Never Without You
Written for the Past Present and Future Challenge by HermioneWeasleyFan over on the HPFF challenges forum. New character for me, so please be kind!
Chapter 1 - Lost in the Past
Sirius Black stared from his cell in Azkaban out into the gloomy and restless ocean, he could only think like this when the Dementors were off tormenting other souls somewhere else in the vast prison. The sea and sky that he could see through his small window reminded him of his own state of mind. Well, the state of mind he decended to after the Dementors had passed through this section of the prison anyway, thoughts didn't come easily when a Dementor kissed.
Sirius remembered the picture on the front of The Daily Prophet, of the Weasley family with Wormtail. His once beautiful face contorted with a rage that was all too common these days, he felt the insurmountable rage at Peter Pettigrew, not for framing him, no that was second to his hatred of the one time friend that had taken from him his precious and best friend, James Potter. The memory brought him back once again to those who dominated his mind when it was free, James and Lily, Prongs – his best friend and of course Moony. He wondered if Remus believed what was said of his old friend, or if he had genuinely believed the impassioned plea that he had given on his arrest, that the traitor to the group, the rat among men was the betrayer. Could anyone who really knew him believe that he, Sirius Black, Marauder, Padfoot could kill anyone that he loved? Especially the way he loved James, a brother to replace his own. The way he loved Lily, fiercly defensive of her, and of course his Godson, Harry. Sirius doubted that he could love another being so much after Harry was born, he had often thought that being a parent was not for him, but now, locked in his cell, he wondered. If he felt so linked to Harry, who was James's son, how would he feel about his own child? Would the feelings of pride, joy and protection he had for the small scrap of humanity that was Harry be all the more intense because it belonged body and soul to him?
Sirius remembered the days that had led to James and Lily's death, and the happiness and sheer contentment that he had felt, despite the fact that a war for freedom of oppression was being waged, and that he was a central player in the defence. The four friends had grown into fine men, or so they believed at the time. James had won over Lily, a proud moment for Sirius to stand beside James as his best man on the day he wed Lily. Remus had seemed to find a level of contentment that had previously eluded him, Sirius was sure that his new 'friend' had a lot to do with that. Remus had searched for others of his kind and found one, a woman. She and Remus were so very close and Sirius had wondered, quite openly as was his way, when 'Old Moony' would pop the question. Even Peter had a girlfriend, almost a mirror image of himself. And then there was Sandie, the woman who had managed to get into Sirius's heart, probably because he hadn't managed to get her into bed.
He had met Sandie on a cloudless night, warm and calm. As Padfoot had trotted through the streets of London a Golden Retriever had bounded to him, tail waving high above her body in an invitation to play. To the average observer the two dogs had chased each other through the deserted streets of London, rolling on patches of grass they found, barking and cavorting as dogs do. To Sirius it was a beginning, the dog had transformed into a girl, a girl who had recently found womanhood.
Sirius had courted her, chased her and much to his frustration she had denied his advances, content to be a part of his life as a friend. For the first time in his life Sirius Black had fallen in love, and it had hurt that the love was not returned, until the night he had become the wizarding worlds fugitive. He had sought her out, babbling the story of James and Lily to her, the accusations that were threatening his freedom. He had cried, begged her to believe him, and to his surprise she had. Sandie had held him, telling him that she knew he would never betray James in such a way. Sirius had admitted then his feelings for her, that he had fallen for her. Sandie had listened as he told her, telling him that she had wanted to hear those words for so long. She had told him that she had known she could not become one in a long line of his conquests, and that she would have rather been just a friend forever than risk her heart on something more. They had made love over and over, each moment made more urgent and precious by the cloud that threatened them.
On the day of his incarceration she had told him she would wait for him, that she believed in him, that she loved him. Sirius had felt the weight of responsibility on his shoulders, he was now a convicted murderer and all the time that had been wasted stung him, tormented him. He almost hated Sandie for giving her love to him so freely, all too late.
Sirius shook himself out of the past, the emotions of his memories must have attracted the Dementors as he felt his heart constrict and breath catch at their approach. He changed into his animagus form, his only defence against the hooded creatures that threatened to take the only piece of sanity he had left. The Dementors seemed to ignore his canine presence, Sirius needed no second bidding, he broke for freedom. And made it.