So this is kind of just a one shot fun fic based of a traumatizing true event that occurred not to long ago. If you like it, you can hit that pretty little review button at the bottom of the page and leave me some nice words. If you DON'T like it, you can send hate letters to D.Lynch, cause this is all her doing! Lol No but seriously, I love you Dawnie-you know this one's for you! Anyways, on with the story! (oh and imagine the men have Borat-ish accents)
"I'm so glad we chose to have a girls' night out! We haven't done this since Tutor Wife's bachelorette party!" Brooke exclaims excitedly from the passenger seat of Peyton's car. Haley laughs, leaning forward to wedge her head between the two girls in the front.
"Yes, it is exciting, but PLEASE remember Brooke, this is a conservative girls' night out! No alcohol, no strippers-"
"No doing dirty dishes to pay for said strippers!" Peyton chimes in, receiving a playful smack from Brooke.
"Yeah." Haley says pointing. "That either!"
Sighing dramatically, Brooke waves her hands in the air as a sign of surrender. "Fine, fine. We will have a perfectly perfect boring night." She exclaims before slumping in her seat.
"It's a damn shame when three hot, willing and available girls such as ourselves make plans to have such a lame Friday night." She mumbles loud enough for the other two to hear.
"Um, Brookie, may I remind you that I'm not available?" Haley says, holding up her left hand in front of Brooke's face.
"Yeah, how could we forget? We pretty much had to wrestle your husband to get you out!" Peyton exclaims with a laugh, recalling the expression of pure pathetic-ness when Peyton and Brooke announced they were taking Haley out for dinner.
"Yeah!" Brooke exclaims, obviously forgetting she was supposed to be pouting. "Does he have you on like house arrest or something? Cause I swear, he was stricter on you than my parents should have been with me!"
"Oh shut up!" Haley says, but despite herself, laughs. "You guys make it sound like he orders me around! I think he thought since we both had the night off we would spend the night together. Which we will, just… later tonight." She says with a wink, causing both girls to groan.
"You are a bad influence on her B.Davis, look at this, our little Haley James, openly hinting at her sex life!" Peyton exclaims with a laugh of discomfort.
"Oh no, no, no!" Brooke says, shaking her head vigorously. "I did not influence her in the ways of boring married sex!"
"Hey!" Haley says, pinching Brooke on the arm causing her to let out a yelp. "Haley James does not have a sex life worth mentioning! Haley James Scott on the other hand…" she exclaims again with a deep laugh.
"ALRIGHTY THEN!" Peyton exclaims, covering her ears. "That's enough of that, we're here anyways." She says turning off the ignition and opening her door.
"Yeah, I don't know how appropriate that conversation would be in a restaurant. Although it is just Joe's Crab Shack, I'm sure there have been conversations more inappropriate than that one." Brooke laughs, pulling back her seat to let Haley out.
The girls walk into the restaurant and are immediately seated in one of the many open booths. Right as they begin to open their menus, a pretty dark headed girl who was probably not much older than them, walks up to their table with a bright smile.
"Hi girls! My name is Dawn and I will be your waitress for the night. Can I start you off with some drinks?" she asks sweetly.
"Dr. Pepper."
"Water."
"Margarita."
"Brooke!" Peyton and Haley exclaim with a laugh, causing the waitress to laugh as well.
"Well I can get you a virgin margarita, how's that sound?"
"Sounds like it goes hand in hand with our perfectly perfect boring night." Brooke sighs playfully, winking at the two girls sitting across from her.
"Alright well I'll get those right out to you and I'll be back to take your orders." Dawn says with a laugh before walking to the back.
"Well she's nice." Haley says, her voice muffled by the large menu in front of her face.
"Tutor girl, I love you, but you think everybody's nice." Brooke says, closing her menu.
"Now that's not true!" Haley exclaims, receiving a doubtful glance from both girls. "It's not! I didn't think you were nice Brooke!"
"Hey!" Brooke laughs, swatting at Haley from across the table before turning around to follow Peyton's stare.
"Who comes to a restaurant with groceries?" Peyton wonders aloud as three men, probably in their late forties, sit down in a booth across from them, each holding two or three grocery bags.
"Huh. That's weird." Haley states, closing her menu as she continues to eye the men.
"Alrighty girls, here are three waters and three virgin margaritas. On the house." Dawn says with a wink as she sets down the tray of drinks.
"Oh wow, thank you." Haley says with a smile.
"Not a problem, you three ready to order?" The girls place their orders, and after Dawn tells them she'll have it right out, they watch her make her way to the table of men.
The girls all look at each other in confusion as they watch their waitress begin to talk to the three men very slowly, as if they were children.
"Maybe they're special." Brooke whispers, her eyes never leaving the scene across from them.
"What do you mean?" Peyton whispers back.
"You know, mentally challenged. Like Tim" Brooke says with a quiet laugh.
Haley shakes her head. "No, I don't think they really understand English."
"As I said, like Tim." Brooke says with another giggle.
"So you want three shots of Jim Bean?" they hear Dawn ask for the third time, holding her forefinger and thumb up to indicate the size of a shot.
"No, no!" one of them men exclaims with a shake of his head. "Whole bottle. We want whole bottle."
"Now those are my kind of men!" Brooke says with a smirk.
"Brooke, you don't even like whiskey." Peyton says; turning to see Brooke shrug her shoulders, smirk still in place.
"Alcohol is alcohol P. Sawyer. Beggars can't be choosers."
"Sir, I can't sell you a whole bottle of whiskey, it's not allowed. I can sell it to you shot by shot, but not the whole bottle." Dawn says, obviously agitated.
"Ok, ok. You give us three shots and beer." Another man says.
"Okay, so three shots and a pitcher of draft beer, right?"
The three men all nod before turning back to each other for conversation. The girls sit there a few more minutes, continuing on their own conversation before the waitress appears once again at their table, this time, with their food.
"Is everything alright here ladies?" she asks, placing the plates down in front of the girls, who all nod.
"Good, are you enjoying that little scene over there?" she asks, crouching down so that she's eye level with the girls.
"Hell yeah!" Brooke says with a laugh. "What's the deal with them anyways?"
"I don't know, they're from Russia so there's a language barrier, but it's proving to be an interesting night." She says with a laugh before walking back over to the table of men.
"Are you gentleman ready to order?" Dawn asks, receiving grunts of agreement. After writing down their order of two rare steaks each, she begins to walk away, only to have her arm held by one of the men.
"Did you need something else sir?" she asks cautiously, her face masked with awkwardness.
"Women." He plainly states before reaching for his wallet.
"Ex-Excuse me?" Dawn stutters out, shocked by the request of the man.
"We want women." He states again causing the eyes of the three girls watching to go wide.
"I'm-I'm sorry sir, we don't do that here. Is there anything else I can get you?"
"Where are you from?" Another man asks, knocking back his shot of Jim Bean.
"I'm from here, North Carolina. Where are you from?" she asks politely, already knowing the answer.
"Russia." They all reply.
"Oh, okay. Well what are you doing here in the states?" Dawn asks, throwing a 'Help me' glance over her shoulder to the three girls who are watching the scene with wide eyed amazement.
"We come for semen." One of the men plainly says, before taking a sip of his beer.
Dawn glances back at Peyton, matching her shocked expression as Haley chokes on a piece of shrimp, Peyton reaching over to pat her back.
"I thought he just asked for women?" Brooke asks, causing the girls to erupt in a fit of laughter as Dawn once again glances back in a silent plea for help.
"You…um, I don't understand what you mean." She says to the men.
"Semen. We came for semen." The man replies again, obviously confused by her fluster.
Dawn opens her mouth several times to speak before anything comes out.
"Right but-but when you say semen you mean…"
"SEA-MEN." The man replies agitatedly. "Like the boats." He says, moving his hands in front of him as if he was using a steering wheel.
"OH!" the young waitress exclaims, the relief on her face causing the girls to erupt in yet another fit of laughter as Dawn quickly excuses herself from the men.
Several minutes later, after the laughter dies down the girls continue to sit there, finishing their food.
"Has anyone seen our waitress since she went back there?" Brooke asks, looking around the near empty restaurant.
"No, she's probably hiding." Haley says with a laugh, popping a fry in her mouth. "Poor thing, she must be traumatized."
"Oh, there she is." Peyton says waving at Dawn as she slowly walks from the kitchen.
"Everything still okay over here girls?" Dawn asks in a whisper.
"Yes, but why are you whispering?" Brooke asks in her own husky whisper.
"Because I don't want them to-"
"Oh miss!" the men call out with drunken laughs.
"-hear me." Dawn finishes with a sigh before dragging her feet to the other table.
"Yes gentlemen?" she asks, her voice dripping with fake sweetness.
"We smoke?" one man asks, holding up his lighter.
"Uh…no, I mean...yes but outside. Okay?" she stumbles out, once again peaking the curiosity of the three girls at the next table. As two of the men get up to go smoke, Dawn walks back to the girls, collecting their now empty plates.
"What was that about?" Peyton asks.
"They wanted to smoke." Dawn says, seemingly deterred by the previous exchange with the men.
"So?" Brooke asks confused.
"They had joints rolled up on the table." Dawn says with a half amused, half shocked laugh.
"Oh my god!" Haley exclaims as Brooke quirks her eyebrows in surprise.
"Yeah, I'll go get your checks." Dawn says as she begins to walk off. "I'm too young for this." She mutters.
The three girls sit there in shock, continually gossiping about the three estranged men that have provided entertainment with their dinner when all of a sudden, the man that didn't go for a smoke, is standing next to their table with a smile.
"Just pretend like he's not here." Haley whispers in a panicked tone, suddenly finding a great interest in the crack of the table.
"Hello." The man says, his smile growing even larger.
"Hi." Brooke responds, earning a glare from Haley who receives a shrug. The girls' eyes go wide as the man reaches into his pocket, retrieving his wallet before thrusting it out to them.
"Ummm…" Peyton questions, subtly looking around the dining room for their waitress.
"We see what's inside, yes?" The man questions, pushing the wallet closer to Haley who continues to scoot further away in the booth.
"No uh, it's yours, you see what's inside." She responds.
"No, no." the man laughs heartedly as if someone told a joke. "We see what's inside. It is a surprise."
"Oh okay…no." Peyton says, making desperate pleas with her eyes to the waiter next to them who smiles and continues on his merry way. Ass.
"Oh!" The man shouts as if he's been surprised, causing the three girls to jump. "What we have here?"
"I don't know." Brooke chuckles nervously. "And I don't care." She mumbles under her breath, wondering how long it could possibly take to print out a receipt.
The man opens his wallet, fanning out at least 200 one dollar bills to the astonished girls.
"Women, yes?" the man asks innocently.
"DAWN!" The girls call out simultaneously, none of their eyes leaving the wad of money spread out on the table. Dawn rushes around the corner, the size of her eyes matching that of the girls when she sees what's going on.
"Oh my-I'm so sorry! Here's your check." She says pushing the slip of paper towards Brooke who places two twenties in her hand.
"There ya go honey, keep the change, you earned it! Haley, Peyton, LETS GO!" Brooke says, sliding out of her booth in record time, dragging the other two by the arms. They rush out of the door, only turning around to wave to Dawn.
No one speaks until they're all settled into Peyton's car, all staring out of the front window intently.
"Okay what the f-"
"We were just propositioned!" Haley exclaims, cutting off Brooke.
"Oh my god, he totally thought we were prostitutes!" Peyton lets out with a loud laugh.
The three girls all exchange glances before erupting into sobbing laughter, finally driving when they had all calmed down.
"Hiya boys!" Brooke says as she glides through the front door of the apartment, her eyes still glistening from the laughter.
"Hey." Lucas says, narrowing his eyes at his brother when Nathan pauses the game to get up.
"Hey Hales." He says softly, kissing her. "How was dinner?" At this, the three girls begin laughing again, so much so that they have to sit down in order to catch their breath.
The boys exchange confused glances before Lucas speaks up. "That good huh?"
"Oh you have no idea." Peyton says, fanning her hand in front of her face in order to calm herself.
"Well come on, what happened?" Nathan pushes eagerly.
The girls begin to tell the story, adding parts to the others and stopping multiple times due to laughter. After they completed the story, the boys sat their wide-eyed, mouths hanging open in surprise, causing another round of laughter between the girls.
"So..when you…and…wow." Lucas rambles, shaking his head as if to snap at it before looking up at Haley.
"Why would he think you were prostitutes?" He asks.
"What do you mean?" Haley asks, not sure whether to take that as a compliment or insult.
"Well, Hales, you look to innocent to be a prostitute." Nathan begins, earning a sweet smile from Haley and scoffs from the others.
"Peyton looks like she'd kick someone's ass if they even thought about it." He says, rolling his eyes when Peyton sticks her tongue out at him.
"And Brooke, amazingly, is actually wearing clothing that covers her body, so –"
"HEY!" Brooke exclaims, hurdling a pillow at Nathan's head that he easily catches and tosses back.
"I'm just saying, I don't look at the three of you and think prostitute." Nathan says, looking at Luke who nods in agreement.
"Well I don't know, but it was surely an interesting night!" Haley says laughing along with the other two girls before turning back to Nathan's concerned expression.
"What?" she asks.
"Well, he didn't mess with you right? Like you're okay?" He questions with concern, pulling her to him.
"Yes babe." She replies with a short kiss. "I'm fine."
"Okay, cause you know I'd have to kick their asses if they ever even thought about hurting my girl." He breathes out, placing a kiss on the top of her head, before turning back to his friends who now have matching expressions of disgust on their face.
"Ugh, on that note, I'm going home, I'd rather hear my parents argue all night than see you two have boring married foreplay." Brooke says walking out the door with a wave over her shoulder.
"Well, I've got to take Davis home and get back to my desperately dark sketches." Peyton says with a wink.
"Yeah and uh, I've got to…um…oh hell! I just don't want to be here with you two love birds!" Lucas says with an uncomfortable chuckle before closing the door behind him and Peyton.
"Alone at last!" Haley sighs, sitting down on Nathan's lap, wrapping her small arms around his neck.
"I know, it seems so quiet." Nathan mumbles into her hair.
"Well I could always invite my Russian friend over." Haley says with a giggle when she hears Nathan groan.
"Nah, I think it'll be okay just the two of us." He says with a smirk, lifting her in his arms and heading towards the bedroom.
"Now where do you think you're taking me Mr. Scott?" she asks playfully, absentmindedly playing with the soft hairs at the nape of his neck.
He shrugs, sitting her on the bed before turning around to shut the door. "I don't know, I thought we could haggle over your charging prices for the night."
Haley gasps in fake horror, left hand covering her mouth. "Why Mr. Scott, are you propositioning me?"
"I don't know, can I afford you?" He asks with a chuckle, sweeping the hair from her eyes as he grazes her cheek.
She smiles back up at him, wrapping her arms around his waist to pull him closer. "Honey, you're the only one that can afford me."
Okay so there it was, now remember this actually happened. Yes, I was propositioned in a Joe's Crab Shack by an old drunk, Russian man. Yes it was traumatizing in a very funny way. Sadly, I did not have a Nathan to come home to, but I'm working on it, believe me! Anyways hope you enjoyed that! Dawnie, I love you girl, hope you got a kick out of that! 'Tima, I know it's not the fic I promised, but it's something, love you girly!