Blue Plate Special
Summary: After Oogway hires a stranger off the street to cook for Shifu and Tai Lung, things begin to get a little awkward.
A/N: Okay, so... I don't know how or why or what possessed me to do this. I woke up this morning, I turned on my computer, and I wrote this. I am officially insane.
EDIT: 1/4/10 - Updated the chapter, though with nothing major; I just wanted to make it flow a little better.
Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.
Chapter 1: The Most Important Meal of the Day
The Valley of Peace was enjoying a peaceful, lazy morning, bathed in the warm light of the sun. The skies were clear, the air was somewhat heavy with humidity, and the entire valley was waking up and moving at a slow and steady pace. It was the kind of day when everyone collectively decided to take it easy-excepting the residents of the Jade Palace.
Tai Lung, the youngest resident of the Jade Palace, groaned as he rubbed at his sore shoulders. He had just finished up his morning chores, and he was already exhausted. He'd swept the entire barracks, done last night's dishes, refilled their water reserves (with rain water, since there had been a recent downpour and Master Shifu hated waste), and to top it all off he'd only been able to sneak a single peach from the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom before heading off toward the training hall. To be honest, he normally didn't have so many chores, but he was sort of being punished for slacking off, acting up, talking back... All the normal things that children were often punished for.
Still, it was his professional opinion that his master had completely overreacted, as usual. It would be nice if he could talk to Master Shifu without getting yelled at or punished, but he tended to have... Well, Tai Lung himself admitted that he had a little bit of an attitude. Master Oogway always said that he picked it up from Master Shifu, though.
As he crossed the theater, it somehow registered in his mind that there was somebody knocking on the closed front gate to the Jade Palace. He blinked slowly emerging from his musings at the noise; he had no idea why someone would be knocking on the gate. All the residents of the Valley of Peace knew that the gates were open for anyone who wished to enter. He stopped to listen, perking up his ears, just as the knocking stopped.
Then came a very weak, "Ummmm... Hello?" It sounded like a woman's voice.
If Tai Lung had not honed his senses through kung fu training, he probably wouldn't have heard it. Since he had, he headed for the front gate, mostly out of curiosity. He wasn't sure what anyone would want at the Jade Palace so early in the morning, especially someone who didn't even realize that she could just walk right in.
When he trotted up to the gate, he was more than a little confused by the sight awaiting him. A dog, no larger than Master Shifu, was peering with uncertainty into the open courtyard. She looked like a big, walking dandelion her fur was so fluffy- and dirty. She must have been a traveler of some sort, since she looked like she'd practically rolled there. Tai Lung stared as he warily approached her, not sure what to say. He settled on, "Who're you?"
"Uh, hi!" She waved a little bit, shuffling her feet. "I'm, uhm... I'm Lin. Nice to meet you..." She trailed off and nervously wrung her hands.
"Tai Lung," he replied, still incredibly confused by her presence.
She seemed to perk up at his willingness to speak to her. "What a nice name! How old're you?"
"Uh... Seven..." He looked around, wondering if there were any palace attendants he could dump her off on. No such luck, as usual.
"Wow! That's a great age, a great age..." She rocked back on her feet, still awkwardly wringing her hands together.
He rolled his eyes at her, then crossed his arms, trying to look as authoritative as possible. "What do you want?" If he didn't cut to the chase soon, he would be late for training, and then he'd get yelled at again.
"Interesting question," she returned, her tone growing more confident as she spoke, "but allow me to answer with yet another question, and I ask you this: are you hungry?"
"...What?" Tai Lung again scanned the area for anyone who could be of assistance to him, but to no avail. This lady was starting to weird him out a little bit, and the last way he wanted to start his day was by throwing some crazy bum out.
She didn't seem deterred by the strange look he was giving her. "I said, are you hungry?"
"Uh..." If she turned out to be crazy, he was pretty sure he could take her. "I guess."
"Excellent!" She jumped a little bit when she said it, like it was the most exciting news she'd received in a long time. "I will make you the best breakfast you've ever eaten, trust me, it'll be like biting into a cloud, except the cloud is full of delicious food, and then you'll be all 'MMMM!'"
Tai Lung stared some more, his eyebrows raised. "Uh... Why?" Maybe it would be a good idea to just close the huge red gates right in her face and lock her out.
She remained in high spirits, though. "Well I heard that there was an opening here at the, uh, the watchamacallit-"
"Jade Palace?"
"Yeah, the Jade Palace, that's it!" She clapped her hands, as if it had been on the tip of her tongue. "I heard there was an opening for a, uh, you know, a cook. And that I could fill it up."
He watched her gesture animatedly as she spoke, his brow furrowed. "So you want a try-out?" He'd never heard of such a thing for a cook- sure, for prospective students of kung fu, but never for any kind of service position. And besides, they'd never had a cook before- not as far as he could remember.
"Yeah!" She was acting like the whole situation was completely ordinary. "Like that, a try-out."
Well, he didn't see how it could hurt; he was really hungry. "O...Kay..."
"Sweet! Thanks! Seriously, thanks so much, this is really great." She pointed over his shoulder and waved her hand around a little. "Could you, um, show me where the kitchen is, maybe?"
Tai Lung sighed, his shoulders slumping; he had a feeling that he was going to get stuck with her. "Yeah, okay."
The training hall was empty. The training hall was conspicuously, abysmally empty. In fact, it showed no sign that anyone had entered yet at all, the entire morning. The Adversary was neatly tucked into a corner, the weapons rack was in perfect condition, and the Field of Fire wasn't even running.
Shifu felt his eye twitch as he took in the unusual sight- the last thing he needed this morning was to be greeted by an empty training hall. At the moment, Tai Lung was his only student, and while the decision to concentrate entirely on a single student was somewhat unusual for him, he had not regretted it. Then again, he had never found the training hall empty before. He'd had late students before, sure, but there was always at least one of them training by the time he entered in the morning. This complete lack of life in the training hall only made Tai Lung's tardiness more conspicuous.
He turned around and walked out into the training hall's courtyard, listening intently for any clues as to where his student had gotten to. Tai Lung usually never lagged in his morning chores, and there weren't many things he enjoyed doing other than kung fu. He could have stayed in his room to meditate, although he normally despised meditating, so that option was not likely. He could have gone up to the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom- though it was doubtful that he would be meditating or practicing Tai Chi with Master Oogway, and he should know better than to pick the sacred tree's peaches and eat them. There was one last possibility: he could still be in the kitchen. Tai Lung's appetite was growing by the day, so it was not uncommon to find him ransacking the kitchen cabinets in search of a snack.
Shifu glared in the direction of the barracks as his sensitive ears picked up series of clanging noises, which were most likely due to a load of pots and pans falling out of the storage closet. He wasn't sure why Tai Lung thought it appropriate to be late for his training, but whatever long-winded explanation the cub gave would not excuse him from his lateness.
The kitchen wasn't too far away, and it was a short walk there- even shorter than usual, since Shifu practically ran there. He knew that it was natural for children to crave more independence as they grew (and Master Oogway tended to pound that fact into his skull whenever he became annoyed with Tai Lung for the few times the boy talked back or wandered off), but there was a time and a place for independence, and this was not it. Tai Lung was still a child, and an only son, to boot- he needed to learn that he had responsibilities to adhere to, which were much more important than any of his impulses.
As annoyed as Shifu had been on the way to the kitchen, what really roused his ire was the discovery he made upon entering the room. Tai Lung appeared to be buried face-first in a bowl full of noodles (he was not so surprised by that part), while a tan dog in dirty, torn up peasant clothes was haphazardly scooping noodles into another bowl. He wasn't sure what to make of the situation. His most promising student ever was skipping out on training and instead eating noodles prepared by a filthy stranger. He hoped for a moment that he was just hallucinating or dreaming, but he had the sinking feeling that the sight before him was very real.
"Who are you?" His tone was perhaps harsher than it needed to be, but he felt justified.
"Oh! Uh, um..." The dog, who was rather reminiscent of a dandelion, shoved her pot of noodles onto the table and wiped her hands off on the front of her shirt. "Hi, I'm Lin, and I was, uh, just makin' some breakfast for, uhm, for Tai Lung here..." She gestured weakly at Tai Lung, who was wiping broth off his face and looking guilty. "I was, uhhh..."
"She's our new cook!" Tai Lung interjected, sounding far more excited than anyone should about a smelly vagrant in their home.
"What?" Shifu was less than impressed by the stranger in his kitchen, and while her food smelled decent, he had serious doubts about actually eating it. After all, he had no idea where she'd been, and she looked like a piece of rubbish dragged in off the street. "We don't need a cook! Who hired you?"
"It was, uh, that guy..." She looked at the ceiling, bouncing on her heels. "Uh, his name was-"
"Oogway!" Tai Lung cut in again. "Master Oogway hired her."
"Yep, that's the guy," she agreed.
Shifu looked back and forth between them with great skepticism; from the nervous tones of their voices and the way they both fidgeted, he somehow doubted the honesty of their words. After eyeing them both, he turned to the woman- Lin, apparently- and sharply asked, "Master Oogway hired you?"
She recoiled a bit, gulping. "Uh... Yeah?"
While he didn't like to drag Master Oogway into disputes involving Tai Lung, the situation clearly called for the old turtle's intervention. "Perhaps I should speak with him about this, then." He turned to go, but Tai Lung ran in front of him to block the doorway.
"Wait, you don't have to do that. Master Oogway's meditating anyway, he doesn't really want to be disturbed-"
"Oh, I am sure that I can make time for my old friend." As if he had been outside the door listening to the entire exchange and waiting for his cue, Master Oogway appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, smiling benignly.
Tai Lung, of course, looked horrified.
"Ah, Shifu, I see you have met our new cook." Master Oogway gestured with one long claw to the street urchin, who waved nervously.
"So... You did hire her, Master?" Shifu still had great doubts about the whole affair- he couldn't very well accuse his master of lying, of course, but the man was old, and despite his great wisdom he had an inexplicable senile streak.
"Indeed I did," he replied casually, that benign smile ever present. "You should try some of her noodles. They are delicious!" Then, with a wink and a wave, he left the room.
"Well." To say that Shifu was not pleased by the shady new addition to the staff would be an understatement. He turned to the cook, trying not to let his eye twitch. "You," he growled.
"Uhhh..." was her response.
"In the future, I expect you to have breakfast ready by the ring of the gong in the morning. We eat lunch precisely at noon, and dinner at sundown. I trust that will not be a problem for you."
"Oka-"
"And for future reference, noodles are not a proper morning meal," he added, just to make his disdain clear (though he was sure he had been doing a pretty good job of it so far."
"But you didn't have-"
"Tai Lung," he turned to face his student, who had been sidling toward the door in a wholly unsuccessful attempt to escape punishment.
"Yes, Master!" He bowed deeply, his tail twitching nervously.
"I expect better behavior from you in the future." Shifu kept his reprimand simple, but made the disappointment in his voice apparent. "You will show our new cook to the baths, and then you will meet me in the training hall. Is that understood?"
Tai Lung gulped, knowing that "meet me in the training hall" usually preceded some of his worst punishments. "Yes, Master."
Shifu nodded curtly and headed for the moon pool; there were a few questions he needed to ask Master Oogway.
"You didn't need to do that." Lin was following Tai Lung to the bath house, lagging significantly behind as she stared at every statuary, pillar, relief carving (or anything at all really) that they passed.
"You're just lucky those noodles were good," Tai Lung muttered sullenly; he liked the lady just fine, but her meal had gotten him into pretty substantial trouble. "Besides, you're okay."
While making breakfast, Lin had lured him into conversation, and acted absolutely impressed at everything he'd told her about kung fu. Even when he'd talked about hitting the adversary, she'd made a show of saying how strong he was for his age. She had also laughed at almost everything, which had grated on him at first, but he was getting used to it.
"So your Master there thought I was pretty smelly, huh?" She laughed, yet again. "I guess I am, I haven't even seen a bath in like a month!" And then came another bark of laughter.
"Uh, yeah..." He wasn't sure how to reply to that; after all, it was true, but he couldn't exactly insult her. And he was kind of curious as to why she hadn't seen a bath in so long, but he supposed that was just how things were for travelers.
"What was his name again?" she asked, turning to look over her shoulder at an empty plot of dirt as they passed.
"Master Shifu." Tai Lung shook his head, amazed at how oblivious some people could be about the world of kung fu.
"And the turtle guy?"
"Master Oogway." He never thought the day would come when he'd meet a person who'd never heard of Master Oogway. He and Master Shifu were living legends, after all. Their names were known all throughout China, and they had even met the Emperor- how could anyone be so clueless?
"All that 'Master' stuff is pretty formal, y'know. Am I supposed to call you Master Tai Lung or somethin'?" She then gave him a playful punch on the arm.
"Uh, no, I'm not a master yet." He was still a little put off by how open she was once the introductions were over with, but perhaps he just spent so much time around Master Shifu that he didn't know how regular people acted anymore. "Here's the bath house." He led her into the main hall of the small structure, relieved to be getting rid of her- he could only take so much awkward small talk.
"Well, you're still a kid, you got plenty of time..." She suddenly trailed off as she stared slack-jawed at a painting hanging on the right-hand wall of the main hall.
"Are you... Okay?" He didn't see why; it was just a plain old ink painting.
"Ahhhh..." She replied, pointing at the painting. "That's an original work of Wei-Shan, isn't it?"
Tai Lung shrugged. "I dunno..." He watched as she approached it, staring at the scroll with her face inches away from the surface; she must really like that Wei-Shan guy if she was acting so strange over one ink painting. "I'm gonna... Go now."
"Uhuh." She didn't even turn around, she was so absorbed in the thing.
He just shook his head as he left her there and headed back toward the training hall. He was somewhat amused by her behavior, until he remembered the fate that awaited him in the training hall. He groaned out loud as he imagined all the different types of punishment Master Shifu must have already thought up for him; he sincerely doubted that those noodles were worth it.
A/N: WHAT. Sorry, I can't resist the OCs. I promise that I'll try to make this self-indulgent dribble more bearable in the future.