My first story. Cuz Mird kept bugging and nagging me. But I suppose I should thank her for giving me the idea to put this on FFnet. So thanks Mird! *bows* *bops* *but not in that order TEEHEE* Oh and thanks for being my editor too! :D

I wrote this for school. Bad idea. Kids, if you want to write an essay, don't base the topic off manga or anime. You'll feel like crap at the end... and not be able to read it... and yeah.

New note: I want you guys to look above at the category. It says Humor/General. Humor. Humor. It's humor. Although this is a "persuasive essay", it's so informal that it's not really an essay anymore. So grammar mistakes, such as three "really"s in a row, were intentional and for the pure purpose of humor. Heck, you could call this a crack fic. That being said, please enjoy this not-essay!

Persuasive Essay: Why Alphonse should get his body back before Edward

It's extremely not good that Edward and Alphonse lost their bodies to the Truth. Now the brothers have to go through a big long search and journey to the farthest corners of the world and stuff like that to get back what they lost. Also, Edward has become a state alchemist- a dog of the military as they like to put it- in order to gather more information on alchemy to achieve their goal. But since he's in the military, he gets sent on lots of dangerous missions. Alphonse would've been a state alchemist too, but the exam to become one requires a physical, something that he would be unable to have. This will be explained in a bit, after I write about what Edward and Alphonse have lost exactly.

Edward has lost his right arm and left leg. Although he has replaced it with automail prosthetics, the surgery to get them was excruciating, even after a painful rehabilitation the limbs can become sore, because of his lifestyle he needs a lot of repairs and sometimes even replacement of limbs, and lastly there's just the annoyance of regular maintenance. This seems like a lot to deal with, so wouldn't you want to get your original limbs back as soon as possible? If you think that's bad, I believe Alphonse's situation is worse.

Alphonse has no physical body. He had everything taken, but Edward managed to bring his soul back and bind it to a suit of armor. So technically that's his body, but it's just armor. He can see, hear, talk, think and move. But he can't feel, eat, cry, or sleep. His body is basically invincible, since he can't feel pain and reconstructing the armor with alchemy is easy. But at any time, it could reject his soul, as it's completely different from the armor and doesn't belong there, and Alphonse would die. People think he's wearing big armor when they see him walking around, but there is nothing inside and this would tip other people off, i.e. the military, that something odd was created with alchemy.

This is why Alphonse can't be a state alchemist- the examiners would see his body and take him into custody and conduct experiments on him for, pretty much, ever. He is the first non-military documentation of the transmutation of a human soul. And Edward would probably never see him again. Moreover, they would arrest both brothers of the crime of human transmutation.

I personally think Alphonse has it worse. He seems invincible or immortal, but when his soul gets rejected it's good bye Alphonse, hello depressed Edward and unhappy times. If Alphonse gets his body back first, it reduces the risk of this happening. Plus, Edward can quit the military and not be in danger anymore. Also, automail isn't life-threatening and he's pretty much gotten used to it. It also makes him a lot stronger if he were to fight the homunculus. And it gives him an excuse to see Winry more often- they make the cutest couple ever and it's so obvious they love each other. And if Alphonse got his body back, he could get a girlfriend and a kitty. Because he wants a kitty. And it would be good if he got a kitty. And a girlfriend.

I realize that Edward really, really, really wants to get his arm and leg back. But I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to lose Alphonse again and if they can get his body back, then he can cry, eat, feel, sleep and have a normal life again. Plus Alphonse's body is really, really, freakishly skinny and his hair is way too long and his fingernails need to be cut and he needs to shower and he looks super sad and stuff. And he's really skinny. And he's really superly skinny. Did I mention he's skinny?

FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEONE FEED THE POOR KID!!!!!

And that's why Alphonse should get his body back before Edward.

Thanks to the people who reviewed this in the first day of posting it!

And, yeah, I know I made lots of mistakes, and I'm learning now. But I won't change this anymore for the sake of... uh... not changing it anymore.