Title: Crystal Eyes
By Shinigami Goddess (Lionna)
Started: May 29, 2000
Completed: May 29, 2000
Type: shonen-ai hints/ 1st person POV/ angst/ deathfic (it didn't start out that way!)
Rating: PG/ PG-13ish
Poem: Crystal Eyes by Lionna
Notes: ack! Rather short but I finally just need to get my 'creative juices' flowing and decided to use my
poem Crystal Eyes as an outline for a story. Do enjoy, I liked this. Also this is my first POV story from Hee-
chan's view. Disclaimers are usual and it's pointless to sue.
~~~~~~
Crystal eyes,
Clearer than a diamond,
More beautiful than a star,
Shining finer than the sun.
~~~~
I watch silently from my corner of our shared room. Once again he must believe me doing nothing
but typing and not paying mind to him. I cannot ignore him, he tries too hard to break through my barriers.
And not only that, but he is the one who knows of my few fears – my flaws. I couldn't help but tell him
after a rather tragic mission. In return he opened up too.
His eyes were so expressive to the emotions he forced himself to hide as he retold his past. My
heart ached for him… so many lost in his life – just like me. I want to say that's all that makes me feel this
bond but I know that's a lie. No… it's something more… something deeper…
Suddenly he turns and our eyes lock, pain flitters to the back of his clear eyes to hide. I feel my
lips turn downward slightly.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
Taking me into their watery depths
While my body drowns.
~~~
His eyes are dragging me in, I feel his pain swimming around me. All the unsaid words are
floating into my mind. It's as if I'm inside him and that I'm him; knowing every last thing about him…
I turn away quickly and work on the mission report. He's still gazing at me, I feel the weight of his
stare. He shifts and the crack of floorboards alerts me that he's leaving the room. I'll let him go, he seems
to need some alone time. "Don't be late," I told him as he left.
"Sure thing," he responded; I could feel the smile.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
So innocent and pure,
Yet telling tales of horror.
~~~
I know of those who may believe he's perfectly innocent and lives a lovely life… but then that
means they aren't looking beneath the surface. He hides his pain so well and I must wonder if I hide mine
as efficiently. People don't think to look behind the wall of indigo that hides his true emotions. Those eyes
of his… deceiving. With his eyes he sees the killing we do everyday. His sight is always filled with
bloodshed that is not our own. Blood of Oz soldiers, blood of innocents, blood of enemies… our own
blood…
~~~
These eyes, these crystal eyes
Have seen the battle,
Smelled the blood and death,
Tasted the pain dealt out,
~~~
He's had his share of pain, more than enough I'd say. That applies to all of us, though. I guess it's
what makes us to be perfect pilots for the gundams. I want to gag at the thought of piloting the machines
that kill so many. Oz shouldn't have to feel so pained, their armies are seemingly endless… their soldiers
do not kill as many as we do. How many have I killed…? Thousands…? Millions…? I don't know; I don't
want to think about it. Duo feels the same.
Battles are always playing before my eyes, even when I'm out of my gundam's cockpit. The pain
twists into me each time like a knife, slowly cutting away the physical form of human to reveal the corpse
of a demon. I shudder at the brutal thought, I'm getting carried away.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
So strong and brave
Withstanding the past,
And moving on.
~~~
I lay awake in bed until I heard him come in. Without a word I turned off the light on the bedside
stand and turned over to fall asleep. "Arigatou…" I hear him whisper. I smile slightly and respond to him
mentally.
In the morning I'll find him, as always, carefully brushing his hair and then braiding it with
painstaking effort. He says he has the memory of someone else doing it for him burned into his memory
and that he doesn't want to forget. I'll never respond, just go to sit behind him and then begin the long
braid. He accepts the offer silently and in the end he'll turn a wistful smile to me with a whispered thanks.
I guess we all can forget aspects of our past once in a while but there are some things we can't
leave behind. He clings to a lot of things, some may say, but if he is then I wonder why he's even alive. He
blames himself for all those deaths… but he's moved on and decided to attack Oz to try and bring about
peace. It's the only thing we can do with our lives, I guess; attack and follow orders. I envision us one day
having our own free will and it seems too much like heaven in this world that's a complete hell.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
All on their own,
Moving forward through the streams of time,
Forgetting is not an option,
Yet they continue.
~~~
I finish braiding his hair and take my time securing the band at the end. He murmurs his thanks
and is about to leave when I hold his wrist. He stops and turns around to meet my gaze. His indigo orbs are
a blur of motion as I find all his emotions rushing by.
"There's something wrong?" I finally ask.
He's startled for a moment, I'm not surprised; that was very out of character for me. He responds,
"Ano… it's just that today… it's… never mind." He turns away and I let his wrist go. He plays with his
braid as he heads away from me but then he stops. "It's just a date I'd rather not like to remember."
I don't respond, guessing the meaning behind his words. "Don't forget," I tell him, "just don't
change what occurred in your mind. There are no 'what ifs' in real life." I turn away, then, and begin to
check up for new missions.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
Crying sapphire tears
For those lost and dead;
~~~
It's not until nightfall and we've both settled down to sleep until the storm starts. It's loud and
nerve wreaking… I can hear each drop of rain batter the windowpane like a gunshot.
Bang.
I sit up in bed and fist my hands. For some reason images of my early battles and missions flow
through my mind. I can feel the blood on my hands… the blood of a little dead puppy, so young that it
hadn't even come close to growing in its mature fur.
Across the room I finally hear little muffled cries. I look over and find that my roommate is buried
beneath the blankets and is shaking… crying. I stand and go over to him, resting a hand on his shoulders. I
say nothing and neither does he though I can see the shock written across his eyes, still visible in the dark
room.
He sits up and I embrace him tightly. He's stiff for a while but finally relents and circles his arms
about me and leans on my chest and lets the hot tears flow. Each droplet of salty water that falls onto my
skin suddenly gives me the courage to let go. I find my cheeks soon wet and sticky and I can't help but
thank him for finally helping me to let go, too.
~~~
And Crystal eyes,
Never blinking as love is struck down,
Never blind of the truth,
Always staring ahead.
~~~
We sit through breakfast in our normal routine. He's talking away again, bringing up every topic
possible and urging me to respond. We're about to leave for school when my laptop beeps. New mission.
We exchange glances for a moment and then I pull up the message.
I feel him stiffen behind me and even I can feel my breath hitch. The safe house in which Trowa
and Quatre had been staying in had been found out. The two escaped, but with bad injuries. I could barely
contain the bile that rose in my throat as I read over the damage report. Trowa seemed to be healing quickly
and was watching Quatre like a hawk.
But the Sandrock pilot.
He was lying in one of the ICU wards of a hospital near to their current location. If he was in a
hospital, the situation was far worse than I ever could have thought possible. We make it a point to take
care of ourselves, not to chance involving innocents by seeking outside help. And Trowa had seen it
necessary to do this.
I turn and find Duo thin-lipped and pale. There's a torn look on his face and I know he's come to
the conclusion I have. "Let's go," I told him. We packed quickly and were out the door and half way to our
gundams within five minutes.
~~~
These Crystal eyes,
Looking straight through me,
Knowing who I am without a word,
~~~
I fired another shot with my beam cannon. We had to destroy this Oz base… they knew too much,
had too many contacts. They'd nearly killed our friend.
It's odd, I mused, that I finally admit that my fellow pilots are more than that. That they're
actually friends. I note Deathscythe Hell off to my right and hurriedly aid him. "Blow the damn base! I can
hold on a while longer!" he shouts at me through the intercom. I merely nod and take off to complete the
mission. I have to help him soon.
I fired repeated shots down upon the base and soon the structure is coming apart and hurling
deadly shrapnel through the air. In fact, some of the debris took down the Oz troops still hanging around. I
realized with heart-wrenching shock that I needed to find Duo, and quickly. I spot him in the same position
as I left him. There's more suits coming in to attack him but I intercept them and fight, ignoring the shrill
warning alarms going off.
My beam cannon is soon useless and I drop it to the ground. I pull out my beam saber and strike
out. It's not until I smell the burning metal that I notice there's a tear in my cockpit. With a start I notice
that my whole left side is bloody. I'm a little too stunned and dizzy and finally I quit battling, I was too
weak from the unknown blood loss anyhow.
After he has finished the final suits off I can hear Deathscythe Hell stop in front of me. He's
jumping from his cockpit, I know, and coming to mine. I make it easy for him and open the hatch. Our eyes
lock and even though he still has his gorgeous orbs locked with mine, I know that he can tell all the damage
done.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
Looking not in past or present,
Only hoping for the future.
And these crystal eyes,
Telling the stories of history,
~~~
I ended up in the hospital with Quatre. We were still stuck in the ICU ward though the blonde
pilot was healing fast, more than could be said about me. I always feel one set of eyes always settled on me.
He is always watching, never letting me go. How can I tell him that I'm leaving soon? I can feel it, and
even with all my training, I can't hold on. It was too much on this well-trained body. This… so-called
'perfect' body. I'm not perfect and nobody is. Nothing is perfect in reality. That's the bitter truth, get used
to it.
Today I open my eyes to find my fellow pilot sitting on my bed near my shoulder. His eyes are
red-rimmed from crying and I see the determined and masking look on his face. Immediately I know
something's wrong. "Why did you hide what was going on, from me?" he asks softly.
"You found out," I observed. I made sure any chance I got that none of my friends or hospital staff
slipped on what was going on with my recovery. Or rather, lack thereof. I didn't want him to know, I still
don't want him to know. "How?"
"Quatre finally mentioned it," he whispered hoarsely, motioning to the resting form of the blonde.
Trowa sat watch beside him. "Why, Heero…? It's not like it'll protect me in the end."
"In the end," I cut in. "That's in the end. At least you might have had hope. Gomen ne, truly I am.
Demo, I don't want to see you hurt."
He tries to laugh but manages in a hollow, rattle chuckle. "You've overused your amount of words
for the month, Yuy."
I smirk a little. We never do converse except for the time when we bared our pasts. "Duo…" I
start, not sure if I want to tell him my feelings or not. "Before I go I… want you to know, I don't want to
leave. Even with everything, I don't want to leave. Please don't want to leave, either. Suki da… I…" I
stopped and closed my eyes.
He leans over and I feel his breath on my forehead. A feather light kiss in placed just above my
eyebrows and I can hear the hitch in his voice. A tear falls to my cheek and I feel like crying myself. "Suki
da and ai shiteiru, Heero Yuy. I will not forget you… ever…" his voice is choked. From across the room I
hear hurried shifting of blankets and a chair being pushed back.
Trowa and Quatre must realize what's about to happen, I thought absently. It hit me then that
some alarm was echoing in the room and that even if I wanted to I did not have the strength to open my
eyes. Hurried footsteps hit the floor and I felt foreign hands on my writs, checking my pulse. They were
doing their job, I knew, but all I wanted was for them to leave and just let me look into those eyes that told
me everything I wanted in life….
~~~
Never can I forget,
Crystal eyes.
~~~
He heard my prayer, I believe, because suddenly the extra bodies were gone and I felt his warm
hand wrap tightly around mine. It was so incredibly painful and nearly impossible, but I lifted my eyelids
open. I focused only on his tear-streaked face and those completely beautiful, clear, open, crystal, indigo
eyes.
It was so strange, I could feel my heartbeat slow and my eyelids drop once again. And still… and
still all I could see…
His eyes.
~~~~ Owari ~~~~
1
By Shinigami Goddess (Lionna)
Started: May 29, 2000
Completed: May 29, 2000
Type: shonen-ai hints/ 1st person POV/ angst/ deathfic (it didn't start out that way!)
Rating: PG/ PG-13ish
Poem: Crystal Eyes by Lionna
Notes: ack! Rather short but I finally just need to get my 'creative juices' flowing and decided to use my
poem Crystal Eyes as an outline for a story. Do enjoy, I liked this. Also this is my first POV story from Hee-
chan's view. Disclaimers are usual and it's pointless to sue.
~~~~~~
Crystal eyes,
Clearer than a diamond,
More beautiful than a star,
Shining finer than the sun.
~~~~
I watch silently from my corner of our shared room. Once again he must believe me doing nothing
but typing and not paying mind to him. I cannot ignore him, he tries too hard to break through my barriers.
And not only that, but he is the one who knows of my few fears – my flaws. I couldn't help but tell him
after a rather tragic mission. In return he opened up too.
His eyes were so expressive to the emotions he forced himself to hide as he retold his past. My
heart ached for him… so many lost in his life – just like me. I want to say that's all that makes me feel this
bond but I know that's a lie. No… it's something more… something deeper…
Suddenly he turns and our eyes lock, pain flitters to the back of his clear eyes to hide. I feel my
lips turn downward slightly.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
Taking me into their watery depths
While my body drowns.
~~~
His eyes are dragging me in, I feel his pain swimming around me. All the unsaid words are
floating into my mind. It's as if I'm inside him and that I'm him; knowing every last thing about him…
I turn away quickly and work on the mission report. He's still gazing at me, I feel the weight of his
stare. He shifts and the crack of floorboards alerts me that he's leaving the room. I'll let him go, he seems
to need some alone time. "Don't be late," I told him as he left.
"Sure thing," he responded; I could feel the smile.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
So innocent and pure,
Yet telling tales of horror.
~~~
I know of those who may believe he's perfectly innocent and lives a lovely life… but then that
means they aren't looking beneath the surface. He hides his pain so well and I must wonder if I hide mine
as efficiently. People don't think to look behind the wall of indigo that hides his true emotions. Those eyes
of his… deceiving. With his eyes he sees the killing we do everyday. His sight is always filled with
bloodshed that is not our own. Blood of Oz soldiers, blood of innocents, blood of enemies… our own
blood…
~~~
These eyes, these crystal eyes
Have seen the battle,
Smelled the blood and death,
Tasted the pain dealt out,
~~~
He's had his share of pain, more than enough I'd say. That applies to all of us, though. I guess it's
what makes us to be perfect pilots for the gundams. I want to gag at the thought of piloting the machines
that kill so many. Oz shouldn't have to feel so pained, their armies are seemingly endless… their soldiers
do not kill as many as we do. How many have I killed…? Thousands…? Millions…? I don't know; I don't
want to think about it. Duo feels the same.
Battles are always playing before my eyes, even when I'm out of my gundam's cockpit. The pain
twists into me each time like a knife, slowly cutting away the physical form of human to reveal the corpse
of a demon. I shudder at the brutal thought, I'm getting carried away.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
So strong and brave
Withstanding the past,
And moving on.
~~~
I lay awake in bed until I heard him come in. Without a word I turned off the light on the bedside
stand and turned over to fall asleep. "Arigatou…" I hear him whisper. I smile slightly and respond to him
mentally.
In the morning I'll find him, as always, carefully brushing his hair and then braiding it with
painstaking effort. He says he has the memory of someone else doing it for him burned into his memory
and that he doesn't want to forget. I'll never respond, just go to sit behind him and then begin the long
braid. He accepts the offer silently and in the end he'll turn a wistful smile to me with a whispered thanks.
I guess we all can forget aspects of our past once in a while but there are some things we can't
leave behind. He clings to a lot of things, some may say, but if he is then I wonder why he's even alive. He
blames himself for all those deaths… but he's moved on and decided to attack Oz to try and bring about
peace. It's the only thing we can do with our lives, I guess; attack and follow orders. I envision us one day
having our own free will and it seems too much like heaven in this world that's a complete hell.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
All on their own,
Moving forward through the streams of time,
Forgetting is not an option,
Yet they continue.
~~~
I finish braiding his hair and take my time securing the band at the end. He murmurs his thanks
and is about to leave when I hold his wrist. He stops and turns around to meet my gaze. His indigo orbs are
a blur of motion as I find all his emotions rushing by.
"There's something wrong?" I finally ask.
He's startled for a moment, I'm not surprised; that was very out of character for me. He responds,
"Ano… it's just that today… it's… never mind." He turns away and I let his wrist go. He plays with his
braid as he heads away from me but then he stops. "It's just a date I'd rather not like to remember."
I don't respond, guessing the meaning behind his words. "Don't forget," I tell him, "just don't
change what occurred in your mind. There are no 'what ifs' in real life." I turn away, then, and begin to
check up for new missions.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
Crying sapphire tears
For those lost and dead;
~~~
It's not until nightfall and we've both settled down to sleep until the storm starts. It's loud and
nerve wreaking… I can hear each drop of rain batter the windowpane like a gunshot.
Bang.
I sit up in bed and fist my hands. For some reason images of my early battles and missions flow
through my mind. I can feel the blood on my hands… the blood of a little dead puppy, so young that it
hadn't even come close to growing in its mature fur.
Across the room I finally hear little muffled cries. I look over and find that my roommate is buried
beneath the blankets and is shaking… crying. I stand and go over to him, resting a hand on his shoulders. I
say nothing and neither does he though I can see the shock written across his eyes, still visible in the dark
room.
He sits up and I embrace him tightly. He's stiff for a while but finally relents and circles his arms
about me and leans on my chest and lets the hot tears flow. Each droplet of salty water that falls onto my
skin suddenly gives me the courage to let go. I find my cheeks soon wet and sticky and I can't help but
thank him for finally helping me to let go, too.
~~~
And Crystal eyes,
Never blinking as love is struck down,
Never blind of the truth,
Always staring ahead.
~~~
We sit through breakfast in our normal routine. He's talking away again, bringing up every topic
possible and urging me to respond. We're about to leave for school when my laptop beeps. New mission.
We exchange glances for a moment and then I pull up the message.
I feel him stiffen behind me and even I can feel my breath hitch. The safe house in which Trowa
and Quatre had been staying in had been found out. The two escaped, but with bad injuries. I could barely
contain the bile that rose in my throat as I read over the damage report. Trowa seemed to be healing quickly
and was watching Quatre like a hawk.
But the Sandrock pilot.
He was lying in one of the ICU wards of a hospital near to their current location. If he was in a
hospital, the situation was far worse than I ever could have thought possible. We make it a point to take
care of ourselves, not to chance involving innocents by seeking outside help. And Trowa had seen it
necessary to do this.
I turn and find Duo thin-lipped and pale. There's a torn look on his face and I know he's come to
the conclusion I have. "Let's go," I told him. We packed quickly and were out the door and half way to our
gundams within five minutes.
~~~
These Crystal eyes,
Looking straight through me,
Knowing who I am without a word,
~~~
I fired another shot with my beam cannon. We had to destroy this Oz base… they knew too much,
had too many contacts. They'd nearly killed our friend.
It's odd, I mused, that I finally admit that my fellow pilots are more than that. That they're
actually friends. I note Deathscythe Hell off to my right and hurriedly aid him. "Blow the damn base! I can
hold on a while longer!" he shouts at me through the intercom. I merely nod and take off to complete the
mission. I have to help him soon.
I fired repeated shots down upon the base and soon the structure is coming apart and hurling
deadly shrapnel through the air. In fact, some of the debris took down the Oz troops still hanging around. I
realized with heart-wrenching shock that I needed to find Duo, and quickly. I spot him in the same position
as I left him. There's more suits coming in to attack him but I intercept them and fight, ignoring the shrill
warning alarms going off.
My beam cannon is soon useless and I drop it to the ground. I pull out my beam saber and strike
out. It's not until I smell the burning metal that I notice there's a tear in my cockpit. With a start I notice
that my whole left side is bloody. I'm a little too stunned and dizzy and finally I quit battling, I was too
weak from the unknown blood loss anyhow.
After he has finished the final suits off I can hear Deathscythe Hell stop in front of me. He's
jumping from his cockpit, I know, and coming to mine. I make it easy for him and open the hatch. Our eyes
lock and even though he still has his gorgeous orbs locked with mine, I know that he can tell all the damage
done.
~~~
Crystal eyes,
Looking not in past or present,
Only hoping for the future.
And these crystal eyes,
Telling the stories of history,
~~~
I ended up in the hospital with Quatre. We were still stuck in the ICU ward though the blonde
pilot was healing fast, more than could be said about me. I always feel one set of eyes always settled on me.
He is always watching, never letting me go. How can I tell him that I'm leaving soon? I can feel it, and
even with all my training, I can't hold on. It was too much on this well-trained body. This… so-called
'perfect' body. I'm not perfect and nobody is. Nothing is perfect in reality. That's the bitter truth, get used
to it.
Today I open my eyes to find my fellow pilot sitting on my bed near my shoulder. His eyes are
red-rimmed from crying and I see the determined and masking look on his face. Immediately I know
something's wrong. "Why did you hide what was going on, from me?" he asks softly.
"You found out," I observed. I made sure any chance I got that none of my friends or hospital staff
slipped on what was going on with my recovery. Or rather, lack thereof. I didn't want him to know, I still
don't want him to know. "How?"
"Quatre finally mentioned it," he whispered hoarsely, motioning to the resting form of the blonde.
Trowa sat watch beside him. "Why, Heero…? It's not like it'll protect me in the end."
"In the end," I cut in. "That's in the end. At least you might have had hope. Gomen ne, truly I am.
Demo, I don't want to see you hurt."
He tries to laugh but manages in a hollow, rattle chuckle. "You've overused your amount of words
for the month, Yuy."
I smirk a little. We never do converse except for the time when we bared our pasts. "Duo…" I
start, not sure if I want to tell him my feelings or not. "Before I go I… want you to know, I don't want to
leave. Even with everything, I don't want to leave. Please don't want to leave, either. Suki da… I…" I
stopped and closed my eyes.
He leans over and I feel his breath on my forehead. A feather light kiss in placed just above my
eyebrows and I can hear the hitch in his voice. A tear falls to my cheek and I feel like crying myself. "Suki
da and ai shiteiru, Heero Yuy. I will not forget you… ever…" his voice is choked. From across the room I
hear hurried shifting of blankets and a chair being pushed back.
Trowa and Quatre must realize what's about to happen, I thought absently. It hit me then that
some alarm was echoing in the room and that even if I wanted to I did not have the strength to open my
eyes. Hurried footsteps hit the floor and I felt foreign hands on my writs, checking my pulse. They were
doing their job, I knew, but all I wanted was for them to leave and just let me look into those eyes that told
me everything I wanted in life….
~~~
Never can I forget,
Crystal eyes.
~~~
He heard my prayer, I believe, because suddenly the extra bodies were gone and I felt his warm
hand wrap tightly around mine. It was so incredibly painful and nearly impossible, but I lifted my eyelids
open. I focused only on his tear-streaked face and those completely beautiful, clear, open, crystal, indigo
eyes.
It was so strange, I could feel my heartbeat slow and my eyelids drop once again. And still… and
still all I could see…
His eyes.
~~~~ Owari ~~~~
1