Jenny heard the doorbell ring just as she had finished cleaning up the front room of her house. It had been a long while since she had had friends to visit, and she was not about to let her guests think she lived in a filthy home. And thanks to the newly designed Glade Scented Oil Candle™, she was able to watch the room change in seconds, releasing the magic of clean linen with Glade. What a fun night this is going to be, she thought as she strode towards the door, just a couple of friends hanging out and playing games. She stopped for a second and quickly added no homo tho. Opening the door, Jenny was greeted by two of her closest friends, Mat and Kelly. With a hearty hello, she welcomed the pair into her home. The abode was above the average residence, but it certainly wouldn't attract any attention; a rather large swimming pool and elegant-looking furniture were the only facets of her house that made it stand apart from any other house in her neighborhood. "I'm so glad you could make it," Jenny said as the two walked into the front room. "Also Kelly is here, so that's ok too I guess"
"I'm happy to be here!" Kelly said in a rather enthusiastic tone.
"Well at least one of us is happy you're here." Jenny said in a rather unenthusiastic tone.
"So I've got an idea for tonight's entertainment." Jenny powered through. Her statement earned a raised eyebrow from Jenny as she waited for her to continue. Mat remained silent and sat down on the couch, seemingly unaware of the two girls and their conversation. "Let's relive those good old days and play our favorite childhood game!"
"Truth or dare?" The suggestion came as a bit of surprise to the host; they had not played that game since they were in high school, some eight years ago. Now that it had been mentioned, however, the game did seem rather appealing. "Sure, I don't see why not." Glee flashed across the face of her female companion, while Mat remained uncaring. He seemed more interested in getting the night over with and going home, but Jenny refused to let his attitude damper her mood.
Soon, the trio was sitting on the floor, playing their game of truth or dare. The game had been pretty bland, with the participants primarily choosing truth over dare, and the resulting questions were not particularly invasive. Questions like "Who was your first crush?" and "What was your most embarrassing moment?" plagued the activity, and Jenny found herself bored before the first ten minutes had passed. Kelly seemed engrossed in the goings-on, and Mat maintained the attitude of someone bored out of their mind, but that was not much of a change from before the game had started. Something about this game had to change, or the night could be ruined before it truly began. Kelly soon turned to Jenny and asked her to choose.
"I'll take a dare. And make it a good one; I'm getting bored over here." Kelly, noting her friend's distress, gave a moment's pause before she replied.
"I dare you… I dare you to play Bloody Sanders!" Jenny gasped in surprise upon hearing the challenge. Even Mat had come out of his near-coma to take on a look of astonishment. The game in question was still from their childhood, but it was a forbidden game, rumored about among others but never completed. But I'm older now, Jenny thought, And I'll be damned if some children's game is going to embarrass me in front of my friends.
In a voice of indignation, Jenny uttered, "All right, fine. Whatever."
Kelly got up with excitement radiating from her person. "Excellent. Wait right here, you two, while I go set everything up." With that, she turned and made her way towards Kelly's bathroom.
While the two waited for Kelly to finish preparing, Mat spoke up for what seemed like the first time of the night. "Are you sure you want to go through with this?" he asked. "You've heard the stories. I don't want to be-" he stopped, seeming to notice what he was talking about. "Not that I'm scared, of course. I'm just worried you might get frightened."
Before Jenny could work up a retort, her female companion returned from the bathroom. "The challenge is ready, ladies and gentlemen," she said with a series of flourishes that ended with a bow. For the first time since accepting the dare, Kelly felt a hint of fear as she strode towards the dimly lit room designed for defecation. Luckily for her, a strategically placed Glade Scented Oil Candle™ prevented the bathroom from emitting any foul odors, keeping the area smelling like a substantial pile of clean linen.
The lights were off in the bathroom, but it was dimly lit with several Glade Scented Oil Candles™ that Kelly had found around the house. Despite the overpowering smell of fresh linen, the feeling of fear grew as the moment drew closer. "Well," her sort-of-friend said, "Let the game begin."
The procedure was simple; simply look in the mirror and say the name of the Colonel's signature catchphrase three times, and he would appear to slaughter the speakers. With a look at her friends for comfort, Jenny took a deep breath and stared at her reflection in the mirror.
"Finger lickin' good." The lights around the house began to flicker, and her friends looked around in fear, but it was too late to stop the process. Once the first word had left her lips, Jenny knew she had to finish, despite a suspicious feeling that she shouldn't.
"Finger lickin' good." Her voice was weaker than it had initially been. She could have sworn something moved in the hallway outside the bathroom, but she paid it no mind. The lights were flickering more rapidly now, and there was no doubt that something was happening.
"Finger lickin' good." The final utterance came out as a whisper, and the lights around the house suddenly flickered out, leaving the three in a near-dark house. From somewhere else in the residence, she could have sworn she heard the Colonel's signature "E-heh-heh." The sour, sinister laugh chilled her down to the bone, and fear overwhelmed Jenny as she realized what her stupid pal Kelly had really done.
Jenny looked back at her friend and Kelly, both of whom seemed paralyzed in fright. The host shook them both until she got their attention, then motioned for them to follow. The three crept along the wall, looking warily around the hallway, but found nothing. Rounding the corner towards the sliding glass door leading to the swimming pool, Jenny saw a large silhouetted figure facing away from them, utterly motionless. One hand was bent to rest on his hip, and another gripped the ornate cane on which he leaned. White hair covered the top of his head, matching the white suit and pants that he wore. Jenny stood there in total shock; she had not expected anything to come of the dare, but now she was face-to-face with the man - or demon - who was supposed to butcher them all.
The figure turned around, revealing the weathered, horrid face that is Colonel Sanders. In a heavy southern drawl, he finally spoke up. "Howdy folks. It's me, Colonel Sanders. E-heh-heh! I've been gone for a while and boy howdy have things changed." With that, he brandished a large knife from the inside of his suit jacket. The hilt of the knife was, in fact, a chicken wing, with the bulbous end serving as the bottom of the blade. A sinister smile crept along the elderly man's face as he absorbed the three targets in front of him.
"Leave him to me," Mat said in the most gravely, edgy voice he could muster, "He's just an old man. I can take him." Before anyone could say anything otherwise, the man-of-a-thousand-edges charged towards the fabled chicken craftsman with a hearty yell. He was stopped short, however, when the Colonel grabbed the young man by the throat, raising him off of the ground. Despite his struggles, the demon did not falter. The Colonel turned around and began walking towards the pool, bashing the glass open with a thrusted elbow. Though he was not facing the two girls, Jenny could still hear the finely-dressed man speak.
"Ask any lifeguard and she's gonna tell ya' the best part of summertime is my $5 fill-up with finger lickin' good sauce." The pair was nearing the pool now, and dread filled Jenny as she watched. "Dip your chicken in it," the man said as he thrust the end of his knife into the belly of his edgy captive. A horrid shriek emanated from Mat as blood gushed from the wound. "Wait an hour." Sanders cracked his cane over the head of the man, issuing a gruesome crunching noise. "Dip yourself in the pool." With the final words, the Colonel thrust Mat into the water. The submerged man flailed for a time, the sounds of edgy splashing drowned out by the Colonel's sinister "Eh-heh-heh-heh."
After a short struggle, Mat ceased any movement, and the Colonel let him float to the surface. He turned around and started shambling forward towards the pair. Kelly and Jenny turned and started to sprint up the stairs, locking themselves in Jenny's room. "Wow" Kelly said, "It smells like fresh linen in here!"
Jenny turned towards the camera while holding up her Glade PlugIns Scented Oil Warmer™ and replied "Thanks to new Glade PlugIns Scented Oil Warmer™, the smell remains strong even after months of being plugged in! SC Johnson, a family company."
The product placement was silenced as the two started hearing a single twangy piano chord being played repeatedly, growing louder and louder with each hit. After a bit they could hear the Colonel's voice over the piano. "I need nothing, I've everything I need," the floorboards creaked as he slowly made his way up the stairs, "I walk along a dusty road, a bucket in my hand. The sun is round and yeller, it shines upon my feet, I've walked 100 yards and I'm not the least bit tired."
"If it wasn't for the soothing aroma of this Glade PlugIns Scented Oil Warmer™ I'd be really scared right now" Kelly remarked, Jenny nodding in agreement.
"The cloud is white upon the sky…"
Jenny's eyes rolled back in her head and her mouth opened as a demonic voice uttered "as white as the Colonel's beard."
Kelly was frightened, but not as frightened as she would be without her Glade PlugIns Scented Oil Warmer™. Jenny shook out of her trance and felt significantly more frightened, but not as frightened as she would be without her Glade PlugIns Scented Oil Warmer™. The voice grow nearer as the Colonel grew closer
"I've walked another 100 yards, and I'm not the least bit tired. I need nothing I've everything I need…"
The two waited with bated breath, suddenly a loud slam was heard as a piece of the Colonel's original recipe slammed through the door and hit the wall. Leaving a visible splat of finger lickin' good sauce. The Colonel pressed his face against split open door and muttered
"Howdy folks it's me Colonel Sanders, I'm back America! Eh-heh-heh-heh."
With a few more slashes, the door was in splinters, and the towering, bulky man lumbered into the room. Knowing that not even the smell of fresh linen could save her, Jenny grabbed Kelly by the shoulders and heaved her towards the Colonel. In a menacing voice, the man said, "What you don't always seem to have these days is my Kentucky fried chicken! Well I'm here to change that folks. I'm here to make sure my chicken's as tasty and delicious as it ever was." With that, Colonel Sanders grabbed Kelly and held her in place. He then produced eleven herbs and spices from inside his jacket, and force fed them down her throat. The poor bitch of a girl tried to struggle, but the Colonel pried her mouth open with his hand as the secret ingredients streamed into her gullet.
No human could possibly withstand such finger lickin' goodness. Kelly began to shake uncontrollably as she sank to her knees with a gurgle. Blood poured from her eyes, and Jenny's childhood friend fell forward, her resting bitch face pointed towards the person that had betrayed her.
There was no time to grieve, though Jenny probably wouldn't have even if there were. The Colonel's sick cackle filled the room as the girl darted out of the room, hoping to flee before the spokesman could catch up to her. Halfway down the stairs, however, the smell of fried chicken filled her nostrils, and the shock of having her traditional smell of fresh linen replaced with the Colonel's concoction caused her to stumble. She realized as she tripped down the stairs that the abomination that stalked her had replaced all of her Glade Scented Oil Candles™ with Colonel Sanders' Finger Lickin' Good Candles™. Something snapped in her leg, and she realized once she stopped moving that her ankle had been broken. Pieces of bone jutted out from broken skin, and blood oozed down her leg and onto the floor.
At the top of the stairs, a tune began to play. The Colonel's voice could be heard above the sound of mandolins. "Howdy folks! This is me, Colonel Sanders. For five dollars you cna fill up your car with gasoline, or you can fill up yourself with my $5 fill-up with finger lickin' good sauce. It's tender. It's juicy. It's delicious." The sound of mandolins picked up as the Colonel rounded the corner, knife in hand. Jenny tried to crawl away, but her broken ankle prevented her from moving fast enough; she knew the Colonel would be on her in no time.
Suddenly the Colonel's singing pierced her ears as he came down the stairs. "Three chicken tenders, 'taders and gravy. I'll throw in a biscuit, and a big ol' cookie." True fear penetrated Jenny to her very soul as she realized that her death would come at the hands of the demon she had summoned. Worse, no one would ever know what had happened to her, her friend, and Kelly.
A wrinkled yet firm hand grabbed Jenny's hair and yanked her from the ground, bringing her within inches of the mustached face of Colonel Sanders. "My $5 fill-up will fill you up," he whispered as he brought the knife to her throat.
"It's finger." The knife slid across Jenny's throat, and a moment of intense pain came upon her as blood gushed from her throat and trailing down her chest. The Colonel released her from his grip, and she fell to her knees.
"Lickin'." The pain had dulled now, and darkness bordered her vision. Jenny could no longer feel her own body, blood loss dragging her into unconsciousness. Blackness enveloped her as she fell, her eyes rushing to meet the ground.
"Good."