"No YOU just can't accept that I'm right," I argued with Dean as he unlocked the motel room door. He wanted to go out for lunch and I went because I was bored and Sam wasn't back from the library. "No you're not Kayla." "Yes I am. When Sam gets back you'll see," I said as I walked through the door. Sam sat on the couch,remote in hand looking bored, but incredibly hot and yummy. He looked over at me and Dean, then went back to his endless flipping. "You find anything?" Dean asked as he sat the bag of food on the table and went for a beer. Sam just looked at him and went back to the tv. "Sam, what's wrong?" I asked as I took a beer from Dean and sat down next to Sam. "Nothin," he answered as he looked over at me and then went back to the tv. "Fine," I rolled my eyes and after a quick drink of my beer sat it down. "Save the female from the gory stuff, or whatever. I don't know WHAT crawled up your ass Winchester, but pull it out fast, because I WILL NOT be left out of the hunt because I have tits." I got up and walked to the motel room door and after one last look behind me, and Dean's I don't know shrug, I slammed the motel room door and started walking.
Sam seemed okay this morning. We even joked around while we had our morning coffee. I sighed and put my hands in my back pockets and continued on my walk. I ended up at the park a block down and sat on the swings. I needed to clear my head. I kicked my feet lightly and started to move. Sam could be the sweetest person I know. Why he was acting like a dick was beyond me. I shook my head and decided not to think about the Winchesters for a while. I smiled when I leaned back and saw a cloud shaped like a heart. I sighed and got up and started walking again. I ended up in front of this really cute small time bookstore. I couldn't resist. I walked in and smiled at the clerk. "Good afternoon deary, anything I can help ya with?" she asked. "No thank you. I'm just looking. I just love old books. Me and my, um. Friend? are crazy about them," I told her. I really wasn't sure what me and Sam were. We talked endlessly for hours, and we shared an incredible passion for books. Hell, for a case one time we had to act like we were married, but nothing came out of it. I sighed as I wandered down the first aisle, my fingers trailing down the spines of the books. I could get lost forever in here. I wandered aisle after aisle, just admiring all the books. They were beautiful and rich. The paper fading on some, my favorite books on another self. I picked out my favorite book and started reading. I wish Sam was here. I sighed and replaced the book, and went looking again. It seemed like the tiny store was endless, and the bell above the door never rang again after I came in. Somethings felt weird, but I was in my first happy place, a book shop with more books than I could ever read. My second, was a world without hunting monsters, where me and Sam were free to be together, and Dean had his own shop working on cars, and we'd have Sunday barbecues, and laugh for hours. I shook my head, knowing that would never happen.
I said goodbye to the little Scottish woman behind the counter and left the store, and walked right into a backyard. Crap. Not again. Ugh. How can I be so stupid. I shook my head as my dream Sam, came walking over to me, a huge smile on his face. "There you are babe. Me and Dean were starting to think you went to sleep on us." "I wouldn't do that. How are the burgers?" I asked as he drew his arm around my waist. My dream Sam, wasn't warm like real world Sam. He was cold. And so were his eyes. "Just the way we like them." "That's great honey. I'm happy they came out well. Tell Dean, I'll be right back. Go show him the truck you bought. I bet he'll be jealous," I said. "You know you're probably, right," dream Sam said. Whatever witch, demon or Angel sent me here, obviously didn't know the real Dean Winchester. He'd never be jealous of a truck. I walked into my dream kitchen and almost cried at the sight of how perfect it was. I took a knife out of the block and walked to the sink, cutting my hand. I hissed as the blood rained down the sink as I heard a crashing from far away. The sounds and smells, started to get more and more familiar, as I cut my palm another time. I heard Dean's familiar son of a bitch! and Sam yelling for me. I was stuck in two worlds, and couldn't move in either direction.
Finally as if watching a movie or some vivid dream, I opened my eyes in some warehouse, Sam, REAL Sam, leaning over me. His face sheet white. "Kayla." "Ugh. How'd I end up here?" I asked hoarsely as I opened my eyes. "We were kind of hoping you could tell us," I heard Dean say. "I'm not sure, but can we get out of here?" I asked as I tried to sit up. My head spun. "Ugh," I said and laid my head back down. "Easy. I got you," Sam said and picked me up, carrying me out of the warehouse. Baby sat, pristine, in the moonlight. I curled against Sam, suddenly feeling cold to my bones. "Hey,hey. You're okay. Are you cold?" Sam asked. I nodded my head and curled more into him as Dean opened the back door of the Impala. Sam slid me onto the back seat and I clung a minute longer. "Want me to sit back here with you?" I shook my head and let his flannel go. Dean had already started the car and cranked the heat. Sam got into the front seat, as I curled up into the back. I shivered as Dean pulled away from the warehouse and drove with the radio on low, all the way back to the motel. "You want me stop for coffee?" Dean asked and caught my eyes in the rear view. "No. I just want a shower," I said. I needed to scrape the visions away.
Finally we pulled back up to the motel, and Sam got out and opened the back door. He pulled me out and once again I curled against him, and his warmth. Even if he was a complete asshole, earlier. He was warm and Real. Not cold and unfeeling. I squeezed my eyes tight. Crying could wait until I wasn't in front of the boys. Dean opened the door and Sam carried me in all the way to the bathroom. Sam sat me down and walked out, closing the door behind him. I turned towards the shower and turned on the hot water and stripped out of my clothes. I stepped under the spray and let the water rain down, and the tears fall. How could I be so stupid, to get caught up like that. Now the guys would NEVER trust me on a hunt. And even if dream Sam wasn't real, he was STILL mine. The dream, vision, whatever it was felt more real than anything. Someone knocked on the door and I wiped my face stupidly. "Yeah?" I heard the door open and then Sam's voice over the water. "It's me. I, uh went into your bag. I got your pajamas and clean underwear," he said. I let out a water laugh as quietly as I could. "Thank you Sam," I said as I grabbed a washcloth and the soap. "You're welcome." I heard the door close and sighed.
Once I washed up and got out, I wrapped my hair in a towel and dried off. I slipped on the sports bra and panties Sam sat on the counter. I slipped on my favorite pair of pajama pants and then reached for the shirt. It was an old one of Sam's he let me borrow on another hunt, and I never gave it back. I shook my head at it, and since I WAS wearing my sports bra, walked out carrying the shirt. Dean was sitting on the sofa, watching Dr. Sexy, and Sam sat at the table on his laptop looking for the next case. I walked over and handed him his shirt. "Here. I know it's months late, but thanks for the loan," I told him. I walked over to the couch and pulled out a shirt of mine and slipped it on, then grabbed my hair brush, and lotion. I tossed my bag to the floor and sat next to Dean. I pulled the towel off my hair, and brushed it out, then after braiding it, I tossed my brush into my bag. "You okay?" Dean asked and I nodded my head. No I wasn't alright. I picked up my lotion and sprayed some into my hand, the lilac smell calming me some. After putting that in my bag, I picked up my book, then quickly dropped it and curled up on the other end of the couch.
Dean sighed and finished off his beer, then turned off the tv. "How'd you end up in the warehouse?" "I don't know. I walked down to the park, and sat on the swings. I was um. thinking, about, things, then I saw a heart shaped cloud. I left the park and wound up at this little tiny, at least on the outside, bookstore. I walked in. You know me. Never can let a bookstore pass me by. I was in there for what seemed like hours. No one else came in or went out. It was just me and the clerk. Then I walked out and into a backyard," hopefully they wouldn't press for who's or what. I got up and went to the fridge and grabbed one of the iced teas I bought when we first got here. "Who's backyard?" Sam asked as I sat down. Dammit. Ours you idiot! "My dream backyard. I knew it was fake, so I walked back into my dream kitchen and cut my hand. The spell or whatever it was must have been strong. It took me a couple cuts to get back here," I said and opened my unmarred palm.
"At least you knew it was fake," Dean said. "I knew something was wrong when no one came and went from the bookstore. but I didn't care," I shrugged. "Why?" Sam asked. "Because I didn't okay." I snapped at him. I looked over at Dean and he sighed and got up. I went and grabbed my pillow off of Sam's bed, where I tossed it this morning. I tossed it onto the couch. After I finished off the tea I laid down and closed my eyes, and tossed an arm over my eyes. I heard the click, click of Sam typing, and Dean walking from the table to the fridge, then back again. I rolled over and faced the back of the couch. I rolled back over. "Hey Dean." He looked up from cleaning his gun. "What?" "Can I use baby? I haven't eaten at all today." "No you cannot use my baby. What do you want?" he asked. "I guess a burger and fries." "I'll be back. You want anything Sammy?" "Yeah, just get me what she's having," he said never looking up from his laptop. Dean grabbed baby's keys off the table, and grabbed his jacket pulling it on. "If they don't have pie, I'm gonna be pissed," he said, and left. I shook my head and got up to finish the cleaning he left.
My head still ached a bit, but I could live with it. I wiped down Dean's gun and looked over at Sam, still hunched over his laptop. I sighed and finished cleaning Dean's gun and putting it together. Sam looked up from his laptop. "Found a new case?" I asked and he shook his head. "Just reading." I nodded my head and went and put Dean's gun on his bed and grabbed another tea. "Hey. You know you can talk to me right?" he said as I sat down on the couch. "I know." That's all we ever do. I sighed and tried picking up my book again. It didn't work. I tossed it back down. "I'm sorry about this morning," Sam said as he went to the fridge. "It's fine," I told him. "No it's not. Me being stupid could have gotten you killed." "Well it didn't okay. I'm the idiot who got herself caught or whatever, so it's not on you. It's on me," I told him. "No. It was my fault," he said as he sat down next to me. "How is this on you Winchester?" "If I hadn't been a jealous asshole, you wouldn't have left." "Why were you jealous?" "You were spending time with Dean and not me."
I shook my head. "You left before I got up. Dean was the only one here. I got bored, he wanted to go to lunch so we did. I'm not a Winchester, I don't run on luck and testosterone," I said as I drank my tea. All this sugar might just keep me awake. "We. I know you're not, but I came back from the library and you weren't here." "So what you thought I ran off with Dean? That's, crazy. Half the time I want to strangle him. Why would you care anyway? It's not like we're together Sam. I don't get WHY you were jealous I went on a car ride." I grabbed the remote and turned the tv on. I let it drone on not really watching. Sam sat there and said nothing. Just as he opened his mouth, Dean walked in. He sat the bag down on the table in front of me, and then went and sat at the table. "Thanks Dean." He just nodded his head and sat at the table, a slice of pie in front of him. Me and Sam reached for the bag at the same time. Our hands brushed and I pulled mine back quickly, then gave him the go ahead.
He grabbed his food and walked back to the table and I grabbed my food and sat back on the couch. After I finished eating I slipped a sweater on. "I'll be back," I said, and slipped a room key into my pocket. "I don't," Sam started to say, but I cut him off. "I'm going right outside. Staying in front of the door. You two think I'm weak. but I'm not," I said and walked out. I leaned back against the door, and then went and sat on baby's trunk. Dean could yell at me later. I wasn't sitting on the cold ground. Dean came out a minute later and huffed out a breath. "Really?" "I wasn't sitting on the ground. I didn't scratch her. What's up?" "What's going on with you and Sammy?" "Nothing as far as I can tell. He said he blames himself for this afternoon." "Yeah. He does." "Well the whole, the world is on my shoulders thing is getting pretty old." "We're Winchesters, That's what we do." "Yeah. I got that." "So what's really going on?"
"Just drop it Dean." "You can talk to me." I laughed and shook my head. "He said the same thing. I love hunting and being on the road with the two of you. It's just I wish we didn't have to." "I know what you mean." "Do you ever wish or dream what THAT would be like?" "Sure. When I let myself." "I do too. Today I got to go to my two happy places." "What were they?" "An endless book store. Just row after row of books. Endless." He laughed and shook his head. "You and Sammy are nerds." "Hey these nerds have saved your ass a time or two," I laughed and cuffed him on the side of his head. "What was the other?" "Nope. I don't think so. Share for share Winchester." He sighed and scooped a hand over the back of his neck. "Normal. No monsters. Me and a girl. A small yard, and neighbors. And friends who don't go away. Sammy living his dream of being a lawyer, with a house and wife of his own." I nodded in understanding. Dean never wanted this for Sam. Hell I never wanted this for me either. "So what was your other one?" I sighed and leaned my head back. Even the dullest star sparkled tonight. "The perfect house, with the perfect yard. Sam with a smile a mile wide while you two talked and ragged on each other. Him Standing at a grill, and drinking a beer while you tell him about a car you restored at your auto body shop, and which of your favorite strippers you were in love with this week."
"You think about that? You and Sam and Sunday barbeques?" "When I let myself. Or when I can't sleep, I stare at the ceiling, or close my eyes and if I think really hard, I can see it." I sighed looked up at the stars. Not many to see in the city tonight. "Why haven't you told him how you felt?" "He doesn't feel the same way, so why make it awkward between the two of us, which in turn makes it awkward for the three of us." "You never know," he said. "I know. And I don't/Didn't want to be that girl. The one who falls in love with the handsome stranger who saved her. It just happened." "Then say something to him. If I have to smack him one more time for giving me shit about even looking at you, I'm gonna have to start smacking you, so he doesn't get too stupid." "Dean, Sam doesn't feel the same. Just let it go. I'm going in and try and sleep." "Tell Sam, I'll be in later. I'm going to a bar," he said as he walked to the drivers side door. "Alright." I walked into the room, Sam still at his laptop. "Where'd Dean go?" I shrugged and pulled my sweater off. "The bar. Where else." I laid back on my pillow and looked up on the ceiling. If I thought hard enough, maybe it would come back to me. I tossed and turned, and knew sleeping was pointless.
"You okay?"Sam asked. "I'm fine. I just can't sleep as much as I would like to." "So nothing else going on?" "Sam. I'm fine," I snapped. "Okay," he held up his hands in surrender and went back to reading. "What have you been doing on that thing this whole time?" "Reading and surfing the lore sites." "Anything interesting?" "Same old same old, I guess." "Mmm. How long are we here for?" "Til the morning." "Okay." I laid back down, then looked over at him. "Hey Sam." He looked up. "Yeah?" "When or if you let yourself, you ever think about what it would be like to not live this life?" "I used to. I don't anymore, because this IS my life. The good, the bad, the ugly." "Yeah. But just for a second play what if with me." he sighed and closed his laptop. "Okay. It used to be going to law school and maybe marrying Jess. Home and kids and life. Now since I lost her, and everybody else along the way, I just want to live. But if I HAD to, I would say just home. A car. Life." "No one special?" "Maybe. I don't know. Have you thought about it?"
"Yeah. And it's what got me caught. So I guess, I'll have to not think about it like you. What had me anyway?" "A Djinn." "I thought it might have been you know who." "Cas said Gabriel was off someplace somewhere." "Cas was here?" "When we couldn't find you, and when you wouldn't answer your phone." "Where is that thing?" I looked around for it. "Here," he said and got up to bring it to me. "Thanks." "Yeah. No problem. Hey. Um. Can I ask you something?" He asked as he sat down next to me. "Yeah? What?" "Um. Who was in your dream backyard?" "My family." "Oh. Sorry." "No it's okay. I mean not my mom and all of them. I meant the people who have became family." "Okay." "Yeah. It was nice. So was the bookstore. It threw me at first became I was looking at all the books and thinking about you." "Me?" "Yeah, you. It was filled with old books, some of the pages faded out and it was just wonderful. It made me think of you, because we both like books." He chuckled and I smiled. "Yeah. We do." I nodded. "So what family?" "You and Dean." I looked anywhere but at him. "Me and Dean?" "Yeah. You're family." "So what were we doing?" "Sam. Really?" "I wanna know." "Ugh." I tugged at my braid.
"It was a day made for barbecues. Cloudless sky. An endless blue. You were cooking on the grill and talking to Dean about a car he just restored at his auto body shop." "What were you doing?" "Walking from the house to the yard." "How did you?" "You wrapped arm around me and smiled but you were cold and so were your eyes." "Well what about now?" He wrapped an arm around me. And looked down at me, while I looked up at him. "Warm. That's why I didn't want to let go when you put me in the back seat." "I was warm?" "Mmhmm," I said and moved away from his touch. "Why did you do that?" "Because it means something entirely different to each of us." "How do you know that?" He asked getting closer. "I just do. Why are you getting closer?" "Because. Maybe it means the same thing to each of us." "I doubt that," I said and moved away. He kept getting closer. "Sam!" I fell off the couch. "Oh. Are you okay?" "No. You big dummy." I stood up and rubbed my butt. "Just go back to reading." "Why?" "Because." "Come on Kayla." "What?" "How long are you going to keep avoiding me?" "I'm not avoiding you." "Yes you are and have been." "No. I haven't. I talk to you. We joke around. I've talked to you about before. That's not avoidance." "It is if we're talking about feelings." "What feelings?" I squeaked. "So you don't have any AT ALL for me?" "None that you want to know about." "Oh I'm sure I do." He smiled. "I don't think so. I promised I wouldn't be that person." "What person?" I walked back to the couch and picked up my pillow and sat as far away from him as I could. "The idiot woman who falls for her rescuer." "But you did?" "Yeah. I did. I didn't want to tell you because I don't want it awkward between the three of us. Now it will be. Dammit. Dean was right." I laid my head back and put my pillow over my face. "Right about what?" "When I left with you guys. He was right. Y'all didn't need me around." "That's bullshit." "No it's true. Maybe I should go see my cousin in New Orleans." "Home of Voodoo and black magic." "Home of my last living relatives and my one chance at normal." I moved my pillow and leaned over him and grabbed my phone and wallet.
"What are you doing?" "Making sure I have enough to get me there and that I'm welcomed." I dialed Sabrina and checked my wallet. "Currently NOT answering the phone. Leave a message." "It's Kay. I'm currently in Nebraska. Just thought I'd ask if I can come down and stay until I can get back on my feet. Call me soon." I had just enough to get me there and little else. Hopefully I could stay. "Why are you doing this?" Sam asked. "So it doesn't get awkward and sticky and complicated. I should have went to Sabrina's right away. So this is easier. No need to save me again." "Kayla. Don't go." "I got to." "No. You don't. Stay please." "Sam. I can't. Watch out so I can sleep. I want to get." My words were cut off by his lips on mine. I was shocked then eased into the kiss. Which tasted like wild hot lust and the beer he was drinking. At least I got to kiss him before I left. His hands came up and grabbed at my face, and I rested my hands on his shoulders. I could drown in this kiss. I wanted to. Instead, I pushed him back and looked at the tv. I moved my lips together to hold onto the kiss a second longer. Sam just leaned his head back. "Wow." I said after a strained five minutes. "Yeah. Wow. Wanna do that again?" He sounded so happy. Like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar. I laughed and looked over at him. Hell. It was only one night. In the morning, I would be on a bus headed south and him and Dean would be wherever.
I nodded my headed and leaned in and kissed him, getting a good grip on his hair. His hands slid down to my waist and pulled me onto his lap. "Dean," I muttered behind our kiss. "Who cares," he muttered back as his hands snaked under my shirt, tossing it off me. I moaned as his hands found skin as I worked to get his shirt off him. His lips moved down to my neck. Finally I pushed the shirt off his shoulders and went after him. He stood up and I laughed with childish delight. He smiled and kissed me. He laid me back on his bed, and soon the rest of our clothes were off, and he moved on top of me. I moved as he moved as we kissed.
"Dammit." Dean muttered and slammed the motel room door. I was curled up in Sam's arms, the sheet thrown over us. "What?" I asked him. "Nothin." He muttered and marched off to the bathroom. Sam chuckled and nuzzled my neck. "He's just jealous he didn't get laid." "Probably. Shit. We're both still naked." "I suppose we need to get dressed." "Yes we do. Good thing most of our clothes are right here," I said and leaned over the bed. He grabbed my ass, and I laughed and pushed at his hands. I managed to come up with my bra and pajama pants and his boxers. We were somewhat dressed and sitting on the couch by the time Dean came out of the bathroom. "I don't want to know," He shook his head and toed off his boots, and climbed into his bed. I shook my head and grabbed my pillow. After putting in at the head of the couch, I laid down. "I'm sleeping alone?" Sam asked as I moved my feet onto his lap. I shrugged. He tugged on my hand to sit me up and went to stand up, when my phone rang. "I'll be back," I whispered to him and grabbed my phone and walked outside.
"Long time no talk cousin." "I'll say the same. How are you?" "I'm good. Life is good." "That's great. Look. It would only be me. Only until I got on my feet. I have enough to get me there." "You know you're welcomed anytime. April is looking forward to it." "I'll see you two soon." "Okay." I talked to her for a minute longer, then knocked on the motel room door. Sam answered, and pulled me to him, wrapping his tree trunk arms around me. "Please don't." "I have to." "Then lay with me tonight. Let me hold you." He kissed the side of my head. I stepped out of his arms and grabbed my pillow off the couch, then laid in bed with Sam. I sighed as his arm came around me.
Dean dropped me off at the bus station in the morning. I knew Sam wasn't going to go, but it still hurt with him not here. "We wish you wouldn't, but I get it. Just be as happy as ya can, okay kiddo?" "Yeah. Okay. I'll try. I'll uh, miss you guys." "We'll miss you too. Go on," he said. I hugged him, hard. "Thank you." "You're welcome. You call if you ever need ANYTHING." "I will." I grabbed my bag and got on the bus, right before it pulled away. I didn't feel the first tear until the bus pulled out the parking lot. I opened my bag and shook my head with a small smile as Sam's shirt and the motel's stationary were right in top. I opened the note and three words greeted me. I Love you. I grabbed the shirt and pulled it to me. I know, I thought. I love you too. I'd always remember last night I was sure of it. I just didn't know that in nine months time, the reminder would be staring back at me for the rest of my life.