When I'm Gone

AN: Italics are memories

gloomy

ˈɡluːmi/

adjective

-causing or feeling depression or despondency

The Bella house, situated on the Barden Campus grounds, was quiet; eerily so. The girls that resided there should have been celebrating their third national championship win under their leader, Beca Mitchell. It had only been a few months ago that they had won, and of course, they had celebrated in true aca-style; getting drunk and partying till dawn broke the following morning. The buzz of the win, like it had the previous years, had stuck with the girls. Their memorabilla, kept in a display hole in the wall in the lounge, surrounded their trophy while the year earlier's collection would retire to an empty shelf somewhere else in the house.

The winter air managed to squeeze it's way under the doors of the property, flowing through the house, seeking out where ever its warm nemesis would be, replacing it and eventually chilling the house. Nearing Christmas, the majority of the Bella's had headed home to spend with their families. This was the lie they had told each other when they had left the house weeks earlier; it distracted from the real reason for leaving. This was something the girls had all decided to never bring up in conversation.

Beca and Fat Amy were the only ones that had stayed in that house after the girls had left. Fat Amy stayed mainly because her family still lived in Australia, and from what Amy had said, they were planning to use their summer holidays (this had caught a few Bella's off guard, completely forgetting that Australia was in the Southern Hemisphere) to travel New Zealand. Amy had tried making light of the situation when the girls had asked why she wasn't returning home, telling them that she wasn't keen on visiting a country full of sheep shaggers. This had earnt a few questioning looks which she had ignored.

Beca had stayed behind simply because she couldn't bring herself to leave.

immortal

ɪˈmɔːt(ə)l/

adjective
living forever

The door was flung open, no one knew who had done it, all they knew was the door to the Bella house was freed and they could pour back into their home. Well, they guessed it wasn't really 'pouring' in when there were literally only eight of them.

Beca walked down the hallway with her ginger co-captain, turning to their first right, they entered the lounge. Chloe flung herself across the room, swinging herself over the couch, and side stepping the coffee table, to face the 2013 memorabillia filling the hollow in the wall.

Under the hollow in the wall was a small drawer. In it lay eight tea-light candles and a lighter. Chloe removed these and placed them around the items, lighting each one, careful to not set anything else on fire in the process.

It wasn't long before the rest of the Bella's joined their captains in the lounge. Someone, presumambly Lily, dimmed the lights so that the glow of the candles set the mood.

Beca cleared her throat, turning to face her team. "Well, you nerds know how much I hate addressing you so formally, but seeing as Miss Junior Aubrey over here," she said, gesturing to Chloe, "...is so adament on tradition, we decided in the year of 2012 to invest in a campus house. Each acapella year that passes, whether the Bella's win or lose, will signify the ending of the competition with..." Beca stopped, trying to remember the whole speech that Chloe had planned her. She glanced over to the red head, an apologetic smile on her face.

"At the ending of each singing year, we will commemerate it in a similar fashion to the initiation ceremony," Chloe continued, looking towards Fat Amy, who had emerged from the kitchen holding a familiar glass goblet. Chloe reached out, cupping the glass and taking a sip before passing it around the Bella's.

Beca was the last to receive the glass, and as soon as she took the sip, she placed it on the coffee table, picking up the new ICCA 2014 Champions trophy. "Here's to the end of the 2014 season," she told the Bella's, watching as Chloe removed the previous year's trophy before replacing it with the new one. "And here's to next year's competition,"

The Bella's erupted in a chorus of claps and cheers, each coming up and blowing out one of the candles that Chloe had lit.

Beca, who had been sat on the edge of her bed, feet flat on the floor, eyes never blinking, let a small smile grace her lips. All good things must come to an end, she had thought to herself, as her upturned lips settled back to their resting positon.

She allowed herself a few moments to glance around, her gaze settling out the window. It seemed gloomy in here. Perhaps it was just the weather outside; the sun hiding behind grey rain clouds. She made note of the darkness of the clouds, of the blue tint to them; thunder clouds. She guessed that within minutes there would be a torrential downpour. She would watch as the raindrops hit the water of the lake out front of the house; it would settle her mind. Then the lightening would flash, she wasn't sure if it would be sheet lightening or forked lightening, but whatever it was, the thunder would rumble off in the distance shortly after.

Maybe Amy would run up the stairs. Beca chuckled to herself softly; Fat Amy didn't run. Well, she didn't vertical run, she could be persuaded to horizontal run every now and again. Beca smiled again before resting.

She looked back into her room, considering turning on the light. She decided against it, and stayed where she was, her eyes focussed on the bed opposite hers. No one had slept in that bed in months. It was still slightly messy from the last time they had gotten out of bed, the pillow still baring the mark of the girl's head.

Beca blinked hard, holding her eyes shut.

As she predicted, the thunder rumbled.

see you (later)

phrase of see
informal

said when parting from someone

"Are you sure you don't want to come, Becs?" Chloe had asked before she walked out the door.

Beca huffed. This woman could be so annoying sometimes. "I'm sure, Chlo," she told the ginger, allowing her friend to peck her cheek. Beca watched from the front door of the Bella house as Chloe stepped off the porch and into the heavy rain, sprinting across the yard to her car. "Chloe!?" Beca called out before the ginger got into the car.
"Yeah?"

"Drive safe. I think there's a storm coming in,"

"See you later!" she replied, smiling back at the brunette, waving quickly and closing the door.

Beca watched as the car pulled out, heading off down the road and to the store. Beca had an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach, but the sound of her fellow Bella's inside calmed her slightly. There was nothing to worry about; right? She'd driven in storms and been okay.

She pulled the door closed behind her, quickly making her way to the stairs. She wanted to finish a track before Chloe got back, it was something she had been working on for their six month anniversary, and as much as Beca hated the fact that she was celebrating a six month anniversary, she was quite happy about it too.

Reaching hers and Chloe's shared bedroom, she smiled at Chloe's half of the room. People would look at Chloe and assume that she would be relatively neat just from the way she held herself. There was confidence and pride, and a little naivety, and somehow this had given, especially Beca, the impression that she was a neat and well organised person.

Beca smiled at the fact that Chloe's idea of making a bed was pulling up the covers haphazardly and not bothering to fluff her pillows. She loved the picture frames that hung on the walls weren't straight, and she especially loved the photo of the two of them after their most recent ICCA win. Walking over to Chloe's side of the room, she traced her fingers over that treasured photo. They were in their Bella getup, Chloe's arms around Beca's neck, planting a big kiss on the brunette's cheek while she feigned a scowl.

Beca chuckled at the memory. She was fond of it, and she would admit that she had a matching photo slipped into her phone case.

Slinking back to her side of the room, she threw her headphones on and opened her computer, putting the final touches on her song. She smiled and hummed as she finalised it; she was satisfied.

Titanium was their song. It was the song they sang together, naked in the shower, it was the first time Beca let her walls down, it had even been playing when they'd first had sex.

Beca had managed to trick Chloe into singing it by herself, secretly recording the whole thing, so that she could blend it with her own voice when she was alone. What Beca had created, she thought it was a perfect gift.

As the lightening split the sky, Beca made her way downstairs, half expecting to see Fat Amy crashed on the couch catching up on her Australian dramas. Beca thought for a second, Home and Away and Neighbours? She shook her head, as she walked into the lounge, confirming her earlier thoughts about Amy watching T.V.

"Which one is it today?" Beca asked, her voice hoarse. Had she really not spoken in that long?

"Kath and Kim today," Amy replied, not diverting her attention from the T.V.

"Is that the 'look at me' one?"

"Yup,"

"Ah, cool," Beca said, walking through the lounge and into the kitchen.

She was hungry. Opening a cupboard she grabbed herself a loaf of bread and the toaster, not being in the mood for anything else. She wasn't even sure what spread she wanted on it, so she lined up the choices. Amy's Vegemite, peanut butter and Nutella. Closing her eyes, she shifted the spreads around, making sure to not touch them in anyway that would give away what flavour they were.

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo..." Beca chanted as she used a childish way to pick a spread. As she came to her conclusion, she opened her eyes, satisfied with the fact that it was peanut butter.

While her bread toasted, she opened another cupboard in search of a cup to go with her 'meal'. A lump formed in her throat and her dropped as the first cup she saw was a bright, yellow plastic cup with the Barden logo on it. She tried to move but she couldn't, she was frozen to the spot and when she tried to divert her eyes, she was drawn back to it.

drunk

drʌŋk/

adjective

affected by alcohol to the extent of losing
control of one's faculties or behaviour.

The music was deafening. If you looked closely, you probably could have seen the sound creating tiny ripples in the pool. Well, perhaps not. There were so many bodies in that pool that every 'ripple' was more like a wave.

The Trebles were notorious for their parties and it's not even like campus security even cared. Give them free alcohol and they just turned around and said 'what party?'

The Bella's had all been invited to this party and as they walked though the hole in the hedge, they quickly split and found their friends, or boyfriends. Beca and Chloe had been quick to throw the '...and never have sexual relations with a Treblemaker or may my vocal chords be ripped out by wolves...' part of the initiation out. Sometimes Beca wondered whether Chloe copped any smack from Aubrey about that. She shook it off; there was no way Aubrey would complain anyway, Beca had just led the Bella's to their third national title.

Beca' s thoughts were disturbed as the ginger ran past her, grabbing her wrist and dragging the brunette to the centre of all the action. Beca wasn't much for the mosh-at-a-pool-party idea, but Chloe was super into it. Chloe being super into anything meant she was happy and Beca loved a happy Chloe.

"Babe?" Chloe questioned, her mouth practically eating Beca's ear for the shorter girl to hear her over the music. Beca gave her a questioning look in reply. "Want a drink?"

"Sure," Beca yelled as Chloe pulled away from her only to return a minute later with one red solo cup and...that yellow cup. Beca smirked, taking her drink and sipping it. "Why do you always use that cup?" Beca questioned.

"Huh?"

"Why do you always use that cup?" she tried again.

"Remember your audition cup?" Chloe replied, having to repeat herself three times for the younger woman to hear her. Beca just smiled in reply, skulling her drink and bringing her lips to her girlfriend's.

Girlfriend.

She would never get tired of hearing that.

grief

ɡriːf/

noun
intense sorrow, especially caused by someone's death.

Amy had rushed into the kitchen when she smelt burning toast. The sight she came across was one she had become familiar with over the last few weeks. Beca was frozen in the same manner she always was, tears staining her face and the sounds of sniffing coming from her general direction.

Amy took note of her surroundings, the burning toast, which she quickly threw into the sink, the frozen girl and what she was standing in front of.

This time it happened to be an open cupboard. In the cupboard a yellow cup. Then it dawned on Amy. It was Chloe's yellow cup.

Amy stepped into Beca's personal bubble, and on any normal day, Beca wouldn't have hesitated in turning and glaring at anyone who came close, but Beca knew that she needed Amy. The blonde took the shorter brunette in her arms as the tears flowed from the brunette's eyes more freely. Her sobbing echoing around the large kitchen. Her sniffs became stronger as she fought to hold back more tears all to no avail.

Amy felt the brunette shake with each heartwrenching cry.

She tried soothing the girl, singing, rubbing her back and even hushing her, but none of this worked.

"Beca," she tried. "I know you probably won't listen to me, but at least you're getting it out. You can come and sleep in Lily and my room tonight if you like? If not, we can always set up in the lounge and binge on unhealthy stuff; although it's hardly binging for me," Amy kept telling her. "We can build a fort and watch my Aussie programmes or we could sing...or I think I have a bottle of vodka,"

Beca's crying stopped for a moment as she thought about drinking. That wouldn't stop her pain, it would probably just amplify it.

"...On second thought," Amy continued. "Maybe alcohol isn't the best. Maybe we could just have hot chocolate with marshmallows..."

Beca nodded weakly in her arms. "I think I might take a nap,"

"Stay with me," Amy offered. "Sleep on the couch,"

And so Beca did.

accident

ˈaksɪd(ə)nt/

noun
an unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and
unintentionally, typically resulting in damage or injury

Beca had finished her song a while ago, and checking with the other Bella's to clarify the time, she realised that Chloe had been gone over an hour and a half. A trip down to the store would never take her much longer than half an hour. Beca mulled it over; perhaps Chloe was taking longer because she wanted tonight to be special?

A house phone rang. This startled Beca. She didn't know the Bella's had a house phone. That didn't matter right now, what mattered was trying to find the phone. Of course, while she was trying, the phone ceased to ring and it went to voicemail.

"You've reached the Bella residence, sorry we're unable to take your call right now, but please leave your name and number and we will contact you as soon as possible," came the answering machine voice. Beca smiled. Chloe had set up the phone and the voice mail tone was in her voice.

The message for the residence soon followed. "This is mainly concerning Beca Mitchell, if you could please contact the Barden Base Hospital as soon as possible regarding a Miss Beale, thanks,"

Beca's eyes shot open, noticing now that the Bella's were now crowding around her wanting to know what was wrong. But how was she supposed to know what was wrong when they had heard exactly the same message as she had.

Her first priority was to get to the hospital and doing that during the middle of a storm was going to be hard.

"Amy?"

"Yessir?"

"Can you drive me in the bus?" Beca asked, being swamped with a chorus of 'me too'. "And the rest of us?"

"No worries," Amy agreed as the Bella's didn't even bother changing or putting coats on. They just walked out the door wearing whatever they were in. Beca thanked someone that she was already fully clothed.

Amy drove fast, but carefully, getting the Bella's to the hospital in record time. Beca rushed ahead to the clerk at the information desk. Giving details on Chloe, she watched as the clerk paged for a doctor to come down.

Time slowed for Beca as soon as she saw the man in his dark blue scrubs coming down the stairs of the hospital lobby. It was only now that Beca noticed the smell of sterelisation; cleanliness. It made her feel sick to her stomach.

She secretly wished that the doctor would hurry up. She broke eye contact with him for a second as she glanced over at the clock above the clerk. She tried timing the doctor, but time had really slowed down. It was taking at least three normal seconds to tick over as one second.

"Miss Mitchell?" the doctor questioned as he approached the brunette. "Would you like to come with me?"

"Not really, I just want to know why I got a call to come down here," she answered, not holding back any sign of frustration. "Where is my girlfriend? Is she okay?"
"Miss Mitchell, please if you would calm down and come with me,"

Beca had run out of tears by the time she had fallen asleep. She had replayed that memory in her mind so many times. What if she had told Chloe not to go to the shops? What if she had actually forced Chloe to stay home? What if? What if? What if?

Beca constantly blamed herself for her girlfriend's death.

She was well aware that it was actually a combination of events. The car behind Chloe's breaks failing and pushing her into the middle of an intersection. An unknowing car coming through the green light and smashing into the ginger's car in the middle of the road.

The vision of Chloe's car being thrown around like a rag doll sent chills down Beca's spine. The thought of her girlfriend being in that car at the time made her sick to her stomach.

It took guts to climb those stairs every night to sleep in a room that she had once shared with her lover. That was still decorated in the same fashion that she had left it in the day she left. Beca hadn't even touched her DJ equipment.

Tracing her fingers along the photo in the case of her phone, she smiled. At least she had one photo that she could treasure. She swiped her phone to unlock it, opening her messages and scrolling till she saw Chloe's name.

'I love you, baby xox.'

It was the last text she'd ever receive from the ginger.

Feeling the tears stinging her eyes again, she sat in front of her computer for the first time in months. As it booted, she ran downstairs, grabbing Chloe's yellow cup.

She came back up, sitting back in front of the machine, she tested her mic. It was working.

Tapping out a rhythm with the cup, she sang.

"...you're gonna miss me when I'm gone,"

AN: I dunno what this is. It's just an idea I had. Please leave me feed back! I stayed up till the middle of the night to write this before I forgot lol. Thanks for taking the time to read it :)