A/N I had a massive urge to write an all dialogue scene with Draco and Harry…don't ask me why…
Stuck in a Closet…How Cliché
"WHAT THE FUCK POTTER!"
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M STUCK IN A FUCKING DARK CLOSET WITH YOU, MALFOY!"
"LIKE HELL IT'S NOT!"
"WELL IT'S NOT! Those stupid girls chase me everywhere! How the bloody hell was I supposed to know you were in here?! Why the fuck are you in here anyway?!"
"None of your fucking business, Potty! And why would you run away from a bunch of girls anyway? Tired of being a slut?"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT! JUST BECAUSE I HAD SEX WITH ZABINI DOESN'T MEAN I'M A SLUT!"
"YOU HAD SEX WITH MY BEST FRIEND?"
"Duh, Malfoy, we were going out for like 5 months!"
"YOU'RE GAY!"
"Yah and you're slow AND gay!"
"So?"
"YOU ARE? I mean…I mean you are. Oh."
"Potter, you are much slower than I will ever be. After all, you refused my hand in friendship in favor of the Weasel and Granger."
"Oh, but she's not a Mudblood anymore? What's the matter Malfoy? Did you finally get a conscience? Is it telling you you're an evil, insufferable git?"
"NO! If anything, it's telling me I'm insufferably handsome and wholesomely good."
"HA! Malfoy, where do these things come from? Does your father make you listen to tapes while you sleep that say things like that so when you wake up your head is full of ridiculous notions?"
"…"
"Oh Merlin. He does! Oh great gods above…"
"My father doesn't tell me everything I do, you know."
"No, I suppose not. I'm sure Voldemort and Snape have just as much control over you as he does."
"WHAT? VOLDEMORT SUCKS!"
"…"
"Oh fucking hell. Fuck me…what the fuck did I say that for. Fucking fuck…"
"Malfoy! Language! Jeez, you would think you were brought up in a gang the way you talk…so you're not with Voldemort?"
"No, now shut up! I can't fucking believe I'm in here with the fucking Boy-Who-Lived. How long will I have to endure this agony?"
"Stop wailing. I'm sure someone will find us eventually."
"…"
"Sooooo…"
"So what, Potter? I am not going to talk to you just because you're the only one in here. So shut up."
"Well we might be stuck for a while. We might as well do something."
"Like what?"
"I dunno. A game or something."
"I am NOT playing a fucking game with you Potter! So sod off!"
"…"
"…"
"Ahem."
"…"
"AHEM!"
"WHAT POTTER?"
"Uhhh…your hand is ummm on my…erm…"
"Spit it out!"
"It's on my uhh…leg."
"What? It is not! Oh CRAP IT IS! Ewww! Potter germs! I'm gonna die!"
"Stop being so dramatic Malfoy! It's not like you meant to…did you?"
"Gross!"
"Guess not….WHOA!! Malfoy, move your leg! Quick! Actually no, stop, stop, STOP MOVING IT! YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE!"
"What the hell, Potter! It's just a broom handle…"
"No, no that's definitely NOT a broom handle."
"…Oh my god. That's your…?"
"YES, NOW STOP MOVING YOUR LEG OR IT'S GONNA GET WORSE!"
"What's the matter Potter? Does my sexy body make you hard?"
"…"
"Oh god. It does."
"Yah well don't pretend I'm not making you hard."
"How would you know?"
"Because I can feel it."
"HOW!"
"Stop shrieking! You sound like a bloody girl…"
"Do not."
"Do too."
"Do not."
"Do too."
"…"
"..."
"So how do you know you're making me hard?"
"Because it's fucking pressing up against my leg, Malfoy."
"Oh. I thought that was the wall."
"So you think I'm hot?"
"DUH! Potter, you've got the sexiest body on the planet? Don't you notice how people look at you?"
"Errr…no not really. I'm usually busy looking at…never mind."
"Looking at me? Ha…"
"…"
"Oh. It is me."
"Yah."
"So basically, I think you're hot and you think I'm hot?"
"Yep. Basically."
"And we're stuck in a closet together with no way to get out?"
"Yep."
"And WHY aren't we shagging yet?"
"WHAT?"
"Oh come on. You know you want to."
"Weren't you the one who was just talking about Potter germs, Malfoy?"
"I was lying, Potter!"
"…"
"…"
"HOLY SHIT DRACO! Do that again!"
"What, touch it again?"
"YES!"
"Touch mine too, then."
"Fine."
"OH MERLIN!"
"Draco…oh god that feels good…don't stop…please don't stop."
"God Harry how did you get so…uhhhh….good at this?"
"Practice. Turn around."
"Why? I can't fuck you if I'm turned around…oh fuck that's good…ok."
"I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you're gonna scream."
"What? Malfoys fuck, they don't get fucked. And I would not scream."
"Take off your pants."
"Fine. Take off yours, then"
"Oh wow. Draco…this feels so good."
"I'm ready, Harry. Fuck me."
"…"
"FUCK ME NOW! Before I cum without you!"
"Ok, ok. Here goes."
"OH MY GOD!"
"You can call me Harry."
"Haha. Can't you go any faster-oh god….uhhh….so good…harder."
"Oh you're so tight and hot around me…"
"Uhhhh…Harry…Harry...faster….harder…so fucking good…getting close…I'm gonna…"
"Ohhhh…Draco…so close…"
"Faster! I'm gonna cum…"
"Cum with me."
"HARRY!"
"DRACO!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"That was pretty good Potter."
"We might have to do that again."
"I agree."
"On one condition. You call me Harry all the time. Not Potter. Or Potty. Or Pothead."
"Call me Draco and it's a deal."
"Hey! The door is opening! Crap, get dressed!"
"Weasel…errr I mean Weasley?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Ron, why are you laughing at Draco?"
" 'Cause I could hear him going 'Harry, ohhhh Harry! HAHAHAHAHA!"
"YOU PLANNED THIS, WEASLEY!"
"YOU BETTER RUN, RON!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"