Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Anything. TT^TT
Entering the chambers of the Central 46, I found Aizen Sosuke, my taicho, one of the only two people in the world who I could turn to and have the world made right again. I rushed, falling into his arms, tears streaming down my face. Everyone had said he was dead, but I knew! Like I'd been sure he would, he smiled and made the world was right again. And then… and then… just like that… he ran Kyoukasuigetsu right through me.
I woke up suddenly from my nightmare, drenched in a cold sweat. Just a dream, silly, I thought, comforting myself. None of that truly happened. Get a grip, Momo. My breathing eventually slowed - that is, until I realized with a gasp that I didn't recognize any of my dark surroundings. Sitting up quickly, I was sure this wasn't my fifth division bedroom.
The sound of tearing and a wave of sudden pain came from my stomach, forcing me to double over. Ah. Everything was coming back now.
The tearing was the sound of some stitches in my side ripping, my current habitation was one division down from where I was usually, the pain came from the wound from a run-in (almost literally) with a blade, and my nightmare… had been a reality.
How long ago had I woken up? It couldn't have been more than a few days, a week max. I hadn't been allowed many visitors yet, so it was mainly just me and the fourth division. I think they're getting sick of me. In truth, I'm getting sick of them, too.
Why? They're so close-minded. Can't they understand it? Aizen-taicho was being manipulated! By Gin, the true traitor, no less! Why couldn't they understand that none of this is Aizen-taicho's fault?
And on top of denying reality, they're trying to accept a completely ridiculous story where Aizen-taicho betrays us all – betrays me and… and I know - just know - that can't be true…
I don't know how long I sat, hunched over and crying, tears of pain from the torn stitch and tears for my lost captain mixing together, but I do know that eventually, sounds not common to the fourth division were suddenly coming this way, scary, loud, heart-attack-inducing noises. Gasping, I jumped out of bed (ignore the ripping sound you just heard, Momo, c'mon, focus!) and searched frantically for Tobiume but I came up against a kido-barrier probably made for the sole purpose of keeping me locked in. Sliding to the ground while leaning against my imprisoning barrier, I quietly waited for the noises to reach me, knowing that if this was an attack, I was utterly and totally dead.
And then? To accompany noises not usually heard in fourth division quarters, a scent one can expect anywhere around the Gotei 13, as long as it was outside the fourth division. What is it? I couldn't tell for a moment that was probably more like an eternity and I was scared out of my mind.
When the answer suddenly clicked in my mind I felt like to hitting my head against something but that'd probably make me dizzy and more than that, I'd really, really like to hit whatever drunken idiot had scared me half to death. That's right, a drunken idiot. Gods, what kind of person had I become in my days of isolation? Hinamori Momo, unable to recognize the smell of sake and heart pounding at two hundred beats per minute due to a slight scare. Oh, the shame.
The noises slowly distinguished themselves as voices and I smiled weakly, pleased with the conversation taking place in the hallway outside my room.
"Please," a male voice pleaded. "We really need to see her. Unohana-taicho hasn't let anyone talk to her! Can't you understand the loneliness? Please, guys, we used to work together, didn't we? Let us in."
"No means no," a different male replied, voice wavering as if he didn't want to say it. "Sorry, Kira-fukutaicho."
"You won't let us in? No matter what?" A male voice deeper than the previous two inquired. "Do allow me to point out that we can pull rank on this."
"S-s-sorry, Hisagi-fukutaicho, many, many, many apologies," a fourth male whimpered. I could picture him on his knees at the feet of my friends, here to rescue me from solitude at last. "Orders from above, Hisagi-fukutaicho, you must understand!"
"Hisagi, I don't think they'll listen to us," a bright female voice replied, issuing an only half-drunken laugh.
"Well, they're only following orders, Rangiku," Kira mumbled, but I could tell he was crestfallen.
"No, they won't listen to us. They don't have to," Rangiku laughed again. Something happened then. I'm not sure what, but a second later there were two thuds and my three rescuers were bringing down the barrier separating us.
"Miss us, Hinamori?" Kira asked, reddening as I pulled him into a feeble hug.
"How did you guys - ?" I asked, embarrassed at having to wipe away a few stray tears.
"Hmm? Those stiff old jailers?" Rangiku asked, helping me back to my bed with a wink. "Oh, well… my sash might have slipped."
Hisagi came back into my room after making sure the two from the fourth division were alright. "Rangiku…you gave them faint-worthy nosebleeds," Hisagi said, eyes focused on the corner of the room and face reddening comically. "They're out for now, but still… nosebleeds…!"
We all laughed for awhile. How good it felt to laugh again. "No Renji?" I asked after the laughter had died down a little.
"We bravely ventured into the sixth division's main office, but it seemed that Renji's desk had been replaced by a mountain of paperwork," Kira answered me, managing to keep a mournful face for all of two seconds.
"Aww, that's horrible!" I said hitting him lightly on the shoulder. Ouch. I quickly hoped that he didn't notice the grimace I smothered from the pain I'd received from the light tap. If he did notice, he'd ignored it.
"It can't have been more horrible than isolation here, Hinamori," Hisagi sighed, taking in my surroundings. "Been bonding with the fourth division well?"
Suddenly reminded of what I'd been dwelling on before they had arrived, I adopted a more serious expression. "Not at all. Guys, they're saying that Aizen-taicho is a traitor to Soul Society!"
In saying that, though, it seemed that I'd completely killed the mood. Everyone stiffened suddenly, and Hisagi and Kira found something interesting to stare at on the wall behind my ear. Rangiku softened up enough to put a gentle hand over my own. "Hinamori. Sweetie. He isn't your taicho anymore. He's a traitor. Just like Tousen and… Gin. They're all traitors."
"You… you guys!" I shook my head in disbelief. "How can you say that? All of you! Why would you believe everyone else and take their side when you've known your captains for so long?" I admit, I was outraged, and, yes, even a little disappointed. In taking their side, they'd left me to fight this barbaric war of propaganda by myself.
"Because they told us it themselves," Hisagi shot back sharply. A moment later, he regretted his tone, I knew, because he rubbed the scarred side of his face the way he did when he was horribly sorry. Or maybe it was just paining him, but I like to think it was the former. "Look, Hinamori, we don't want to accept it anymore than you do, but we've been dealing with it and the reality of it while you were in that coma. Could you just… trust us and let it go?"
"No," I whispered fiercely. The tears started coming out again. "No, I could never not believe in Aizen-tai – "
"Don't say it!" Kira had lost his temper, too. "Don't say the name of the bastard who nearly killed you and expect us to respect him again!"
Did I whimper? I must've, because Kira instantly slumped into a chair and Rangiku was hovering over me, shushing me, murmuring comforting things.
I gathered my resolve. Whatever my friends might think, I wanted to – no, it was my duty as fukutaicho of the fifth division, to make sure everyone knew the truth about my taicho. "Kira, Hisagi, Rangiku, please listen. Aizen-taicho couldn't betray Soul Society. He was kind, responsible, well-loved," I implored. "Doesn't it make more sense my way? Gin manipulated him!"
Hisagi's hand landed on my shoulder a little more forcefully than I would've liked. "Ahem."
Only then did I notice. Kira had flinched. What else could've been expected? He and I were in the same boat. "Oh no. Kira, I didn't mean to – "
"No. I… I've come to terms with it," Kira's voice shook and his clenched fists trembled in his lap. "I can't expect you to understand Aizen's treachery when I myself don't see that Ichimaru-tai- … he was fully capable of deceiving Soul Society and more."
"Rangiku? I-I'm sorry to you too," I apologized. "I wasn't thinking."
"Mmm? What? It wasn't any big deal," Rangiku murmured. She looked up from the floor and gave me a smile but there wasn't any joy in her eyes. I was truly sorry. "Gin… Gin is Gin. He was no hero. I can't expect anything else from him. "
Could I help the fluttering that started in my heart? I wish I could've. "Then you accept the possibility that my theory – "
"Please stop, Hinamori," whispered Hisagi. "We understand what you're doing. For you, it hurts right now. The truth is too painful and you're making excuses. We did too."
"Maybe Ichimaru-taicho had a motive, maybe he was a double agent," Kira mumbled.
"Me, the hopeless romantic that I am," Rangiku said, giving a rueful grin. "I hoped that Gin was protecting us, protecting me from something."
"Is it not possible that Tousen is merely deluded? Couldn't his sense of goodness have been tampered with?" Hisagi spoke the words with difficultly. "So, Hinamori, we know what you're going through, we know what it's like."
"If it'll save you some pain, even for a little while, you know that as your friends we wouldn't stop you from making all the excuses you like," Kira added.
"Just please… please don't mention it to us," Rangiku finished softly.
I swallowed with some effort. Look how much pain I'd put my friends through. It was all my fault. Mine. Not Gin's, not the rumor mill of Seireitei, not anyone's but mine. An awkward silence lay around us now, daring any of us to smile. I had to fix this! I'd killed the mood; I would bring it, kicking and screaming, back to life if I had to. Licking my lips one last time, I put on my best smile. "Hey, is this what you guys call a get-better party?"
"Now that you mentioned it," Rangiku said slyly, a wicked grin forming. She reached quickly into the front part of her robes.
"AH! No Rangiku! Don't take off your robes!" Kira and Hisagi cried in unison, peeking through the spaces of their fingers while pretending to cover their eyes.
"Rangiku!" I said, a little flustered myself. "Please, try and keep your clothes on for a little while longer at least!"
Rangiku laughed, a hearty laugh, one I wouldn't have traded for the misery her agreement with my theory would've meant. "Only bringing out the one thing necessary to complete the party, guys," Rangiku said merrily, pulling out four rather large bottles of sake from her robes. How she'd managed to conceal them and carry them easily, I had no idea, but then again, with Rangiku, there were some things you didn't want to know.
"Awww," I heard Hisagi say, sounding slightly disappointed.
"No wonder she was able to sneak it in," Kira muttered to Hisagi. "They're big enough that no one would notice the extra bulge."
"Four whole bottles, though, Rangiku? Do you really think I'm in drinking condition?" I asked, my hand unintentionally straying to the tender spot near my stomach.
"C'mon, Hinamori! I can quote a taicho of the Gotei 13 in saying that sake while recovering is good for the system!" Rangiku smiled with self-assurance, as if we could and should naturally expect her to look for quotes like these. Weirdly, I think we almost did. "One little drink?"
…
Ha. "One little drink". Like it's ever one little drink with Rangiku. A quick glance at my friends finds them passed out in chairs and sofas lying around my bed. Didn't I used to always be the first to pass out when drinking? Ha. Haha. Hahaha.
I've got this lovely little buzz in the back of my mind telling me that I'm actually not too far from unconsciousness myself, but I might as well enjoy the last few minutes of drunkenness before the pounding hangover tomorrow.
"I hate you guys," I say loudly to the sleeping forms of my dearest friends but the sake seems to have worked better on them than any combination of the fourth division's sedatives have on me. "I really, really hate you guys right now."
"You couldn't have been with me on this? Just this once played along?" I continue. "It really sucks, you know, having to believe the person you respected most never cared about you at all. It hurts more than a thousand Kyoukasuigetsus in the gut all at the same time. In fact, I think I would take two thousand Kyoukasuigetsus just to make it not true…"
"Though I wouldn't have to, of course, since it isn't true," I correct myself, realizing my slip of the tongue. "Aizen-taicho cares, he really does."
My voice fades, not used to being used so much in so short a time and I hear the contents of my sake bottle sloshing a little. Excellent. Nothing better about speeding along the passing out process than more alcohol. I tilt my head back, ready to catch the very last drop of sake from the bottle, but a hand snatches the bottle from my grip with a not-very-happy "ahem."
Shiro-chan is there, holding my sake bottle distastefully, and raises an eyebrow, obviously thinking, "I don't think you're in any condition to be drinking."
"Well – " I opened my mouth to defend my current position, but Shiro-chan just closes his eyes and lets out a really big sigh. Defeated already? Shiro-chan didn't used to give up so easily. "Shiro- no, Toshiro-kun, is something..?"
He shakes his head silently, puts the bottle down on a bedside table, and starts straightening the bedsheets. What? No lecture on the evils of drinking while recovering from a near stomach-tomy?
"Hinamori, just rest." He's talking to me, clearly, but his words seem to be directed to the bed, as he tucks me in gently. My head's a bit buzzy for a fully formed retort, and I'm a little pissed that he thinks that he can just waltz in, pretend that he hasn't neglected to visit me, and is acting like he cares now. I can feel a wave of blissful unconsciousness about to take me over, but I want to hold out for ten more seconds.
"Shiro-chan, why didn't you visit?" I choke out as he's leaving.
For one instant I see anguish clearly written on his face, but he's Hitsugaya Toshiro, a master in the art of being cold, and turns away. I almost think I'm not going to get an answer, but he whispers as he closes the door behind him, "Don't worry, Momo, I'll be back."
I fall back on my pillows, defeated with exhaustion. I want to be angry at him for looking so hurt when I had taken pains not to mention Aizen-taicho and when it's really me that should be hurt being left alone and when he was the one who had taken my sake, dammit. I really want to be mad, but I can't, I can only feel sad and I don't want to be sad. So I just lie there and hope for sleep, a deep and apathetic sleep to overtake me and maybe a nice dream of more innocent times.
…
Author's Note: I don't really read a lot of the forums and stories where Hinamori is concerned, but to my knowledge everyone seems to think she's some deluded little idiot. The real point of this oneshot was to say maybe that she's not just some deluded little idiot. Has it ever occurred to anyone else that maybe she's just trying to fool herself, to escape from the pain of betrayal for a little while? Hmm, maybe just me. But anyways, that's where the title came from. Took a page from Kubo Tite's book, where we assume everyone speaks fluent Spanish and understands what it means. =P "Mintiéndome", to the best of my middle school Spanish knowledge, means "lying to myself", but, hey, I could be wrong. That would actually kind of suck. Ahem, please review regardless! ^^