Author's note: Every character belongs to Stephenie Meyer! My dirty mind, however, is all mine! ;P This FanFiction contains sexual content and curse words. Hence, Rated M! You have been warned, kids!
Chapter 1 - Day One - Monday
A new day. A new week. A new city.
I turned my head slowly to the bedside table, my eyes still adjusting to the darkness of our hotel room.
3: 21 am.
I took a deep breath, trying to find my way back to the dream I have just woken up from. I started blinking my eyes, as if it would help me to recall it.
Nothing.
I wanted to fall back asleep, my extremities still hurting from our 6-hour-flight from Los Angeles to the warm, humid New York. It was August and althought the weather was nearly tropical at daytime, it was raining cats and dogs now. Hello, NYC. Nice to meet you, too.
Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I was not able to fall back asleep. I didn't have a deep sleep, probably because I tended to get nightmares so often. I remembered that one time...
I shook my head to get rid off the atrocious feelings that seemed to get a grip of my body, trying to pull me to the ground. Forcefully diving my head underneath a dark pool of water that I thought I'd never be able to emerge from again.
I felt my tears running down the side of my head, wettening my pillow. I tried to keep my voice down but eventually a small whimper came out of my mouth.
I pulled the typically stiff hotel blanket over my head, only to notice how hot it was underneath it.
"Jesus, Bella, pull yourself together," I hissed.
I took another deep breath, neatly placing my hands on top of my stomach, arranging my body drenched in sweat. Everything was fine, I went through this multiple times. Edward was counting on me, he needed me. And I needed him. Well, I was perfectly sure that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him but he had made me doubt his feelings towards me multiple times...
Last year, when he left me, I was incomplete. Dying. Every day I felt like I was falling apart. I had no one. My dad, Charlie, helplessy tried to pick up the pieces but failed.
I knew I wouldn't be happy without Edward, the only boy I'd really loved, adored, worshipped...
"Bella, you need to stop! Why are you doing this to yourself again?" Maybe because I was utterly masochistic? Did I need the constant pain and fear of losing him in order to feel alive? The pain was the only reminder that he was mine. That he was lying next to me in our hotel bed. Decided to stay with me after all.
My hand carefully reached over to his side. I gently stroked his shoulder, his back facing me. I concentrated on his breathing, comforted to realize he was sound asleep.
"Sleep tight, honey," I whispered, knowing he'd need every second of sleep he could get. Tomorrow was his big day.
I couldn't bare the heat anymore. I got up, gallantly swinging my legs to the ground which usually never worked considering the clumsy ass I was. Seemed like the darkness was oddly helping my non-exisitng body coordination.
I looked over my shoulder, facing Edward with my back, checking if I have woken him. Fortunately, he only snorted a bit, turned onto his back, sracthing his nose.
I giggled. He could be so adorable without even trying.
The mattress gave in a bit when I finally got up, stretching my arms and legs, suddenly feeling awake. My sleeping pattern seemed to be totally reversed. Who invented those annoying time zones anyway?
Tiptoeing to the window, in hopes I could get a cooling from the windows chilled by the rain, I jerked my foot against the bedside table.
"Ouch," I whimpered, biting my knuckles not to scream in pain! Welcome back, clumsy Bella! I guessed the little trick I did with my legs a few seconds ago was sheer beginner's luck. As the pain ebbed away I finally made my way to the big window, sitting on the window still.
You know this saying that NYC was the city that never slept?
Well, it was true. I was able to look down on this astonishing city from the 10th story, catching a glimpse of what seemed to be a billion small lights. Although my view was blurred by the rain drops running down the glass, I still was blown away by the sight of it. The street lights flickered in the dark and misty night, lighting it up. It almost seemed like it was daytime. I focused on the noise underneath me. People chattering, yelling, living their lives. Having fun. When was the last time that Edward and I went out for dinner? Or danced in the night clubs until dawn like we used to years ago? When have we stopped being...us?
I felt the urge to pull out my sketch book and just start drawing. I was tended to spend the rest of the night capturing each and every atom of this spectacular view! Unfortunately, Mother Nature did not equip me with some sort of night vision like the vampires in my stories I loved to read about. Drawing and reading, the only things I enjoyed doing. Why does Edward love me anyway? What was so special about me? I wasn't even uber pretty or a remarkably good fuck...
I heard a rustling behind me, Edward's smooth body rubbing against the hard mattress. I turned my head slowly not to make any more noise. Only the raindrops hammering against the window. I hold my breath until I was sure he was just turning over, now facing me. The moonlight was shining on his bare torso, the little trail of hair leading down to his boxers...
Sigh.
Sometimes I asked myself how he was even real. I never quite got how he could work behind the camera, when really he was always more handsome than the models. Handsome. Perfect. Divine. Underestimations of the century. All adjectives that didn't even describe a fraction of him.
I touched the window, tracing one raindrop until it united with a second one. I imagined Edward and me being them, the way we used to be. One person, inseperable. I guessed we still were, only now there was a third instance - his work.
"Babe, what are you doing on the windowstill?" he murmered, rubbing his eyes, distracted by the moonlight.
"Nothing, Edward, I couldn't sleep. Go back to bed, you need to rest." I turned my head and softly smiled at him, although I doubted he'd see me properly.
"But I want you to come to bed. You know I don't like missing you next to me." His eyes locked with mine, a little smile on his face, pointing at his left side.
"Please?" he whispered, doing that pouting thing with his pink lips.
I sighed. How the hell were I supposed to resist that? His smile got bigger when I finally made my way back to the bed, cautiously trying to avoid the bedside table which raped my foot earlier. The thought of the pain made me flinch.
"What's wrong, babe?" Edward asked, a bit worried.
"Meh, nothing." I waved aside, quickly getting into bed. Believe it or not, I was slowly starting to become a bit cold, leaning against the windows earlier. I was thankful for Edward welcoming me with an embrace.
"You know how my feet get along with objects standing in their way!" I shrugged, Edward chuckling.
"What can I say, bitches love me!" I grinned ironically.
Edward seemed to like my little joke - I wasn't the funny type of girl - deciding to reward me with a kiss.
"Hey! When did you become funny, huh?" He smiled while he was kissing me, gently running his fingers through my hair.
I was stunned, his cool lips matching the temperature of the glass I just touched minutes ago. However, his touch always left a burning mark of desire behind. I was slowly getting warm again... Maybe too warm. His kisses continued to chill me though, my body suddenly seemed to forget how to produce sweat. Hot and cold.
It was a short kiss, my body was longing for so much more, I wanted him to say the words while doing it. When was the last time he did, anyway?
He climbed on top of me now, burrying my body underneath him completely. I was suddenly feeling hot, just like the way I used to when I woke up earlier. The fire I felt when he began to make love to me slowly burned up. His kisses became stronger, demanding. He picked up his pace, quiet moans coming from his mouth.
"Edward... " I began, trying to catch my breath. I knew he wanted to fuck me, his tongue forcefully trying to conquer my mouth, his hands grabbing my wrists, putting them over my head as if he wanted to handcuff me.
"Hold on a sec." I pushed him softly. He stopped, raising his head, a confused look on his face. He licked his lips, even biting it. I could feel his dick growing between my thighs. Edward never had problems to get a hard-on, he was quite the expert in it, honestly. Fast. Ready, set, go!
He wasn't really into foreplay anymore. He still enjoyed kissing me but the real deal were the other things he could do with his tongue. It always felt soooo good...
"What's wrong, babe? You don't want..." he asked, raising an eye-brow, knowing I was always down for sex. But not this night. I needed reassurance.
"No... Yes... Whatever. I just... " I didn't quite know what to say. We haven't talked about our feelings towards each other for ages. When? Should I casually call him when I wanted, knowing I'd interrupt him from working? He enforced a strict work policy: There was his job, his passion and there was me. His girlfriend. Period. He didn't intend to bring me to work and introduce me to his colleagues, share his passion. I didn't mind that at the beginning but I was slowly starting to feel hurt and left out. I wanted to be a part of his life and not caged in a hotel room like a fucking zoo animal.
I decided to just spit it out.
"Do you still ...love me, Edward?" I felt my blood rushing into my head, regretting my words. Of course he did... Right?
He hesitated, knitting his eye-brows. As if he had to think about my question. What the...
"Bella, why are you asking me this?" His kept his voice down, concentrated, measuring my feelings and facial expressions.
I couldn't believe it.
"Are you serious? Are you fucking serious?" My pushed him harder. "That is all you gotta say about this? Like, you have to think about what you say? Edward, don't you get it?" All my doubts and questions about him still loving me were shockingly becoming certain. Or were they? Was I just overreacting? Was I interpreting way too much into the whole situation just because I was alone with my thoughts? Because I got nothing else to do besides drawing, reading, and waiting for Edward to come home?
I was being pathetically embarrassing. The lack of sleep eventually had an effect on me. I was fantasizing. Hallucinations, clearly.
My heart was still racing because I was so mad at him for a second but his voice, his words purring like a kitten, seemed to calm me down again.
"Babe, what is wrong with you?" He softly stroked my cheek, rubbing his thumb over it in circles, massaging it.
He smiled and leaned down, kissing me again. I was captivated by his scent, I took a deep breath, tasting him with astonishing intensity. He tasted so...sublime.
He numbed my senses, I was willless, not able to speak. He won this fight, my whole body was one pile of goo.
It was like he answered my question with this kiss. Although I wanted him to say the words, I was oddly satisfied with his kisses, reassuring me that he still loved me. After all we have been through - why wouldn't he? I was just being selfish, wanting him to pay more attention to me. I mean, I had to support his career, have his back. Make sacrifices. A normal relationship, a constant giving and taking. And if he took more than I could give him, well, then I'd have to lump it. For now. Pull myself together.
"You know what? Forget it." I mumbled, my lips sealed with his. Moving in unison. "I guess, I am just lacking some sleep..."
"I guess you are... Not thinking clearly..." He chuckled as if my paranoid mumbling was amusing him.
"Yeah," I admitted "I guess you're right, Ed. You always are."
"True fact, babe. Now... how about we finish what I have started before you were talking that... nonsense." He nuzzed my collarbone, slowly making his way towards my breasts. He pressed his body against mine, I could feel his dick growing in his white Calvin Klein's again. Oh, how I loved him in those... His hand found its way from the side of my torso towards my breasts, now meeting his lips.
"You know, you're wearing an awful lot of clothes for my taste, babe..." he purred, his humming making my whole body shiver.
Something just did not feel right. It was always the same tricky situation: I tried to put up a fight and Edward was nipping it in the bud with his fucking sex appeal. The stuff he was doing to my body was just... disarming.
But not today. I was going to resist. Take control.
I was faking a big yawn, stretching my arms over my head. It was totally putting him off his stride. His kisses ebbed away, his hand let go of my breast and he looked me in the eyes, kind of hurt, actually. But I did not mind. I felt good, to be honest. I took control. Eat that, you sexy motherfucker!
"Edward, I am too tired, really. You got a big day tomorrow, you should get some sleep, too," I reassured. To piss him off some more, I put my index finger on his mouth as he wanted to protest like he was a stupid child that needed guidance.
"Shush, honey, don't say a word. Kiss me once, then go to sleep!" Oh, my God! I loved this. I never played a game before, I was the one who always gave in! My inner Goddess was more than happy with what I was doing here.
"Alright," he mumbled, bending towards me, giving me a small, hasty kiss. "Aye, aye, captain!"
We both faced our backs to each other, and I slowly fell asleep, feeling rather... good. I made my point clear. I was an important party in the relationship as well and Edward would have to accept that. I should have played the hard-to-get-game way earlier.
Reviews are more than welcome! :) Thanks for reading, it means a lot!