Disclaimer: As always, I don't own Chuck, but I *am* the OG of Adorable Psycho Sarah…even if other people do her better.
A/N: Okay, first of all, for those of you who have been waiting patiently for an update of The College Years, I'm working on it, and it should be updated by this weekend. For whatever reason, I kind of lost the characters in that one for awhile, but it's finally coming back to me, slowly. Also I would like to thank MXPW as always for some awesome input, and Liam2 for allowing me to use his "teaser, title, body" format. Both of you guys are awesome. And to everyone else, thanks for reading, and please review.
Sarah watching television? That wasn't something he saw every day. Sure, she'd usually check out the local news and world news, unless she was trying to hide something from him. Like the previous week when a gas station attendant accidentally put regular grade gas into Sarah's Porsche after she'd made it clear that her baby only got "the good stuff".
It was odd to Chuck how he had kind of grown immune to her little outbursts, but when he'd seen that poor fella' impaled on the flag pole outside a Porsche dealership on the news, he'd barely batted an eye.
But this time, Sarah wasn't watching any type of informative programming. She was watching what appeared to be some kind of police drama or something, curled up on the couch wearing pajamas and wrapped in the purple Snuggie Morgan had given her for Christmas.
"Whacha watching, babe?" Chuck asked, walking up behind her.
"Oh!" Sarah exclaimed, clearly startled by Chuck's entrance. "It's just this stupid show that is really, um, stupid."
"If it's stupid, then why are you watching it?" He paused. "And why are you crying? And over a cop drama?"
"I'm not crying!" Sarah raged. "I have something in my eye," she added lamely.
"Yeah, tears," Chuck teased.
"Shut up!" Sarah said. "Oh, and it's not a cop drama. It's about spies. And it's a dramedy. And further –" She stopped, as her attention was pulled back to the television. "She loved you, you piece of shit!" Sarah yelled.
"I'm sorry?" Chuck asked.
"She loved him!" Sarah repeated, pointing at the screen. "What the hell is your problem?!"
"I was just –"
"Not you! Sam!" Sarah answered cutting him off.
"Who's Sam?" Chuck asked.
"Shh!" Sarah scolded. Then finally, the program went to commercial, and she turned to face her boyfriend. "Okay, here's the deal: Sam Wojohowski and Claire Beasley work together as spies. Claire is there more or less as Sam's bodyguard, and they are totally meant to be together. They've kept them apart for two years. Two years! Even though they're meant to be together, and clearly love each other. Then Claire finally was going to give Sam a chance, and instead the idiot decided to go be a big damn hero."
"God, I hate that will they/won't they stuff," Chuck said, earning a nod from Sarah. Then thinking aloud: "Huh, that story sounds familiar."
Sarah glared at him. "Why do you think I called Sam a piece of shit?" she deadpanned.
Chuck swallowed nervously. "Oh, yeah, um fair enough, I guess. But it's TV, Sarah. They'll work it out in the end."
"They better," Sarah said, not a hint of teasing in her voice.
Chuck thought for a moment, then: "You already know where the producers of the show live, don't you?"
"Yes," Sarah answered simply. Then turning back to the television: "Shh! It's back on."
"Huh, she's pretty," Chuck said distractedly.
"The brunette?" Sarah seethed, anger clear in her voice.
"No! No, um, the blonde. Is that Claire?"
Sarah relaxed a little. "Yeah, that's Claire," Sarah swooned, fully in fangirl mode. Then she seemed to think of something. "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
"What?" Chuck asked panicked. "No! Not at all! She looks a little like you, I'll admit, but not nearly as pretty."
"Good." She paused. "She does have a tight ass and a nice rack, though."
Chuck wasn't stupid. He knew the correct reply. "Her ass isn't nearly as tight as yours, and her rack isn't in the same league either, Apple Dumpling."
Sarah smiled to herself. "Thank you," she said shyly. "Now, let me finish watching my show, then we'll go to bed so you can ravish me."
"Um, well I had a long day…"
"Chuck! You will ravish me!" Sarah growled.
"Yes ma'am. I'll be waiting for you in bed," Chuck answered meekly.
……
Yvonne Strahovski
Zachary Levi
and
Yvonne Strahovski
as herself
in
Adorable Psycho Meets the Doppelganger
......
A week later…
It was a day that had included seeing Jeff naked from the waist down, Lester being caught setting up "surveillance" in the women's restroom, Morgan sleeping on the floor in the foreign music isle, and Casey threatening to kill the lot of them under his breath. Yep, it was a normal day at the Buy More.
Then something wholly unexpected happened: Sarah came into the store, only it wasn't Sarah. The woman looked just like his girlfriend. Like, just, like. But there were little tells that somehow, this woman approaching him wasn't the woman he went to bed with every night, whether he was up to it or not.
As the blonde vision made her way to the Nerd Herd counter, Chuck couldn't help but be reminded of the first time Sarah came into the store. Ever since then, whenever he saw Sarah, her eyes always seemed to seek him out the second she came through the door. This Sarah, well, not Sarah, didn't know him. Still, the grace the blonde walked with, and the way she carried herself, well, damn, it was Sarah. And who was this mysterious look alike?
Then just as she got to the counter, it hit him. He was looking into the eyes of that actress from Sarah's new favorite show.
"Oh! I know you!" Chuck exclaimed.
The blonde blushed, as she diverted her eyes and laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I'm on TV," she said softly, in the most adorable little Australian accent Chuck had ever heard.
"Yeah, I've seen your show," Chuck said excitedly. "Oh, and wow, I never would have guessed that you were a foreigner."
Chuck cringed at his outburst. It wasn't generally like him to be all star struck, but with the weirdness of the situation – being faced with a woman that looked exactly – like his CIA handler cum girlfriend, he knew he shouldn't be surprised at his odd behavior.
"Thank you," the woman answered shyly. "And yeah, I just do the American accent on the show."
"Huh," Chuck said, "that's really quite amazing."
"Thank you again," answered the actress. "So, um, is there a charge for the flattery, or is it all a part of the service around here?"
Chuck blushed. "Oh, yeah, I'm sorry about that. I'm not usually this, well, star struck."
"It's OK," she said, and the way she pronounced the "O" sound made Chuck shiver. It was so damn cute!
Then he realized she probably needed something. "So, um, what can I do to service you today?" Wrong choice of words. "I mean, what do you need me to take a look at?" Damn, that was still rather suggestive. "What needs fixin', ma'am?"
The blonde actress laughed again. God, she had such a great, bubbly laugh. "You're cute," she mused. "And call me Yvonne, by the way. Oh, and my Blackberry is cracked out, I'm afraid. This stupid thing is always giving me trouble."
Chuck, brimming with ego from being declared "cute" by the Australian goddess before him, Chuck grinned and took the device from her hand. "Well, Yvonne, let ol' Chuck take a look at it. I'm sure it won't…"
His words trailed off as he inspected the phone. He had, what some who knew him would describe as his "work face" on. He opened up the back of the Blackberry, and began to prod around with the mini-screwdriver from his front pocket. With a couple of quick turns, and a check of his work, he was satisfied with what he'd done.
"Here ya go," he said, handing it back to her.
"Wow, already?" Yvonne said, surprised. "I guess geeks really do do it better. Hey, listen. I know this is kind of forward, and it's completely not like me, in fact, I don't think I've ever done something like this before, but if you're free, would you maybe want to get dinner tonight? You know, so I could properly thank you?"
"It's nerds," boomed a familiar female voice from behind Yvonne. And that's when Chuck knew he was fucked, and not in a good way. "And he's most certainly not free."
Yvonne wheeled around to see who this new presence was, and Chuck cringed. This wasn't going to end well.
"Honey, I think you know Yvonne. She plays Claire on –"
"Oh my God! It's really you! I love your work. Like really, really, I do. Claire is my favorite character ever! It's just so…perfect," Sarah gushed. Then her features hardened once again as if a switch had been thrown from "fangirl" to "crazy girlfriend" instantly. "That said, Chuck is my man, alright? And you won't be thanking him any more, got it?"
Yvonne looked at the woman in front of her in wonder. Chuck knew it had to be shocking to basically be starting into a mirror. Soon the look of surprise faded, however, and it was replaced by a look of indignation.
"Look, I don't know who you are, but I think Chuck here has the right to make his own decisions about who to go to dinner with," Yvonne said. "And honestly, network TV star," she said, holding up one hand, and taking in the look of Sarah's Orange Orange uniform, "food service employee," she added, holding up the other and miming a scale situation, putting the hand representing herself way about the other. "I don't think it will be a hard decision. Even if you do look exactly like me."
"I don't look exactly like you!" Sarah roared. "I have better tits, and a sweeter ass. Chuck told me." Turning to Chuck: "Didn't you, babe?"
Chuck cringed again. There was no good answer at this point. He was systematically screwed no matter what he said. Either he'd piss off a customer…a very famous customer, or he'd piss off his homicidal girlfriend. So he did what any smart man would do: "You know, I actually have something I need to go do, um, back in the cage. It was nice meeting you Yvonne, and Sarah, I'll see you at home, buttercup."
And with that, Chuck walked away as fast as he could, leaving the two women in a stare down. He really didn't want to be around to see the carnage.
……
That night…
"I can't believe you're still watching this show!" Chuck exclaimed. "You're usually so, I don't know, vengeful."
"Well, what can I say? I worked out my issues, and I got over it. I'm still not happy that you let that lesser version of me flirt with you so much, but we all make mistakes," Sarah answered.
"Huh, that's really grown up of you," Chuck said.
"Yep. And plus, this is a really good show, and I shouldn't stop watching it just because of a personal distaste for the actress that plays Agent Claire Beasley."
"I'm really proud of you," Chuck said, wrapping an arm around her.
"Thank you," Sarah said, smiling into his embrace. "And also, you know, this probably will be the last season of the show, so I need to enjoy it while I can."
"Oh, are the ratings bad or something?" Chuck asked.
"Um, no, it's not that. The ratings are actually better than they've ever been. It's just that…"
And then just before the closing credits rolled, a picture of the actress that played Claire came up on the screen, accompanied by the following text:
Yvonne Strahovski
1982-2010
"Sarah…" Chuck grumbled.
"So, it was a good episode tonight, yeah?" Sarah asked looking away. "And it has me all emotionally vulnerable. I think I need you to go take advantage of my vulnerability."
"Sarah…" Chuck repeated.
"What? I love the show, but still, she fucked with my man, and you just don't do that!" Sarah argued.
"Sarah, what were you thinking?" Chuck asked.
"I don't know," Sarah huffed, her shoulders slumping. "I guess I was thinking that I don't need the competition. I mean, I hate the brunettes, but at least with them, I know you chose me over them. But you looked at her like –"
"Like I look at you?"
"Yeah," Sarah answered sadly.
"Well, I mean she did look just like you, so it was just weird. But Sarah?" Chuck asked.
"Yeah?"
"There's only one you, okay, and I happen to love that one. You don't have anything to worry about," Chuck said, hugging her again.
"Mmm," Sarah sighed. "So we can still have sex tonight?"
"Are you over the limit?" Chuck asked.
"Nope."
"Then I guess the nightly plowing shall commence," Chuck said, scooping her up off the couch, drawing a giggle from Sarah.
"Oh, and Chuck?" Sarah asked.
"Yeah, Sarah?"
"Call me Claire, tonight, alright, Sam?"
"Anything you want, Agent Beasley."
......
Fin
……
A/N: Just MY way of venting about the premiere. You guys are awesome. Peace.