Title: Realization
Rating: K+
Fandom/ Pairing: Avatar: the Last Airbender/ Taang
Words: 3,119
A/N: Let's just say that this is proof that I'm still alive. I felt bad about not responding to reviews/ comments/ PM's. So, here's my penance. This idea has been in my head for a while and I thought I'd act on it before I forgot it. Vacation is literaly around the corner, so that'll be a great catch-up time for me. But in the meantime, enjoy!
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The emotions of a single person are so complex
few can ever truly decipher what the heart is trying to say.
Because it is true.
Our hearts speak to us. And they leave us clues to lead us to the answer.
All we have to do is learn how to follow them.
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That day, he decided to look at the clues his heart gave him…
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---I can't stay away---
An obsession.
That's what it was.
That was the only word he could think to use to justify his actions.
He didn't mean to come off as creepy or inappropriate.
He just wanted to be close to her whenever he could.
Of course no one ever really noticed. He was very careful. He covered his tracks with extreme precision and made those small moments he savored with her as subtle and completely innocent as possible. Any outside onlooker would simply say that they were friends. A pair of extremely close-knit friends who spent more time with each other that they realized and had enough inside jokes and quirks to keep them talking for hours. But the outside onlooker would see no romance. They didn't stare longingly into each other's eyes, they weren't nervous around each other, and they didn't have any awkward moments.
She appeared to be his best friend.
But she was really his secret obsession.
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---I constantly think about her---
He stared up at the stars that dotted the skies that night, just like he did every single night.
It was a strange feeling that overcame him every time he stared deep into the heavens that gave him peace of mind before he drifted off to sleep. He wouldn't do anything special. He would simply trace patterns in the sky and try to form pictures, he'd try to count as many of them as he could, and sometimes just watching them shimmer was enough comfort for him.
He was told when he was little that stars were manifestations of all the innocent souls in the world, mingling in the sky in hopes to shine brighter and brighter as time went by. He smiled at that. He often wondered which star belonged to him. Was it big? Did it shine bright? Was it surrounded by a lot of other stars, or was he by himself?
He doubted that last question. There were too many people around him now that cared for him in order for his star to stand alone. But, was there a star that stood closer to him than all the others? Was there a star that shined brighter just for him? He didn't know.
Unsurprisingly, his thoughts drifted back to the blind girl not even a few feet away from him, wrapped in warm blankets because of the rather cool night. He realized that the poor girl had never seen a single star in her life. She didn't know how they shined, she didn't know the shapes they made in the sky, and she didn't know exactly how many of them there were. The stars were never something that could be explained in words. They were something that could only be comprehended when one looked at them. This was something she will never be able to do.
He constantly wished on the stars to make his dreams come true.
But what did she wish upon?
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---She inspires me---
"Toph?"
He found the small girl sprawled lazily on the ground near the camp, resting her head on her arms that were folded neatly underneath her. After he had called her, she slowly lifted her head and blinked in his direction. It was late in the afternoon and it was at his time in the day that he would usually always find her either napping or in deep thought separate from everyone else. She looked at him with a questioning look as she propped herself up on her elbows.
"What do you need, Twinkle Toes?" she asked.
He shook his head. "Nothing. I just thought I'd sit down with you."
A confused look had crossed the girl's features, but only for a second. She simply shrugged and scooted over to make room for her student right next to her. She returned to her previous position of her head resting heavily on her folded arms as he laid down next to her, supporting his weight with his elbows. He had looked in the same direction she was looking. He found that he could see straight into the shrubs and trees that lined their current campsite. He was able to stare deep into the green maze of leaves and greenery until in the distance he could see a small clearing. It was hypnotizing to look into and it had calmed him to look inside. He chuckled inwardly at the irony that the blind person in the group happened to pick the best sight-seeing spots to relax in.
He turned his head towards her and decided to ask. "What do you do here every day?"
"What do you mean?" she asked, not turning her sightless gaze away from the green scenery.
"I mean that you always sit here by yourself every afternoon and you never talk to anyone while you're here. So what is it that you do when you sit here?"
She shrugged and bit her lip. "I'm not sure. I mean I think about a lot of things. But I never actually put too much thought into what exactly I think about. I guess I come here to relax," she finished.
He nodded. "We did pick a pretty quiet camp site. But I tend to think about certain things when I'm by myself."
She scrunched her eyebrows. "Like what?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. A lot of things. My past, my friends, what's close to me, and where my priorities are."
She chuckled into her arms. "That sounds pretty cheesy, Twinkle Toes."
"Well, those are really the only things that entail positive thinking," he said quietly.
She shook her head and rolled on her back, placing her folded hands on lightly her stomach. "I highly doubt that. Don't you have a fan club in every town we visit? They say amazing things about you every time we go. Don't you think about any of that?" she asked with a bit of humor.
He answered back darkly. "Not completely."
The girl picked up a change in his voice as the small smirk she had been wearing had immediately fell and her face became serious. "What do you mean?"
Silence had followed. He looked down and avoided her sightless yet calculating gaze.
"People talk about you behind your back?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.
He sighed. He turned his head back towards her and let himself sink into her worried eyes before he answered her. "Yeah. People always say that I've betrayed the whole world. And lately, I guess I've been thinking about what would've happened if I hadn't run away that day."
He looked next to him again and saw understanding in her eyes. He had told her of this story, so she understood his train of thought at once.
"I know I said I wouldn't stress about it, but I feel like had I stayed, I probably would've ended this war a long time ago. Maybe I could've stopped it before it even happened. Then all of you wouldn't be suffering like you are now."
That was when he heard her mutter under her breath with a tone of annoyance.
"What did you say?" he asked.
She turned to face him with a serious face. "I said you're an idiot."
"What?" he asked surprised.
"I hate it when you blame yourself for that. You make it sound like the whole war is your entire fault," she said.
"But it is my faul—"
"No it isn't!" she scolded him harshly. He recoiled slightly as he stared into her eyes that were flaring with slight anger. "Don't say that! None of what is going on is your fault. Don't let anyone tell you that."
She paused for a second and look down at the ground in front of her. "Do you want to know why I don't blame you?" she continued quietly. "It's because you didn't give up. You're fixing the world now. You didn't stay hidden. You came out to help. And that's what you have to do in this world. Fix what you've done wrong, take care of the messes you've made, and try to make up for everything you didn't get the chance to do."
She turned back to him and showed him a small, comforting smirk. "Even if no one else believes in you, stand up and swear that you'll do the right thing now. That's what matters."
He smiled back.
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---I want her to look at me---
All he ever wanted in the world was someone to love him.
Not the familial love that he had constantly received all his life.
Not the awkward, temporary love that resulted from being crushed on.
He wanted true love.
He secretly wanted for a girl to look into his eyes with compassion and endearment, comfort and understanding, warmth and honesty.
He knew what it felt like to give that look. You would pour all of your feeling into your eyes and stare at the person in front of you, letting them see everything you were feeling. You opened your heart to them, left it exposed, and silently prayed that they would see what you were trying to tell them.
He had looked at her that way. In fact, he did it all of the time. But she never realized because she never saw it.
He had no problem showing his heart. But he desperately wanted for someone to show their heart to him, so that he would know what it feels like to see into the soul of a person who was truly in love with you.
He wanted to be loved.
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---I admire her so much---
"Twinkle Toes, you're not doing it right," she grumbled.
He quickly got up from his supposedly incorrect stance and bowed towards her. "Sorry, Sifu Toph."
Said Sifu rolled her eyes as she walked over to her student's side. She crossed her arms over her chest and he half expected her to harshly berate him for doing something wrong again. He noticeably flinched as she drew closer. Expecting a verbal lashing, he got a question.
"Why do you do that?"
He opened his eyes and looked back up at her. He tilted to his head to the side and scrunched his brow in a confused matter. "What are you talking about?"
She shrugged. "Whenever we train, you're always so…formal. You always bow when you come to training and you always call me 'Sifu Toph.' So, I'm asking why?" she elaborated.
"Did I insult you?" he asked questioningly.
She shook her head. "No that's not it." She stopped for a moment and unconsciously picked at a loose string on her sleeve as she looked away from his general direction. She sighed before she continued. "I guess it's just…weird that you would treat me with such respect. I've never had someone bow to me because they wanted to out of respect for me. I guess I'm just…not used to it."
He looked at her again as she continued to look away and pick at her shirt. The wind had started to pick up and they started to blow her dark bangs out of her face. For just a split second, he thought he saw a bit of sadness hidden in her eyes that were doing their best to avoid his. He frowned. There was so much that she hid from everyone around her that she was too proud to let show, and yet she was one of the strongest people he knew.
He tapped her on the shoulder lightly which made her look up at him. Her eyes had by chance managed to align perfectly with his, giving him full view into them.
"I just thought that I'd show you that you're not just another person out there. You're special and are doing me the honor of teaching me how to Earth Bend. So, I'll respect you as my teacher."
Then he saw her smile. The moment didn't last long, since it turned quickly into a smirk, but it was a smile nonetheless. She punched him in the arm and thanked him, though she insisted that the bowing could be omitted from their greetings. He smiled and agreed as they continued on with their lesson.
He didn't know why, but he always remembered that day.
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---I want to protect her every chance I get---
As much as he knew that she was a strong person, he worried about her.
He never voiced that to anyone. Especially not to her. She would scold him for even thinking that she needed anyone to help her in anything. She clearly made it obvious that she could hold her own. And he never doubted that.
But he looked at her small and delicate face and saw that there was a beautiful, delicate girl inside.
Then instincts took over.
There was something inside him that wanted to embrace her, cradle her in his arms, and shield her from what she feared and what she hated.
It was a fleeting dream. He knew that he could never be able to do it.
So when he found her laid out in Katara's tent with her sprained ankle carefully bandaged, he didn't think twice before he picked up her small, light body and carried her to her own bed. He treaded carefully past the water tribe siblings, holding the girl protectively in his arms and making extra care not to wake her.
He loved the feeling he got when he held her close to him whether it was literally, like right now, or in spirit.
And he didn't want such a lovely and warm feeling to escape him.
He wanted to be there for her.
He wanted to be her hero.
Forever.
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…and for the first time in a long time, he understood what his heart was saying.
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---I want so badly to tell her… ---
He laid her down on the covers and sheets that Katara had brought over from his sky bison's saddle. He quietly bent down and slowly placed her head on the warm furs as gently as he could so as not to rouse her from her peaceful sleep. He gently placed her body straight so that she may sleep comfortably and watched as she sighed in her sleep. He brought over more quilts for her and covered her body up to her neck with the warm covers. He smiled as he saw her snuggle deeper into her make-shift bed and smile slightly in her sleep. After relishing in the comfort of the bed, she relaxed and returned right back into her slumber.
He cast his eyes away from her only to bring more life to the campfire with his newly acquired Fire Bending. As soon as the flames were big enough to provide significant warmth, he turned his face back to the sleeping girl in front of him.
Spirits, she was beautiful.
The fire cast a beautiful orange glow that fell upon her face and accentuated her features. There wasn't a single blemish or scar on her face. It was a smooth plane of pure white that glowed in the firelight. Her eyes were closed and her long eyelashes brushed against her cheek every time she shifted. Her pink lips were still curved into a small smile. It wasn't the smirk that usually adorned her flawless face. It was a genuine smile. It was something that was rare with her. She was usually expressionless, and if she wasn't, she was making a sarcastic comment with a smirk on her face along with the possibility of complete and utter rage that sometimes took over her.
He had never really seen her cry. She wasn't one to let emotions as troublesome and painful as sadness and grief show in front of other people. Katara had told him that she had seen her cry before, but he was never there to see it for himself. If she did cry, she did it once she was sure that everyone around her was turned away, save for a few occasions.
She laughed a lot, though. It was a loud but cheerful laugh that had a nice ring to it once you heard it. She mostly laughed around him, a fact that he took extreme pride in. Whenever they joked around, made fun of Sokka behind his back, or even said something that might not have made any sense, she let out that beautiful laugh. And he made sure to smile and laugh along with her when she did.
He brushed her dark bangs out of her face and tucked them behind her ears. He sighed again and smiled. He looked around him and saw that it was dark save for the dim light that the fire provided. He needed to detach himself from her side if he was going to get some sleep and hide his behavior.
He stood up and started to tiptoe out of the room with his light steps so as not to wake the sleeping girl. But before he did, he leaned down towards her until he could feel her soft breath on his face. He felt his cheeks grow hot at the close proximity of their faces. They had never been this close to each other before. He could hear nothing except their inhaling and exhaling. He licked his lips in nervousness.
He leaned a bit closer…
…closer…
…closer...
…until he found the courage to meld his lips with hers.
---…that I love her---
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While the whole world was lost in the deep sanctuary of their dreams, one girl had stayed awake, her mind buzzing with thoughts that wouldn't let her sleep, even for a moment.
Without making a sound, she slowly brought her hand to her lips and smiled.
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That day, she decided to look at the clues her heart gave her.
A/N: Reviews are much appreciated. Any comment on it will be fine. Thank you!