stare. "I have to open the maze, report to head quarters, and place all my illegal bets! Oh wait…" Daz chuckled nervously as everyone stared at her unblinkingly.
"I told her not to have that fourth drink at lunch," muttered N.F.O to Tesra, who nodded in agreement.
"I had heard that," growled Daz glaring at them.
"Good, I was afraid your hearing was going along with your brain," said Tesra venomously.
"Mother always said she'd be trouble," pointed out N.F.O.
"Ha! I knew it! Mom always liked you best!" yelled Daz pointing an accusing finger.
Now Dib had been watching all this out of sheer boredom and was beginning to wonder if every alien he would ever meet would always be insane. He had had an alarming amount of encounters with mentally ill aliens considering he hadn't been expecting to actually meet any aliens at all until he joined some scientific institute. He tried to remember just when things had started going down hill. He remembered something about fanfiction authors and the rest was a blur…
"Look who's talking you can't even open a door!"
"It's not my fault no one ever bothers to inspect any of the machines around here!"
"It tried to tell…"
"Will you shut up! You've been absolutely no help what so ever!"
"Well I never!" Zim cleared his throat and the three snorkans' attention snapped back to the two prisoners.
"Yes!" all three said in union.
"Aren't you guys supposed to torture us or something," said Dib cutting in before Zim could say anything. Zim's eyes narrowed at his choice of words.
"What? Oh yeah, the maze," said Daz suddenly remembering. "You must face the maze and survive, if you can accomplish this we will give you your freedom." Dib couldn't help thinking that the moment had been ruined before it had ever started. But none the less Daz continued on undaunted as she dramatically produced a remote from somewhere inside the folds of her robes. Glaring at the two for effect she pushed a large red button. Gears ground together, the lights dimmed, an insect hanging from the ceiling in the corner rolled it's seven eyes at the corny special effects, and the wall started to slide back.
The wall slid back and the overly bright fluorescent lights, that didn't really compliment the interior of the maze at all, blinded them. Dib peered cautiously past the glaring lights and dancing little green spots to see a long hallway that split into two at the end. On the whole it didn't look particularly threatening but he decided to fake it none the less.
"We have to go in there?" he asked pointing.
"Yes!" said Daz obviously enjoying the moment.
"Oh. Darn," said Dib rather unenthusiastically. Zim smacked him in the back of the head and he turned around to glare at the Irken. Zim was obviously paranoid about something Dib just wished he knew what.
"Go now!" yelled Daz as the two slowly picked themselves up and shuffled towards the opening. "And boys." They turned to look at her. "Do try to make this as entertaining as possible, we have a whole half hour show we have to do at 7 about this."
****************
GIR looked over the spot where his master and the human had been just a few minutes ago for the millionth time. Once again, seeing nothing of any interests except a paperclip and some pocket lint, he decided to give up the search. It was now totally clear, even to GIR, that the two rivals were no where in the room or probably the house. In that case he should probably do something.
There would almost certainly be something in the lab that could help him locate Zim. Then he could go after them, thought GIR warming to the idea. Yes! He could go and rescue them! Then he'd hop in his bright red, super secret, heroic space ship and fly them home. He could be a hero! Or he could just go get a brainfreezy…
GIR carefully weighed the choices and then headed for the door. He had learned that sometimes it was just best to let Zim take care of himself. Besides, he reeeeaallly needed a brainfreezy and maybe some nachos, and a taco! As GIR left the house he was certain he was making the right decision. Besides, he hadn't been all that sure where to get a bright red, super secret space ship anyway.
****************
"So this is the MAZE," said Dib putting a sarcastic emphasis on the word 'maze'. He tapped one of the walls; it sounded hollow. "Not that scary really. I mean those fluorescent lights are annoying but…"
"Silence human!" hissed Zim. "You have no idea what you've gotten us into this time."
"Me? They're your enemies Zim, I don't even really know what they are," replied Dib more than a little annoyed.
"They're Snorkans and if you had any brains at all you'd be worried too," replied Zim as he headed down the hall.
"Oh come on," said Dib certain Zim must be trying to scare him. "They were arguing about a stupid door, you're telling me they could actually think up some sort of trap," he chuckled a little at the thought. "This is nothing I can't handle." Zim halted his steady stride and turned to glare at the impudent human.
"You think you can make it through one of these mazes human? Then you wont mind going alone," he hissed his eyes going narrow and his gaze filled with loathing.
Dib raised an eyebrow. "Fine, I have a great sense of direction," he boasted just as he walked into the wall separating the two different routes. That was all to cliché, he thought as he rubbed his forehead. Zim gave him a smug look.
"At least I won't have to worry about you ruining my mission once I escape from this rat hole," said Zim as he turned and headed down the left hallway. Dib glared at him as he left and pointedly took the right one.
"It's just some pathetic maze, how hard can it be?" he muttered to reassure himself. All the same a rebellious voice in the back of his head muttered, 'Heh, famous last words.'
AN: Alright, on to the next chapter where hopefully something interesting will happen. Reviews appreciated as well as constructive criticism if you think it sucks. However, senseless flames will be used to reheat my chicken soup so don't even bother. Only I'm allowed to insult my work for no reason!