Ok so this is my very first Vampire Diaries fanfiction :)
It is set after the 8th episode. I hope you'll all like it!! Please review so I'll know if someone's reading this! ;)

„Talk to me Stefan!!", she yelled.

He shock his head. "No Elena, I can't.. I have to go. You were right to stay away from me!", he said firmly but with a pained look on his face. With that he shook away her hand and started to walk away.

She knew she couldn't convince him to stay with her. Not tonight.

An hour later Elena was lying on her bed with her pajamas on, but she was far from being asleep. Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw Lexi right in front of her. She saw her alive, happily joking with Stefan and in the next moment she saw her shocked look when Damon drove the stake through her heart. How was she ever going to lose all these dramatic pictures in her head? Once again she wished she could forget about it all. But that would mean that she had to forget about Stefan too, and she wasn't sure if she could live without him in her life anymore.

She sat up and grabbed her journal.

"I've already lost my parents this year and now Vicky is dead too, we weren't really close friends, but she was still a person I knew from 1st grade and she was in a relationship with my brother. And now she's gone. I still can't believe that. And tonight another innocent person had to die. Stefan said to me earlier today "everywhere I go, pain and death follow", but I think he might've been wrong, these things seem to follow me. I feel so lost. Especially since there's no one I can talk to, not even Bonnie, from which I've never had secrets. And I hate not being able to talk to her.

I wish Stefan was here, I wish he could hold me in his strong arms and protect me from the world outside my window.

But can I really, fully trust him? He isn't even a human being. He is a – no I can't write this done. It sounds sooo unreal.

He has never harmed me, that's true, but I still think that there's something about him that I don't know. There are still so many secrets". I just feel so alone.

~***~

A few hours later Stefan was sitting in his room, Damon was gone since Stefan had gotten into that huge fight with him. He had told Elena that he'd kill Damon, but the truth was, that he'd probably never be able to do that, no matter what cruel thing Damon might do, he was still his brother. And unlike him he couldn't kill a person on purpose.

He got up from his chair and walked towards the window. It was still dark outside, there was no sign of sunrise yet. He was thirsty, he needed blood. There was still the canned blood which Lexi had brought here. Lexi. "She is dead. She is really gone. After 300 years she is really gone". He still felt the rage inside of him when he thought about the way she had had to die, but more than this, he now began to feel the grief. The grief of losing her. The grief of having lost his very best friend. She had shown him how to handle this life, she had shown him the fun, the good things about being a vampire. With her, he had never needed to pretend to be someone he was not.

He let out a sigh. And now he was alone. For a few moments he thought about leaving everything behind, he considered to drink the blood Lexi had left behind, and then he'd leave this place and perhaps some human would come along his way and then.... No that wasn't how he had chosen to live. Even now he didn't allow himself to be like this.

He needed to get some fresh air, he couldn't stand being in this room any longer.

Once he was outside he started running. He ran so fast, that human eyes wouldn't have seen more than a flash passing them by. He didn't care about the direction he was heading to. All he felt was the wind on his face and the soft soil beneath his feet. After a while he stopped running. Normally a vampire didn't become exhausted, but the animal blood that Stefan was drinking didn't make him as strong as normal vampires. He stopped in front of a huge, old tree. Now that he'd stopped running all the thoughts he didn't want to think about started resurfacing. He felt the rage building up inside of him again. With one fast movement he punched his right fist into the tree. It got stuck after half an arm's length. He continued punching into that tree before he silently collapsed onto the forest floor. The first tears started streaming down his face. With surprise he brushed over his cheek and found some wet liquid on his hand. He couldn't remember how long it had been since the last time he had cried. Has he even cried after he had become a vampire? Oh yes he had. Right after he'd lost Katherine.

He didn't want to think about his pain anymore. He lay down on the ground and closed his eyes. Then he waited until sleep overcome him.

~***~

So what do you think?? ;-)