Title: Vidalus, the Soon to Be Greatest Sidekick of All Time
Fandom: Xena: Warrior Princess
Pairing: Palaemon/Vidalus

Tags: Romance, Adventure, Flirting, Implied Sexual Content, Episode: s02e18 Blind Faith

Summary: Xena-with the help of the warrior Palaemon and makeover/fashion genius Vidalus-rescues the blonde sidekick, Gabrielle from certain death. When Palaemon goes on his way, Vidalus (currently jobless) has heard from a respectable source that the sidekick job is pretty good if you can get it.

Palaemon is the strong, handsome warrior hero and Vidalus is determined to find Palaemon and offer his services as a sidekick. And if he ends up dating the great hero as well? Best. Job. Ever.

Note: Based off the episode Blind Faith (season 2, episode 18).

Note #1: Palaemon and Vidalus only appear once in the entire series. I'm assuming that if you're reading this, you've watched the episode at some point; if you haven't, go watch it.

I first saw the exceedingly handsome Palaemon within the late King Solus' castle, when the guards had bound my hands together and not so gently hooked them upon a hook on the wall in the hallway, leaving my tiptoes dangling along the floor. And it all started with Apex, King Solus' royal consultant, who was an ambitious, greedy, power hungry mongerer. After the king was found dead in the bath in a drowning accident (which I'm not entirely sure was so much an accident as a murder) as it conveniently opened up the chance for Apex, who was next in line for the throne, according a few stipulations are taken care of, to take over.

So in order for him to become the next ruler, the King needed to have married or have an heir before he died, otherwise the constitution decreed the throne be passed onto the king's cousin. However, if the king had a Queen or an heir upon death, the monarchy would be dissolved and Apex would then be in the perfect position to name himself king and ultimate ruler.

Then a blonde peasant girl, Gabrielle, had been kidnapped to marry the king and thus become Queen (yes, despite the king being dead). It was all very morbid. I had been instructed to help make her presentable as a Queen (which was a nigh impossible task) and never really succeeded, but it fooled the king's people well enough, as her marrying the king was dependent on what the people thought of her.

Honestly, they must have been blind to think she was Queen material, but it turns out Gabrielle wasn't completely hopeless; it's nice to know not all my lessons on courtly manners and posture were wasted.

But after the wedding, the Queen and King were destined to have another accident. Law says that if the King dies before the Queen, then the Queen must accompany him to the afterlife (whether she was living or dead). Barbaric practice if you ask me, but no one asked me.

So now the castle was taken over by Apex and his guards, which leads to why I'm hooked onto a hook on the wall in the hallway. Apparently they thought I might get in the way or do some devious deed like try and stop them, which was insane, really. Me? Take on Apex and his guards alone?

That's a good one. It gave me a short laugh for a while, as I hung about. What else was I supposed to think about? Other than desperately praying someone would come along any minute now to rescue me. Would be nice if they didn't want to kill me or otherwise inflict any sort of bodily harm to my person (praise the gods they didn't).

Then Palaemon came to save me. Well okay, technically it was him and the warrior princess, Xena-who by the way would make a great princess. Despite the harsh attitude and muscular physique, she has grace, poise and beauty. Even her voice has that soft touch needed to address the royal court and its subjects.

Just put her in a few silk dresses and add some makeup; I bet she could pass as one. Although I doubt her personality is well suited for a life of royalty. She really doesn't have the gentle princess type of air about her; I bet she could learn easily, if she so chose. Not that it would happen.

But Palaemon-definitely not a princely type, but definitely my type. Handsome, a bit rugged (what with the scar and all) but it works rather well on him. And it really is quite sexy. Leather is always a good choice for warriors like him, and he definitely accessorizes well. There are so many different things I could do with those earrings that would make him both completely irresistible to the ladies (or the men) and keep Palaemon in line with that fierce warrior attitude of his.

So here I am hanging around and these two warriors come and rescue me; after some bartering for my life and information on Gabrielle, Palaemon cut my bindings. Didn't even hesitate. Just one look at Xena to make sure it was okay and his sword swiftly cut the air, letting my feet once more touch ground (thank the gods).

We were in a bit of a rush to save Gabrielle's life, and now really wasn't the time to stop and smell the roses as it were, but I couldn't help taking a quick once over of Palaemon's front and backside as I passed him, before leading the way to the crematorium to save Gabrielle.

Palaemon gave my shoulder a quick pat and a gentle nudge forward as I walked by him. The important matter of note is that he wasn't rough with me and send me almost tripping on my way past.

In the battle against Apex, I did happen to pull my fair share of fighting alongside Palaemon, even though he probably didn't even know I was there. Well, I wasn't quite the fighter he was, but I did knock out a bad guy here and there. Not too bad for my first battle, if I may say.

Not that I have any intentions on making a career out of it, but protecting oneself while traveling is important to keeping oneself alive.

Before Palaemon walked away from us, he let Xena know he was leaving his apparent bad guy facade by the wayside; the one he had been trying to convince himself of over the past few months. He was the one who kidnapped Gabrielle in the first place, who then handed her over the Apex and his guards. But Xena forced him to help her rescue Gabrielle and their adventure had made Palaemon change his ways.

"I think I'm going to try becoming good for a while. See how it works out."

- Palaemon, "Blind Faith"

I knew all about how bad guys worked. I was forced into the employ of Apex, after all, and I was quite averse to hanging out, traveling, or otherwise associating with bad guys.

Good guy status affirmed, what traveling warrior couldn't use a sidekick? It did get quite lonely on those roads, after all. While I still didn't know Palaemon's affections even ran towards men, I needed a new employ (as I wasn't about to stick around here) and a sidekick job really did sound enticing.

"You know, [Palaemon's] kind of attractive when he's not kidnapping me."
"I agree. You know, he and I dealt with those guards quite handily. I think I might follow him and see if he needs a- sidekick."
"You know, it's pretty good work, if you can get it."

- Gabrielle and Vidalus,"Blind Faith"

As I watched Palaemon leave, I knew that I couldn't let this opportunity pass; sidekick to a handsome hero. I waved off a quick goodbye to Xena and her companion and rushed to find Palaemon, hoping he hadn't gone too far.

I saw Palaemon walking along the back road, leading into the forest. I slowed down my pace, unsure how to proceed but I picked up my pace to keep in distance; I wasn't about to lose sight of him. I was nervous. I needed to approach him carefully and word it just right; never does well to make a horrible second impression. I would like to think that meeting in battle didn't really count for much in the way of getting to know someone on a one-to-one basis.

I must have been lost in thought for too long, because suddenly Palaemon was nowhere to be found. He must have moved off the road, into the woods but I was determined not to lose him. I ran up to where I last sighted him, not far past the surrounding forest, which stood on either side of the road. I looked around frantically, turning in circles. Had I missed my chance?

The only way to find out was to go into the woods myself so I randomly picked a direction and started walking. I hoped I could pick up some sort of trail, not that I knew the first thing about tracking people, but one never knew what one could do until they tried. I never did find anything, but at least I can say I gave it my best shot.

I called out to Palaemon a few times, with no response. It was getting dark and I was hopelessly lost now. The thought of giving up had occurred to me, but a sidekick never gives up. Palaemon would be found. Assuming he was nowhere to be found, once out of the woods I planned on going to the closest town to ask around for any clues. Sidekicks also doubled as detectives, getting information that the hero or heroine might not otherwise be able to attain as they were usually seen as innocuous in some way.

Now past dark, I finally gave up my search for the day and resigned myself to getting some rest. I hated the idea of lying down in the dirt, sleeping on the hard, uncomfortable forest floor instead of a nice soft, warm bed, preferably indoors. But if I wanted to do this, I must accustom myself to getting a little dirty, when needed. My hands might get a little rough, but I know how to make all sorts of lotions, and beauty creams. I should stock up when I get to town; and get a travel pack and some spare clothing.

I only have a small bag of coins on me now, but I could always offer my services (selling bottles of lotions or creams, performing makeovers and makeshift spa treatments) to earn more. I might even gain a respectable reputation someday, who knows?

But as a sidekick, it was almost the perfect profession. I've found people like to talk and gossip between bartering over prices and during lessons on how to act and what to wear in public, having their makeup and hair done. You can gather quite a lot of information if you can read between the lines. And a respectable reputation means higher profile clientele. Connections and profit, rolled into one.

Nighttime. There was no shelter to be found and I knew that dangerous, wild animals and occasional bandits hunted these woods. Never mind that I'm hungry.

Well I'm not entirely helpless when it comes to fighting off dangerous things. I picked up a nearby branch; it was sturdy, thick and long, more like a club or a small sword, just in case. I could do this. Disable the enemy and run away as quick as possible. Killing was not something I would ever do, and I'm not about to start.

Nothing to do now but find a good patch of dirt to sleep on and hope I don't get eaten or mauled in my sleep. At least it's warm out, and the night sky clear and the wind low. Not bad conditions for my first night out. Just as I had brushed out a sleeping spot on the ground, having cleared it of bugs, rocks, leaves and other miscellanea best I could, I heard the sounds of snapping twigs and branches in the dark. I could barely see; the moonlight sneaking peaks through the canopy of the forest.

I held my branch out in front of me, circling wildly and pointing it every which way.

"I'm armed you know, and I know how to use it." I gave a good thrust for good measure. My voice hardly shook, although I knew there was little I could do if I were attack and fear was a constant. "Don't make me come after you."

Then a familiar voice came though the wind.

"I didn't think you were serious about this," Palaemon said, stepping into a small beam of moonlight. "I was sure you would have given up long ago, but you didn't. When you kept going, I was curious about what you would do when nightfall came about. Where you would sleep, what would you do if something came up behind you in the woods.

"I am impressed, Vidalus," Palaemon said stepping close and I lowered my stick. He stood a few feet away. "You didn't complain once, and you were brave. Foolish, to think on you could take a bandit or a wolf in the dark with this." He pushed his body into the end of the stick. "But you never did give up, after all this time."

Palaemon grabbed my weapon, pulling it out of my hands and dropped in onto the floor next to us and I smiled, proud of the attention and of how I had handled myself. "I was going to look for you, no matter how long it took. Gabrielle wasn't afraid to get a little rough and dirty, going straight into the fray. Being a sidekick means never giving up."

Hopefully my courage and pride would gain Palaemon's attention. I puffed out my chest a little bit, acting like I wasn't scared to death. Rejection or not, I would face my fears. I had hesitated before, back near the castle road and that's how I lost Palaemon in the first place. I didn't want that to happen again.

Palaemon smiled at me, stepped up right next to me, and bent over to whisper softly into my ear. He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Gods above, you are beautiful, Vidalus. I didn't think you were suited for this lifestyle, but I'm glad you are. I can tell these things."

He pulled back just enough so he could look me in the eyes. Another beam of moonlight appeared and reflected those brilliant blue eyes; they looked as if they sparkled, surrounding by the night. I traced the dark scar running down his forehead to the middle of his right cheek with my finger on impulse, before catching his eyes again. I dropped my hand. Palaemon surely saw the desire in my eyes and I can see it deep within his. That same want.

"I would have regretted not seeing you again." Palaemon's voice was soft, and smooth, romantic. His hand caressed the side of my cheek, subtle movements until it stilled. He held it there. "Gabrielle was more than just a sidekick to Xena and I would like it if you were more than just a sidekick to me. Call me a little impulsive, but I couldn't stop thinking about you after all this time. What do you say, shall we try it out? See where it goes?"

I nodded and my words escaped me. This happened so suddenly; I had no idea he even felt the same way before now! We never spoke at length before, and he never let on that he acknowledged my existence when we were back at the castle. I had hoped Palaemon had been watching me, in his own way.

Palaemon continued. "I'm not used to openly expression my emotions in public and we were in a tense situation, but I saw you, you know. I was watching you. Making sure you would be safe. You did handle yourself quite well today."

I grinned. Palaemon's face beamed as he studied the happiness on my face; his thumb began performing small, circular ministrations along my cheek and side of my nose.

"I need to be able to protect myself you know," I said. "These roads and adventures can get quite dangerous."

"They can be," he said, leaning in close. "I'll have to keep you close then, never let you out of my sight."

It was a cheesy line, but gods above, it was working. I nuzzled against his hand. "There's more to me than what you see, Palaemon. I have many skills."

Palaemon laughed, leaning in ever closer, lips brushing against mine. "I can only imagine what they might be."

His kiss was soft and just as loving and as enticingly romantic as that seductive voice I desperately wanted to hear again. I kissed him back with all the courage I could muster; I realized immediately he was more experience and skilled at kissing than me, but the small, needy sounds he was making surely meant he didn't mind all that much. I'll just have to get better through lots and lots of practice.

Palaemon slid his free hand from my shoulder, to my arm, rubbing it gently before coming to a rest just upon my hip. The thumb stroking my cheek moved down to my lips, and I instinctively parted them. Palaemon tugged on my lower lip. I licked the top of his digit, and he chuckled, pulling away.

"Come on," he said, lowering his hand from my face and clasping my hand in his. "I'll show you how to make a campfire. Consider it your Second Sidekick Survival Lesson. It's a rule. All sidekicks must know how to make and maintain a good roaring fire. Cooking lessons will come later."

I followed his lead and he led us to a small, open area. A circle of stones and some wood lay in the middle. It was already set up, but I took note, memorizing it so I could reproduce it later.

"You know what the next lesson will be for tonight, don't you?" Palaemon asked.

"Cooking lessons?" Because fire and cooking usually went in hand.

"Well yeah," he replied, but this time, his smile was held the element of an intense, sexual nature. "That's lesson number three."

Palaemon backed us up until my upper back hit the tree. He lined up our bodies, pressing them together, all the while still holding my hand. Palaemon's free hand slid around to the middle of my lower back; he seemed to instinctively grind his hips in small, soft thrusting motions.

"Lesson number one is the most important of all," Palaemon's voice had lowered a deep, husky tone.

"And what's that?" I asked, my voice cracking a little. I was nervous yet excited. My body was heating up and the length and hardness of his excitement undulated more heavily against me. When he lined them up, I let out a breathy gasp.

I received a small chucked in response.

"Sharing body heat is the best way to warm up in the cold." His grin was almost feral. "We'll have to practice lesson number one until we get it right but even then, I don't want you to forget how it's done, so I'll just have to remind you every night, just in case. For as long as you wish it of me."

I shared his desire, that longing need. He once more attacked my mouth with his own, this time heavy and passionate. Yeah, I think this sidekick thing will work out perfectly.

+END+

Note #2: I'm 99% sure, after a quick Google search that I'm one of the only people to have written this pairing. I'll be highly surprised if anyone reads this, and I'll love anyone who leaves a review telling me I'm not the only person who loved the idea of Palaemon and Vidalus together.

Although the show didn't say as much, I'm pretty sure Vidalus is gay (if he's not, let's pretend he is) and probably wanted to be Palaemon's sidekick in more then just one way (*hint*hint*). I'm assuming Palaemon is bi, because I can.

Three cheers for FF writers who write the most abstract, rarest or randomest of pairings ever ~ *\o/*

Note #3: I have a Catch-22 (a paradoxical) relationship with this. I love them as a pairing, but I hated writing them in a sexual context, but I love writing FF with a sexual context in general (and this story demanded it). Ergo, it's very love/hate for me. I do love how it turned out, though, so that's something.