Disclaimer: Hollyoaks and the characters are not legally mine. (But Emmett and Keiron are, and are currently hiding in the closet(no pun intended)doing naughty things with each other...
Song: Human by The Killers. If you haven't heard it, YouTube it now, it is an amazing song, trust me. Song is also not mine... Grrrrr.
I did my best to notice
When the call came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind
I tried to figure it out. I tried to second guess his next moves but it was so hard to notice the little signals he would give out, just before he strikes out again. I know it's coming, it is always coming. Every time he calls me up, I just surrender to him. Nothing new there. I was brought by his charming words, his sharp blue eyes, and that ever so endearing moustache... Even after he hits me, after he breaks my heart time and time again, I am still kind to him. I reassure him that I don't take it personally. That I still love him, even without saying the actual words. I know he loves me too, I can see it in his eyes. I know he regrets hurting me, he just doesn't know any other way.
And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes
Clear your heart...
Cut the cord
When I see that next opening, when I see the lust fill Brendan's eyes, I know immediately it is time to return to my rightful owner. I am Brendan's, I will always be Brendan's but he never will be mine. I get nervous a few days after, when I go back to the flat, and Noah. He sees the bruises and knows it has happened again, he knows I have betrayed him. But to me, it feels like I am betraying Brendan, by going back to Noah, not the other way around. Of course Noah would never leave me. He needs me, he likes to have me, to try and feel dominant. He likes to think he is helping me, saving me from Brendan, he is just doing the exact opposite, he is pushing me closer. When I am with Noah, I just have to close my eyes, pretend it is Brendan running his hands down my body. Clear my heart, forget every whisper, every kiss, every touch that Brendan has ever given me. I just have to cut the cord. But the cord connecting me with Brendan is just too tough.
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
I hate being with Noah. I don't feel myself with him, I am not complete, not human. Each day is just the same, repeating itself over and over again, in the say boring custom. It is like we are dancers, sticking to a routine, scared that if we change, the facade around us will crumble, and the truth will break us. How do I convince Brendan that us being together isn't as bad as his overactive imagination has thought it to be. We could be good together. I need an answer, I have been searching for it, for what seems like an eternity. When Do I get to be human again? When do I get to feel emotion, to be allowed to feel emotion. When can I feel that electric pulse run through my veins, when he touches me. When can I break out of this routine I have with Noah.
Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance,
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye
Wish me well..
You've gotta let me go
That's it, I am breaking out. I am going against what is expected of me, and I am setting myself free. I don't care what others think, I am doing it for myself. I can't be tied down by Noah anymore, he is not what I want. So I will throw away any grace or virtue, thanking it for what it can no longer give me. What I am doing may be bad, but I have been good for so long, I am sorry but there is no other way. Noah, he may have had soul and romance, I realise he did the best he could. It just wasn't for me, it wasn't right, he wasn't right. I can wave goodbye to devotion, it may have taught me everything I know, maybe one day I can teach it to Brendan, get him to devote to me. Goodbye, everything I already know. Wish me well, because I am going to need it. I need to do this, to be with him, even if it means once every other week, and a battering straight after, I can't live without him. You have just gotta let me go, let me try and change him, let me learn from my mistakes.
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
I am practically on my knees begging him to take me in. He doesn't understand how much I need him, how our destinies were etched together the day we met. I know this is what he wants too, he is just too scared. He is scared of what others think is he breaks the routine, if he lets himself be human, and feel love.
Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know is your heart still beating
Will it wound you so greatly to just love me? Is it so wrong to fall in love with someone like me, to have others know about out love, to have others be jealous? Tonight, when you are dreaming, will you be dreaming about me? Your eyes have just frozen over, no emotion seeping through. I can't read you, like I used to. You need to let me know if your heart is still beating. Is it even capable of beating? Are you capable of living and loving outside of routine?
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
You've gotta let me know
You have got to let me know, do you love me? Don't be afraid. I can protect you, no one will very think twice to threaten the big bad ass that is Brendan Brady, over who he sleeps with. It is vital that you let me into your heart, so I can try and fix you, and find that answer I have been searching for, for so long.
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human
Or are we dancer?Are we human?
Or are we dancer?Are we human
Or are we dancer?
As a single tear drop falls slowly down your face, I realise that you are human. You do have feelings. Who would've thought it, hey? You apologise for all that you have done, but I don't need it. I already forgive you. We are both on our knees, crying. We are men, men shouldn't cry. You kiss me tenderly, and I instantly forget Noah, and the waiting, and the pain of my heart breaking, when you fist comes into contact with my stomach. You lazily trace over the shadows of my bruises and once again, you apologise. This is what I wanted. I wanted you to feel, to learn what it is to love and to cry and to laugh and to just simply be happy. Now we are happy, together. That electric pulse running through our veins, never ending, not until the day our love dies: the second day after the end of time.
You stand up suddenly, and reach out an arm towards me. I flinch, instinctively, but then I realise you are simply offering me your hand. I take it, confused, but you pull me close and whisper in my ear: 'Dance with me, Steven.' I smile, tears in my eyes once again, and accept gratefully. We dance slowly, without the company of music. Our dance has no routine, it is just us, free to do what we like. Free to be human.