Disclaimer: I do not own naruto
This is a oneshot Also this is AU yea you will see why just warning you this was bugging me so I had to write it sorry if it sucks
Life if filled with opportunity, opportunity if taken for granted can lead to renown of purity or inability. I was never the luckiest kid, when the sun was shining I would go out and it would rain, or walking out the door a bird would drop on me. So why would realities of profound affection ever blow on the strings of fate. I found growing up that as everyone would mature in size I was bound to this inevitable chain of a fragile physical structure. The passage "Don't stay preoccupied with your body or you illness. Recognized that your body is not your total self, only part of it." Had appealed to me in recession that my physical stature was always considered less attractive to the opposite sex. I would always be rejected or reduced from a physical ailment that was far beyond my control. Should I be forever bound to writhe in this obsidious, to forever have to lay back to societies view of the perfect man. The mind has and will always overpower the body, then why would a woman be more appealed to a man that beats her twice a week, than to a man that would love her and give her supporting sensual whispers upon her ear, or hold her when pain is expressed and a river of uncertainty will flow from her eyes. I had very few opportunities for a relationship to unattractive or crippling otherwise known as "Weak". Throughout my hopeless adolescence I had experience my bleeding heart, crushed, stabbed, ecsficiated, broken and eviscerated by many woman that only pretended to only affiliate my mental stasis. When I lived in Snow there was only one, so beautiful and so deep. I had the greatest fascination this woman, but the renown that there was no chance that I would ever know or be affiliated with. But the start of the semester meant of new set of classes and a new outlook on how my school day would possibly affect my life. But there she was, radiating of essence and desire, her long dark hair a sense of pure mental intention. Her pale skin glowing in the dark light causing me to twitch and revamp my view on a perfect pure world. But after we had met I had felt a connection. I felt that I had wanted to know everything that had made this woman so perfect, every minor detail extravagant or imperfection. After that class we began to see each other more often and relating to others flaws and views. We would spend countless hours and when we would depart I could feel an excruciating pain. I believed that I was in love, that finally my thread of fate had been woven more properly. She had not judged my stature that others would shun and use for their own personal amusement. But for every great beginning, there is an even greater end. I was only meant to be in Snow for a year so when the summer was coming close to an end we were forced to separate to never again feel her warm vibrant touch. To see the extensive glow of her skin, or the extensive fragrance the complete serenity of her scent. I could feels death cold embrace, I knew that I would never be able to move on with this abundant weight upon my shoulders.
I had returned to Konoha, returned to the cold rain, returned to the school which housed the few friends I had made in the long time I had lived here, and worst of all returned to the empty repressed room from which no longer held her, my love, my soul. Konoha had caused a greater depression upon me such as the passage "Grieve and morn for yourself, once or twice, but again and again. Grieving is a great cathart and comfort and a way of keeping yourself composed." My return made me experience the feeling of a broken man, more broken than any usual feeling. I no longer held joy in friendship, I no longer felt to see or be around my best friend who I have considered a brother for almost ten years. My mother would often yell at me for casting a grim state upon her house. I had no intention of moving on finding that mourning kept me in touch with her, when I had no chance of possibly ever seeing her again. That thought had struck my heart like a knife through butter, with no resistance no strand of a defensive procedure or precaution staying the knife. My parents did the clinical thing making my depression worse, counseling was their heart felt suggestion. The counselor had attempted to force excitement down my throat actually believing that such a fickle thing could correct my abrasive feeling, generally I would compensate this feeling and purge my soul of disclosed thought. But what decision was left with when my soul was taken, ripped away for all eternity. I had begun to dream, often as much as I could at home, in class, even all during a much received break. I took no pride in how I kept her with me, but at least in my dreams I was happy and most of all Together. Natures greatest creation was once again in my arms to be held irrevocably, and gently her touch on my skin. That abundant sound of her serene voice, only to whim and she would endow my senses. Often my dreams would lead us off to a forest, probably for the view of tranquility and secure resessance of heart felt emotion, strung along vibrant stream of immortal drink.
I didn't care about studies, I didn't care about work, what good was a world to me without her. I believe my reaction to this separation to not be entirely normal, but not to far off. As the quote "If you find yourself fantasizing that you are no longer sick and have been restored to your previous level of functioning, stay with the fantasy as long as it gives you pleasure. But return to reality when the fantasy becomes painful or when it is otherwise necessary for you to do so." But fantasy could only go so far when I was not dreaming or distracted I longed for her in reality but for what I needed was not a pipe dream but a replacement, or better yet someone to help me overcome this loss. After months of grieving, after months of making my eyes puff so bad no other tear could fall I had found what I needed a fresh start, which had all began with her. I had given up my unnatural desire of procured self-disrespect and started over. I could feel the fires of rebirth knowing that I had moved on, but still stricken with pain upon the memory, accepting that life is a bitch and that nothing so great is ever meant to last. I know she would have wanted me to move on, I still often recall the thought and vision of what I wanted and will never forget. But I found my new life, my new relevant love, my absolute reason for life, my Ayame.
AN: once again sorry if this sucked I had this in my mind for some reason