I remember black skies and lighting all around me
I remembered each flash as time began to burn
Like a startling sign that fait had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason
To prove me wrong to wash this memory clean
Let the thoughts cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole ignite the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth and lies
Across this new divide
There is nothing inside the memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hid the ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in between where were standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason
To prove me wrong to wash this memory clean
Let the thoughts cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole ignite the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth and lies
Across this new divide
And every loss
And every lie
And every truth that you deny
And each regret
And each divide
Are some mistakes you pray to hide
And your voice was all I heard but I get what I deserve
So give me a reason To prove me wrong
to wash this memory clean
Let the thoughts cross the distance in your eyes
Give me a reason
To fill this hole
Connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth and lies
Across this new divide
Across this new divide
Across this new divide
Linkin park -New Divide
Chapter one-
The rain was a constant background noise, one that should have lulled Sam Winchester to sleep hours ago. But sleep still eluded him, his mind refused to stop its whirl wind of thoughts. Memories, thoughts and emotions all mixed together ,creating confusion and doubt. The only thing the stood out clearly were the last words Palma had said to him , they never fogged over nor dulled despite the several months that had passed since her death.
" It's evil Sam, it wants out… stop before it takes over you please"
Sam knew he was changing , there was no doubt in his mind. Every time he use's his powers he felt something within him stir trying to push him over the fine line he had been walking since he was born. The line he didn't know about until that fateful day Dean want to grab him from college.
It would whisper to his fevered mind telling him to make the demon suffer, to punish it for it's crimes before sending it back to hell. Most of the time it didn't win he learned to ignore the voice and force it to the very depths of his mind. The others times ,Sam shuttered at the memory of the time when he finely gave in, it was the time when he killed Alister. He still remembered every little detail the fear he felt when he saw Dean bloodily and unconscious on the floor. Fear that quickly turned into pure, untamable rage all if it directed at Alister. Sam didn't see any colors nothing but blood red. Once again the voice filed his mind telling to make this demon suffer and he did. Within seconds he had Alister pinned to a wall, screams quickly echoed off the walls each one was filled with pure agony ,to Sam it was music to his ears. The voice sighed with happiness .
Sam shook his head trying to dislodge the memory and breathed deeply before turning to face the red glow of the alarm clock 2AM " another sleepless night" he thought. Getting up he looked out the window it was still raining hard, but he needed to get out of the room. Every time he looked at the walls he could swear they were closing in on him.
As quietly as he could Sam got dressed grabbing his jacket on his way to the door. With one last look at his sibling he walked out the door.
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He was immodestly drenched, the freezing rain infiltrated into his clothes . Seeping into his very bones almost as if the rain was trying to kill the last flame the resided in his soul. Taking in a shaky breath he began to walk down the street a lone figure in the darkness . Sam conutied to walk alone . The iciness kept beating into him and Sam couldn't help but smirk at the irony he saw in it. All his life everything had been set against him. Both people and demons a like have tried to break him, force him to bend to there will. The demons took away his father, mother, girlfriend and even Dean. They've tried to take ways his humanity and even seceded in taking his life once . But thought all that Sam refused to break that was until Dean was ripped away form him. The unwanted memory came back Dean lying on the blood soaked carpet, his eyes vacant soul gone. The young hunter shook his head he didn't want to remember that. Suddenly an anxious feeling washed over him he felt like he was be watched but when he Scand his surroundings nothing was out of place, yet the feeling was still there. Frantic eyes searched for a place to rest .Sam quickly spotted an abandoned building he started walking towards it not stopping until he was on the roof. But the feeling returned and Sam now knew who had been fallowing him, "Hello Castiel"
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Casteil had been watching the youngest Winchester, he fallowed him to the roof of an old building. As Sam faced him he watched the boys eyes widened with fear then it was gone and replaced with acceptance and Sam gave him what he guessed was supposed to be a smile but turned out into more of a grimace. He soon made it clear that he wasn't going to move . With grace Castiel walked out into the rain to stand next to Sam underneath a canopy. Silence hung between the two before Sam broke it " if your going to kill me then get it over with."
The angel cocked his head to the side " Why would I kill you?" he herd Sam snort over the noise of the rain before Sam turned to face him.
" so it is true " he thought , looking into Sam's eyes he could see right into his soul. Anger and grief were mostly there but underneath it all was loneliness . He could see that Sam's soul had been torn so many times . Old wounds that will never heal were ever present.
Sam turned away breaking the angels train of thought and his previous question went unanswered. "Why are you out here Sam?"
Still no answer Silence engulfed them once more. "What do you want from me Castiel?"
The angel looked back at him taking note in the bags under his eye's
"to understand" he simply said
"Understand what?" Sam's tone held an edge of impatience in it
"You have Azzel blood in you , Sam rolled his eyes you fell something inside of you wanting to break free to kill so it may gain control and you have a death wish. Yet you fight it constantly, you close your self off to your brother to everything why?"
Thunder sounded over head and the rain fell harder.
"I fight what's inside of me because the world doesn't deserve to end. you've watched humans ,seen the good and evil in them. They can be cruel but they can also be kind."
"You talk like you weren't one like you weren't human"
Castiel herd Sam laugh bitterly "am I human? I've got demon blood in me but I belong to nether side, they both reject me"
The angel studied the man before him it was true nether side did own him yet they both had claim to him. No none owned him except for his brother a human. It was ironic how a human owned the half breed.
"NO but both sides own you" He noticed that Sam stiffened that his words and he breathed harder
"You've only talked to me once and that was not a purpose so for the last time want do you want?"
The angel was silent for a wheil "you could end the world I know sometimes you think about it "
Sam shock his head the last of his pacants was running out" what do you want from me!?"
Castiel just stared him down Sam's glare never faltered unblinking he said just one word" answers " then he was gone leaving Sam alone in the dark " Were I belong "