The day started off like most, he woke up to the buzzing of his phone as he quickly disabled the alarm and set off for the shower. As he stepped out from the comfort of the running water he looked at the clock on his phone and he picked up his pace. He was late. Another day of being late would just give Harvey another reason to be upset and that was the last thing he wanted at this point. He flew down the stairs of his apartment building and hopped on his bike making his way toward the firm. As he swerved in and out of the busy foot traffic of the city he could feel the incessant buzzing of his phone in his pocket. He knew the caller and what he wanted, but as he made his way down the last block he decided to ignore it in favor of only being a few minutes late. Plus Harvey couldn't be THAT mad at him for ignoring the call when he would be facing him in just two more minutes, right?
WRONG.
That's all he seemed to be when it came to Harvey recently. He tapped his leg as the highlighted numbers on the elevator slowly grew. As the doors opened he hastily made his way to his boss's office, quickly passing by the goddess/secretary that Harvey was so lucky to have. Ignoring the piercing look he knew he was receiving from Donna for making their boss agitated, again, he opened the door to the large, glass office. Although he knew it was part of his job and he was the absolute last person to have any right to complain about his predicament, Mike couldn't help but feel just a little upset that like most nights, he stayed up far past a normal hour to go to sleep while working on the Johnson briefs. This, however, was not what bothered him. Mike could deal with the lack of sleep, after all that's what he had a dresser full of Redbull for. What Mike had been really struggling with recently was the constant disappointment in Harvey's eyes directed toward him during the last week and a half. He wasn't one to constantly need approval from others, but he also wasn't one to take a constant onslaught of hurtful words from people he respected with no consequences. Everyone close to Mike knew he had found something in Harvey that he wanted most of his life: a mentor, a brother, a masculine figure, heck, just a genuine friend, and if there was a single person he wanted to make proud more than anyone, it was Harvey. It really hurt him with every passing day that his boss yelled at him, though he would never let it show. As the anger continued, Mike found himself putting more and more effort into trying everything to gain back his friend though nothing seemed to help. Mike couldn't help but wish he knew just what the man was mad about in the first place. As he stood in front of Harvey's desk with the Johnson briefs extended as a peace offering, Mike was mentally recalling everything he had done that previous week that could have made Harvey upset, but like the many other times he had recalled the previous days, nothing came to mind. He was late, yes, but that was nothing new. He had all the documents proofed and the file patented for the case, he only went out for one lunch break the entire week and that was to go check up on one of his neighbor's dogs, he had stopped by Harvey's one night and they had shared a beer but that was just because he dropped off some files rather late and Harvey found something that needed fixed before the morning so he let him stay and correct it on his couch while he watched the ball game on his TV. He snapped out of his thinking episode and was promptly sobered by the face Harvey made as he looked down at the briefs. Harvey was silent. Mike almost wished that he was yelling at him, but like the past week, he just gave him a disappointed look and stayed silent. Mike wished he would go back to yelling, even that was better than silent Harvey. Mike fidgeted with his hands until Harvey said, "there are files from Louis on your cubicle, and I want the briefs for the Quentin merger before lunch."
Mike turned to leave, ready to get out of the war zone but he was stopped by Harvey's words once more. "And for crying out loud, go freshen up in the bathroom, you look like shit and the day just started, way to go. You're a representation of me, start acting like it!" With those words, another piece of his resolve shattered as he wondered if he was really cut out for this job. He continued out the door, once again ignoring Donna's eyes, but this time he didn't see the look of pity she flashed toward him.
The disappointment was evident in Harvey's words but the underlying meaning cut to Mike's core. Harvey had told him that Louis had briefs on his desk for him to work on. That could only mean two things, either Harvey was so mad at Mike that he was slowly passing him off to the Junior Partner, or, no that was basically it. Mike couldn't find any other reason Harvey would willingly tell Mike to work on Louis' assignments instead of focusing on his work and continuously turning Louis down in favor of Harvey's work.
Stepping up to his cubicle he shook his head and tried to erase any previous thoughts because seeing the towering papers that covered the desktop, he knew he would need all of his brain to finish the majority of the stacks before dinner, let alone if he wanted to make it back to his apartment at all tonight.
He never made it back to his apartment. He gave up on the idea all together around 3am. The office was void of most life after midnight but he threw back his second Redbull and fourth cup of coffee at the time and brushed off Rachel's concerned face as she said goodnight to her friend.
'BANG!'
His head shot up off the desk, offended at the book that had slammed down right next to it disturbing his 30 minute nap before the partners strolled in. He lifted his gaze to see none other than the Senior Partner himself. Mike rubbed the sleep from his eyes only to be faced with the same look of disappointment from the previous day.
"Was I not clear when I said that you're a representation of me. I mean it Mike, clean up your act or you'll be gone before the door can hit your scrawny ass on the way out! Did you even manage to finish the Carlton research I asked for?"
"You didn't ask for any research on Carlton, Harvey." Mike quietly informed his boss.
He flinched as Harvey turned mumbling under his breath. All Mike caught of the words were "..such a fuck up" as he strode back in the direction of his office.
Mike placed a call to Donna as soon as the clock struck 7:55 when he knew she would be at her desk turning on her computer with the latte firmly in her grasp. "What could you have possibly already screwed up, it's not even 8 o'clock yet." "I didn't know" was all Mike could formulate before he started to break into a panic attack. Donna's tone quickly changed from annoyed to almost sounding concerned, although Mike knew better. Without a second delay he heard the buzzing sound on the other end of the line and he had just assumed that she was now mad at him too, until he heard the distinct clicking of her heels sounding down the hall before she turned the corner. Mike's breathing was already coming short, he was struggling to get any air to his lungs, it felt like he was suffocating and the sound of Donna approaching was not making it any better. As the footsteps grew near he braced for the worst but a soft dainty hand lightly grabbed under his chin and forced his eyes into her bright green ones.
"Follow my breathing," she said. He tried to follow her breaths, he did but the panic wouldn't subside. The next thing he knew he woke to a slap on his cheek and Donna's voice calling him out of the fog. As he came to all he could see was the fiery red hair in front of him but as his eyesight became more focused, he recognized the beeping of a machine and bland white walls all around him. He almost blanched; he hated hospitals. The room he was in quickly took him back to his childhood memories that he did not enjoy revisiting. Sensing the change in the kid, Donna quickly grabbed his shoulders and brought his attention back to her.
"How are you feeling pup?"
"I could definitely be better, what happened?" Mike responded.
"Well kid, you managed to not finish my work, have a panic attack and pass out, and somehow against all odds, you made yourself look even worse, way to go Private Santiago, you'd be lucky to only get a Code Red at this point." Harvey spat out making his way through the door. Donna turned and leveled a glare at him.
"Well he's alive so I'll be at the office if you need me Donna, I'll see you back in a few hours Mike." And with another stare burning into his side from his secretary, he turned and headed out.
Mike looked down at his feet, still unsure of what he did to make him so mad. He looked up with heavy eyes to meet Donna, "What did I do wrong?" he questioned.
"I honestly don't know, but I'll talk to him, it'll be okay." Donna was not one for false promises but she really had no idea what was going on with Harvey but she knew that she needed to fix it before Mike gets worse. She could tell it was starting to take a toll on him although he tried to never let it show in front of Harvey.
The doctor came back and prescribed him some anti-anxiety medication and told him to relieve some of his stress to which Mike just laughed. Donna had a hint of a smile when she looked over at him, the doctor confused at the inside joke. The doctor clearly did not know their boss, and Mike thought that the doctor was better off not knowing Harvey right about now.
The next week dragged on. After the initial panic attack, more followed with the ever-increasing loads of work and more angry comments being thrown at him. He wished during these times that he still had his Grammy to talk to, but he didn't, he didn't have anyone really. Of course Donna was helping him, but that was just out of pity. Rachel had been throwing worried glances at him every morning when she saw him in the conference room asleep or at his cubicle with papers all askew. Now as Mike began to think about it, almost everyone seemed to be throwing him looks of pity and he couldn't take it. He knew he looked like shit; he stopped caring about that about a week into living at the firm. He made one stop to his apartment during a lunch break for a shower and to grab his suits, shaver, hair wash, tooth brush and deodorant. He really was living at Pearson Hardman. As the days dragged on his workload still increased but he found it was all from Harvey seeing as Louis had stopped assigning him work. He was worried both at the fact that he stopped giving him work, and at the fact that he stopped noticing. He found that every time he went to the break room to fill up his coffee another few files had gone missing. It wasn't until later that he took a trip to the bathroom and found Gregory grabbing a file off of his desk that he got dreadfully concerned.
He made his way over to his adversary and he could feel the anger rising but he did not have the energy to contest with Gregory. Mike was not stupid and knew Gregory's little sidekick, Kyle, would be right by his side helping him fight the battle and Mike did not have a chance.
"What did you take, Gregory?"
"Nothing," Gregory said unconvincingly.
"Give it back now!" Mike started to let his anger get the best of him as his voice rose.
"Dude, Mike just relax. We have all been taking a few files from Mt. Everest on your desk when we have down time to try and help you out," Harold explained gesturing to all of the associates who silently nodded in affirmation.
Confused and offended, Mike wearily asked why.
"There's only one major case for the firm right now and it looks like you have all of the work to do for it. I don't like you but even I can admit that Harvey is being a hard-ass on you right now. We can't do it quite as fast as you since we have other work to do but that's why we've just been grabbing one or two files at a time," explained Lucy, a quiet first-year associate.
All Mike could manage was a quiet "oh" as he slipped back to his cubicle. Little did anyone know that Rachel had overheard the conversation and relayed it to Donna during their lunch date.
Furious didn't begin to explain how Donna was feeling. She wasn't fond of many people at the firm but the scrawny kid who brought her coffee in the mornings had wormed his way into her heart and she didn't allow others to hurt the people she liked. Upon arriving back at the firm she made a path straight to Harvey's office, so determined that everyone in the hall parted ways and made sure to steer clear of her path, although they would have anyway (she's Donna after all). She took no time to open the door to the office and strode right up to his desk. She took the phone out of Harvey's hand to end the call she knew was not incredibly important.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Harvey asked.
"That's not an important call and you know it, you can call back Mr. Johannes in an hour and tell him about the court date next week but you know what is important, Mike's health which you don't seem to care about anymore." Donna accused.
"What do you mean I don't care about his health? I've been giving him work, he's my associate, that what I pay him for!"
"You are not raising your voice at me Harvey Reginald!"
At the sound of his middle name he stopped short, the words no longer escaping his mouth and he was frozen. Only one person in the world could do this to him. He squinted his eyes and let the slight anger show, "What do you want?"
"Care to rephrase that Mr. Specter?"
"Fine, I'll play. What am I doing wrong to Mike?" Harvey questioned under the sharp glare of his assistant.
"The better question is what have you done right!? That kid is broken right now Harvey and it's because of you. Now I don't know what he did to make you so mad at him that you have been punishing him for two weeks now, but he better have killed someone!"
"I'm not doing anything wrong, Donna!"
"Bullshit."
And there it was. Donna was one of the few people who would always call him on his lies. To be fair, he only noticed that the kid started to look like a nervous kicked puppy around him about a week ago. He could tell for a while that the lack of praise hurt him and the absence of playful banter between them had killed his mood but those were not necessary in the workforce, he was his boss after all.
"He's fine," challenged Harvey.
"Bullshit. Come with me right now!" Donna said as she grabbed a folder off of his desk.
They walked to the bullpen but before they rounded the corner Donna turned on a dime and stopped him with a hand to his chest and fierce eyes piercing his vision. She explained to Harvey to go throw the folder on his desk and watch the reactions.
Taking the challenge he strode into the bullpen with his Specter walk, not allowing the normal worried looks from the associates to bother him. One look from Harold almost did stop him in his tracks though. When the young man saw him, Harvey noticed that he tried to warm Mike. He wasn't sure why another associate would help him but he did think he once heard Mike say that he liked the kid so maybe he was just being nice. As he stood in front of Mike's desk, he took in the mound of paperwork, six cans of Redbull, along with the three cups of coffee that littered the small extra space on his desk the files had not found yet. He stepped closer and leaned against the wall waiting fir Mike's attention.
Finally the kid looked up and he swore Mike's eyes were going to pop out of his face for a second. Upon eye contact Mike immediately went pale as a ghost and immediately started to spew apologies to his superior. Harvey only raised his eyebrow. Mike quickly gathered some papers and began to put them together but noticed a file missing and asked Gregory if he had it still. This surprised Harvey.
"Why does Gregory have one of MY files?"
"Well, I um... you see..."
"I stole it from him Sir and he was too big of a wuss to come get it back from me," Gregory lied.
Harvey immediately noticed the lie. You don't become the best closer without knowing how to read people. Harvey's confusion grew because he didn't know much about the associates but he knew that Gregory was the last person to ever help Mike and suddenly he was defending him. He looked back to Mike and was taken aback by the scared look in his eyes. He dropped the file on his desk and turned around to head back shouting, "I want those files with the papers Gregory has on my desk ten minutes ago," and walked off.
"Told you." Donna stated flatly.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Harvey countered.
"Stop lying. You can't tell me that you're okay with the way Mike looks frightened to even talk to you." Donna said.
"Fine, I'm not." Harvey said pulling her into his office. "Why is he afraid of me?"
At the question Donna just threw him one of her signature faces and said, "you're the lawyer, you figure it out, hotshot."
He knew he was in a world of trouble because at this moment Donna walked out and he spotted Mike almost literally sprinting into his office with the handful of files, apologies rolling of the tongue so fast he could hardly keep up with the kid's words.
"Mike, sit down."
He went pale and completely still. Harvey was worried for a second that he had actually went into shock but then Mike quickly made his way to the chair in front of his desk.
Harvey slowly made his way around the desk and sat down in his chair, really taking a look at Mike for the first time in two weeks. He looked like hell.
"When was the last time you slept?"
"Um, this morning. It was after I finished the Winchell briefs, I swear." Mike explained.
"That's not what I meant." Mike swallowed hard. "When was the last time you got an actual night of sleep?"
"Well I got about three hours a few days ago, I'm fine."
"That's not what I asked, quit avoiding my question." Harvey stated, sick of the immature stalling tactic his associate was trying to use.
"I'm not sure." And there came the truth. The man with the eidetic memory couldn't remember when he last had a full night of sleep. Harvey actually turned to look out at his secretary who had avoided his look and pretended he did not exist. He turned away and looked out into the skyline.
"Go home." Harvey mumbled into the windows, not bothering to see the shocked face of his associate.
Mike's mind went to six different conclusions at once but the only voice in his head that won out kept repeating that he was fired. He wouldn't go down crying so he quietly removed his badge put it on the desk and headed out. He made it to his cubicle to grab his things and was out of the building in record time.
After four minutes, Donna cleared her throat over the intercom, clearly still mad at him. He turned around from the skyline, shook his head to clear his thoughts and asked, "What did I do now Donna?"
At the lack of response he sighed and sat down. It was after a moment that he finally took in the badge laying face up with a smiling picture of Mike Ross front and center. "Shit."
"Donna, did he leave already?"
Silence.
"Damn it." He pulled out his phone and pressed the call button hoping for an answer.
"Donna please have Ray meet me downstairs."
"He's already down there" Donna smiled up at her boss.
Harvey had realized then that it was the first time he had seen that smile in a few weeks and had finally realized what an ass he was to everyone recently, but mostly Mike. He never told anyone why he was pushing Mike away. Hell, he could barely register it in his own mind why he was pushing Mike away, but the fact is that he was in fact doing just that.
When he got to the rundown apartment he knocked on the door persistently. When no answer came he yelled that he was coming in and used the key Mike had given him months back. He stepped through the threshold and was confused at the quiet that he was met with. He had seen Mike's bike outside, but he couldn't find Mike. He roamed the apartment until his eyes fell upon the thin, gangly kid sprawled out on his bed, dead to the world. He stepped away and called Donna asking her to reschedule his appointments for the night and the morning to which she happily complied.
The kid tossed and turned during the night but he never once woke. Harvey had found his way to the pup's liquor and threw back shot after shot of the terrible cheap whiskey Mike had on hand. As the alcohol coursed through his veins, he found himself coming face to face with his problems. The kid was just like his brother.
He hadn't realized it until the night Mike came over with briefs and he sat down drinking a beer and finishing up some paperwork while Harvey enjoyed the Yankees game. After the work was finished he grabbed them another round of beers and just idly chatted with Mike. He never realized how carefree their banter was, it just came naturally and with every reference he threw, Mike threw one right back. He loved the kid like his brother and that scared the crap out of him.
As he sat at the small chair in Mike's room watching the kid sleep, he was fully coming to terms with just how big of an ass he had been. He was making the kid's life hell so that he would leave before he got too attached, but he realized only now that it was already too late. Mike fit in his heart just as Marcus did before he stopped talking to him. He didn't want it to happen again. He knew Marcus stopped talking to him because he screwed up; he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop with Mike. Not this time. He wanted to be the person to leave; he couldn't take another person walking out on him. As his subconscious brought to life all of the terrible things he did to his new brother, he continued to pour down the whiskey until he was no longer thinking straight.
When a good portion of the bottle was gone, he fell into bed, just needing to be close to Mike, to protect him like he had been failing to do a lot lately. The alcohol caught up quickly and he was sound asleep before his head hit the pillows.
He woke with a kink in his neck and the sun glaring down on him. His head pounded but what confused him was the room, until he groggily sat up and realized he was in Mike's apartment and he remembered the previous night's proceedings. He looked over to find the bed empty where Mike once was and stood up but was quickly backed down onto the bed when the room spun. He heard movement on the other side of the apartment and tried again, more slowly to stand. Once firmly planted, he made his way out of the bedroom to find Mike at the stove, making eggs.
Mike turned to find Harvey standing there, looking the entire bit hung-over, as he should be, judging by the half empty bottle of whiskey he found on his counter that morning. He silently took the pills and Gatorade he set aside and handed them to Harvey, who gave him a silent thank you in reply.
It was odd, Mike never felt out of place in his apartment, it was always his own but right now with his boss standing in his kitchen, he was somewhat timid. He knew they would have to talk eventually, there was a reason Harvey showed up and spent the night, but Mike wasn't quite ready yet and Harvey was far from it as well.
Mike finished cooking the eggs and made some toast and split the rations onto two plates and sat them down as he took a seat at the counter next to Harvey. They enjoyed their meal in a somewhat awkward silence. "Thank you," said Harvey as he finished that last bite on his plate, "that was surprisingly good."
"Grammy taught me how to cook from little on, she said a man should always know how to cook at least a few good meals."
The silence grew again and Mike fidgeted, unsure of what to do. Harvey could tell he was still scared, even on home turf. He had to find a way to explain to Mike but words never just fell out of his mouth. He bit his tongue as he tried to make a string of words that would suffice as an apology but nothing was good enough.
Mike began to clear the dishes and walked to the sink to wash them all. He was scrubbing the pan when he heard it. He almost thought he was imagining the sound, so softly spoken. He faced the older man, searching his eyes for conformation that his ears had mislead him but he was shocked to find a new look that did not belong on Harvey Specter's face. He looked guilty.
Mike never thought he would live to tell the tale of being graciously presented with an apology by Harvey Specter himself. He stilled and took it in. After a moment, Mike opened his mouth to say so many things he had been dying to ask but the only word that escaped his mouth was "Why?"
Harvey didn't know how to come out with the whole truth while the kid was giving him those sad, hurt puppy eyes. It was hard enough to apologize to the pup, let alone explain why he hurt him when it wasn't his fault. He needed a drink.
"I didn't mean to kid." Harvey began, very slowly. "I didn't even realize I was doing it."
"What happened?" Mike asked taking in every moment to clarify the situation in his brain that had him confused for months.
Harvey began slowly, considering every word. "That night that you came over and you were working on the briefs, after when we were drinking and hanging out it just felt so natural. I had such a good time that night, I could only remember the last time I had felt that good when I went to bed and that's when I made the connection, you remind me of my brother Marcus."
"Is that a bad thing?" At this point, Mike was just confused. He had only heard Harvey speak of his brother a handful of times but from what he had gathered, the man was fond of his little brother but they never saw each other.
"When we were young, Marcus and I were inseparable. We were best friends and we didn't care that people tried to make fun of us for always hanging out, we didn't even think about it. Any time we were together it was natural and carefree. I had always protected him and he was always a ray of sunshine. He would calm me down and make me see rationally, or even just crack a joke to make me laugh. Everything was great until I left for college and he got caught up on some stupid stuff and he turned away from me. I tried to help him out but he only pushed me farther because he thought that I was 'ruining his life' by telling him not to spend money on blow and gambling."
At this point Harvey was pacing and Mike was beginning to understand all too well the parallels between himself and Marcus. He wanted to stop Harvey there to explain that he would never turn on him and that he stopped using drugs but he knew that Harvey had to get this off of his chest now that he started.
"He ended up losing himself and owing a lot of money to some bad guys and he ran away without even a goodbye. He only contacted our mom once since he left fifteen years ago and has never reached out to me." After a pause, Harvey continued quietly, "I failed him. He needed me and I failed him. I was supposed to watch him and protect him but I got so behind with school and work and he slipped off of my radar. If I could go back and change that year, I would give anything."
"I'm not going to leave you Harvey."
He didn't even bother to look up at Mike; the lack of response was enough for Mike to understand.
"I know I can never fill the role of your brother but I've never had a sibling and hanging out with you makes me feel like I have a brother. You have helped me change my life for the better in so many ways and I can never repay you for that but I can assure you that I'm not going to just up and leave. It was hard growing up without anyone and although you deny it to your death, I know you care about me and it's a good feeling to have someone to fall back on when things get ruff. I could never go back to life without you as my friend, honestly."
"But what happens when I have a bad week and Louis or Jessica offers you a better position, or you finally get sick of me?"
Mike was taken aback by the insecurity in Harvey's eyes. It didn't suit him. If only just to make him smile, Mike continued. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm Rocky in this scenario and although I have lost a couple of fights with you over these past weeks, I'm going to come out on top, it's inevitable. You may be stronger than me by a few pounds but you're definitely not as smart." He smirked, knowing he would take the bait.
"Bullshit."
The sides of Harvey's mouth twitched upward and Mike knew it would all be okay.
"You may be able to remember everything but that doesn't mean you can beat me at anything. Real Harvard attorney over here."
"Yeah but I've become just as good as you were without even going to college. Admit it, there's a reason you hired me!"
At this point both of them were fully smiling while looking at each other and Harvey just stopped and admitted defeat, "You're right."
Mike threw his fist in the air and Harvey squinted his eyes at the kid.
"But you're also right about another thing, you have really pushed through these past few weeks and I'm sorry for being an ass."
"Whoa, did I just hear the great Harvey Specter admit he has a heart!?"
Harvey just gave him a look.
"Alright kid, if you ever repeat this to anyone, and I mean anyone, I will firmly deny it and pawn you off to Louis indefinitely." Mike just smirked to himself knowing the blank threat. "I do see you as a brother and if I ever do this shit to you again, call me on it. Also, if you ever need anything, know you can come to me. I'm not the person to take you out to lunch to have heart to hearts about Rachel but I won't turn you away when you need help, and the last few months be spared, I'm sure you already knew that by now with that big brain of yours." After a moment Harvey continued, "but I will give you back to Louis if you don't finally go get some real suits soon." Harvey smiled. "Really, you look like Rocky after he was beat to a pulp in your raggedy clothes. In fact, even when he was bloody and knocked out he looked better than you with one of those horrid skinny ties on."
"I'll have you know I look good in them!"
Harvey just rolled his eyes and Mike moved over to his living room to grab the DVD. He held it up to Harvey so he could see Stallone on the cover and said, "I bet you one day of the tie of the winner's choosing for the other that I can quote more of this movie than you."
His eyes lit up, "You're on, kid!"
The day continued and without a thought they had run through most of the sequels, a few six packs, and a stuffed crust pizza until they both fell sleep. Although he lost, Harvey found that he really didn't mind wearing a revolting tie around for a day because what he got in return was well worth it.
Later in the week, Mike woke to find a brand new suit hanging in his living room with a sticky note on it saying 'congrats on the win, Italian Stallion."
Mike just smiled to himself, put on the suit, and headed to another day of work with the best brother a kid could ask for.