I felt the blankets twisting around my legs uncomfortably, knotting and bunching as I tried in vain to sleep. The sun was already coming up, just peeking over the tall trees outside my house.

It's difficult, falling asleep after seeing him. Especially when I know this is the last time I'll see him again for an undetermined amount of time. When I asked him for details about when the next time would be or how, he just shook his head, refusing to divulge any details on the matter. There I was, crying my eyes out, my cheeks beat red and my nose stuffy, and all he could do was give me a gentle smile and kiss my forehead.

I wanted to beat him senseless. Get through that thick skull of his and weed out the information. The how, the when, the why, the where. But they were locked inside that brain of his, and he wasn't about to tell me.

"Knowing things ahead of time isn't good, Clarebelle." he told me for what felt like the billionth time. "It can really mess with your head, believe me." His look was stern yet soft, and I could see that he truly had only my best interests at heart. But his opinion of my best interests and my opinion were two entirely different things.

"You don't get to do this!" I yelled at him, pounding my fist against his chest. He flinched, but wouldn't back down on his refusal. "You don't get to just come into my life and change me, and then leave without telling me when you'll be back!" I could see the creases in his forehead deepening at my words, signs of his age truly showing through when he got concerned.

It was hard to believe that I'd ever know a younger Eli. I was used to the lines painting his face, the small belly he'd acquired, and the broad shoulders that have surely come with time and effort. He told me he wasn't always like this; that he used to be a somewhat scrawny and skinny guy who never wore anything but black and wore eyeliner. The mental image was preposterous, and I generally refused to believe it. The Eli I knew was strong, steadfast, sarcastic, and caring. Always caring. Kind to a fault. He was exactly what I wanted, and he was leaving.

"I told you, I promise you'll see me again. I'd know, I've been there." he tried to joke, but his promise didn't placate me. I tried to keep my cool, but soon my collected demeanor dissolved, leaving behind a mess of tears. My own emotionally inclined nature reared it's ugly head once again even though I tried my hardest to keep it under wraps.

"I can't know that for sure!" I whimpered, letting down my guard as he wrapped his arms around my torso, pulling me closer to him. He was always so warm, even though he could have come from a blizzard for all I knew. Lately Eli wouldn't tell me where he was traveling from, and it always made nervous. It was bad enough that I wasn't sure if I was in his past and he in my future, but on top of that I wondered what was going on when he came to me. He was so secretive, so protective. I had a love/hate relationship with those qualities.

Tucking his fingers under my chin, he tugged my head up and looked me in the eyes. The green of his irises drew me in, breaking down my resolve to look away and rub the tears off my face. He held me there for a moment, his lips pressed into a thin line. "I don't think you realize just how much you're going to help me, when the time comes." he whispered. My eyes traveled down for just a moment as he swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly. "Yousave me, Clare. You save me just when I need you most. And I didn't know it at the time, it's only something I realized in retrospect." I felt the air leave my lungs as I tried to soak the information in. He's never told me something like this before, never.

Still, my concerns weren't entirely erased, my curiosity nowhere near quelled. "But, where, Eli? Where? With who? When? Just tell me when?" I begged, hoping he would finally break down and give me a small answer. Anything.

Instead he smirked at me, chuckling to himself, and I knew there was no hope. "My impatient little Clarebelle." he chided, lifting my lips to his. I sighed into the kiss, knowing it would be a long while before I received another. "I can't tell you, but when it happens, you need to promise me something." he said, his tone growing serious.

My eyes widened, nodding my head eagerly.

"You'll be patient." he said simply, and I knew my expression twisted into one of confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not going to know you. I'll have no idea who you are, and I'm going to be going through a lot." he explained, holding my eyes to his effortlessly. "Just, don't give up on me, okay?" He looked so worried, so scared that I'd somehow forget his plea. As if I could.

"I'll never give up on you, I promise, Eli." I replied, shaking my head as more tears poured down my cheeks. "I'm here, I'm yours. Wherever, whenever, you are. I'm all yours." I promised, my voice cracking and shaking. "I'm all in, every last bit of me."

The tension in his stare softened at that. He looked as if a large weight had been lifted off his shoulders. As if he'd been worrying about that since he'd met me, nearly ten years ago now. At least ten years for me. "Thank you." he breathed, a few tears escaping his own eyes.

A loud sob left me as I tucked my head into his chest, breathing heavily as I tried to get enough air in. But there was no air. There was nothing with him. Eli had become my world, and there was nothing I could do about it. And now all I could do was wait; becoming a victim to my own destiny. But he was worth it, that much I was sure of.

"You're so beautiful." he mumbled, his dark locks falling in his eyes. I pushed them out of the way gently, nuzzling my nose against his. I couldn't say a thing. Language and normal thought was lost on me. He was here, but soon he would leave without warning. And I couldn't go with him.

And then it was happening. His body slowly but surely was becoming less tangible. It started at his feet; his body dissolving and turning into nothing just as seamlessly as it had materialized two hours before. Two hours, that was it. My Eli had existed for two more hours before I'd lose him for what felt like forever, and I had no choice but let it happen.

I cried harder, my vision blurring as I stared at him. But he was smiling widely at me, as if he was just getting here instead of leaving. "Be good, Clare. Don't miss me too much." he whispered, his torso becoming nothing but air.

No, no, no, no, my mind screamed, but I couldn't say a thing. My hands were soon gripping the air as the nothingness took over his shoulders, until he was a floating head. "I love you, see you soon." was the last thing he said before the clothes he was wearing dropped to the ground, making it look like he'd never existed to begin with.

I dropped to my knees, clutching the clothes to my body. They were still warm. That was the only thing that made me hold onto the small shred of him I had. So often I'd wondered if I was losing my mind. If I'd dreamed Eli up. But every time I hold those warm clothes to me, I know it has to be real. I know Eli is somewhere in the world, even if he only comes to me once in a while.

Wiping my eyes against the button-up shirt of my father's that he borrowed, I got back up to my feet, trudging off into my house.

And now as I'm lying in bed, unable to shake this fit of nerves, I'm feeling his absence more potently than ever before. The burden is heavier tonight, the reality that much harder to swallow.

The only thing keeping my holding on is the hope that one day he'll keep me company in bed, reading a story to me or talking about his writing as I fall asleep. I have no choice but to wait, and wait I shall.