Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman
Learning to Love You
Summary
'Learning to Love You' explores the relationship between Michaela and the Cooper children, following the traumatic loss of their mother. It sees Dr. Mike thrust into motherhood, without any preparation or experience. With the help of Sully and the town, Michaela and the children begin to build a home for themselves, and are slowly able to find acceptance and enrichment in their new lives together.
Disclaimer:
Whilst the characters and names portrayed in this fan fiction remain the property of the CBS network, the events depicted are of my own creation. This material is published solely for entertainment and non-commercial enjoyment.
X.O.X
Part 1 – A Loss
X.O.X
Chapter 1
The little boy felt his feet pounding against the dusty street, as he ran along the porch from the boarding house.
Dr. Mike. Dr. Mike.
He looked up just long enough to scan the busy main street. Squinting against the afternoon sunlight, Brian Cooper could make out a horse galloping across the bridge.
He drew a breath and continued running, noticing Dr. Mike's long, flowing hair as the horse moved towards the church.
GottagetDr.Mike. The thought repeated over and over in his confused mind. Remembering Mrs. Bray's frantic words, the little boy pushed himself harder towards the bridge.
"Help!" he called, spotting the horse circling around the ladies gathered for the quilting circle.
Michaela looked up; she knew that voice. More than that, she could hear the fear in the child's strained tone.
Brian kept running, noticing both Dr. Mike and The Reverend glance over at him.
"Dr. Mike!" he narrowed the intention of his request, as he looked down to see his feet hit the wooden slats of the bridge.
Still running towards her, he continued, "It's Ma!" He stopped once he'd crossed the bridge. "Rattlesnake got her!" The small child's urgent calls carried over to the church.
Michaela kept her eyes fixed on the small boy as he turned and ran back in the direction he'd come.
Without hesitation, she tightened her grip on Bear's reins. Digging her heels into his belly, she pushed him into a trot.
The Reverend barely had time to process the sequence of events, before he found himself running along behind the large stallion.
X.O.X
Michaela arrived outside the boarding house, quickly dismounting the horse and slipping her medical bag from the pommel of Bear's saddle.
"She, she's upstairs." Loren secured the horse for her, as Michaela rushed through the front door of the boarding house and up the stairs.
"Oh, thank the Lord. In here. Happened over an hour ago." Maude reached for Michaela's arm and directed her towards the corner room. "Apparently she didn't know it was a rattler straight away. Matthew said it was real small." Michaela managed to push past several concerned townswomen, and arrived by Charlotte's bedside.
"Charlotte?" she whispered, resting her hand lightly on the edge of the mattress as she leant over to inspect the bite mark.
Michaela frowned; the woman's arm was drastically swollen and inflamed. Dropping her black medical bag on the edge of the bed, she looked back up at her friend's face; she was clammy and pale.
She felt for her pulse, checked her pupils and finally pressed her head against Charlotte's chest to listen for a heartbeat.
Her pulse was slow and thready, her heartbeat decreasing further.
Michaela knew at this point, there was little she could do. The venom of the snake's bite had traveled through the bloodstream and had now reached the heart.
She turned around, seeing the petrified worry on the older children's faces. Michaela knew she had to try.
"I need a bucket of cold water, some pillows." Michaela watched Matthew quickly depart the room. She addressed the young girl, "Colleen, I need a glass of cider, I, and," she wavered, hearing the concern in her own voice, "and Brian, I want you to hold your mother's hand for me." The little boy moved quickly around the bed, to reach for his mother's left hand.
The seven year-old child watched, his eyes glued helplessly to his mother's face, as the Doctor and the Reverend fussed around her.
Please be all right, Ma. Please.
Michaela gently raised Charlotte's right arm to check her pulse once again. Slower still. Carefully, the Reverend draped a blanket over her.
She looked up as the older woman moaned slightly. Charlotte was still conscious, Michaela had to keep trying.
"What're you all doing here?" she uttered weakly, as she looked around the room trying to orientate herself.
Michaela glanced up at her, "You were bitten by a rattlesnake."
Charlotte paused, the recent event now seemed very dim in her recollection. "Oh yeah." Still, she moved her eyes over the faintly familiar people around her.
"You're going to be fine." Michaela consoled, knowing she didn't believe it. Looking down awkwardly, she absorbed herself in grinding the sulfate pills into a powder.
"I am?" Charlotte's reply was unemotional, as she turned to question the physician to her right.
Michaela finished crushing a small quantity of the medicine, as Matthew and Colleen arrived back into the bedroom.
"I want you to get your mother to drink that." Michaela tipped the crushed powder into the cup.
"Okay." Colleen knelt on the edge of the mattress, bringing the small cup to her mother's lips. "Here Ma. Come on Ma, ya gotta drink this, come on Ma. Ma, come on," the young girl encouraged, as her mother sipped the cider weakly.
Colleen supported her mother's head, as she watched her drink. She became alarmed when she felt her pull away, "Ma!" The young girl turned to Michaela, "Here," Colleen beckoned for her assistance.
Michaela leant over the bed, putting her stethoscope to her patient's chest, again checking Charlotte's heartbeat.
"Dr. Mike?" the older woman appeared to recognize her friend standing over her, although her voice was thin and vacant.
"Charlotte?" Michaela removed the instrument, realizing the woman was beyond help. She rested her hand on Charlotte's pillow.
"One thing…" the gravely-ill woman's voice was breathy, however Charlotte knew this was the most important question she would ever ask.
"Anything." Michaela brought her hand to Charlotte's forehead, stroking her hair back as she held her gaze. Feeling the tips of her fingers glide through her friend's hair, Michaela no longer felt like a physician. She had lost patients before, but it never felt like this.
"Please," Charlotte could barely hear her own voice by this stage, her vision becoming blurred. "Please, take care of my children."
Colleen looked to Matthew, the young girl's eyes clouding over with tears as she realized not only that her mother was truly passing away before her eyes, but that her entire future was dependent on the response Dr. Mike gave.
Michaela felt her stomach lurch, her mind locking onto the final word alone. Children;threechildren.Charlotte had come to be her best friend in the short time she had been away from home. Michaela speculated, that the older, brazen widow had perhaps been her closest friend ever.
"Charlotte, not me." Michaela saw the dying woman's eyebrows gather in disappointment. Quickly, she knew she had to justify her refusal, "I, I mean, I, I don't know anything about children; raising them." Michaela knew that was the truth. She'd known all her life that one day, she would marry and have the expected family that goes along with such a commitment. But, somehow the years had passed too quickly. As she looked over her friend's sweaty and pale face, Michaela couldn't believe that, after all these years, now would be the moment where her life would change forever.
She saw the disbelief in Charlotte's eyes. "They, they don't tell you anything about that in medical school." She felt the need to reassure her once again, knowing that arrangements for the children's care did not need to be organized now, "Besides you're going to be fine."
Charlotte heard the attempted humor in Michaela's voice, meant only to deflect from the seriousness of the situation. She had to convince her, knowing, despite their short relationship, Michaela would raise her children as she intended; with love, respect and open-mindedness.
"Please promise," she struggled to take in enough air to finish her soft plea, "promise me."
Michaela felt her jaw tense and then drop. She knew, despite the heavy doubts filling her chest, that she had to allow her friend to die peacefully, secure in the belief that her children would be looked after.
"I promise," the words fell from her lips lifelessly. Michaela understood the enormity of the pledge she'd just made.
Charlotte sighed, her breathing becoming rattled. She knew it would not be much longer. Slowly, and for the final time, she looked to each of her children in turn.
"Brian," she whispered, seeing the innocent stare of confusion on her youngest son's face. He could not be expected to understand the significance of these final moments as a family. She forced herself to turn her head slightly, never knowing if it would be the final time she would see each child.
Charlotte rested her head further back against the pillow, as she looked between Matthew and Colleen. Her breathing had slowed, and her vision darkened. As she saw her two eldest children grow up before her eyes, Charlotte knew she'd made the right choice.
Michaela returned her attention to the small bowl in her hands; maybe there was still something she could do. Maybe there was time.
She looked over at Charlotte, who merely chuckled weakly, a broad, loving smile coming to her lips. No. Michaela told herself. Thisisn'tfair,it'snothertime. She ground the pills harder, tears filling her eyes.
Michaela didn't stop until she felt a hand on her arm. As she looked up to see the Reverend at her side, her last lingering hopes dissipated.
Her mouth opening in defeat, Michaela looked over at Charlotte's peaceful face. There was nothing left to say; all had been put right.
Colleen was the first to react, seeing her mother's eyes glaze over, her final serene expression frozen on her face.
"Ma!" Colleen threw herself onto her mother's lifeless body, hands clasping her shoulders. "No," the two younger children whimpered, Brian dropping onto the bed next to his sister, squeezing his mother's arm, as if sheer strength could revive her.
"Ma, no! Ma!" Colleen continued to sob, knowing there was nothing she could do to bring her back. The painful reality that there could be no further last words, only served to fuel her tears. "Ma, no!"
Matthew swallowed, resting his hands on his sister's back. It was up to him now. He was the head of the family; he had to be strong. When he finally did move his eyes from his family, Matthew's shock was mirrored in Dr. Mike's cold expression of disbelief.
Despite the intensity of the young girl's distressed pleas, they could not drown out the thoughts churning in Michaela's head. As she leaned back against the bedroom wall, her eyes still on Matthew, she felt a new weight of responsibility pressing down on her shoulders. These three children were now in her sole care.
She swallowed again, as the Reverend began a final blessing over Charlotte's body. There were so many unanswered questions burning in her mind.
The room once again fell silent, as Colleen and Brian gradually detached themselves from their mother.
"Matthew, take your brother and sister outside." the Reverend touched the young man's shoulder.
Matthew simply nodded and reached for Colleen's arm. "C'mon…" he pulled gently as Brian crept around the end of the bed to grasp Colleen's hand.
"No!" the young girl cried shrilly, her arms still outstretched towards her mother.
"Be all right. Can't stay here," Matthew whispered, the Reverend helping him to usher the two younger children from the small room.
"Colleen?" the little boy whispered, looking fearfully between his mother and Dr. Mike.
"Ssh, Brian," Colleen consoled, her voice still laced with tears.
"Let's wait outside." Matthew gestured towards the doorway, where Mrs. Bray and two other townswomen stood.
It wasn't until she heard Matthew's low voice, that Michaela pulled her head away from the wall. As the children slowly departed from the room, Michaela looked back to her patient.
"I shall perform the service this afternoon." the Reverend muttered grimly. Michaela leant forwards to feel for a pulse to confirm death, as was required.
"Thank-you." Michaela placed Charlotte's arm back respectfully against the bed. "I should wait with the children." She bundled the stethoscope and sulfate into her medical bag, drawing the patchwork red quilt over the deceased woman's head.
"Dr. Mike, you did the best you could." The Reverend handed her the black bag, seeing the regret in her moist eyes.
"It wasn't enough." Michaela lowered her gaze, as she paced across the room.
"But you tried," he reiterated, clasping the bible against his chest.
She looked back up at him blankly for several moments, remembering the harsh conversation they'd had in the meadow only a short time earlier. This would only serve now to confirm his belief, that she was not a competent physician.
Michaela broke the eye contact, clasping her bag tighter and turning away from him. She had other responsibilities now; responsibilities that would require her to stay here, doctor or not.
Michaela arrived into the hallway, looking down as Maude touched her arm gently. "Were just too late," the older woman spoke.
Michaela nodded, her gaze lingering down the empty hallway. "Where are the children?"
"Matthew took 'em downstairs, Miss," a younger townswoman informed her, as Maude slipped into the bedroom to speak with the Reverend.
"Oh, I see." Michaela felt her fingers tighten around the leather handle of her bag as she paced towards the stairs.
X.O.X
Matthew had led Colleen and Brian downstairs to the dining room.
Brian was the first to speak. "Colleen… Ma's sleepin', right?" He placed his right hand on her shoulder as she sat down on a hard wooden chair.
"Uh-huh," the young girl trailed off into sobs, reaching for her brother's little hand.
"Well, when's she gonna wake up then?" he continued, looking across to Matthew when he saw how distressed the question had made his sister.
"She ain't, Brian. Ma's. Ma's sleepin' forever." Matthew pulled out the chair beside Colleen, dropping his weight down into it. His hands rested on his brow, as he looked miserably down at the tabletop.
"Oh," the little boy sighed, leaning up against his sister.
"What… what about Pa? Shouldn't we try, try and tell him?" Colleen's face was red from crying.
"Prob'ly." Matthew pushed his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. "Why's it up to me, anyway?" the fifteen year-old boy snapped back angrily.
"It's not up to you, Matthew." Michaela appeared in the doorway across the room.
All three children looked up at her, surprised.
"I don't want you to worry." Michaela clasped her hands in front of her, "About all those details at the moment." Brian detached from his sister and looked at the older woman nervously.
"You don't gotta take what Ma said seriously, Dr. Mike. She was just lookin' out for us." Matthew cleared his throat, feeling protective over his younger siblings.
"Well, I do." Michaela paced slowly over to the table, taking a seat opposite Colleen. "This will be an adjustment for all of us."
Matthew frowned, crossing his arms and studying Michaela with deliberate scrutiny.
"What makes you think we even wanna live with you?" Matthew spoke bitterly, raising his left eyebrow and pulling Brian onto his lap.
Michaela felt the corners of her mouth twitch defensively. About to reply, Colleen interjected for her, "Matthew."
"Well, it's true. She don't want us. Just had to tell Ma that she would, so Ma knew we'd be looked after." Matthew settled his arms tighter around Brian's shoulders.
"Now, that is not true, Matthew," Michaela objected, Brian turning his head quickly back to face her.
"I don't care," Matthew dismissed quickly.
Sensing everyone's ill-ease, Michaela changed the subject. "The Reverend informed me he will hold a service this afternoon… is there… anyone you want," Matthew cut her off sharply.
"There's no-one. Whole town'll be there anyway. Just, leave us alone." Matthew looked away.
Colleen glanced up at Dr. Mike, embarrassed by her brother's rudeness.
Michaela reached across the table to grasp the young girl's hand.
"Sorry," Colleen spoke awkwardly.
Michaela was about to voice a reply when Matthew interjected strongly, "What you apologizin' for… this is family. She ain't family…" he dropped his voice to a whisper, "she's just the one got stuck with us."
Michaela sighed, understanding the young man's resistance. Letting her hand slip away from Colleen's, Michaela decided awkwardness or not, there were several things that needed to be said. "Now Matthew," she waited until she had obtained the boy's attention, "I know you're not-" Again, the young man interrupted, this time shifting Brian from his lap.
"What do you know? You know nothin' about this." He rose from his seat, and stormed across the dining room towards the wooden door. "See ya all later on… Don't wanna talk about it no more…"
Colleen and Michaela locked eyes as the door slammed closed.
"He'll come 'round Dr. Mike. Just upset 'bout Ma." Colleen weaved her arm around Brian's back.
"There's no need to explain, Colleen." Michaela shrugged although still feeling hurt by the young man's rejection.
"Dr. Mike?" Brian lifted his eyes.
"Hmm?" she acknowledged.
"When's Ma gonna wake up?" he repeated his earlier question, despite instigating a fresh wave of sobs from Colleen.
"Oh, sweetheart," Michaela paused, rising from the table and moving to Colleen's side. "Ssh." She gingerly rested her arm on the girl's shoulders. "I'm afraid she is not going to, Brian." Michaela brought her left hand to the boy's chest.
"But you're the doctor… can't ya fix her?" Brian pressed on, both turning as Colleen wailed more forcefully.
"Brian… I'm afraid even doctors are not able to cure everything." Michaela watched as the little boy dropped his head. "I'm sorry…"
"Dr. Mike?" He recovered and continued, "You gonna come live here with us, now?"
Michaela adjusted her awkward position; half bent over to Colleen and slightly lowered down to Brian's level. "There will be time to worry about that later. How about," Michaela hesitated, looking around, "Brian, how about fetching your sister a glass of water."
The little boy nodded and busied himself in the task.
Michaela turned her attention back to Colleen. "Ssh," she whispered, gently stroking the back of the girl's head.
"I'm sorry about Matthew, Dr. Mike," Colleen muttered, in between trying to control her whimpering.
"I'll have a talk with him later. Here. Drink this." She handed Colleen the glass of water.
"Thank, thank-you," the girl stuttered, sipping the liquid, although tasting more tears than water.