Delicate Drabble "there's a numb in my toes standing close to the edge"

**Present Day**

"You're shaking the entire jet, Rios." Steve informs her, glancing over his shoulder in amusement.

"Sorry…but not really." Ana shrugs, smiling so wide her eyes are nearly shut. "I'm just-" she forces out a breath, "I'm so excited. Fuck, I'm so happy! Not that I won't miss you and everyone else, I just-"

"I know." He interrupts her gently. "You both deserve this, to be happy and be with each other."

"Thank you for understanding that, Steve." Her voice softens in gratitude. "And thank you for being there for me. I don't know how I would've gotten through all these months without you pulling me out of depression."

"You're family, Ana. We're there for each other no matter what."

She nods. It's quiet for a moment before her smile comes back. "Bet you're excited too though. You haven't seen Bucky for almost as long as me."

"Yeah." Steve chuckles, quickly focusing his eye back on the sky. He swallows the lie bitterly. It's not the first time in ten months. In fact, Steve has seen Bucky for the first time seven months ago. Then one month ago. "Yeah."

**Seven months ago**

"What happened?" Steve demands, trying to keep his voice calm and patient. He's panicking internally, though he would never let T'Challa, Shuri or their team of scientists see that.

"There's no need to worry, Captain." T'Challa informs him calmly, his hands behind his back in a relaxed manor. "Our country had a minor incident for a few days. It was taken care of, however, there was some damage to the lab, which caused a momentary loss of power."

Shuri clicks her tongue. "Brother makes it sound worse than it was. Everything is fine. The technology I have been using for Sergeant Barnes malfunctioned briefly. We woke him up to fix it without accidently shocking his brain."

"So, he's alright then?" Steve asks, crossing his arms and trying not to laugh as the King of Wakanda side-eyes his sister.

"Yes, yes! He's fine. He is sitting in there looking like a lost puppy." Shuri chuckles, then steps closer and her humor drops. "I think he thought we fixed him, that Ana was here to surprise him."

Right, he expected that might be the case. He also braces himself, because Bucky asked Steve to take care of Ana, and he's going to have to give him the rundown of the past three months. Bucky will ask, because he has constantly thought of her from the moment he met her. He is not going to like what Steve is going to tell him.

"Do you mind giving us some time alone?" Steve requests the royal siblings.

They both nod, and that's all the permission he needs to enter the lab. Bucky is sitting on the same table he had been when they first arrived in Wakanda. There's an IV stand next to him, but his right arm is free of any needles or cuffs. The medical team must've already taken his vitals for the day, just a precaution for being brought out of ice again. Bucky is swinging his legs back and forth, and his expression is neutral, if a little weary.

"You sure this ice tube can't do anything about your looks?" Steve quips once the door is shut.

Bucky glances up at his voice, his eyes rolling upward. "Says you, you little punk. You were frozen for longer."

Steve laughs then hugs his best friend once he reaches the table. Bucky returns the embrace with his arm, then shoves Steve to the side.

"Missed you, jerk." He says, purposely knocking into Bucky as he hops on the table. "Doing okay?"

"As well as I can right now. How've you been?"

"Alright. There's the issue of the Accords being brought up again, makes for fun dinner talk."

"I bet." Bucky chuckles lightly. "How's everyone else?"

"Good, good. Barton fell asleep on a mission recently, it was that boring."

"I envy his ability to just fall asleep anywhere."

"Must be nice."

"And how's…Ezra?"

"Ezra is good, He's a cat, so, he has it made."

The silence that falls between them is heavy. Steve waits patiently for Bucky to ask what he really wants to know.

"Does she hate me?" Bucky's voice comes out small.

"Ana could never hate you, Buck."

His jaw clenches briefly as he nods. "She's healed? Her knee?"

"All healed. She's a little more limited this time around though, since she refused Stark's bionic rods. Doesn't stop her from boxing though."

Bucky huffs a laugh under his breath. "I wouldn't expect her to." He pauses, then his eyes meet Steve's. "How is she- uh- otherwise?"

This is what he has been waiting for. "The truth?"

"Yes."

"Not good, Bucky." Steve tells him sadly. "She's had a really hard time with it. Ana misses you. A lot."

He ends up telling Bucky what he keeps walking in on.

**Three weeks gone**

It's only been a few weeks since Bucky had left, and Ana has been scarce more often than not for those days. Steve needs to check on her, since he hasn't seen Ana for hours and she skipped dinner. Again. At this point, Steve doesn't even bother going to the gym or her room. Instead, he goes to Bucky's. He gently opens the door, and right where he expected her to be, Ana is curled up in the middle of the bed. She's clutching one of the many journals left behind for her.

Bucky's scent still lingers in every fiber of the room. He knows this is why Ana comes here. It's not to be sad, it's just a form of comfort to her. To remember his smell, to feel his bed, to read his words, to fall asleep peacefully with his presence wrapping around her like a phantom hug.

Steve gave up trying to move Ana to her own room the third time he found her like this. Instead, he carefully maneuvers the comforter around, bringing it up to cover her body. Then, he gently moves one of Bucky's pillows under Ana's head, and slowly sits next to her on the bed. This is a lot harder than he ever thought they would both take Bucky's absence.

When sunlight streams into the room, Steve winces, opening his eyes. He's met with Ana staring up at him with wide, brown eyes that are a little bloodshot. He blinks and adjust his neck, pushing himself to sit up straighter.

"Why do you stay with me in here?" Ana questions right off the bat, voice thick like she had been crying again. "This is hard for you too."

"Misery loves company. Isn't that what they say?" He responds gruffly.

"That's really sad when you think about it."

Steve nods, remaining silent.

"He asked you to take care of me, didn't he?" She whispers, clutching the notebook in her hand tighter.

"Yes."

"Thank you." Ana says gently.

Then she pushes herself up and leans over. She places a gentle kiss on his cheek, just quick and friendly gesture. Abruptly, she smacks the journal against his forehead as she pulls back.

"Now get your lazy old ass up. I'm hungry and you're taking me to Luna for coffee and cheese danishes."

"Am I now?"

"Yes." Ana shakes the journal in her hand as she stands from the bed. "Bucky specifically said that if you don't make me happy, that when he wakes up he's going to kick your punk ass. Danishes makes me happy. Now let's go, Cap!"

"Well," Bucky prompts. "Did you get her a danish?"

"I bought her a whole box." Steve rolls his eyes, shoving his friend. "I hate you for that, by the way. She demands danishes every Saturday now."

"She works you with those big eyes as she flutters her lashes, doesn't she?"

"How did you ever resist her for anything?"

"I didn't." Bucky chuckles before it fades away. The mood suddenly turns sad. "Except for this."

"Ana knows it's for the best, Buck." Steve reminds him.

"I know. She's amazing. I love her. It's why I'm doing this." Bucky sounds like he's still trying to convince himself. "I'm doing this so that when I do go back to her, she'll be safe."

"She wasn't doing a good job at keeping herself safe." Steve mutters.

A dangerous gleam flashes in Bucky's blue eyes. "Meaning?"

Steve sighs.

**One month gone**

"One…two bottles of wine…and ten mini bottles of vodka. She doesn't even like vodka!" Tony snaps, throwing the empty bottle against the wall.

Thankfully it's plastic. Steve understands Tony's frustration and worry to an extent. He remembers when Bucky fell from the train all those decades ago that he tried drowning himself in alcohol. If it weren't for the serum burning the affects away, he would have. Steve had a war to fight then, he had other people to save, he had the world to save and he had to remain focused. He had Peggy to help him through it, to remind him that Bucky wouldn't want him to drown his heartbreak away. Steve needs to channel those same words now.

"Pepper doesn't find out about this, Rogers. Not yet." Tony tells him, holding up a threatening finger. "Goddamnit! She isn't supposed to be like me!"

With that, he spins on his heels and rushes towards Ana's room. Steve's heard of Tony's past days where he would drink until he blacked out, spiraled into a near self-destructing shell of a person. He knows the anger is resonating from fear of watching Ana do that to herself. Wincing at what might happen when Tony finds her, Steve follows behind quickly.

Tony hesitates by her door, fiddling with the lock before he disables it and enters her room. She isn't there, but it doesn't stop him. Steve follows as Tony doesn't hesitate to exit out her open window. Both men make it up to the roof in record time.

Ana is laying on the lounge chair, holding up one of Stark's most expensive bottles of vodka, almost like she was expecting for Tony to march over and snatch it away. Which he does. Steve can tell by how tense his shoulders are and the set of his jaw just how utterly furious he is. Until they both see her expression, and the anger melts away from Tony's body.

He hands the off bottle to Steve, gesturing for him to just toss it. He does so without any regrets, chucking it over the side of the roof. Then he sees Tony sit next to Ana, gently grabs her arm to pull her up and holds her tightly against his chest. He hugs hers, keeping his hand on the back of her head as her face presses into his shirt.

Steve realizes her body is trembling, her hand is clutching Tony's back. He hears the muffled sniffles and he wants to move forward, wants to join in to comfort her. But as he continues to watch them, Tony's arms tightening around her, he thinks better of it.

"I don't know how to handle this."

Steve hears Ana's shaky, slurred words, and he's thrown back to that first night after Steve came back from bring Bucky to Wakanda. He found her sobbing on Bucky's bed, repeating those same words. He just held her like Tony is holding her now.

"You're going to be okay, Ana. I got you. I got you." Tony soothes softly.

Steve knows the situation is under control, that if anyone can comfort a drunk and upset Ana, it's Tony. Making his decision, Steve quietly leaves the roof, giving them privacy. This is what her family is for. This is what she has Pepper for, what she has Tony for. Sure, the rest of them have become an extension of her family, and Steve knows Ana will fight for that no matter what, but this time. This is just between her and Tony.

When he reaches her room, Steve quickly and thoroughly checks any hidden compartments for more bottles. He finds only two; whiskey and wine, still full. What flutters to the ground after he checked her pillow cases, pauses his search. He picks it up to replace it, but the words written on the paper makes his curiosity get the best of him.

It's a letter Bucky left behind for her, just like he did with his journals. Except, this one seems more personal, more intimate, reads like a poem, and Steve hurriedly puts it back. He knows she's read it, since the letter had weathered fold lines and smudges that looked like tears on the paper.

He leaves her room, rounds up Nat and Wanda, and together they get to work on cleaning out the place of alcohol. Just for a little while.

"Did you read it?"

"Just the first sentence before I realized how private it was. The words just popped out, sorry Buck."

Bucky waves off his apology. "How long did the drinking last?" He questions, his voice small and full of remorse.

"Two weeks." He answers honestly. "Pepper took her away for a week to Paris, and when she came back, she seemed much better."

"Paris." Then suddenly Bucky releases a loud laugh. "One of the first things she ever said to me in French," He drops his face into his hand for a moment, laughing more. "She asked me if I wanted to sleep with her."

"What?" Steve laughs in shock.

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir. Apparently, my expression made her laugh so hard she nearly fell off the treadmill. She kept saying it to, just to make me blush."

"You were so head over heels for her within a week, Bucky."

"I really was. I still am. I always will be."

Steve smiles at the clear love Bucky has for Ana. Then he winces because he just remembered that one time she tried making that last martini a week after she came back from France. He tells Bucky much.

"This doesn't sound good." Bucky sighs heavily.

It wasn't.

**Two months gone**

They're all looking at her, and Steve knows by the irritated twitching in her jaw that she can feel it. He wants to offer his help, but he remains silent, knowing his head will be bitten off if he even opens his mouth. Sam seems to be the bravest soul out of all of them; even Banner is nervously fidgeting in the corner.

Steve doesn't even know where she got hold of more vodka, but at least this was her first drink in months.

"Ana, let me help you with that." Sam offers kindly.

They should have expected the loud smack of the jar against the counter, but the noise still makes them all flinch. When Ana lifts her eyes to Sam, there's a rage of fire in them, something Steve has never truly seen from her before.

"It's fine." She grits through her teeth, voice clenched. She turns the jar of olives upside down. "I just need to do that trick with the-" she bangs it on the counter – "tapping of the-" She hits it again, "lid." She flips it back over and tries twisting the top off again.

It doesn't budge. It's strange, watching her struggling with something as simple as opening a jar, however, deep down, Steve knows that isn't the issue. The issue is Ana's lack of sleep for the past three weeks. The issue is Ana's crazy work ethic lately, where usually working everyday and being focus would be a good thing at times. With her, it's not. Especially when Steve catches her popping Adderall pills just so she could focus on new mental health research and that machine Telly had told her about months ago.

When he caught her the third time, Steve snatched the bottle away and made her tell him what was going on. All she told him was that she had to help find a way to make Bucky's triggers go away, because she failed him over and over and she can't fail him again. Steve's heart broke at her words and he ended up silently sitting at her desk in the Lab until she passed out on her key board.

"No!" Ana snaps, pulling Steve from his thoughts. Sam apparently tried offering again. "I can do this okay, Sam. I just want olives, like I just want my vodka martini like really dry- open you damn piece of fucking shit- really dry and really dirty. Like a really dirty martini with at least three olives and-"

She stops talking, grimacing as she twists the top again. Finally, it pops off and a bit of juice and a few olives fall onto the counter. She slams the jar down, grabs the rolling olives and plops them in her martini, followed by pouring a little of the juice into it as well. She hastily grabs a paper towel off the roll and cleans up the juice on the counter, throwing the wet paper towel in the sink.

"See. Easy." She states dryly, picking up her glass. "Now. If you'll all excuse me, I have a dirty date tonight." She lifts her drink as proof, then leaves the kitchen.

Ana has no idea Steve has been watching her break down for the past ten minutes. He wanted to intervene, wanted to stop her from using her energy, but something stopped him. Maybe the tears in her eyes, or how she was giving her all into the punching bag. She had already knocked down one, when Steve entered the gym, and now she's wailing on the second one.

Her chest is heaving, sweat dripping down her body. The lights keep flickering as if there's a bad storm raging outside rather than the form of a person. The chains holding up the bags rattle, and the treadmills actually beep and turn on once in a while.

A sob ripping through the charged air makes Steve finally enter the gym. Ana is throwing punch after punch, fast and hard and she's crying. She's crying, and sobbing and before Steve can reach her, she punches the bag clean off the chain with a jet of golden yellow light. It flies across the room and slams into the opposite wall, further than the first one did.

She turns as she accidently knocks her gloves into her head when she tried to grab her hair. She releases a frustrated growl, tearing off the velcro gloves and throwing them to the side. She's panting, her body shaking along with the lights on the ceiling. Ana hastily wipes her eyes and she finally notices Steve standing in front of her.

Her chin quivers for a moment, then she steels her emotions so fast, it's scary. So, Steve says nothing, and walks past her. He knows. He understands this. The lack of sleep, the dreams, the pent up energy, the unadulterated anger and frustration. Ana may not have been frozen for 70 years only to wake up to a different world, where everyone she knew was gone and had been thrown right into more wars.

That may not have happened to her, but Ana's own world shattered around her and she had to watch the love of her life almost die trying to protect her. She almost died trying to protect him, only to lose him in a different way and watch him go with the ever-looming threat of darkness hanging over them.

He knows Ana didn't fall under ice for 70 years, that they don't have in common. Losing Bucky. That is something Steve understands exceptionally well.

Steve picks up the closest punching bag, dragging it over and re-hooking it. He repeats the same process with the other bag, then he goes to the little bucket of bottled water to grab one. He offers it to Ana, but she just turns, and starts punching again. He sighs, dropping the bottle in favor of watching her. Just making sure she doesn't actually hurt herself.

After another two rounds of knocking the bags off and Steve going to fetch them, Ana actually screams. She screams in what sounds like aggravation and stops punching. She rips the gloves off again, lifting the right one and chucking it at the wall. She repeats the motion with the left, then starts hitting the bag again. Only she isn't punching it. She's literally just smacking her palms against the bag, releasing little grunts and growls.

"This. Is. So. Fucking. Stupid!" She yells with each hit.

"Ana." Steve finally speaks up. He has to, otherwise she'll brake her hands.

"No! No, Steve! This is stupid! It's fucking stupid! He's so fucking stupid!"

He grabs her by her arms and spins her around. Her momentum follows, and she accidently punches him in the gut. Steve huffs out a breathless grunt because he wasn't expecting that, and also because Ana is much stronger than she lets on. She doesn't look sorry. She just grabs his shirt, scrunching the material in her fists, trying to shake him back and forth.

"He's your stupid friend, Steve! He's stupid and you're stupid for not stopping him and I'm stupid for letting him leave! Fuck him and fuck you and fuck me all over the fucking city because I fucking failed him!"

Steve wraps his arms around her, squeezing her tight to his body, holding her steady. He keeps his grip strong, so Ana can't free herself, and she finally breaks down against him. She sobs into his chest, her body shaking and the lights pop, throwing the gym in darkness.

Ana lost Bucky. It's the same, but different. It's so different for her because Ana is in love with Bucky, and he's still well and alive, but he's in a place where she can't reach him. Ana and Bucky have a different level of connection and that is all due to their energies being intertwined in more ways than one. The intimacy level of their relationship is unparallel to anyone else's. It's like they can almost feel each other. So, this, this has to be devastating to her.

"I failed him. I failed him." She keeps repeating between her cries.

"Ana, listen to me." Steve says vehemently. He doesn't think softness will get through to her right now. He puts conviction in his next words. "You did not fail him. You hear me? You did not fail him."

"I miss him so much."

"I know, I know, honey. It's okay. You're going to be okay, I promise. I promise you'll see him again."

He believes the words himself when he says it to her. Steve knows where Bucky is, and he knows the Wakadan team his friend has behind him are trying to work this out. Ana falls silent after that, her sobs slowly coming to an end. Steve doesn't know how long he stands there for, trying to hold his best friend's girl together.

Finally, she stops crying all together and when she pushes herself back, Steve lets her. Ana wipes her eyes, now puffy and red, then wipes under her nose. Steve leaves her for a moment to grab a box of tissues by the towels, handing it to her when he returns. She gives him a watery smile, then chuckles humorlessly.

"I snotted all over your shirt." She says wetly, dabbing at her nose. "I'm so sorry, Steve. I didn't mean for all of this to happen. I'm sorry I hit you."

"Don't apologize for any of that." He tells her, reaching out to grab her elbow. "I just need you to get some rest, alright? No work, not drinks, no gym. Just sleep. Can you do that for me?"

Ana nods. "Yeah, yeah. I think you're right. I need to sleep."

"C'mon. I'll walk you back."

Bucky sighs heavily. "Fuck. Of course, she would do that." He says sadly, fiddling with a thread on his pants.

"I shouldn't keep telling you these things, Buck." Steve frowns. "They just upset you."

"I need to know how she is."

"Why don't you just come back?" Steve pleads. "We can figure something out. I'm sure Shuri-"

"It isn't safe, Steve." Bucky interrupts him bitterly. "If there's even the slightest chance of being triggered again." He shakes his head. "She can't keep fighting me off with her energy alchemy. It could kill her. I could-"

He swallows thickly but doesn't continue.

"Bucky, she needs-"

"Don't. Do not finish that sentence."

"Why? Because you know I'm right and you know it's the truth and if you hear it you'll come back."

Bucky looks to be in physical pain, close to tears. "I can't." He whispers. "I want to, fuck, I want to go back to her so bad, you have no fucking idea but I. I can't. Fuck!"

Bucky shoves his hand through his hair roughly, gripping the roots. Steve backs off, because it isn't just hard for Ana. He knocks Bucky's hand out of his hair, then squeezes his right shoulder in comfort.

"I'm sorry for pushing." Steve apologizes quietly. "I know it's rough on you too."

"I dream about her all the fucking time. She's constantly in my head and when you woke me up I thought she would be here. I thought I was fixed and cured and I'd hold Ana in my arms again."

Steve didn't really think about that fact. He was called to Wakanda because that incident caused damage to the lab and Shuri had to prematurely wake Bucky up as she fixed it, and T'Challa called Steve asking if he wanted to see his friend during this time. He neglected to tell Ana about it. He didn't think informing her, just to see Bucky for a few minutes and have to say goodbye all over again, was a good idea. Not when she was finally starting to sleep normally, eat properly, and slowly gather herself together.

"I'm sorry." He tells his friend again. He can't take seeing this amount of sadness and heartbreak on their faces anymore.

"Don't be, it isn't your fault." Bucky sighs wearily. "I just miss her."

They fall silent for a while after that. There's a heaviness between them, the same one that Steve feels when Ana is in the room with him. He still finds it fascinating how connected both their energies are. His eyes flit across the room, landing on Shuri as she intently focuses on the computer.

"Has Shuri mentioned how close they are to erasing the triggers?" Steve inquires.

"She said they're really close, just one more thing to figure out." He shrugs, following Steve's line of sight. "If anyone can do it, I think she can. Besides Ana. Tell her that for me, will you? I don't think she believed me when I said she didn't fail."

Steve turns to look at him.

"Steve. She could never fail me. Ever." Bucky states with a fierce passion in his tone.

"Deep down, I think she knows that. I hope she does."

"Sergeant Barnes," They're interrupted by Shuri's voice coming from behind them. "It's ready."

Bucky's eyes fall shut, inhaling deeply. Steve doesn't miss the stray tear that falls down his cheek. It's his choice, but going back under isn't easy. He claps Bucky on his shoulder, squeezing to offer him comfort. Bucky nods, and when he opens his eyes, there is a sadness to them.

"How is Ana now?" Bucky asks timidly, slowly slipping off the table. "Is she okay? Getting enough sleep?"

"Yeah, Bucky. She's alright, she's better." Steve answers, walking him over to the glass chamber. "She's strong. She'll be okay."

Bucky steps into the chamber, settling against the cushioned pads. A member of the of the medical team carefully straps him in, then checks his vitals.

"This will work." Bucky states firmly. "It will work, and I'll be fixed. I'm coming back to her."

"I know, pal."

"Thank you, Steve, for helping her."

"Of course, Bucky. She's family."

Bucky smiles at that. Then his eyes shift, and he nods to the man, who presses a button. Slowly the glass cover comes down and Bucky closes his eyes, looking peaceful externally. Steve hopes his honesty and stories of Ana don't give him bad dreams or makes him feel utter guilt and regret. The hissing noise and puff of white fog within the chamber signals that Bucky is now frozen once again.

**Present Day**

The second the door of the jet opens, Ana is running out, dashing through the hanger and weaving in and out of people. Steve just laughs and follows behind her, assuming they'll get her things later. When Steve arrives just two minutes after her, he sees Ana already in Bucky's arms.

Steve's heart swells at the sight. Not only because his best friend and the girl who has become extremely important to him lately are together, but because Bucky looks healthy. He looks well rested, peaceful and clearly Shuri made him a new arm that Ana can't seem to stop touching. Actually, neither of them can't seem to stop touching each other for long.

"You look a lot older than when I saw you seven months ago." Steve jokes, playfully shoving Bucky's shoulder.

"First it was ugly and now it's old. Why do I keep you around again?" Bucky quips, rubbing his knuckles atop Steve's head.

"Wait, what?"

Him and Bucky stare wide eyed at each other. Slowly, they both look at Ana at the same time. She's figured it out, he can see it in her eyes, and her jaw shifts as she crosses her arms.

"Are you telling me you saw Bucky seven months ago without telling me?" Ana states calmly. It's scary.

"Last month too." Shuri informs, unhelpful as she passes by the three of them.

Ana's eyes widen and she steps away from Bucky. "What the fuck!"

Steve winces, yet Bucky is trying to contain his laughter. Sure, he finds it funny because Ana didn't come back to the tower to pack then hit him over the head with his shield. Twice. She also launched various fruits at him as she saw fit, then filled his punching bag with flour so it exploded into a flurry of white clouds all over him and the gym.

"I was told it wasn't a good idea!" Steve says, stepping behind a table for protection.

"By who!?" She demands.

Steve looks flatly at Bucky. Bucky flips him off.

Ana holds up a threatening finger, but when Bucky gently grazes his fingertips along her hip, her anger fades. Instead, her eyes shift back to the man standing next to her, then back to Steve. She drops her finger and smiles.

"You know what? It doesn't matter." She tells Steve. To Bucky, she says, "I should be angry because I would have loved to seen you, no matter what you vindicated your reasons for. But it doesn't matter because you're here now and I'm with you and-"

Ana grabs Bucky by his face, pulling him in for a loving kiss. Steve should look away, but the happiness of both their faces as they wrap their arms around each other, is enough to make the past year worth it all.