I know I said I'll write this story in a week but I have too many ideas in my head! Don't read this if you haven't read my other story. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone A Parody! Here's the first chapter.
In Harry's room.
Harry This is boring. My family's life is so boring. How do they live? Throws book away in a nearby trash can.
Hedwig Hey! Why am I stuck in this 24/7!? I have to get out! I've been punished enough!
Harry Oh shut up yyou stupid bird! It's not fault you're stuck there! Poop on Uncle Vernon!
Hedwig I would if you get me out of here! I hate being punished!
Harry Shut your ass up! They'll hear you!
Vernon Harry Potter!
Harry Now you've done it. Goes downstairs.
Hedwig ...why am I blamed for everything?
Downstairs.
Vernon If you can't keep that bloody bird quiet I'll eat him for dinner!
Harry Does it taste like chicken? I love chicken! Imagines Hedwig and then an illusion of him cooked. Yum.
Vernon Oh shut up you idiot!
Harry Can't I at least let him out for an hour or two?
Vernon And let you give letters to friends! Hell no am I letting that happen!
Harry I was going to say get him a life supply of ice cream but I guess that would do.
Vernon Haha! You're sending mails to friends who doesn't even write!?
Harry Well they were! Thinks of an excuse beside stupid. busy.
Vernon Pff! Yeah right! Turns to Dudley. Okay son! You're done.
Dudley Who wants to be friends with you. Pushes Harry.
Petunia Oh not yet Dudley Wudley! The cakes not ready!
Dudley Screw you!
Vernon Look. My boss is coming here for a promotion so don't do anything smart!
Harry Who the hell would give a stupid fatso a promotion!?
Vernon I'll pretend I didn't here that. Now Dudley what are you going to do?
Dudley Why I'll open the door.
Vernon Right on Son! Petunia?
Petunia I'll greet the Masons!
Vernon Petunia and Dudley gathers around Vernon. And you?
Harry I'll be outside buying toys for Dudley.
Vernon I was going to say you were going to be in your bedroom pretending you don't even exist but I think that can do when the promotion is over.
Harry Are we having Hedwig for dinner?
Vernon OUT!
Harry Gets ready to leave.
Vernon What the hell! I meant go to your bedroom!
Harry Oh. I thought you said to leave.
Upstairs Harry is about to his bedroom door.
Harry Sees a elf jumping on his bed. Who are you?
Weird elf Harry Potter! What a grace to meet you!
Harry Ehh. They don't call me famous for nothing. So what are you?
Dobby I am Dobby the house elf.
Harry Ehh right. What are you doing here?
Dobby Dobby has come here to warn Harry Potter.
Harry Not to go to Hogwarts right? Don't worry. I won't. It was a boring place anyway.
Dobby Really! Harry Potter's not going!? Dobby thought you were going because well Harry's girlfriend um. Sissy. Was that her name? Is going to Hogwarts.
Harry GINNY! Now I'm hell of a man going!
Dobby You must not go to Hogwarts Witchcraft and Wizardry! Something terrible is going to happen.
Harry By terrible do you mean a basalisk is on the loose?
Dobby Ugh! Harry found out! Dobby must torture himself! Takes a lampost and smacks himself with it.
Harry Whoa. And I thought I was mad.
Dobby Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!
Harry Dialing numbers on a phone. Hello? Phyciatrist? I need your help. This mental house elf is trying to kill himself and-! Hey!
Dobby Takes Harry's Phone and smacks himself with it.
Phyciatrist Hello? Hello? Dialer are you there! Hello!? Kids. Beep. The person you have dialed is off the phone right now. Please call again after the beep. BEEP!
Harry Hears steps coming up. Takes Dobby and throws him into closet. Stay there and keep quiet!
Vernon Door opens. What the bloody hell are you doing in there!?
Harry Uh. Dialing my phones and trying to reach my friends?
Vernon How are you doing that when the phone cord is broken?
Harry ...uh. This is awkward.
Vernon Just keep quiet! And do something about that door!
Harry Yes sir.
Dobby comes out from the closet.
Harry You see where I belong!? I don't belong here! I belong in your world! That's the only place I have friends!
Dobby Friends who don't even write?
Harry Well hold on. How do you know my friends haven't been writing?
Dobby Harry Potter must not be mad at Dobby but Dobby thought that if he stole Harry Potter's letter he would have thought they have forgotten about him.
Harry Ehh. Keep the letters. I don't give a crap. I'm still going to Hogwarts though!
Dobby Ugh! I have to show Harry how serious I am!
Harry You're not going to do anything to the Masons are you? Say drop a cake on them?
Dobby Hey! Good idea!
Downstairs Dobby is levitating a cake.
Harry Dobby! Come back here!
Dobby Harry must say he will not go back to Hogwarts then!
Harry Crosses fingers. Fine then! I will!
Dobby Ahh ahh ahh! No crossing fingers!
Harry Oh my god! Can't I lie or anything!?
Dobby Here Dobby goes!
Harry chases after levitating cake and starts following it. The cake drops on Mrs Mason.
Vernon I'm sorry! He's a mad boy! Doesn't know what he's doing!
Harry Sees Dobby vanish. Oh you don't how dead you'll be when I see you again.
The first chapter of the story! I made it a little funnier than last time. That's my opinion. Please give me reviews about how the story is please. I would be extremely appreciated.