It was right after a hunt, I was waiting for Sam and Dean to get back. They just finished a salt and burn in Ohio and weren't going to be back until late. They sensed something was wrong when I was on the phone with them but I tried to convince them I was alright. But really, I was far from alright. My depression was kicking my ass, and I had begun cutting again. Sam and Dean didn't know about my habit, if they did they would freak. I remember a few years ago they caught me smoking behind the motel we were in and they were so mad. Eventually they learned to deal with it, but they still make comments every time I light one. Today was a bad day. Nightmares had plagued my dreams last night and I woke up screaming in a full sweat. If the boys were here they would have known something was wrong, but thankfully I was alone and I could deal with myself the way I liked best. I laid in bed at 3 am, staring at the ceiling. Arguing with myself, telling myself I don't need it. But I do need it, I deserve it. So I got up and walked to the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and reached to the very back on the top shelf until I felt it, a small wooden box. About the size of a matchbox, but inside was my most valuable possession. A small silver blade caught the light as I opened the box. I gently took it out and took in the beauty for a few moments, I sat on the edge of the tub and looked at myself in the mirror, I looked at who I've become. I sat there for a long while, until my self hatred got the best of me. The voices in my head kept telling me "you deserve the pain" "all you do is cause problems, Sam and Dean don't even like you. If it wasn't for you they would be happy." And I believe it. I felt tears begin to stream down my face as I slowly rolled up my sleeve to reveal small white lines all over my wrist and up my forearm. I looked for a fresh patch of skin to begin working, and once I found it there was no stopping me. The first cut made me see clearer. The second stopped the voices. The third stopped the tears. By the time I was finished there was 13 new cuts, all red and angry and bleeding down my arm. I sat there and stared at what I did, I was frozen in place, when all of a sudden I heard the sound of keys in the door. I looked at my phone laying next to me, 1pm. But the boys weren't supposed to be home until late. Shit. I quickly cleaned the blood off the floor.

"Emma?" Dean called.

I looked at my phone again. I was running out of time. I grabbed the blade and shoved it in the box.

"Emma where are you?" Sam called, sounding more worried than he should.

"I'm just in the bathroom! I'll be out in a minute!" I shouted.

"Hurry up! We missed you!" Dean said.

I quickly threw some gauze on my still bleeding wounds and pulled down my sleeve, hoping I could say a quick hello and escape before they noticed. I slowly unlocked the door and came out of the bathroom to be greeted by dean grabbing me and hugging me tightly.

"We missed you, Emma!" Dean said.

"It wasn't the same without you there this time! No more staying behind!" Sam said.

"Yeah, I was pretty bored without you guys for entertainment" I joked. "Anyways I'll be in my room if you need me"

Dean and Sam looked at each other and then stared at me.

"Is everything okay Emma? We just got home, don't you want to spend some time together?" Sam said.

"It's not that I don't want to spend time with you... I ... uh... didn't get a very good sleep last night" I said rubbing my eyes for effect.

"What's that?" Dean asked, staring at me more quizzical than usual.

"What?" I said

"That on your arm?" Dean said. "Your bleeding" Dean sounded more concerned than usual

"Did you get hurt?" Sam asked

"Oh, right, that... I ... I fell and uh... caught my arm on a brand outside!" I tried to sound as convincing as I could.

"Let me see, I don't want that to get infected," Dean said, walking towards me with his hand out.

"No!" I jumped backward, holding my arm close to me out of habit "Uh, I just cleaned it, that's why I was in the bathroom so long" I tried to play it off

"If it isn't bad and you just cleaned it, let me see it," Dean said, sounding more and more questioning

"It's okay Emma, we just want to make sure that you don't get sick, If it get's infected we could end up having to take you to the hospital," Sam said, sounding so caring.

Shit. This wasn't going to work. They were onto me. I needed to get out of here, now. I looked all around me, I noticed that the boys were blocking the exit, but Dean's bedroom door was open, and I knew he had a lock. I bolted for the door and slammed it shut just as Dean was about to grab the door. I locked it and ran to the corner of the room.

Fuck, what was I supposed to do now? I couldn't face them. Not after that. They would know something was wrong.

I heard banging on the door. It was Dean.

"Open this door NOW Emma! That's an order!" Dean howled, he sounded scared.

"Emma what's going on, talk to us!" Sam sounded so worried

I got up and walked to the door. I unlocked it and walked back over to Deans bed.

Dean's POV

I noticed Emma was bleeding, but when I confronted her she freaked out. What is going on, was she hurt from a hunt? Did she really just cut it on a tree? But if that was the case why did she look so scared? Why did she lock herself in my room?

I heard the click of the lock and opened the door as fast as I could. Once the door was opened I saw Emma just about to sit down on my bed. I ran over to her and kneeled down in front of her.

"What's going on Emma? Talk to us." I tried to sound as caring as I could. I was really worried about her

"Emma, we're always here if you need to talk, what's going on? Sam added

Emma looked at her feet and held her arm out. She didn't look up at all. I gently took her arm and rolled her sleeve up.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next.